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Shattered Consciousness
Part 1 of 2
"Thanks again for agreeing to come along to watch Shadow, Leo. You're a real lifesaver!"
"Oh, that's okay April, I've always wanted to visit the rain forest." I said "Plus, who knew Mikey would get sick at the last minute."
April smiled "I just hope Shadow won't give you too much trouble."
"Aw, don't worry about it April. Shadow's a sweet kid, and I'm sure she'll be good." I said, looking out from under the brim of my fedora at Shadow, who was asleep in the plane seat next to April.
I looked up at April, she looked drained of her energy. She had really been stretching herself thin lately. Between Casey and his new full-time job and part-time college career, and Shadow and Mike, not to mention her own already stress-filled job. I was afraid for her health at times, but I knew April had a strong streak that ran right through her, and to never underestimate what she could do.
April sighed and rubbed her temples. I turned my attention back to my book. It was hard to turn the pages with mittens on!
"What are some of the problems you have faced while working on this operation?"
"Well, there's the mud, the rain, the time it takes, and... well... There's someone who comes and yells at the workers. Some forest dweller or tree-hugger. Tells them she's a forest demon and that they will all be condemned for spoiling the sacred grounds." The greasy, sweaty man told me, "and ya know, a lot of my workers are natives here, and they believe all that hogwash. Kinda ticks me off, 'cause some of them quit because of it."
"Really?" I asked, this could be the bit that would make my story. "About how often does she come?"
"Oh, usually only when the moon is full, ya know some kind of spooky spiritualism with their silly moon-god." he told me, "Actually, she's probably coming tonight. If you stick around the camp you might get some film of her. If she sees herself on TV, the damn tree-hugger might realize how foolish she looks."
"Thank you, I might." I said with what I hoped was a polite smile and not a smirk. I didn't particularly like this guy, nor the methods he was using to clear this marshland. If the footage was believable, a story of a demon that was telling them to stop might encourage the non-intrusive government to take some action.
'I wonder how Leo is doing with Shadow?' I thought as I put my tape recorder back in my pack and headed out to the tent near the camp where I was staying for that week.
I looked out the tent flaps at the night. It was hot, humid, and muggy, but I loved it. It was so peaceful, so.. I don't know, so natural. I thought I would have felt awkward and out of place without my native skyscrapers and other vessels of my 'concrete jungle', but, the truth was, I felt more at home here than I did in New York.
I looked over at Shadow and, assured that she was still sleeping soundly, continued to gaze into the night. It was so beautiful. The full moon peeked in through the canopy. True, it was marshy and wet, but when the light reflected off the wetness, it seemed to be refracting a million little bits of crystal into the night. I sighed.
I let my gaze wander over to the workers. A slight frown came to my lips. I really wished they weren't clearing out the marshland, it was a reserve of natural beauty! I knew plenty of people who would pay lots of money to see this! But now this glimmer of splendor would be lost forever.
I sighed and closed my eyes, listening to the sounds of the wildlife around me. There was a loud rustling in the grass next to my tent. My eyes popped open, and then... it was past.
'Probably just a tapir*' I thought to myself.
I turned my attention back to the workers. I noticed a silhouette of someone crawling up onto a large rock. Then a blood curdling banshee scream rang through the night air as the creature stood up to it's full height (which wasn't very tall) and threw its arms out. All the workers stopped and looked up at the creature, looks of horror on their faces.
It screamed some words in an obscure dialect that I couldn't understand. Then it screamed "FOOLS! CRETINS!! YOU WHO SPOIL THE MAJESTIC BEAUTY OF OUR RAIN FOREST!! THE MOON WILL HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE A TAPIR IN THE NIGHT!! YOUR DEATHS SHALL BE TORTURED ONES!!!" A shrill cackle echoed across the land. Then, a puff of smoke. When the smoke cleared, the creature was gone.
I felt a small hand on my shoulder. I composed my face quickly, then turned to face Shadow.
"Unca Leo," she asked, "Wassat?"
