The Taiwan 12

     I am an English teacher in Taiwan.  One day, while I was sitting on the toilet and reading a newspaper, a strange thing happened.  I looked up and there was a young man standing in front of me.  He was about 19 years old.

      “What are you doing in my bathroom?”  I yelled.  “How did you get into my house?  What’s going on?  How did you sneak in here?”

      “Don’t you recognize me Eric?”  I looked at the boy’s face.  It was one of my students!  But it was really strange.  He looked different.  He was a lot older and he had scars on his face and hands.  He looked tired and upset.

     “Tom!  Is that you?  What happened?  You look older.  Why are you in my bathroom?  Are you OK?  You look sick.  Is something wrong?

     “I came from your bathroom mirror, Eric.  I want to tell you a story.  It’s a true story.  Can we talk somewhere else?  It smells like shit in here.”

     “OK,” I said.  I quickly wiped my bottom, pulled up my pants, washed my hands and Tom followed me downstairs to the kitchen.

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    I made some coffee for Tom and then we sat down at the kitchen table.  Tom told me his story.  It was a terrible story.  It took Tom five hours to tell me.

     “I have to go,” he said.  “I don’t know why we suddenly had special powers.  Maybe someone gave them to us, hoping we could save Taiwan.  Maybe we still can.  You have to tell everyone my story.”

     “Why don’t you tell everyone yourself?” 

     “I’m from the future.  There’s already a Tom here from the present.  That could be dangerous.  I’m going to the past. You have to promise me you will tell everyone the story of the Taiwan 12.  It’s important.”

     “Shit.  OK, I promise,” I said.  “But I don’t think anyone will believe me.”  I followed Tom back upstairs to my bathroom.

     “Your bathroom is really disgusting,” said Tom.  “Don’t you ever clean it?”  That was the last thing he said.  Before I could answer, he put his hand into my mirror and disappeared. His whole body was sucked into the mirror!

    I sat down on the toilet to think.  Maybe Tom was right.  Maybe if I told my students the story, they wouldn’t make the same mistakes in the future.  Maybe I could save them.  Maybe I could save Taiwan!

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    Maybe if my students weren’t so stupid the second time, everything would be different.  Maybe the future would change.  Maybe…..maybe…. Shit!  What if my students don’t believe me?  What if they think it’s just a story and not true?  I took another shit, flushed the toilet, and went upstairs to my computer room.  I sat down, turned my computer on, and began to type. 

    Here is the story.  Please believe me!  Believe me!  It’s true!  If you don’t believe me you will die!  If you want to save Taiwan, believe me!

     It happened to Xena first.  She was in her bedroom listening to music and reading a comic book.  She heard her mother coming and quickly hid the comic book under her math textbook and pretended to study.

     “Xena!  It’s time for dinner!  Come into the kitchen and eat.  I cooked your favorite meal.  I cooked fish, chicken assholes, and french fries, and I got some stinky tofu from the stand outside.  Come and eat!  You can keep studying after dinner.  Hurry before it gets cold.”

     “But mother, I have an important test tomorrow.  Can’t you bring me my dinner here in my room?  I can eat it while I study.”

     “Oh, you are such a good student.  I’m proud of you,” said Xena’s mother.  “Come here.  I want to hug you.  You’re my favorite child.”

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     “Oh mother, not now.  You can hug me later.  I have to study.”    

     “OK, dear,” said Xena’s mother.  “I’ll bring you your dinner in a few minutes.”  Xena’s mother went back to the kitchen.  Xena took out her comic book and smiled.  Then she opened her desk drawer and took out a small bottle of whiskey.  She poured some into a shot glass and took a sip.

     “My mother is pretty stupid,” she thought.  “She believes everything I tell her.  As long as my grades are good, she’s happy.  I can do whatever I want.  I can always fool her.  My mother’s an idiot, but I still love her.” 

     Suddenly Xena’s head hurt.  She saw a white light.  She closed her eyes, but she could still see the white light.  Then she could see a room.  It was a bedroom, but it wasn’t her bedroom.  It looked like a boy’s bedroom.  She could see a computer, a model car, a basketball poster on the wall, a stereo, a small TV, a VCR, some video tapes, and some dirty underwear on the floor, and ….and….a boy!  Yes!  There was a boy lying on a bed.  He was naked!  He was sleeping.  She looked closely at the boy’s face.  Then she looked closely at something else.  Then she looked at his face again.  He was Evan!  He was her classmate at school!  Suddenly Evan opened his eyes.  He looked around.  He looked surprised.  Xena decided to try to talk to him. 

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     “Hey Evan!” she yelled.  “Can you hear me?”

     “Who said that?” asked Evan.  “I can feel you looking at me, and I can hear you, but I can’t see you.  Are you real?  Am I crazy?  What’s happening?  Where are you?  Who are you?  Are you hiding somewhere?”

     “I’m Xena, your classmate.  I don’t know why I can see you.  It’s very strange.  I was sitting in my bedroom studying, and suddenly I saw a white light.  Then I saw you.  It’s like watching TV in my head.  I can see everything.  I can see your……..ugh, Evan, maybe you should put on some clothes.  I’m not joking.  I can see everything.  Do you know what I mean?”

     “You mean you can see me naked?  Oh shit!”  Evan jumped out of bed and quickly put on some underwear.  Xena laughed.

     “Why are you laughing?” asked Evan.

     “Sorry,” said Xena.  “I couldn’t help myself.  Ouch!”  Xena felt a pain in her head.  Then she saw two pictures.  It was like a TV screen split in two.  On one side she could see Evan, and on the other side she could see another classmate.  It was Joe!  He was sitting in bed smoking, and reading a book in his underwear.  Xena could even see what he was reading.  It was a book about guard dogs.  Then suddenly, Joe disappeared.  But the book he was reading was still in the air.  It was floating!  The cigarette was still in the air too, and someone was still smoking it.  Joe was invisible!

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     “Joe, can you hear me?” asked Xena.  “Hey, this is kind of fun.” 

     “What?  Who’s talking?  Who said that?” asked Joe.

