Love Quotes

"I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock."

"I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now."

"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."

"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."    — Rodney Dangerfield.

"I think I could fall madly in bed with you..."

"I have an incredible sex drive... my girlfriend lives 200 miles away !"

"Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics."

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best."    — Woody Allen.

"Sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five it's fantastic !"    — Woody Allen.

"Kinky is using a feather — Perverted is using the whole chicken"

"Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any."

"Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either."    — Joseph Fischer.

"The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous and the expense damnable."    — Earl of Chesterfield.

"Sex is natural, but not if it's done right."

"I once knew a woman who offered her honor
So I honored her offer
And all night long I was on her and off her."

"Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute ?"

"All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day."    — Evelyn Waugh.

"You know the worst thing about oral sex ? The view."    — Maureen Lipman.

"Sex is like pizza, even if it's done bad, it's still good."

"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer."

"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses."    — Mrs. Patrick Campbell.

"Q: What's the difference between a hamster and a turtle ?
A: With a turtle you don't need duct tape..."

"One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other."    — Jane Austen (1775-1817)

"Oral Sex: the taste of things to come."

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less."    — Brendan Francis.

"I think there are two areas where new ideas are terribly dangerous: economics and sex. By and large, it's all been tried, and if it's really new, it's probably illegal or dangerous or unhealthy."    — Felix G. Rohatyn.

"Mary had a little lamb. That's what she gets for sleeping in the barn..."

"If God had meant us to have group sex, he'd have given us more organs."    — Malcolm Bradbury.

"Bend over, I'll drive."    — Bumper sticker.

"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."    — Bumper sticker.

"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."    — Gloria Leonard

"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."    — Matt Groening, from "Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk" in Life In Hell.

"I have made love to ten thousand women."    — Georges Simenon (1903-89), Belgian novelist.

"If homosexuality were normal, God would have created Adam and Bruce."    — Anita Bryant.

"Of all sexual aberrations, chastity is the strangest."    — Jacques Anatole Thibault.

"The only unnatural sex act is one which you cannot perform."    — Alfred Kinsey.

"Big doesn't necessarily mean better... Sunflowers aren't better than violets."

"Whether a long one or a thick one it matters not, as long as it satisfies in abundance !"    — Islamic proverb.

"Murder is a crime. Describing Murder is not. Sex is not a crime. Describing sex is."    — Gershon Legman.

"Act your age, not your size."

"It's not how you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm."

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."    — Steve Martin

"An erection is like the Theory of Relativity — the more you think about it, the harder it gets."

"If you think sex is a pain in the ass, try a different position."

"My brain, my second best organ..."

"To go together is blessed, to come together is divine !"

"College is like a woman; you work so hard to get in, and nine months later you wish you'd never come."

"The man who said "A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush" has been putting his bird in the wrong bushes."

"The word today is Legs... Spread the word."

"A mistress comes between a mister and his mattress."

"L'amour fait proprement est toujours sale." (Love well done is always dirty.)