"Don't worry about it." I said, giving her a hopefully reassuring smile, "It wasn't anything. C'mon let's get you back in bed." I set to work getting Shadow settled back down. While I did, April came in.
"This footage will be the end of this operation." she said in a loud triumphant whisper, a grin on her face as she held up her camera. I smiled, then left her and Shadow as April got ready for bed. I stood beside the tent, enveloped in the darkness of the night.
I heard a rustling in the grass again and followed it, wondering what it was. But I soon lost it. 'Man' I thought, 'If that's a tapir, it's as good as any ninja... heh... ninja tapirs' I laughed a little at my own joke, then headed back towards the tent.
"Unca Leo!" Shadow cried, pointing excitedly down in the grass "Look Look Look!"
I sighed and headed over "Wha.." I began but didn't finish. I saw it. A snake, a big snake, in the grass by Shadow's feet. I quickly grabbed her and lifted her up. That turned out to be a majorly wrong move. With one swift movement, the snake snapped forward and hit Shadow right on the ankle. Shadow cried out and clutched at her ankle.
My mind raced at a million miles a minute. What did you do for snake bites? Was that snake poisonous? Where should I take Shadow? Oh my god, April's gonna kill me!
As these questions raced through my head, I barely noticed as a tall black man stepped out into the clearing. He quickly and purposely walked towards me.
"The child.. been bit?" He said in broken English. I nodded, and he swiftly took her from my arms, despite mine and Shadow's protests, and started off into the forest. I took off after him. He was traveling so fast that I had to run to keep up with him.
We came upon a clearing in a small village. He stopped. He put a hand up to indicate for me to stop. "We help. You stay." he said in broken English. Before I could ask any more questions, he darted into one of the huts, taking Shadow with him.
I quickly took off after him. I peeked in the hut's door. I saw him talking to a small, short cloaked figure. Apparently, the figure saw me as well, for it gestured at me and the tall man came out and shooed me away before I could get a good look at the cloaked person.
I tried every tactic I could to get past the man who kept insisting, "We Help. We Help." into the tent, but to no avail. Finally, after a short time, there came a call from inside the tent in that obscure dialect, and the man let me by.
I ran into the tent and skidded down by where Shadow lay. She looked dead. I felt for a pulse, it was there, and fortunately, getting stronger. I breathed a sigh of pure relief.
A rustle of fabric alerted me to someone behind me. My katanas were out and I was turned around in a flash, ready to defend Shadow. I wasn't going to let them take her again.
It was the cloaked figure "Please," it said, "I did not mean to startle you, nor do I mean any harm to you or the child. My friend only brought her to me because he knew I could help her." From her slightly husky, but distinctly feminine voice, I could tell she was a girl. But after coming in from the bright sun in the clearing, I still couldn't see her features in the shadow her cloak's hood cast on her face.
"Who are you?" I asked, my voice sounding sharper than I had intended it too, and my nerves on edge.
A deep sigh came from inside the hood. "I guess it would eventually come to this." she said "My name is Marai. I must admit, your appearance is very disturbing to me. And, I suspect, mine will be disturbing to you as well." she said as she pulled down her hood.
My mouth opened and my eyes widened in surprise. Her face, though framed in short, cropped, black hair, was green and distinctly... reptilian.
Leo had told his story to the group earlier. I was extremely doubtful of it, to say the least. I ducked into the practice room later that evening. I found Leo practicing, and decided to confront him on the issue.
"Hey Leo." I said "Can we sit down and talk?" I never had been good at these 'heart-to-heart' talks, but I figured after all the ones Leo and Splint had given me... well, I'd go by example.
Leo looked surprised, I couldn't blame him, but he set down his swords and said "Sure Raph, what's on your mind?"
"Well, it's this whole story with Marai."
"What about it?"
"I dunno, Leo. Don't it seem just a bit.. I don't know.. a bit convenient?"
"How so?"
"I mean the fact that she was there at the same time you were. That she was working for the same cause April was and she was able to cure Shadow. That she knew English so well, and mostly, that she didn't know how she became the way she was?"
