If this is your first visit to Roadkill,
Click Here and we'll attempt to BRIEFLY explain what this
whole insane asylum is all about. Don't worry, you can come
back here after you're done. We promise. Really. (Of course,
taking tropical drunks at their word might not be the
smartest thing to do ...)

We'll, Now I Guess I Have To Answer The Question
So Many Of You Have Been E-Mailing To Ask:
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

All right, so the dog ate my homework ...no, scratch that ...actually
I’ve been stuck driving behind a Conch Train on Flagler where it turns
to one lane past the High School, while a particularly gregarious driver
was describing the historical significance, and related stories of ghost
sightings and tales of their disturbing hauntings, of my dentist’s office
and the various other structures around it, while he rolled along at
approximately four miles and hour and his tourist passengers slowly
decomposed and turned skeletal over the part two years (Personally,
I’m really glad that I was lucky enough to be coming back from a
shopping trip at Winn-Dixie and a stop at good ol’ Paradise Liquors
up on North Roosevelt, ‘cause without those twenty cases of Budweiser,
ten 750 ml. bottles of Tanquaray, and two canisters of Pringles, I most
surely would have perished as well).

Okay, okay ...I know that sounds just a little far-fetched, but, then
again, you might have noticed if you’ve been reading these columns
for awhile, I’m a bit "far-fetched" myself, so ....

You know I’m lying, don’t you? I’m sorry. It’s just that when the
six-foot tall, thin and very large breasted Venutian women came down
in their spaceship and abducted me off Duval Street and enslaved me
until I inseminated their planet’s entire female population, they swore
me to secrecy and ...

Not buying any of this, huh? No, I really didn’t think you would, but it’s
sorta like trying to pick up an eighteen year old tourist girl now that I’m
in my forties. It’s worth a shot, and you’d be surprised how many times
you actually get away with it (of course, flooding the little things with
booze don’t hurt). But since I can’t get y’all drunk sitting down here in
Cayo Hueso over the Internet, well ...then GET DRUNK BY
YOURSELVES (hopefully with someone of the opposite sex, or the
sex of your choosing)!!!! What the hell do I look like, a social director
or something? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME??!!

Oh yeah. Some sort of reasonable, or at least rational, explanation of
where and why I’ve disappeared from this website for the past ...man,
has it really been almost two years?

Well, REAL truth to tell, boys and girls, is that after I got back from
Iraq, spent a whole lot of time self-exiled from America in Ireland
and French Canada, finishing SCARECROW, then hitting the
campaign trail in support of the victorious Kerry campaign (they
rigged Ohio. Do some research), recording two CDS and writing a
few more columns, I finally settled myself back here in Key West
and decided to retire and live out the rest of my days on my record
royalties.



But after a year or so of letting myself be healed by this Island I
love so much, surrounded again by friends whose love is like the
best drug in the world, and whose pure lust for life and for having
fun with it lifted my spirits more and more every day (along, of
course, with the other kind of "spirits" I continue to consume more
and more of every day in the Downtown bars), I kinda decided that
43 (now 44) was a little early for retirement, even though there’s
this writer out in California who’s three-quarters done with a
biography of my life to be published by Harper’s by the end of next
year (Shit, I ain’t even forty-five. I sure as hell hope there’s gonna
be a sequel. Several of them. I mean, a FRIDAY THE 13TH or
HARRY POTTER number of them ...)

At any rate, I find I can’t stop doing what I’ve always
done: reporting, writing, and making music, so we went back into
the studio and did a two new albums; my record company’s given me
free rein to shoot a lunatic documentary of life down here in Key
West (should be done by next summer) for DVD release, and I got
back to writing a new columns, "Fantasy Fest. Key West. 2006,"
which is too insane for just one issue, so we'll be giving it to you
in weekly installments over the next four weeks, sending you
reminders each week up until New Year's (unless you tell us not to).
It's just Key West lunacy and not a whole lot more, but I hope you
enjoy it

As we probably won’t update this front page, except to provide
links to each week's installments of the new column, until after
they’re posted and the holiday season has come and gone, let me
wish you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving ("Look, the friendly
natives brought us a feast of food!! Let us sit down together as
brothers and eat, then tomorrow rape their women and kill them
all!!!"), a Happy Christmas, a Joyous Hanukah, a peaceful
Ramadan, a Kwanzaa filled with blissfulness, empowerment and
purpose, and all you could possibly wish for in the coming year.

All The Best, Always,
"Roadkill" Bill Jabanoski
November 2006

P.S. SUPPORT OUR TROOPS! BRING THEM HOME!!!! Last
week, 934 of Our Soldiers died in Iraq.

SO, WHAT'S NEW?
THE NEW CDS

European Cover, Which I Like
Better, But My Record Company
Thought Wouldn't Play In The States.
AVAILABLE AT AMAZON.COM, BORDERS,
AND NATIONAL RETAILERS EVERYWHERE
__________________________________________________

YEAH, I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO DOING THAT
KEY WEST CHRISTMAS ALBUM I'VE BEEN THINKING
OF DOING FOR YEARS. IF YOU BUY IT, I HOPE IT
BRINGS EVEN MORE JOY AND FUN INTO YOUR
HOLIDAY SEASON.
AVAILABLE AT AMAZON.COM, BORDERS, ETC. ETC.
__________________________________________________

THE NEW COLUMN
______________________________________________

FANTASY FEST KEY WEST 2006

YES, BOYS AND GIRLS, IT'S TIME
TO TAKE A LONG WEIRD AND WIRED
JOURNEY WITH ME THROUGH
KEY WEST'S MOST WEIRD AND
WIRED EVENT. 54 PARTIES IN
TEN DAYS.
READY TO JUMP ON
THE DIS-ORIENTED EXPRESS AND DO
THEM ALL WITH ME OVER THE
NEXT FOUR WEEKS?
HOPE SO. IT SUCKS TO BE
THIS DRUNK AND JUST
HANGING OUT BY YOURSELF.

WHAT ELSE?
THE NEW "OLD" CD


It only took 11 years, as opposed to the 11 days it takes a Britney
Speares CD, but my 1995 album "Anywhere U.S.A." finally hit
Platinum in sales. This special-edition re-release by Niawt is
Digitally Remastered and includes the complete list of tracks
from the original album.
AVAILABLE AT AMAZON.COM, BORDERS, ETC. ETC.
______________________________________
AND, OF COURSE, WE'RE STILL SELLING:

SCARECROW

"I think, in retrospect, the single most powerful, and brutally
crushing thing about this novel is that, more than three years
after it was originally published on the Internet, and two years
after it appeared in book form, every single one of Jabanoski's
predictions about Iraq and about George W. Bush and his
handlers has proven to be true beyond a shadow of a doubt.

"One can only hope that the cataclysmic warning that bleeds
onto the final pages of the book, now that we, at least in
theory, "know better," will be heeded before it is too late
for my children and yours.

"At this time, at this moment in history, this is the single most
important book you may ever read ..."

- J.F. Robertson. LONDON TIMES

Hardcover. 277 Pages.Available At Amazon.com,
Borders, and Other National Retailers For $20.99).
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________

So, Where Do You Wanna Go?

To find out more about "Roadkill" Bill's CDS,
Click on this picture.



Find Out More About The Bill's Novel SCARECROW.

Click Right On This Picture To
Continue Your Stroll Down Duval Street in Old Key West
and to Get To This Month's New Column.