     “Joe?  Is that you?  I can hear you but I can’t see you,” said Evan.

     “Evan?  Where are you?  Don’t give me any shit.  Tell me where you are.  I can hear a girl’s voice too.  Did my mother let you in?  Are you playing a trick on me?” asked Joe. 

     “Joe, it’s me Xena.  I sit behind you in English class.  I’m in my bedroom.  I can see you in my head.  I can see Evan too.  But now I can’t see you.  But I can still see your book and your cigarette.  You shouldn’t smoke.  It’s really stupid.  You’ll get cancer.  Joe, I think you’re invisible.”

     “What are you talking about?  I’m not invisible.  I can see myself.  Where are you?  This isn’t funny.  Are you really talking in my head?”

     “Yes, it’s strange.  It’s like a special power.  Joe, I really can’t see you.  Look in the mirror.  Maybe you have a special power too.”  Joe stood up, picked his nose, and looked in the mirror.  Then he screamed.

     “Ahhhhh!!!!  I can’t see myself in the mirror.  What’s happening?  Am I dead?  Am I insane?”  Joe shook his head.  Joe slapped himself. 

      “Wake up!  I have to wake up.  This must be a dream,” said Joe.

      “We can’t all be having the same dream,” said Evan.  “We’re not all crazy.  Something strange is happening.  This is cool.” 

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     “Evan’s right,” said Xena.  “This is really happening.  Ahhh!  My head hurts again.  The TV in my head is changing.  I can see three pictures now.  I can see a girl taking a bath.  It’s Wendy!  Evan!  It’s your girlfriend.  Wendy, can you hear me?  Wendy, it’s me, Xena!  Wendy?  Wendy!!!!!!”

     Suddenly all three pictures in Xena’s head disappeared.  She opened her eyes and saw her bedroom again.  Her mother was looking at her.  She had Xena’s comic book in her hand.  She was pissed.  She looked like a witch.

     “I thought you were studying, Xena.  You lied.  When I came into your room, you looked spaced out and you had this dirty comic book in front of you on the desk.  I told you before, you can’t read this garbage.”

     “I’m sorry mother,” said Xena.  “Something strange happened.  I could see my classmates in my head.  I could talk to them.  I had a special power.”

     “You have been reading too many comic books Xena.  It’s just your imagination.  If I catch you reading any more comic books, I won’t let you watch X-Files next week.  Now shut up, eat your dinner, and study.”

     “Mom, you have to let me watch X-Files.  The next episode is about aliens.  I have to see it.  It’s supposed to be really good.  I can’t miss it.”

     “If you want to watch it, then stop wasting your time reading comic books.  You have a big test at school tomorrow.  Study!  Study!  Study!”

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     “OK, mother.  Don’t worry.  You don’t have to give me pressure.  I already have enough pressure from my teachers.  I’m a good student.  I will study.  Don’t worry about me.  I’ll keep studying.  You can trust me.”

     “OK,” said Xena’s mother.   Xena watched her mother leave the room.  Then she took out her comic book again.  But instead of opening the comic book she thought about what had happened and tried to figure it out.

     “Did I really see Evan, Joe and Wendy in my head?”  Xena asked herself.  She thought about calling Evan, but it was late, and she didn’t want to bother him.  “I’ll ask Evan tomorrow at school,” thought Xena.

     Xena really did see Evan, Joe, and Wendy.  Wendy was sitting in the bathtub wondering if she was crazy or not.  She heard Xena’s voice.  But that was impossible.  Who had called her?  Maybe it was her mother.  

     “Mom?”  Wendy called.  “Mom, is that you?”  There was no answer.  Wendy thought about getting out of the tub and unlocking the door, but she decided not to.  It was too much trouble.  Instead, she thought about her boyfriend, Evan.  He was too short and he had a lot of zits, but she liked him because he was smart.  He was really good at computers.  Wendy emailed Evan every night so he would get her letter in the morning before school. It was a big secret.  Her parents had no idea Evan was her boyfriend. 

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Wendy thought about Evan’s body.  His body was..........Suddenly Wendy felt strange.  Something was happening!    She felt her skin stretching.  Her body was changing!  She stood up and looked in the mirror.  She was a boy! 

     “What happened!  I can’t believe it!  I’m a boy!”  Wendy screamed.  She looked at herself again.  She looked down.  “Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!  I look like my boyfriend Evan.  But I’m not Evan.  I’m Wendy.  Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!”

     Wendy’s parents heard her scream.  But they didn’t hear a girl’s scream.  They heard a boy’s scream.  They ran upstairs to the bathroom and knocked on the door.  They tried to open it, but it was locked.  They couldn’t get in.

     “Open up!” said Wendy’s father.  “Unlock the door!”  Wendy unlocked and opened the door.  She forgot she was naked.  She forgot she was Evan. 

     “Who are you?” asked Wendy’s mother.  “Why are you naked?  Why are you taking a bath in our bathroom?  How did you get in here?”

     “I’m Wendy.  I’m your daughter.  Don’t you recognize me mom?”

     “Are you joking?” asked Wendy’s father.  “Where’s Wendy?  Are you a pervert?  Get out of our house!  Get out or I’ll call the police!”

     “But father, I’m Wendy,” said Wendy.  “Dad, it’s me.”

     “Shut up and get out!” said Wendy’s father.  He picked Wendy up and took her downstairs.  Then he opened the front door and threw her out. 

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Wendy was naked.  She panicked and pounded on the door with her fists.

     “Let me in!  Let me in!  I’m Wendy!  I’m your daughter!”  But her parents didn’t open the door.  Finally Wendy gave up.  She was very angry.

     “When my parents find out I’m really Wendy, they will feel guilty,” she thought.  “But what do I do now?  I know.  I can go to Evan’s house.  He will help me.  He will know what to do.  Evan is a genius!”