"Well Raph," Leo said, he looked up at the ceiling, avoiding my gaze. "That's something that's been bugging me too." He put his hand near his mouth, nervously rubbing a nail against his tooth. His resemblance to me at that point was uncanny.
"Well, what are your thoughts on it, Leo?" I asked.
Leo hesitated before answering, "I really don't know Raph, I've been seriously racking my brain, and I still have no clue even where to start looking for answers."
"Well Leo" I said "Not to boss you around or nothing, but maybe you can't find your answers because you don't want to see them."
"Maybe Raph," Leo said, a thoughtful look on his face, "But, hey, she's not here. So, what's to worry about?"
"Sure Leo." I said, standing up and heading for the door "See ya later."
I watched Raph leave 'Now what was that all about?' I wondered. Raph wasn't exactly the type to have a nice calm talk with me. I put it off to maybe.. just maybe he was growing up.
I headed out into the sewer pipe, I needed to get away, to be alone. Just... to think.
"Hi Leo." I heard someone say. I looked up and my eyes met Marai's. I was very surprised to see her, to say the least. She smiled seductively and moved towards me. Before I knew what was happening, I felt her lips on mine.
She pulled away and I looked into her eyes, I was surprised to see an icy coldness there. A menacing grin spread across her lips. Then a searing pain shot through my skull. I clung to consciousness for only a few brief seconds. I swooned, and fell to the sewer floor.
I don't know how long I laid there... in the grime of the sewer. When I awoke, my body and mind felt only one terrible, overwhelming sensation. That of ferocious, excruciating pain. It was pain like I never had even imagined before. It felt like my skull was caving in on my brain.
I wanted to shriek, but the pain was so agonizing that I could hardly breathe, much less scream. I was on my knees in the filth of the sewer, wanting to cry from the pain and gasping for every half breath of air.
The pain was also messing with my mind. The pain... or the lack of oxygen. Maybe a little of both. I couldn't concentrate... my eyes refused to focus. My mind was fuzzy, drifting...
The pain in my head was starting to diminish. With it, my breathing improved. However, instead of feeling more clearheaded, I felt even more befuddled.
Slowly, the pain dissipated. I stood up and looked at Marai. She still had that malicious look on her face, but... it was somehow different. The problem was... I hadn't told my body to do that!
"Well that was unexpected." Marai said.
"I know." I heard my voice answer, "The mutant's mind is strong, but I have control now."
"Let's hope the others are taken more easily."
"Yes, let's." I heard my voice say again.
I saw and heard all of this, but in a detached way, as if I was watching it on TV, but not even that. My eyes moved up, down. They moved all on their own, they didn't listen to my commands to focus. It felt like someone else was focusing them for me.
Whoever was focusing my eyes looked straight at Marai. Marai. I tried to say her name. Marai... but no sound came from my mouth.
{Don't struggle Leonardo.} a voice from in my head said {It's futile and pointless.}
What? Who was that? What was...?
Then, a laugh only I could hear. {Put that primitive brain to work, mutant slime. I am a demon. As is your girlfriend, foolish little mutant.} said the silent voice in my head, {I know all your secrets, Leonardo. I know every tiny bit of knowledge you've crammed into this little cranium of yours plus much more. And when my mate and I are done, we will have your whole family.}
{NO! NO! NO!} I screamed in my head.
The demon made my body laugh. He then turned to Marai. "He's just figured it out. Come, my love, there is much work to be done."
"No." Marai said "They do not expect me there. You should go on your own and work with them before I come. They will be naturally distrustful of me anyway. There is no reason to compound their suspicions and bring about our end."
It was horrifying. It was like there was a roadblock to my body. I could form the thoughts, and I could give the order to my legs to run, or my mouth to speak, but the order never got there, it never happened.
Marai approached my body. She put her hand on my shoulder. "You know, Amasa, I quite like you in this body" Then she pulled my body close and kissed me deeply on the lips. As she pulled away, I felt a deep wave of contentment and smugness wash through the demon. I felt all this, but in a far away sense.
"I will be victorious, my sweet" the demon told her. Marai winked at him and them headed off in a westerly direction.
