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The
following email inspired my recovery but I must hide the identity of its
author to protect my source. As usual, the climate of the Tribute
Band Community has forced one of our own to fear retribution from others
in our ranks.
"WAKE UP HOWARD! What's going on? Is it true you're addicted to Big Brother? Whatever the reason, your site is being seriously neglected and is in danger of going the way of TBM and TBC. Clone Zone is not updating anymore, and this (DELETED FOR LEGAL REASONS) page moves about as fast as a glacier. I miss your daily theories and nobody's posting anymore to the guestbook. Howard, if you don't update, then that leaves NO tribute band site at all that will be worth visiting. Don't let the negative assholes keep you down. That Big Brother show is interesting, but it's not worth giving up your life to. Outspoken people like you are being persecuted more and more in today's politically correct world. Confrontation has become an ugly word, even when it's healthy confrontation. People are becoming meeker and more afraid everywhere you look. They all want to hide from emotion and passion of any kind rather than face life head-on and have a healthy debate on issues. Come back to our world at least long enough to update the site and keep THAT real. Whatever the reason, hope you're okay, man." Anonymous
------------- I believe this email saved my life. Please let me explain. Many of you won't like what I have to say, but I will practice FREE SPEECH and express my story so the TRUTH can be told. When you are done reading it, exercise YOUR free speech and let me know what you think by signing my guestbook. I can handle whatever 'Stones' some of you (including certain webmasters intent on destroying me) have to throw. There are certain moments, certain events in our lives, that we can look back on and say "that was the moment that changed who I am." I have had such a time, and I would like to share it with all of you. It goes without saying that my absence from HTBH 2000 has come with great regret. I know, and bear complete resonsibility, for the burdon it has caused the tribute band community. I know many of you have struggled, not had an outlet for your free speech or to discuss your issues, advertise your gigs, or just share a laugh about what we all do. Of course I assumed everyone was saying (and rightfully so) "Howard is just like TBM and TBC -- he has abandoned the cause and he hsa forsaken us." Please understand this was NOT the case. The last two months have been the most intense, self reflexive, thoughtful and painful months of my life. It has been a time of great awareness through terrible sadness and turmoil. But I HAVE come out the other side -- I not only SEE but FEEL the light at the end of the tunnel. This website, and the entire tribute band community WILL see it's greatest days ahead of it. But before I can go any farther, I must go back and explain where I have been and the journey I have been on. PART 1 -- REFLECTIONS ON THE PAST WAKE UP HOWARD! WAKE UP HOWARD! WAKE UP HOWARD! ...... Those words rang in the background of my head. Calling me back to the real world from the place I had gone... But I was not quite ready to come back. It all started over a month ago. I had just written the State of the Tribute Band Community. In writing it, I realized how LOST our community had become, how all the FIGHTING, the harsh words, the BITTERNESS and the anger had torn us all apart!! I thought about the breakup of the Beatles, and how many nights I spent cursing them because they could not resolve their differences and continue to make great music, and how I wished to God that John was not shot and they would get back together for one last hurrah. Alas, this was not meant to be. And yet, since I was still alive, I had the power to not make the same MISTAKES, and yet, I was still making them! I wondered if I was responsible for all this turmoil. Hadn't I predicted, before I made HTBH, that the creation of this web page could splinter the tribute band community? I didn't want to do it, I warned you all against it, but you would not listen. All I asked for was debate, passion, discussion. I begged TBM to take their leadership roll, they would not listen. I begged TBC to listen to constructive critisism and not take it the wrong way, and they could not. They could have lead, but they did not lead, they failed us all! And out of this frustration, Howard's Tribute Band Heaven was created. But looking back, I felt I had made a mistake, I should not have rocked the boat, I should have been happy with TBM and TBC and not made demands, and maybe none of this would have happened! And the more I thought about it, and the guilt set in, the further I fell into dispair. Then one of the members of my band (Our George Harrison -- the most underrated Beatle) called and said he was getting married and did not have the time to play any more. It was a devistating blow. My band means the world to me, it is my purpose in life to play the drums for Beatles songs and make people happy. We were about to play four gigs in the Cleveland/Akron area, and then this happened. I realized this had huge implications. Everyone around me was getting too old to play music, their priorities were changing, they were running away from their DREAMS! I believe that when a person loses their passion, they are dead on the inside. I begged and I pleaded with him to reconsider, but he would not. ALL SEEMED LOST! I was so upset I started drinking (Budweiser) and even scrounged up an old joint I had in my closet and started smoking. It was just at that moment when the show Big Brother started. Big Brother is a show where you spy on other people trapped in a house for 3 months with no outside contact. I watched the feed on the internet all day, and the next night. I didn't even realize I was several hours late for work on Monday. I had been working for Federal Express for six years (Manager of Interdepartmental Coordination) and felt very loyal to my job. But for some reason, after BB started, I dreaded going to work. I would stay up ALL NIGHT, watching the live feed, and would fall asleep the next morning when I was supposed to be at work. The office called me on Thursday wondering what had happended to me, and by Friday, I was FIRED!!! I don't remember how much time passed after that. I stopped looking for work. I ran out of money. I had not paid my bills in