     Evan sat in his living room in front of the TV.  He had the remote control in his hand, but he didn’t turn the TV on.  He was thinking about what happened.  He decided to call Xena, but first he had to take a piss.  He stood up and went to the bathroom.  He opened the toilet lid and pissed in the water.  “Hey, what’s happening?”  asked Evan.  It was really strange.  There was more and more water in the toilet.  Then suddenly, there was another toilet next to the toilet he was pissing in.  He finished taking a piss and zipped up his zipper.  Something felt strange.  He unzipped his zipper again and looked at his underwear.  He was wearing two pairs of underwear!  What was happening?  Evan sat down on the toilet to think.

     “First there was more and more water,” he said to himself.  “Then there was another toilet.  Then I had another pair of underwear.  What’s going on?”  Then Evan had an idea.  He went to the kitchen and started drinking.

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    Evan waited until he had to take another piss.  Then he went to his room and got a plastic box out of his closet.  He took 1000 NT out of his wallet and put it in the box.  He pissed on the money.  Immediately, another plastic box appeared.  The second box had a 1000 NT bill in it too!  Evan smiled.  He went back to the kitchen. He wanted to keep drinking. He opened the refrigerator door and took out some tomato juice.  But then he heard someone knocking on his door.  Evan looked out the window.  It was a naked boy!  He went through the hallway to the living room and to the door.

     “Evan, it’s me, Wendy!  Something strange happened to me. I was taking a bath, and then I turned into a boy.  You have to help me.  You have to believe me.  I’m Wendy.  I’m your girlfriend.  I love you!  I love you!”

     “Are you joking?  It’s not funny.  Do you think I’m stupid?  Are you gay?  Go away.  I have better things to do.  I have to take a piss.”

     “But Evan, it’s really me.  I’m not joking.  Evan, I love you. How can I prove it to you?  I know!  Evan look at my body.  Evan look at my dick!” 

     “You’re crazy.  Why should I look at your dick?  It’s just a small, ugly........wait!  What’s going on?  That’s my dick.  You have my dick!  In fact, you have my body.  That’s my body!  You look like my twin!”

     “Yes, this body is yours.  I told you I’m Wendy.  Let me come inside!”

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     “OK, come in, but if you’re really Wendy, tell me what I told you last Wednesday when we were playing pool.”  Wendy smiled.  She whispered in Evan’s ear.  Then she sighed.  She didn’t like having a boy’s body.

     “That’s right!  You really are Wendy!  Something strange is happening.  First, I heard Xena and Joe.  Then, I had a special pissing power.  Now my girlfriend is a boy!  Wendy, how did you turn into a boy?”

     “I don’t know.  I was taking a hot bath when it happened.”

     “Maybe you have a special power too.  Maybe you can change your body!  Maybe if you take another bath, you will change back into a girl.”

     “That’s a good suggestion,” said Wendy.  “I’ll try it.  Maybe it will work.”  Wendy went into the bathroom.  Evan followed her.

      “Evan!  Not now!  Wait outside.  I want some privacy.”

     “But honey, I just want to help you.  You can trust me.”

     “I trust you Evan, but not now.  You can help me later.  Wait outside.”

     “OK, OK, but if anything happens call me. I love you honey. I love you.”

     “Don’t worry.  You’re always too nervous.  I’ll be OK.”  Wendy went into the bathroom.  She turned on the water, got in the tub, and sat down.  Wendy put her head under the water.  She hoped it would work.

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     “I have to take a shit,” Wendy thought.  “I can’t hold it.  I have diarrhea.  But maybe I should wait and find out what happens first.  I’ll take a shit after I change back into a girl.”  Suddenly Wendy felt strange.  It was the same strange feeling she had before.  Her body was changing.  “Evan!  I think it’s working!” she yelled.  “I can feel my body changing!”  But something was wrong.  She was getting smaller.  She wasn’t changing back into a girl.  She was changing into something else.  Her skin was turning brown!  “Help!  Help me Evan!  Something is happening!  Evan!  Save me!  Evan!  Hurry up!  I need you!  Evan!  Evan!”

     “I can’t help you if you don’t unlock the door,” complained Evan.  “You should have let me into the bathroom.  It’s not my fault if you locked the door.  Open the door!  Open the door and I’ll help you.”

     “Help!  Evan!  Help!  I stink.  I’m getting smaller.  I feel wet and dirty and.....I don’t have any arms!  I don’t have legs!  Evan!  Help!  Ev.......”

     Evan ran downstairs to the basement to get a screwdriver.  He ran back and used the screwdriver to unscrew the screws on the doorknob. 

     “OK dear!  I’m here!  I’m here!  I love you.  Your hero is here….Wendy?  Wendy?  Where are you?”  Evan looked in the bathtub.  There was a big wet shit!  It was diarrhea.  Wendy was diarrhea.       

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     “Oh, shit,” Evan said.  “My girlfriend is a shit.  Now what am I going to do?  I can’t piss on her.  Then I would just have two pieces of shit.  My special power is useless.  Maybe I should call Xena.  Yeah, that’s a good idea.  I’ll call Xena.  Maybe she will know what to do.”  Evan went to the living room and picked up the phone.

     “Hey, is this Xena?”

     “Yeah, who’s this?”

     “This is Evan.  Am I crazy or did you talk to me in my head?”

     “No, you’re not crazy.  I thought maybe I was crazy. What’s happening?”

     “I don’t know, but you have to come to my house.  After you talked to me, I suddenly had a special pissing power, then Wendy showed up. She was a boy.  I did my best to help her, but now she’s a shit.”

     “What?” asked Xena.  “Wendy’s a shit?  Are you nuts?”

     “I’ll explain later.  Just come over to my house.  Call Joe and tell him to come over too.  I know it’s late, but you have to help me.”

     “My mother won’t let me go out, but she’s watching a rerun on cable TV.  I’ll write her a note, and then I’ll sneak out.  Don’t worry.  I’m coming.”

     “Thanks,” said Evan.  Evan hung up the phone.  He turned around and saw his mother looking at him.  She looked really pissed off.

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     “Why was there a shit in the bathtub?” she asked.  “Are you sick?”

     “Don’t touch that shit!  That’s my girlfriend.  That’s......Wait a minute......What do you mean was?.......What do you mean WAS?”