{Get out of my head!} I yelled. I was mad.
{Oh, I don't think I want to do that, Leonardo.} the demon mocked me smugly, {Tell me, if you were me, would you abandon such an interesting host?}
I tried to yell, to scream, to swear, to do anything with my own body. I tried over and over again until I was fuming mad!
{Go ahead Leonardo,} the demon laughed at me, {Fight me. Of course, it won't get you anywhere, but it's always amusing to see a host try to overpower me.}
That slowed down my growing hysteria. Mentally, I took a deep breath. Physically, the demon laughed at me and continued looking through my mind. It was dreadful. I could feel the demon digging through my memories, absorbing every bit of knowledge he could find.
He was using my mind, my body. He was using me.
It ticked me off, but I was determined not to get mad, that's what the demon filth wanted.
Suddenly, a thought hit me. This was all a dream... a bad dream, a nightmare even, but just a dream all the same. I would wake up soon, and I would tell Mike about it and we would laugh at the silliness of it all.
{This is no dream.} the demon told me, knowing my thoughts as soon as I had them. {This is as real as it gets, Ol' fearless leader.} I mentally yelled some obscenities at him as he neared the entrance of the lair. The demon laughed at me and then entered the lair.
As I finished the final lap in the Y's pool, I stopped and hung onto the edge, letting my legs and my tail float freely. I was so glad that I was able to get a membership through the mail. And that Raph had taught me how to pick a lock in order to get into the swimming pool after hours.
I turned around and stared at the water, softly paddling my feet and tail to keep afloat, and generally just loving the sereneness of it all. I sighed happily.
SPLOOOOSH!! I was suddenly attacked by someone, all the sereneness disappeared at once.
As I wiped the water from my eyes and re-opened them, I was greeted by Raphael's grinning face, only about three centimeters from mine. He playfully kissed me on the beak and his grin grew wider.
"That wasn't funny." I informed him, trying not to smile.
"I know," he said, a mischievous look on his face, "and neither is this!" with that, he grabbed my wrists and declared in a bad French accent "I have secured the prisoner, Cap'n!!" He then proceeded to pull me out into the middle of the pool.
I giggled and pulled out of his grasp when it loosened. I quickly swam for the pool edge and got out. Raphael jumped out after me and trapped me against the wall. He smirked at me and then encircled me with his arms and kissed me.
"C'mon," I whispered, reaching for a towel, "Let's go. I don't want to get caught in here." I dried my hair with the towel then playfully added "Especially not with you."
"Oh yea?" Raph said, that mischievous look creeping back onto his face. He then scooped me up in his arms, and headed for the back door. As he closed it, it locked.
He peeked out into the alley to see if anyone was there. Then humming the Mission Impossible theme, he headed for the manhole.
"Who are you, James Bond?" I asked him.
"My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to get the subject, one Ramona Lisa Jones, back to my room in the lair. This turtle will self-destruct." with that he hoisted me over his shoulder. Now, being carried in Raph's arms I liked, but I didn't like being held like a sack of potatoes!
I pounded on his carapace with my fists, making a hollow knocking sound, and kicked my feet until he set me down. He grinned at me like he'd accomplished something great. "Told ya I'd pick you up."
"Silly boooyyy" I said and I lightly bopped him on the head.
"So will you come over?" he asked, suddenly serious.
I smiled at him "Well, since you already literally dragged me down here, sure I will."
He reached over and held my hand and we started walking towards the lair together. When we got to the ladder, Raphael went down first, then helped me down, as usual.
I looked around the place. It was sure getting pretty cluttered, with all the junk. But looking around at the old tattered comics covering the couch and the overflowing recycling containers in the corner, I realized who most of the stuff belonged to.
I heard a muffled thump from the kitchen, and not two seconds later a flour dusted Mica stormed out.
She spotted Raph and me. "Your brother..." she informed Raphael in a peeved voice, pointing at the kitchen "...is impossible!!" She then stormed off to her room.
I turned to Raph. "What was that all about?" I asked.
He shrugged "Dunno."
