For those of you who haven't visited my website before, this just isn't a place to tell people who I am, but it's also to talk about the Lord. Now I'm sure that some of you are now saying, "Oh no, not one of those webpages!!!" Well I'm here to assure you that it isn't. If anything this website is a very positive and uplifting one for all people, Christian, gay and/or straight.

Oh, who am I??? Well I was born on July 13, 1961 (which of course would now make me 45 years old) in, of all places, San Francisco, California. I continued to live in San Francisco with my mother after my parents divorced. When I was four years old I moved with my mom and step-father to Alameda and lived right across from the Alameda naval station (where the "nuclear wessels are"). This made my life very interesting whenever "Fleet Week" took place as I found myself quite easily scared by the loud noises made by The Blue Angels naval flying squad. It was while living there that my sister was born, and then when I was five we all packed up and moved to Sunnyvale. There was nothing extremely eventful that happened in my life then that probably hasn't happened to any other average five year old. I attended kindergarten, played with my friends, who oddly enough were mostly girls (go figure), and even watched Star Trek while it was on its network run. (Okay, that probably seems irrelevant, but considering that I'm still a huge Star Trek fan (and general science fiction fan) I thought it might be worth mentioning!!! *grin*) Then after living in Santiago, Chile for a short period of time (my mother's parents lived there) we returned to California and lived in Fremont. From there we moved to Livermore and that would be the place I was destined to call home for many years to come.

Click here to enter...

It was while living in Livermore that I began to notice something rather interesting about me. While I enjoyed having girls as platonic friends, I found myself really liking other boys. I kept wanting to spend lengthy time with them. Because I had no idea what the word "homosexual" meant I didn't understand fully what I was feeling at the time. All I knew was that I wanted to spend almost all of my time with other boys. I also didn't like the same things that "average" boys in my school liked. I wasn't at all into sports. I was into music (and still am), and I loved to get together with girls and dance with them. I remember one school day after the Christmas break where for show-and-tell I showed off (This is going to seriously date me!!!) the latest album (at that time) by the Osmond Brothers (the album "Phase III"). Needless to say while the other guys in my class couldn't care less, I was the envy of almost every girl there!!!

When I started attending junior high I began to notice that I really was different. It was there that I had my first serious crush, and of course, it was with another boy in my PE class, and I won't even mention his name just in case he's reading this!!! *wink* Anyway, I knew that I couldn't romance him because at this point in my life I honestly believed that it was wrong to be gay, yet at the same time I couldn't deny that I had very strong feelings for him, so I did my best to become his best friend, and to some degree I even succeeded. Of course this didn't really help me because the friendship wasn't providing what I really wanted, and that was love from him. I also remember how insanely jealous I became after he started dating a girl who played flute in the band we both played in ("he" played trumpet while I played clarinet). Their dating relationship didn't last long, but it was at that point that I knew that I wasn't about to get the "friendship" that I so desperately wanted.

I'm an avid baseball fan. Here I am after a baseball game at Bank One Ballpark!!!

If my time in junior high was going to be difficult then high school was to be an absolute nightmare. I knew that I had gay feelings, but I was scared to admit it. Now you may think that because I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area that I might find some level acceptance, but that wasn't the case. I attended high school from 1977 to 1980, and it was during that time that Anita Bryant had begun her witch hunt against gays. Also Livermore was sort of a red-neck town at the time, so you can imagine what might have happened to me if I had chosen to accept myself and come out at that time. The consequences might have been very bad for me. Added to this was a really bad crush I had developed on my best friend who was one grade behind me. I had so many dreams and fantasies about dating him, but I knew that it just wasn't meant to be. All in all this made for what was probably one of the most difficult and emotionally painful times in my life.

I've come along way since that time. I had discovered religion, moved from California to Arizona, came out of the closet, finally discovered Jesus, and even got married! (Well, okay. It wasn't legally a wedding, but as far as Keith and I are concerned it was!!!)

Well that's my life in a nutshell. So why do I have this website here??? It was put together (in conjunction with my husband, Keith) to share with people that, as far as God is concerned, it's okay to be gay. I'm sure that I could bore you with a ton of scriptural passages and details here as to how I know this, but for now I won't. All I will tell you is that after much prayer, much study, and even more prayer, I'm currently enjoying an even closer relationship with God than I've ever known. I'm also delighted in knowing that God led us both (me and Keith) to each other, as I know Keith will also testify.

It is for this reason that I can't emphasize enough how important it is for gay Christians to come out of the closet, not as gays, but as Christians!!! So many of our gay brothers and sisters have been alienated by many fundamentalist Christian religions so that they believe that either God hates them, or they have completely turned their back on God. This supposed hatred that comes from God is completely false. I have had a plethora of experiences in the last four years which have only convinced me that God never hated my "lifestyle," rather He hated the fact that I was lying by pretending to be something that I'm not. Now that I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm now able to be completely honest with God, and this has allowed me to truly enjoy the all-encompassing and unconditional love that God has to offer. There will be people who will try to say that God doesn't love gays at all, and these same people will do there darndest to actually use the Bible to try to justify their point of view. I'm not here to bash them. Many of these people are simply slaves to a truly bad lie (that being gay is a sin) and that alone does not make them bad people. It simply means that they are in error. We are told that we are unloved, we are told that we are cast out because of who we are. This is not so. God is a saving, forgiving, restoring God who loves "those people," even when others say that they are not loved by God. "As he says in Hosea: "I will call them 'my people' who are not my people; and I will call [them] 'my loved one' who is not my loved one," and, "It will happen that in the very place where it was said to them, 'You are not my people,' they will be called 'sons [and daughters] of the living God.'" (Romans: 9:25-26 NIV)

Let us rejoice in who we are as a people (for God made us as we are), let us rejoice in the love that God has for us, and let us rejoice that we have eternal life through Christ because of the love that God has for us!!!

There will be many more things coming by way of this website as time goes on. I also have placed here on my website my "coming out" story (which pretty much details how I came to be the person that I am today), I've also have a guestbook here with the hopes that you, as a visitor to my page, will sign it. Just navigate back to my "Greeting" page and you'll be able to sign it there. You may also sign it "privately" if you wish for nobody else to read your entry. So, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and sign it. I need the guestbook entries!!! *grin*

What's that you say??? Where are pictures of Keith??? Well all you need to do is click on my "coming out" link above to see a picture of me and my husband!!! (Is there anybody out there ready to barf yet???) You can also see a good picture of us by clicking on the thumbnail picture of me (and a lousy one at that) below.

By clicking on the thumbnail picture of me above, not only will you be able to see a full-sized version (which was taken from the cable access show that I work on), but you'll see other pictures as well.

Among some of the interests that Keith and I have in common are:

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Opera/Music

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Star Trek/Babylon 5/Science Fiction

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Baseball (I just LOVE the AZ Diamondbacks!!!)

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Rock Music (Yes, Genesis, Kansas, Pink Floyd, Queen)

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All things Disney!!!

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Faith/Spirituality

I've also recently added a "links" page to list all of the websites Keith and I recommend.

If you wish to correspond with either (or both for that matter) of us, you can write to me at BRagunton@aol.com, or you can write to my husband Keith at KLane1GC@aol.com.

Keith and I hope to hear from you soon!!!

God Bless...

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© 1997 Ben Ragunton