     “I flushed it down the toilet,” said Evan’s mother.  “What’s wrong with you?  Are you crazy?  Why were you taking a bath?  You should be studying.  You have a quiz tomorrow.  Hey, why are you crying?”

     “Mother!  You idiot!  You flushed my love!  You flushed my love!”

      “What are you talking about?  Don’t call me an idiot.  It’s rude.  Were you and Wendy taking a bath again?  I know you’re a genius, but you have to study if you want to improve your grades.  Look, I don’t have time to deal with this.  I will be late for work.  I’m afraid they’ll fire me if I’m late again.  Do you have a cigarette?  Did you drink my last beer?  Do you want to go to the cemetery to visit your father this weekend?  Oh shit, I have to go.  I’ll talk to you later.  Evan, don’t cry.  I love you.  I’ll see you tomorrow morning, OK?  You can tell me what’s wrong then.”

     Evan’s mother left for work.  Fifty minutes later, Xena, and Joe arrived at Evan’s house.  Evan told them about Wendy and about his special pissing power.  Evan was really upset.  But Joe laughed.

     “Why are you laughing?” asked Xena.  “Wendy’s dead!  It’s not funny.”

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     “I’m sorry.  You’re right.  I shouldn’t laugh.  But I can’t stop.  I can’t believe it.  Wendy’s a dead shit.  I’m the invisible boy.  Evan has magic piss.  Maybe this is just a dream or a crazy person’s story.”  said Joe.

     “It’s not a dream and it’s not a story.  It’s true!”  said Xena.  “Maybe I should try to see if I can see any of our other classmates in my head.”  Xena closed her eyes.  Her head hurt again.  It felt like a bad headache.  She saw the TV screen in her head again.  It was very dark. 

     “Can you see anyone else?”  asked Joe.  “Is it working?”

     “I don’t know.  It’s too dark.  I can’t see.......Wait a second!  I think I can control the light.  Now, it’s getting brighter.  I see a boy!  It’s Frank!  It’s our classmate Frank!  He’s flying!  He has a special power too.  Frank!  Can you  hear me?  He’s flying into some clouds but I can still see him.  Hey Frank!”

     “Who’s calling me?”  Where are you?  I can’t see you.”

     “I’m Xena, your classmate,” answered Xena.  “It’s amazing!  You’re flying!  You can fly.  It’s wonderful.  You look like an eagle.”

     Actually I think I’m a pigeon.  It’s really strange.  I was walking to the hardware store to get some oil for my in-line skates.  I saw some pigeons, and I wished that I could fly. Suddenly I was flying.  It’s great.  I can do everything that a pigeon does.  I can even talk to them.  They understand me.

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     “Frank, what are you doing?  Why did you pull your pants down?”

     “I’m practicing.  I’m dropping shit on people.  It’s really fun.  My shit is white, like a pigeon’s shit, but it’s bigger.  It’s gigantic. It’s like a bomb.”

     “You have a special power ,” said Xena.  “Evan, Joe, and I do too.  I can see you and talk to you in my head.  Do you know where Evan lives?   We’re at his house.  Can you fly here?  We need to get together and talk.”

     “OK,” said Frank.  “I’ll be there in a half an hour.”  Xena watched Frank flying in her head.  She envied him.  He looked so peaceful.  Then she felt another pain and the TV screen in her head split in two.  In the top picture, she could see Frank.  In the bottom picture she could see another classmate.  It was Nick.  He was eating spaghetti, drinking instant coffee, and reading a travel magazine.  Xena decided to talk to him too.

     “Nick!  Can you hear me?”  Nick dropped his fork.  He looked scared.

     “Who said that?” asked Nick.  “Where are you?”  Nick’s mother came into the room.  She walked in slowly, because she was pregnant.

     “Who are you talking to Nick?  Did you call me?” asked Nick’s mother.

     “No Mother, I........”

     “Nick, it’s me, your classmate.  I need to talk to you!” yelled Xena. 

     “Nick, what’s wrong?” asked his mother.  “Why are you so pale?”

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     “Shut up!  You must be a ghost.  Damn!  Go back to Hell!” yelled Nick.

     “Nick! Why are you swearing?  Don’t call me a ghost. Go to your room!”

     “But mother, I wasn’t swearing at you.  I was talking to a spirit.  I……”

     “I don’t want to hear your stupid excuses.  Go to your room right now!”

     “But mother.  I want to watch basketball.  The Bulls have won seven games in a row.  I want to see if they can beat the Lakers. I want to.......”

     “Shut up and go to your room now, or I’ll tell your father to punish you.”

     “OK, mother.”  Nick stood up and went to his room.  But he smiled.  His mother didn’t know about his portable TV.  He took it from his hiding place in the ceiling and turned on the switch.  But the batteries were dead. “Shit!  The batteries only lasted four hours,” said Nick. “I can’t watch the game.”

     “Hey Nick!  You have to listen to me!  I’m not a ghost, and you’re not crazy.  I’m your classmate Xena.  I have a special power.  Evan and Joe, and Frank do too.  I can see you in my head, so that probably means you have a special power too.  Has anything strange happened to you?”

     “No, and I don’t believe you.  How are you doing this?  Do you have a radio or something? Where are you? I can’t stand anyone trying to trick me.”

     “She’s telling the truth Nick,” said Frank. “I can fly.  Right now I’m flying to Evan’s house. You should go too.  Do you know where he lives?”

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     “Yeah, I’ve been there before.  But this is a joke, right?  OK, I’ll go to Evan’s house if I can watch the NBA game, and if Evan helps me with my chemistry homework.  It’s really tough and it’s due tomorrow.  I can’t figure it out by myself and if I don’t get it done my teacher will kill me.”

     “Evan will help you,” said Xena.  “I promise.  I’ll help you too.”

