Stuff Song

the Stuff Song

First appeared on the CD Some Kinda Funny in 1998. Re-recorded for Love Is The Weirdest of All in 2004.

I had always considered my habits austere
Cause i don't have a boat or a big chandelier
But then recently something became very clear
When I found myself building another new shelf

I'm no antiquer with hundreds of lamp
And I'm not a philatelist though I have stamps
Nor am I a numismatist such as my gramps
But I run a museum in spite of myself

Ties for example I've dozens of those
I have ties that are thin and go down to your toes
And a couple so wide you don't need any clothes
And so thick that they'll cushion your fall if you faint

Ties that are new and a few from my youth
And a wool one I wore on a whim in Duluth
And a doozy i bought in a mall in a booth
And a few i invented with glitter and paint

Leftover paint for the ceiling and floor
I have paint for old wood that was painted before
I have paint i forget what it's for anymore
And a color for only where nobody looks

Red for the car that i drove as a teen
And a can of a hideous lemony green
A hundred percent of the shades in between
With instructions on painting in handyman books

Books in the cupboard and books overhead
And a shelf of quotations from guys who are dead
A collection of classics I never have read
And an unopened book about keeping in shape

Waterproof books about building a yacht
And the story of spam which I read and forgot
A debunking of Ripley's Believe It Or Not
And a hist'ry of myst'ry and Dickens on tape

Tape I have some that is stronger than glue
And electrical tape in both yellow and blue
I have tape for the pool or to patch a canoe
Even though I don't own a canoe or a pool

Tape for my car that's reflective and red
I have tape for the trunks of my trees in the shed
I have leftover tape from a gash in my head
I have tape you apply with a packaging tool

Tools I have lying around everywhere
Like a pump for replacing the air in a spare
And a circular saw and a carpenter square
And a fairly elaborate socket array

Hammers and planes and a ratcheting wrench
And a workbench of drills and a drilling extension
That fits in a rack on the back of the bench
Over lithium grease in an aerosol spray

Spray for my hair i have cream for my face
I have dandruff shampoo with an apricot base
I have bottles of aloe all over the place
And a case of deodorant germicide soap

Now while I rinse couldn't somebody quick
Give a person perspective on what makes him tick
Tell me why in a world full of hungry and sick
I need herbal emollient and soap on a rope

I'm ashamed to admit I have too many socks
And infusers and shovels and pencils and clocks
And enough pairs of glasses to fill a shoe box
And fedoras and paper clips up the wazoo

Sorting it all into bins would be wise
But I ran out of Rubbermaid boxes that size
And for labels i don't have the office supplies
So it looks like i have some more shopping to do

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