BEETHOVEN WAS BLACK

BEETHOVEN WAS BLACK...(a novel) by Mark Hayes.

Harry Browne, white professor, teaches at Freedman State College....I wish I had the balls to write something about my adventures at Freedman State, but I'd lose my job if I told the truth about how crazy this place really is....Maybe one day, I will, but who would believe that blacks can be racists?

Multiculturalism. Affirmative action. Racial quotas. Political correctness. America in the 1990s. If you're a straight, white man in the U.S. today, you are the enemy, the target of all the self-proclaimed victims' groups, as they whine and complain about their rights.

The Pentagon issues a personnel memo outlining promotion criteria. No white males will be promoted above GS-15, UNLESS THEY ARE HANDICAPPED! Only Asians, blacks, the disabled, gays, and women will be considered for a promotion. White guys can forget it.

Urban police and fire departments race-norm their tests for hiring and promotion. This practice involves adjusting test scores so that minorities can have their low test scores "improved" to equal or better scores of white applicants.

In the midst of this affirmative action anarchy, Harry Browne, a middle-aged Irishman, lands a teaching job at an historically black college (HCBU). This is his story, and here are a few of the players Harry encounters as he surfs on the new wave of color sweeping across America:

DR. WASHINGTON LINEN: President of Freedman State College. A tireless promoter of black interests (especially his own). Linen's got a scheme for filling classroom seats and dorm rooms with student bodies, based on students' POTENTIAL. One part snake-oil, one part CEO, and 100 percent self-aggrandizer, Linen never met an airplane he didn't want to buy.

DEAN ACRECIOUS GREENVILLE: Academic Dean at Freedman State. An African-American with a theory. Education in the U.S. is a white plot designed to keep blacks from getting their piece of the pie. How? By using standardized tests against them. Why do Asians and Hispanics do well on these same tests? Don't ask. The college faculty call him EGREGIOUS.

DR. COLOSSUS WADI: Professor of Victimology and powerful chairman of Freedman State's faculty Promotion and Tenure Committee. He thinks THE ATLANTIC magazine is a journal about oceanography, and THE NEW YORKER is a catalogue selling Chrysler cars and products.

PROFESSOR DAVE STANLEY: A black faculty member who doesn't want his own children to study Swahili. He insists the kids speak Standard English. Is he a race traitor?

Freedman State College hands out academic scholarships for scoring 800 on the SAT. This college is like a fine restaurant. People love the food, but they should never see what goes on in the kitchen, or behind the "hallowed ivy walls" at Freedman State College.

ROLL OVER, BEETHOVEN, TELL TCHAIKOVSKY THE NEWS.....

BEETHOVEN WAS BLACK & BROWNE IS WHITE
(a novel) by Mark Hayes, 230 pages, paper @ $8.00 postpaid. Send check or money order to: Mt. Holly Press, P.O. BOX 4, Worton, MD 21678.