     “OK, I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”  Nick opened his window and climbed out.  It was lucky his apartment was on the first floor.  His mother would be furious but he didn’t care.  He had to find out what was happening.  He got on his bike and started riding to Evan’s house.  He had been there once about three years ago.  He remembered it was near a tennis court with a big fence around it.  He remembered it was next to a 7-11.  Nick picked his nose.  Suddenly it was very windy.  Nick felt sick.  He felt like he was going to throw up.  He felt like he had no skin on his body.  Then the wind stopped.  He opened his eyes and he saw a wall.  He couldn’t stop.  He hit the wall with his bicycle.  He was in a house.  What was going on?  He stood up and shook his head.  Xena, Evan, and Joe were staring at him.  Their mouths were open.  He was in Evan’s house!

     “Where did you come from?”  asked Joe.  “How did you do that?”

     “I don’t know.  I was riding my bicycle and then suddenly I was here.”   

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     “Nick, you have a special power too.  You can go anywhere you want to go.  You just have to think about a place and you will go there,” said Xena.

     “That’s ridiculous,” said Nick.  “Do you expect me to believe that?”

     “Were you thinking about Evan’s house?” asked Xena.

     “Of course, but I was thinking about other stuff too, are you crazy?”

     “Try thinking about my bathroom,” said Evan.  Nick thought about Evan’s bathroom.  But nothing happened.  He didn’t disappear.

     “It didn’t work,” said Nick.  I wish it would work, but it didn’t work.”  Nick looked at Xena.  He picked his nose.  Suddenly he disappeared. 

     “He’s gone!” yelled Evan.  “He disappeared!  It worked!” 

     “I’m going to try to contact him,” said Xena.  She closed her eyes.  This time she didn’t feel any pain.  She just felt a little dizzy.  She saw Nick.  He was holding a bra.  Xena looked around the room.  It was her room!  She looked at the bra.  It was her bra!  Nick was in her bedroom!  “Nick!  You’re in my bedroom,”  said Xena.  “What are you doing in my bedroom?”

     “Shit!  You can see me?” asked Nick.  “I didn’t realize that.”

     “Yes, stupid.  It’s my special power,” said Xena. 

     “I didn’t mean to come here.  You looked hot and I was thinking about you, and I was thinking about an air-conditioner, and I was……..” 

     “Don’t lie! You were thinking about my bra. You’re really horny.  But it doesn’t matter. You have a special power too! I think I know how it works!”

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     “Xena, I wasn’t thinking about your bra.  It was your air-con.  I was......”

     “I know what you were thinking about dickhead, but that’s not the point. The point is you have a special power.  Right before you disappeared, you picked your nose.  You just have to put your finger in your nose and you can go anywhere.  We should make a special power club. We should cooperate.”

     “I can go anywhere I want to go?” asked Nick.

     “Yes, you can go anywhere.  It’s your special power,” said Xena

     “But anywhere I go, you can watch me?  You can always see me?”

     “Yes, I can see what you’re doing anytime I want to see you.”

     “That sucks. But I guess it doesn’t make a difference.  I don’t care if you see me or not.  I can still do anything I want to do.  I don’t have to go home!  I can quit school!  I don’t have to work.  I don’t have to earn money.  I don’t have any limits.  Maybe I can even go to space!  No, that would be too dangerous.  I can’t breathe in space.  I don’t have a spacesuit.  But I can go to the space station.  Wow!  This is like winning a lottery!  I’m taking off! 

I’ll see you later.”  Nick put his finger in his nose.

     “Wait!” yelled Xena.  “We have to talk!  We have to help each other!”  But it was too late.  Nick had disappeared.  No one had time to stop him.  Suddenly, the doorbell rang.  Evan opened the front door.  It was Frank.

     “Hey, I’m here,” said Frank.  “Now tell me what’s going on.”     

                                                     Page 21

 
    Xena told Frank about everyone’s special powers.  Evan went to the kitchen to get some Coca-Cola to share with everyone.  He opened the refrigerator.  The plastic bottle was almost empty.  Evan thought about going to a nearby store to buy some more, but then he had an idea.  He unscrewed the cap, unzipped his zipper, pulled out his dick, and pissed in the bottle.  In just a few seconds he had a full bottle.  Then he pissed on a leftover piece of pizza and he had a whole pizza.  But there was still some piss left so he pissed in the sink and immediately he had two sinks and two faucets.  Evan smiled. He heated up the pizza in the microwave.  Then he went back to the living room with a tray and passed out the pizza and the glasses of Coca-Cola.

    Xena was sitting on the couch with her feet on the coffee table.  Frank and Joe were using Evan’s computer.  They were online playing a ladder game.

     “I think we should call ourselves the Taiwan Five,” said Xena.

     “What about Wendy?” asked Evan.  “She had a special power too.  I think we should call ourselves the Taiwan Six.  We have to be fair to her.”

     “Wendy’s dead,” said Xena.  “Your mother flushed her.”

     “I know, but I still think we should call ourselves the Taiwan Six.  I loved Wendy.  She’s a flushed shit now, but she was my girlfriend.” 

     “What do you think, Frank?” asked Xena. “Should we include Wendy?”

     “What?  Wendy’s?  Get me a salad and some fries with ketchup.”

     “You’re not paying attention.  We’re talking about Wendy not Wendy’s.”

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     “Wendy?”  asked Frank.   “Oh, ughh, whatever.  It’s up to you.  This is intense!  I think…..Yes! I won!  Now I’m ranked number 25 in the world!”

     “Who cares if you’re ranked 25?” said Evan.  “We have special powers.  Maybe some of our other classmates have special powers too.  If we get together as a team we can do anything. There are 34 students in our class.  Maybe everyone has a special power.  Xena, use your head to find out.”

     “I’m exhausted,” said Xena.  “There’s a test tomorrow.  We’ll find out after the test and meet at the school.  I need to get some sleep.”

     “Ok,” said Joe.  “But I’m not going to sleep tonight.  I have a plan.”

     “I’m not going to sleep either. I’m going out tonight.  I want to piss.  My mother owes a loan shark 75,000 dollars. I’m going to piss and pay back her debt. Then I’m going to piss on a Jaguar and look for a date,” said Evan.

     “I’m going to practice flying,” said Frank.  “Maybe I’ll build a nest.”