weeks. One night the power was turned off in my house. I could not watch TV and I could not access the internet!! I realized I was cut off from Howard's Tribute Band Heaven -- I could not watch the Big Brother Feed -- and then my PHONE was CUT OFF! I felt like God himself (or whoever is in charge, I am very religiously open minded and tollerant) was punishing me for all the mistakes I had made in my life. I was disconnected from everything I loved and cared about and thought this was a sign that it was all hopeless, that my dreams would never be fullfilled, that I should just give up and forget everything. I walked out of my house to go to 7-11 and saw headlights barreling toward me, heard tires screeching, and then everything went to DARKNESS. "WAKE UP HOWARD... WAKE UP HOWARD..." PART 2 -- TURMOIL, THE DEPTHS OF DESPAIR AND THE DREAM THAT SAVED ME When I woke up, I was in the hospital! I could not see anything. I was on a lot of medication and did not know what time it was or who I was even. I closed my eyes and checked out from the world. I thought I was dead. In a way, I was. A group of friends came to visit me in the hospital (I have learned since it was my band) and I could barely say a word. But they left something. They had printed out my e-mail for me, to cheer me up. In among all the requests for band updates I found a very special email. I barely had the strength to read it, but I did see some words that caught my eye... WAKE UP HOWARD... WAKE UP HOWARD... That night I fell asleep wanting to never wake up again. It was then that I had a DREAM. It was so intense and vivid to this day I remember every detail as if it was actually happening. When the dream started, I was rehearsing with my band. Suddenly, the room slowly DISSOLVED... and we were playing in a giant STADIUM with a hundred thousand people! And even though we were just a tribute band everyone was cheering as if we were really the Beatles who had reformed in 1974, and we were not only playing our old songs (we did a medley of Hey Jude, I Saw Her Standing There, Taxman and Come Together) but NEW SONGS from our NEW ALBUM!!! Suddenly, a crazed fan came onstage and started shooting a gun. He shot our John Lennon, turnd the gun on me, and fired. The scene DISSOLVED again. I was on a beach, I was seven years old. I was staring out at the sea. From the water, something started to RISE UP. It wasn't Paul, and it wasn't John, but it was a COMBINATION of the two of them. He levitated above me and looked down and said "Howard...it is time to stop running. Wake up, Howard." Then I saw something. It was a LIGHT in the distance. And there was music. "Dear Prudence... won't you come out to play..." and "Here comes the Sun... it's allright..." TEARS flowed down my cheeks. And I WOKE UP and I was writing lyrics down on a piece of paper -- lyrics that I believe were being channeled from John Lennon! (More on this later, a song that Howard's Silver Hammer will release as a single, as the new John Lennon song). PART 3 -- AWAKENING When I woke up, I looked on the nightstand and saw the e-mail, which said "Wake up Howard". I read it and I realized those words were subconsiously in my mind the whole time during the dream and probably saved my life!! I went back to my pad and wrote and I wrote and I wrote until my fingers were bleeding. Eventually my thoughts turned to Howard's Tribute Band Heaven. Second to my band, my greatest dream in life. It is pretty historic, but this is what I wrote... "Howard, you have started something, you have to finish it. You were put on the earth to play Beatles Music and make people happy. But it is more than that. You are here to unite tribute bands. You did not create Howard's Tribute Band Heaven so you could support other sites or be #2. It is time to be #1. They had their time to lead. They did not lead. I have a RESPONSIBILITY to lead, and I will no fail." Then I wrote a manefesto that will be my GUIDING PRINCIPLE from now on. I will PUBLISH THAT MANEFESTO in a few days. But here are some highlights: -
The Tribute Band Community must UNITE together.
Now that I am finally awake, now that I can see clearly, I understand where the tribute band community must go. I see the top of the mountain, and I will lead us there. Trust me, it is a beautiful oasis. I forsee a day when tribute bands will be respected along side original bands, where tribute bands will be thought of in the same breath as classical music concerts, where the Beatles will be uttered in the same sentance as Bach. (Sorry, I don't think the Stones will ever be in that category!) There will be adversity and there will be some who will attempt to stand in our way. To those people, I say -- move over, IT IS OUR TIME. PART 4 - FINAL THOUGHTS As I finish this theory, I have just finished watching "Styx -- Behind the Music." What a tragic story of a band that could have been so much more!! Their egos got in the way of the ultiamte goal -- to make great music. Yes, it is sad what happened to that band. But thank GOD for tribute bands will carry on what is GREAT about their music and will recreate the GLORY YEARS so we don't have to ever FORGET how great it was. And let their failure as a band be a reminder to all of us that we must work TOGETHER, we must put aside our EGOS and do what is right and to acheive our dreams. The future holds so many things. I will be making this page GREAT. I will be rehearsing with my Beatles tribute band. We are recording an entire album of Beatles cover songs and going on tour! And we will even try to write some ORIGINAL songs in the spirit of John, Paul, George and Ringo. And of course, will will record the song that came to me in the hospital bed that I believe was channeled to me from John himself. The future looks bright, once again. So, in conclusion, I am finally awake and will not squander this opportunity. I am back in the real word and am going to keep the site REAL. But remember, I can not do it alone! Otherwize, i will be like a Wings album or Ringo gone solo. It's good, but not the same as the Beatles. I need your HELP, each and every one of you! Spread the word about tribute bands... about this site... about the guestbook where we will debate ISSUES ... about the gig guide... the list goes on and on and on. But I know that my dreams are your dreams and we must all work together to make them a reality. As John said, "Come Together, right now... over me."
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