We headed into the kitchen. Mikey stood there covered with flour from head to toe, a grin on his face and a broken bag of flour on the floor by his feet.
"What happened in here?" Raph asked.
"I dunno. We were cookin' and I dropped a bag of flour, then Mica went all ballistic on me!"
I went over and looked in the mixing bowl on the counter "Michealangelo, there are pepperoni slices in this cookie dough."
"I know, I was helping Mica. I was turning her cookies into pizza flavored cookies!"
I laughed.
Raphael grabbed a pop from the fridge and headed out of the kitchen. He grabbed my belt on the way out and pulled me along with him, still apparently in a playful mood.
At the kitchen door we met Mica coming back in, she looked considerably calmer. "Sorry I yelled at you Raph. I just got a little ticked and took it out on the wrong turtle." she explained.
"S'aright." Raph said, dismissing her apology and continuing to pull me. Mica went into the kitchen.
Raph plopped down on the couch, pulling me down next to him, with his toes he switched on the TV.
"Cool" Raph said "A true classic... Attack of the polka dot slime. They push him off a bridge at the end."
"How many times have you seen this movie Raph?"
"Six" he said, "but seventh time's the charm, ya know."
I smiled and giggled a little. Raph put his arm around me. I pulled my feet up onto the couch and wrapped my tail over them to keep them warm. I wrapped my arms around Raph's shell and snuggled in closer to him. He smiled and kissed me on the forehead.
About halfway through the movie Mica and Mikey joined us. Mica informed us that she had given up trying to make cookies with Mike.
After sitting there watching the so-called 'cinematic masterpiece' for a while Mica asked "Have you guys noticed Leo lately?"
"What about him?" I asked.
"Well, he just seems... well... different." Mica said "Like more detached than usual."
"Yea, and the way he looked at Mona the other day." Raph added, "Just... just starin' at her... looking like he'd never seen her before in his whole life."
"Maybe he's in looove." Mikey said.
I giggled at the thought of Leo being in love. It was just so absurd.
"Oh yea?" Raph said, a bit of skepticism in his voice "With who?"
"Why, with Marai of course!" Mikey said, as though the answer was obvious.
"Um-hum" Raph said sarcastically, "Surrre Mikey."
"Oh, come on, Raph! you can't tell me it ain't so! I mean, look at the way he talked about her when he came home. It was like he thought she was the queen of the world or something!" Mikey explained "And the wandering around, the disappearing for hours at a time, the vacant stares, they all add up to one thing... he's in love."
"Why, thank you doctor Mike." Mica said, rolling her eyes at him.
"Well, speak of the devil." Raphael said as Leo came out of his room.
"What are you watching?" he asked.
"Attack of the Polka Dot Slime, a real thrill ride." Raph said with a grin "Wanna join us?"
"Naw," Leo said, "That stuff rots your brain. By the way, have any of you seen Donatello?"
Raphael chuckled "You should talk about rotten brains, Leo!" he said, "Don't you 'member? He went to that scientific convention thingy up in Connecticut with Rose. He'll be back tomorrow."
"Oh yea" Leo said "For some odd reason I thought he was coming back today." With that, he headed towards the ladder.
"Memory loss... another sign of looove." Mike said. Mica bopped him on the head.
I sighed. Silently, I wondered where Leo was going at such a late hour.
{How could you do that to her!?!} I yelled at the demon in my head.
{With your body, it was actually quite a simple process.} replied Amasa mockingly {If you would have calmed down a little and paid more attention instead of yelling at me, you might have actually enjoyed it.}
{What if she gets...} I started.
{Pregnant? My dear boy, I do sincerely hope that she does. If all goes well, our new demon pool will spawn many new demons, and they'll need hosts. You mutants do make such nice ones.} Amasa laughed.
He climbed down the ladder into the lair. While trying to quietly sneak back into my room he encountered Master Splinter.
"Leonardo." Splinter spoke, and again I struggled to answer him, to warn him, to tell him what was going on, but to no avail. I couldn't reach my own body. I couldn't reach my own body! Damn! Damn Damn Damn!