     “I just want to crash,” said Xena.  “I can’t stop yawning.”  Everyone left.          

     When Xena got home she opened the door and tiptoed in. Her mother   was already in bed. Xena was lucky. If her mother had caught her she would have grounded her.  As soon as Xena’s head hit the pillow, she fell asleep. If she had tried to see more of her classmates in her head she would have seen three more pictures.  Three more students were about to discover they had special powers.  The next student to find out was Ed.

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     “Ed, are you there?  Ed, I’m lonely, talk to me.  Let’s talk about stocks.” 

     “Hello Ed, I have insomnia. I can’t sleep. Hold me. Use me.  I need you.”

     “Hey, Ed put on some rap music. I’m bored.  I want DMX, track 4.”

     “I love you Ed, touch me, rub me, kiss me.  Oh Ed.  Oh Ed!  Sexy boy!”

     “I’m sick Ed, take me to a vet.  Ed, I think I have a virus.”

     “Ed, you should pop that big zit on your face.  It’s disgusting.  Pop it!”

     “Ed, you are weak, and stupid.  You should be tough like me.”

     “Ed, I want your saliva.  Spit on me Ed.  I love you.  I want you!”

     “Ed, you fat pig, listen to me.  Don’t join a gang.  It’s dangerous.”

     “Ed, you’re a jerk.  Stop playing with your dick.  Do your homework.”

     “Hey!  Who’s talking to me?  What’s going on?”  Ed got out of bed and looked around.  He was hearing many different voices.  Something strange was happening.  “Who are you?  Where are you?  Is this a joke?”

     “Hey Ed, look on the bed, I’m your pillow.  I love you.  Squeeze me Ed.”

     “Ed, you stupid shit.  I’m your printer.  I need new ink.”

     “Hi Ed, I’m the coin on your desk, don’t spend me. Please!  Please Ed!”

     “Ed, I’m your pajamas.  I love your fat sweaty body.  Put me on!”

     “Ed, I’m your underwear.  Why don’t you wash me?  I stink!”

     “Oh shit, I think I’m insane!”  Ed put his hands over his ears, but the voices didn’t stop.  They were in his head!  They were in his mind!

                                                     Page 24

     Ed went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet.  The voices didn’t stop.

     “Oh, no!  Here comes another shit!  Ahhh!  It’s a big one.  Ahhhhh!  Oh, I hate being a toilet.  I’m tired of looking at your ass.  I want to be free!”

     “Hey Ed!  Don’t let your father throw me away.  Save me!” yelled his father’s disposable razor.  “Save me!  I don’t want to die!  I love you!”

     “Ed, you’re still awake?  You have to get up early,” said his alarm clock.

     “Ed, Ed, There’s a new science fiction movie that just came out.  I heard your father reading the review this morning.  After you see it, you can tell me about it,” said a shampoo bottle. “It’s rated R.  It’s supposed to be good.”

     “Uga cha cha uga cha cha uga cha cha uga cha cha I can’t stop this feeling, deep inside of me.  Girl you just don’t realize, what you do to me. When you hold me, uga cha cha, in your arms so tight, you let me know, everything’s alright.  I’m hooked on a feeling...........” sang the toothpaste.

     “Father!  Mother!  Come here!  Mother!  Mother! Help!!!”  Ed’s parents heard him yelling.  They got out of bed and ran into the bathroom.

     “What’s wrong?  Why are you yelling?”  asked Ed’s father.

     “Ed, you look sick.  What’s wrong?”  asked Ed’s mother.  “Did you have a bad dream?  Go back to your bedroom.  You should lie down.”  Ed walked back to his bedroom.  But the voices didn’t stop.  He heard thousands of voices in his bedroom.  They were all talking to him at the same time.

                                                    Page 25

                                                         
     “Ed, you can hear us!  Hey Ed, oh Ed, Ed talk to me.  Ed fix me, Ed use me, Ed, oh Ed, Ed, I love you.  Ed, I need you.  Ed, come here. Ed touch me. Ed I’m your slave.  Eddie baby!  Ed, dust me.  Ed, spray the ants!  Kiss me!”

    All the things in Ed’s room were talking. Ed looked at his father and mother.He hit his head on the door and slapped himself, but the voices didn’t stop. His father grabbed him and said something, but he couldn’t hear what his father said.  The voices in his head were too loud.  Ed picked up a book and started hitting himself on the head.  He was desperate.  He had to stop it.

     “Ahhh!” yelled the book.  “That hurts!  Please Ed!  Don’t abuse me!”

    Ed tried to open the window so he could commit suicide, but his father stopped him.  Ed’s mother ran out of the room.  Ed’s father held him down and punched him, but Ed didn’t stop screaming.  Forty minutes later, three men wearing blue jackets came in. They pulled down his underwear, took out a needle and gave him an injection. The needle was laughing!

     “Hey Ed, you’re going to love this.  I hope you’re a masochist.  Ha!” 

     “Oh my God, Oh Ed!  What happened?  What’s wrong?” asked his dad.

     "Please Ed, tell Mommy what happened?  Oh Ed.  Why?” asked his mother. 

     But Ed didn’t answer.  He was already asleep.  The men carried him outside and put him in an ambulance.  The ambulance didn’t need a siren.  It wasn’t an emergency.  It was just another patient going to the mental hospital.

                                                    Page 26

 
    While Ed was being checked into the mental hospital, another student was about to discover he had a special power.  His name was Bob.

     “Beep, beep, beep, beep,” Bob’s alarm clock went off.  He hit the button.

     “Shit, another boring day, and I have a test at school,” thought Bob.  He got out of bed and checked his email.  Dragonwoman had sent him some more pictures.  Bob smiled and put them in his secret file.  He didn’t want his parents to see them.  They were too dirty.  Then Bob got dressed and he went into the kitchen to eat breakfast.  As usual, his mother had a bowl of cereal waiting for him on the kitchen table.  Bob’s mother smiled.

     “Did you study last night?  Bob, are you prepared for your test?”

     “Yeah, don’t worry mom.  You know I never fail a test.  I’m too smart.”

