Attack of the Killer Boy Band
by Lauren and Chris
****warning*****: Squickyness ahoy.
The group: (they have to have stage names!!)
CSM--Old Smoky
Krycek--The One-Armed Ratboy
Mulder--Foxy
Kersh--Boss Man
Skinner--The AD Formerly Known As Mulder and Scully's Boss (insert strange gothic symbol here)
Spender--Flunky Boy
The X-Men
Two pre-pubescent girls turned on the tv in their room, which was plastered with posters, pictures, and various paraphernalia of their favorite group, the X Men. They thought they were hot. Phoebe popped in her tape "The X Men Uncovered", and plopped down on the floor next to her very bestest friend, Diana. As the tape started, they couldn't help but squeal in delight. The strains of the music came on, and the video started. All six them were dressed in white slacks and T-shirts. But they were all special in their own way. Old Smoky had his ever present trademark ciggie. Both of the girls thought it made him look suave. Smoky's compatriot, Flunky Boy, was swaying next to him, ever-present by his side. They were known to always be together, but as any true X Men fan knew, Old Smoky always had the upper hand. One-Armed Ratboy was dancing in the foreground. He had on a leather jacket that perfectly accented his demeanor. He was the rebel of the group, with his dangerous edge and prothstetic arm. And he had numerous tatoos, piercings, and hair that changed color more times than Scully's. Foxy was the "intellectual" of the six, with his glasses and quirky good looks. And his hair was boyishly floppy, the way his fans liked it. His trademark was his garishly colorful splashy ties, one of which was around his neck even though all that was underneath it was a tank top. The AD (as he insisted people called him after he changed his name) was slouching against the wall, solemn in his heartbreak. All the girls were just crazy over his bald pate. You could see yourself in it, it was so shiny. He was "mature". And then there was Boss Man. He was the baritone of the bunch. He was the AD-next door, remarkable only in his ordinariness. The girls hummed along with the song as they started singing. Ratboy walked up to the camera for a close up and sang softly:
"You are my fire
The one desire
Believe when I say
I want it that way"
As he ended the intro, he opened his arms, dramatically walking backwards as he did, and the rest of the group came to the foreground. Foxy broke from the rest of them and busted a move as he crooned, pointing and waving his finger:
"But we are two worlds apart Can't reach to your heart When you say That I want it that way"
Then they all joined together for the chorus, in a display of prefixed choreography, bouncing and strolling in time.
"Tell me why Ain't nothin' but a heartache Tell me why Ain't nothin' but a mistake Tell me why I never wanna hear you say I want it that way"
Then a close-up of Flunky Boy, against a pale blue background. As his deep chestnut eyes stared into your soul, he spread his hands out against his face. Diana squealed in delight, clutching her pink pillow to her chest, totally absorbed in Flunky's hazel orbs. His voice seemed to glide over the words like butter in his high falsetto:
"Am I your fire Your one desire Yes I know it's too late But I want it that way"
Now it was time for the deep part. As Boss Man and The AD came on screen once again, the scene changed to a shiny, metallic-looking room. The AD was standing, sternly with his hands behind his back, milling around Boss Man, who was staring out into the distance, looking forlorn, just like a lost little puppy dog. They both broke out in song:
"Now I can see that we've fallen apart From the way that it used to be, yeah"
As the song reached it's crescendo, Boss Man fell to his knees, his face twisting in it's intensity, holding out fisted hands to show how hurt and genuine he was, while The AD stood behind him, holding out his right hand in earnest pleading:
"No matter the distance I want you to know that Deep down inside of me You are my fire The one desire You are, you are, you are, you are Don't wanna hear you say..."
There was a burst of light, then the screen showed the six of them, walking in a line. The video went into slow-motion, as they marched, their pant legs and loose unbuttoned shirts flapping around them. It was so dramatic. Some of them had their hands in their pockets, some were waving their hands around. Old Smoky had to hold out the hand that held his ever-present cigarette, then drew it in to puff at it seductively. Suddenly, Ratboy dropped to the ground, and in an amazing display of vocal acrobatics, poured his heart out, crying, "Ohhhhh, ahhhhhahhh, Oh, OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!":
"Don't wanna hear you say, Ain't nothin' but a heartache, Ain't nothin' but a mistake, (Don't wanna hear you say), I never wanna hear you say, I want it that way"
The video now showed the group surrounded by a rabid pack of 12-year-old girls, waving colorful signs and foaming at the mouth, all the while screaming out to their favorite X man. The signs were varied, one saying, "I WANT TO PUCKER UP AND KISS YOUR ASS, AD!!!", and another stating, "YOU LIGHT MY FIRE, OLD SMOKY!!" Foxy started doing The Robot, while, in the background, the AD was spinning cartwheels and doing pirouettes. The other four members were busy shaking their respective booties, all the while singing:
"Tell me why, Ain't nothin' but a heartache, Tell me why, Ain't nothin' but a mistake, Tell me why, I never wanna hear you say, (Don't wanna hear you say), I want it that way
Tell me why... Ain't nothin' but a heartache, Ain't nothin' but a mistake, Tell me why, I never wanna hear you say, (Never wanna hear you say it), I want it that way"
As the music ended and the song came to a close, Flunky Boy broke from the rest of the group, and walked over to the camera. He kneeled down, and said softly:
"I want it that way."