Amasa lowered my head to Splinter "Leonardo, it is not like you to come in this late. Is something troubling you my son?"
"No sensei." I heard my voice answer "I am just a little shaken by the events that happened on my trip with April. I'm sorry I've been so distracted lately. I will try to stay better focused."
"See that you do." Splinter said "Now go to bed, you need your rest."
The demon made my body bow slightly to Master Splinter before heading to my room.
My very being ached with sorrow as the demon took my body into my room. The demon had done this with each of my family and friends. Each time it had hurt that they didn't recognize that I wasn't in control of my own body, but Master Splinter's encounter hurt the most.
But, what could give the demon away? Nothing. He had the perfect disguise, my body. When he talked he used my voice, my attitude, he said the words I would have said. My friends and family would never guess until it was too late. As far as they knew, Amasa was me.
I was trapped, and if Amasa and his mate had their way, soon my friends and family would be trapped too.
I suddenly felt very alone. Very venerable, and very very small.
Suddenly, I realized something. If Splinter was worried about me, he'd try to reach me through meditation. He'd realize something was wrong!
The demon laughed at me. {It's just too bad we already thought of that, Leonardo. A so-called 'trick-up' presence is in your meditation place. Splinter will contact it, and think everything is fine. Actually, I'd like to thank you for that. If you hadn't provided Marai with so much information, we'd have never known to prepare for Splinter.}
I had been calm, but now I was mad, I lost control. {You'll Die! You'll DIE!! You think you'll win? You'll LOSE!! YOU'LL LOSE!!!! You can't control me!! YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME!!!!!}
{Really?} Amasa said with silky menace, {That's what all hosts say... at first. Then, day after day, week after week, they realize that there is no hope. They realize that even those who are closest to them don't know what has happened to them. No one even knows that they are lost in their own minds. Over time, they become crushed, frail, helpless figures.}
I cussed and yelled at him, still not down from my high of anger.
{I don't think you believe me.} Amasa said, {Shall I show you? Shall I play a memory from my last host? I can feel your fear. I can feel you cringe. Oh yes, I think I will. Here, Leonardo, enjoy a preview of your future.}
Suddenly, it was as if a third mind had joined us. This mind was sobbing, wailing sorrowfully. This mind's emotions were so intense that I could feel them as if they were mine. I could feel all of her pain and anxiety. It made me want to sob as well.
It was Marai's mind, her true mind. Her thoughts. Her emotions. Her memories... as true and as clear as if I was her.
It was from a few days earlier.
Marai was sitting next to me in the rain forest, looking out onto the marshland. The demon in her mind made her look at me and smile slightly. I smiled back stupidly, not knowing it wasn't really her.
{What do you want?!} Marai yelled through her sobs, {What do you want?}
{Why, my little turtle girl, isn't it obvious? We want him. And you, my dear, are perfect bait.} The demon told her {Once we have him, you will be given fully to my mate.}
{NO!!!!} Marai screamed soundlessly, then she started to sob again.
The demon waited for the full impact of direct contact with Marai's mind to set in.
Marai was defeated. Desperate. She spent all her time wishing and waiting for death. She had lost hope. She lost hope that she'd ever be saved.
I suddenly felt very scared, terrified.
{Ah, yes} the demon said mockingly {It panics you that I can play thoughts and events back to you. Your brain is nothing more than a computer, much like the ones your brother, Donatello, likes so much. I can open any file I want. I play any software I choose. I use you. I own you. I dominate you. You are nothing anymore. Just an echo, a faint and fading memory. Just a ghost haunting the machine of your own brain. Most of all though, you are scared that you will end up just like Marai. And why not? I've been using your body for almost two full days now and no one has noticed yet, why would they now?}
Amasa was right. That's why it was so terrible. I had felt the horrible despair in Marai's mind. I knew she had accepted defeat. I knew she only wished for an end now. And, to tell you the truth, I didn't know if I was any stronger than her.
*a tapir looks like a small pig, but is actually related to horses and rhinos, they live in the rain forest. Many tribes believe when you die your spirit turns into a tapir and then the moon (their god) hunts you down after dark.
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