     “You never get a good grade either. You can’t just pass.  You have to try harder.  Bob, don’t you want to get into a good university?  Don’t you care?”

     “Yeah, yeah, yeah, don’t give me any shit, OK?  You can depend on me.  I’ll get a good grade this time. I promise.  I’m not lazy.  Don’t worry.”

     “Were you online last night?  I couldn’t use the phone for six hours.”

     “Yeah, I downloaded some important information about astronomy.  I had to download it for school. It’s required reading for my astronomy class.”

     “Don’t lie to me, Bob.  I know you were on ICQ last night talking to your cybergirlfriend.  Bob, you have to be more serious about school.  It’s really important for your future.  Were you talking to Dragonwoman again?”

                                                    Page 27

     “Yeah, but mom, DW isn’t my cybergirlfriend.  She’s just my friend.  I probably shouldn’t have spent so much time on ICQ last night, but it was worth it.  Dragonwoman sent me some really cool pictures.  They’re great.”

     “I hope they weren’t dirty pictures.  You know that’s against house rules."

     “No mom.  Don’t worry.  She sent me pictures of a famous temple near her house in Japan.  But I didn’t have enough memory, so I deleted them.”

     “Why Dragonwoman?  Why can’t she use her real name?”

     “Mom!  Don’t be stupid.  No one uses their real name online.”

     “What name do you use online?  Dragonman?  BigBob?  BullshitBob?”

     “No, I’m Beefboy.  But I want to change it to Mr. Beefman.”

     “Mr. Beefman?  Bob, you’re really strange.  Hey, go and wake up your father.  Tell him breakfast is ready.  Hurry, or he’ll be late for work.”

     “Oh mom, do I have to?  He always gets angry when I wake him.”

     “Don’t whine.  Just do what I tell you.  Don’t forget, I’m your mother.”

     “OK, OK.”  Bob went to his parents’ bedroom.  His father was sleeping on the couch next to the bed.  His parents probably had a fight again.

     “Dad, wake up.”  Bob touched his father’s neck.  Suddenly Bob felt like someone had hit him with a hammer.  His eyes were closed.  He felt strange.  Then he opened his eyes.  He was looking at himself!  He blinked his eyes but the other Bob didn’t blink.  He waved his hand but the other Bob didn’t do anything.  The other Bob didn’t move.  He looked like a statue. 

                                                        Page 28

     “Hey!  What’s going on?  Why am I lying on the couch?  Why is my voice so deep?”  Bob felt his face.  He could feel his father’s moustache.  He got up and went to the bathroom.  He looked in the mirror.  “What the.........?  I’m in my father’s body.  I’m my father.  No, I’m Bob.  But this is his body.  I’m my father.  No, I’m Bob.  This is incredible!”  Bob went back to the bedroom.  He touched his body.  It was cold.  Then Bob remembered touching his father’s neck.  He touched the frozen Bob’s neck.  It worked!  He was Bob again.  He was back in his body.  Bob’s father was still asleep. He fell down, hit his head on the floor and woke up with a frown.

     “Ouch!”  he said.  “I guess I fell off the couch again.  What time is it?”

     “It’s 6:30,” answered Bob.  “You have to hurry or you will get caught in rush hour.  Did you have another fight with mom?”

     “Yeah, I guess it’s pretty obvious.  She wouldn’t let me go to sleep.  She won’t stop until I admit I’m wrong. She was bitching about you know what.”

     “You mean the jade necklace you bought her?”

     “Yeah, she doesn’t believe me.  I thought it was valuable.  I had no idea it was fake.  It’s not my fault if I got ripped off.  But she thinks I lied to her.  She thinks I knew it was worthless.  Bob, I love your mother.  I love another woman too, but I will always love your mother.  I don’t regret marrying her and I’ll never get a divorce.  But promise me one thing.  Promise you will never get married.  I don’t want you to be like me.  I want you to be free.”

                                                    Page 29

     “OK, I promise.  But dad you have to stop fighting all the time.  Try to be nice to mom.  You never compliment her.  You never say she’s beautiful.”

     “That’s because she’s fat.  OK, I’ll try to say something good to her today, but it won’t be easy.  I’ll have to use my imagination.”

     “Thanks, but be careful.  She’s in a bad mood.  I think it’s her PMS.”

     “How do you know she has her period?”

     “I don’t have to be a detective to know when she has her period, dad. Take a look in the bathroom.  There are bloody tampons in there again.”

     “Yuk, that’s just one disadvantage of living with a woman, son.  But there are many others.  Hair curlers, wet panties hanging on the shower curtain, whining, demanding, complaining, always asking for your money, I can go on and on.  It’s not a happy story.  But I just had to get used to it.”

     “Doesn’t mom do anything good?  Doesn’t she have any good qualities?”

     “Yeah, she’s a good cook.  Everyone knows that. That’s why she’s so fat.  Her desserts are great.  The only problem is she eats everything she cooks.”

     Bob went back to the kitchen.  His mother was sitting at the table eating chocolate.  He put his hand on her neck.  Suddenly he was in his mother’s body!  His real body was like a statue with a spaced out expression.

     “This is cool,” Bob said.  He ate some chocolate.  He could taste it!  He looked down at his mother’s breasts.  “Wow!  Gross!” said Bob.

                                                       Page 30

“But what happened to my mother?” Bob asked himself.  “We didn’t change bodies.  She must still be in her body.  I wonder if she knows I’m in here?”  Bob turned around, touched his body on the neck, and went back into his body.  Then he looked at his mother.  She was still drinking her coffee.  She had no idea he had just been in her body.  Bob sat down and crossed his legs.  His mother glanced at her watch.  She looked upset and burned out. 

     “I’m late,” she said.  “Do you know where the aspirin bottle is?  I feel like shit and I have a big meeting this morning at the advertising agency.”

     “Yeah, it’s on the counter next to the toaster,” said Bob.

     “I have to come up with an ad for that deodorant company.  If I don’t do  a good job, I’ll be in a lot of trouble.  I have too much stress.  You better get a good grade on your test.  Make sure your lazy father isn’t late.”

     Bob’s mother left the house.  Bob finished his breakfast alone.

     “Why should I go to school today?” thought Bob.  “I can go into my father’s body instead.  I can take his car to Tainan and go drag racng!”  Bob went back to his parents’ bedroom.  His father was getting dressed.  He reached out and touched his father on the neck.  Instantly, he was in his father’s body again.  He decided to call in sick.  He found his father’s address book and called the office.  “Hi, I’m sick.  I’m not coming into work today.  It’s not serious.  I just need to take the day off.”  Bob hung up the phone.  Then he remembered his mother usually came home for lunch. 

                                                    Page 31

 “I can’t leave my body here,” thought Bob.  “My mother might find it.  What can I........I know!  I’ll take it with me!  I’ll put it in the trunk!”  Bob carried his body outside and dropped it in the trunk.  Then he got in the car and checked his father’s wallet.  He found a picture of his father’s girlfriend kissing his father. The woman’s address and telephone number were on the back.  Bob looked at his father’s favorite quote:

"Make your day an interesting day."

It was glued to the steering wheel so his father could see it every morning.  Bob smiled and started the engine.  It would definitely be an interesting day. 

     While Bob was driving to Tainan, another boy was about to discover he had a special power.  It was Owen.  Owen was sitting in the kitchen finishing his breakfast and helping his mother figure out her taxes.

     “I don’t know how you can figure out these tax forms, Owen.  They’re too complicated for me.  Maybe you should be an accountant in the future.”

     “They’re not that hard mom. We had to practice doing taxes in my economics course at school.  You just have to make sure it’s balanced.”

     “Thanks.  You’re so smart Owen.  By the way, where is your sister?”

     “She’s looking at her book catalog again.  She’s still angry because you won’t buy her any books on meteorology.  Ever since she saw Twister, that’s all she thinks about.  She’s obsessed.  She won’t even talk to me anymore.”

     “I know.  I know.  She has seen that video tape 100 times.  She ‘s crazy.”

     “Mom can I have some money to buy Starcraft 3?  It’s a new version.”

                                                     Page 32

     “I don’t think so. Those computer games are a bad influence on you.  There’s too much graphic violence.  You should study calligraphy instead.”

     “Please mom?  I can get it at the computer discount store.  It’s on sale. It’s only 1100NT.  Please!  All my friends have it.  Please say yes.  Please?”

     “OK, don’t be such a crybaby. Here’s 5,000NT. Buy anything you want.”

     “Thanks Mom!  I can always count on you.  “I’ll see you tonight.  Bye.”

     Owen left the house.  He always walked to school.  It was pretty far but his mother wanted him to walk because she thought he needed to exercise.  Owen didn’t complain.  He liked walking to school.  Walking to school every day gave him a chance to go to 7-11 and see the 7-11 clerk.  The clerk was his dream woman.  She was perfect.  Her body was incredible.  It was fantastic!  It was amazing.  Owen thought about the 7-11 clerk.  He wasn’t late for school, but he started running.  It was 7-11 time!

     When Owen got to the 7-11 he was out of breath.  He paused for a few minutes because he didn’t want the clerk to think he was a wild animal.  Then he looked at his reflection in the door, took a deep breath, and went in.

     “Welcome,” said the clerk.  Owen smiled.  Her lips were big and red.  She used dark red lipstick.  Her eyes looked intelligent.  Her nose made her look young and innocent.  But Owen liked her smile the best.  She had an evil smile.  It made her look like she would say yes to any question, and do anything he asked her to do.  But he didn’t have the guts to ask her.  Not yet.

                                                     Page 33

     “Hello, how are you?” asked Owen.  “Are you having a busy morning?”

     “No, it’s been kind of slow.  That’s why I like the morning shift.  It’s only busy for a half an hour and then I can relax and read a book.”

     “I like to read too.  What are you reading now?” asked Owen.

     “It’s a romance novel.  But it’s kind of disappointing.  It’s not as good as I thought it would be.  I like reading about love.  Love isn’t easy to find.” “But you’re beautiful,” said Owen.  “It should be easy for you to find it.”

     “Thanks for the compliment but you’re blind.  I’m not that beautiful.  I’m just average.  But don’t think I’m just some stupid woman looking for love.  I’m not conservative.  I’m looking for the sky.”

     “What do you mean?”

     “A lot of Taiwanese men think love means marriage. They want to own a woman.  But I’m not a piece of land.  A man can’t walk on me.  I’m more like the sky.  I want love when I want it, and where I want it.  I don’t want to marry.  I want to experience life.  I believe in equal rights.  Women can do anything they want to do. We don’t need men. Marriage is like being in jail.”

     “You’re pretty cool.  Do you have a boyfriend?”  asked Owen.

     “Not now, but I’m looking.  I want a temporary boyfriend.  I want someone younger than me.  I want someone I can teach.  I want someone who’s innocent.  I want someone who’s willing to learn.  I want a virgin.”

     “I’m a virgin,” said Owen. “And I’m a good student too.  I like to learn.”

                                                   Page 34

     “Hmm....You are pretty handsome,” said the clerk.  “My name’s Ginger.  It’s nice to meet you.  Let’s shake hands.”  Owen shook Ginger’s hand.  Suddenly Ginger made a strange sound.  Then she screamed.  But the scream didn’t last long.  She put her hands over her heart and fell to the floor.  Owen looked around.  He was the only one in the 7-11.  He went behind the counter and felt Ginger’s pulse.  For a second, she opened her eyes and looked at him.  But then she closed them again.  She didn’t have a pulse!  She wasn’t breathing!  Owen tried to give her mouth to mouth resuscitation but it didn’t work.  Kissing the clerk was his biggest fantasy, but not when she was dead!  He didn’t want to kiss a corpse.  Owen ran outside to get some help, but there wasn’t anyone outside the 7-11.  He saw a pay phone and called for an ambulance.  Then he went back inside and opened the cash register.  There was a lot of money in it.  He could just take the money and leave.  No one would know.