Lessons in Life

~The Most Important Words~

The six most important words:

"I admit that I was wrong,"

" The five most important words:

"You did a Great Job."

The four most important words:

"What do you think?"

The three most important words:

"Could you please. . . "

The two most important words:

. "Thank You."

The Most important word:

"We."

The least important word:

" I."

¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-

<((((How The End Of The World Would Be Reported (((()

When the end of the world arrives, how will the media report it?

USA Today:

WE'RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal:

DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Inquirer:

O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN

Playboy:

GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE

Microsoft Systems Journal:

APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Victoria Secret Catalog:

OUR FINAL SALE

Sports Illustrated:

GAME OVER

Wired:

THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone:

THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest:

'BYE

Discover Magazine:

HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT

AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

TV Guide:

DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!

Lady's Home Journal:

LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!

America Online:

SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-

Would •you •like •to •join?

The Yoko Club? Ü"“•„•""Ü Oh no.

The Ford-Nixon clubÜ"“•„•""ÜPardon me?

The Alzheimer's club?Ü"“•„•""ÜForget it. The compulsive rhymers club?Ü"“•„•""ÜOkey-dokey

The anti-perspirant club?Ü"“•„•""ÜSure.

The Procrastinator's Club?Ü"“•„•""ÜMaybe next week

The Self Esteem Builders?Ü"“•„•""ÜThey wouldn't accept me anyway

The Co-Dependence Club?Ü"“•„•""ÜCan I bring a friend?

¯`¤·-­

¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-­.¸¸¯`¤·-­.¸¸.´¯`¤·-

A man is driving up a steep, narrow, mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and shrieks, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and angrily yells back "witch!"

They each continue on their way. As the man rounds the next corner he runs smack into a pig in the middle of the road and totals his car.

Oh goodness..............LOL serves him right!

|„|„|„| ·, '·‚ ,·' ,·

‚ˆ' '˜‚ .-·ˆ¨ˆ¨' ' 'ˆ¨ˆ¨·-. Watch your thoughts,. . they become words

‚ˆ' '˜‚ ¸ ,¸¸.-ˆ¨ ,-~ ~-, ˆ¨-. ¸¸, ¸

‚ˆ' '˜‚ ¸'²  ˆ¨² | @ | | @ | ²¨ˆ '²¸ Watch your words, .they become actions

‚ˆ' '˜‚ ².¸ ˆ-¸¸-ˆ ˆ-¸¸-ˆ ¸.²

‚ˆ' '˜‚ ¯ ²·,­ ˆ˜¨'ˆ ·-.·ˆˆˆ·.-·ˆ¨˜ˆ -‚·² ¯ Watch your actions,. . they become habits

‚ˆ' '˜‚ ­ˆ `','´ ˆ-

‚ˆ' '˜ ‚ '‚ ' ‚' Watch your habits,. .they become charachter

‚ˆ' '˜, '·, ' - ._.¸.¸._.-' ,·' ¸ ˜'¸'˜˜`¸

‚ˆ' '˜ ‚ ˆ'ˆ'–...._.._....–'ˆ'ˆ ˜'¸'˜ ˜'¸'˜ Watch your charachter, it becomes

‚ˆ' '˜ '˜ '˜ ˜‘ '˜ '˜ '˜ -.˜¸'˜ Your Destiny~

‚ˆ'‚ˆ' ‚ˆ' ‚ '˜‚

‚'˜ ,'˜ ˜'‚ '˜‚ '˜‚ Till next time,.. . . . .

‚'˜ ‚ '˜ ˜' ‚ '˜‚ '˜‚

‚'˜ ‚'˜ ˜'‚ '˜‚ '˜‚ K Ë Ë P ŠM I L I Ñ G

‚ˆ'‚ˆ' ‚ˆ' ‚ '˜‚

¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤(¯`··´¯) Å G탆 Õƒ (¯`··´¯) ¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤

` ·. ·´ HéÁr†§ `· . ·´

(¯`··´¯) (¯`··´¯)

(\/) `· . ·´ `· . ·´ KËËP WHņ IS WÖR†H KËËPING--

(¯`··´¯) <3

(¯`··´¯) `· . ·´ (\/) ÅND "WI†H" †HË BRËA†H ÖF KINDNËSS

`· . ·´ ¨ (¯`··´¯)

(¯`··´¯) <3 `· . ·´ ß LÖW †HË RËŠ† ÅWÅÝ

<3 (¯`··´¯) `· . ·´ ¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤

`· . ·´ <3 (¯`··´¯)

(¯`··´¯) `· . ·´ (¯`··´¯)

(¯`··´¯) `· . ·´ (¯`··´¯) <3 `· . ·´

`· . ·´ <3 `· . ·´

(\/)

¨

¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤ <3 (¯`··´¯) <3 ¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤

`· . ·´

¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤ŠÖmˆhÏÑG †Ö †hÏÑk AßÖÛ†¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤

To handle yourself, use your head;

To handle others, use your heart.

(¯`··´¯)

`· . ·´

Anger is only one letter short of danger.

If someone betrays you once, it's his fault;

If he betrays you twice, it's your fault.

¤·*·-.,.·*-·¤·¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤·

Great minds discuss ideas;

Average minds discuss events;

(¯`··´¯)

· . ·´ Small minds discuss people.

God gives every bird it's food,

But he does not throw it into it's nest.

¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤·¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤·

He who loses money, loses much;

He who loses a friend, loses more;

(¯`··´¯)

`· . ·´

He who loses faith, loses all.

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature,

But beautiful old people are works of art.

(¯`··´¯)

`· . ·´

Learn from the mistakes of others.

You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤·¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤·

The tongue weighs practically nothing,

But so few people can hold it.

<3 HéÁr†§

<3 (¯`··´¯)

`· . ·´ <3 (¯`··´¯) (¯`··´¯)

` ·. ·´ `· . ·´

HéÁr†§ HéÁr†§

<3 (¯`··´¯)

`· . ·´

This is a record of your time. This is your "MOVIE". Live out

( ¯`·.,¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.-> your dreams <-.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯ )

and fantasies.

Whisper questions to the Sphinx at night.

Sit for hours at sidewalk cafes and drink with your heroes.

Make pilgrimages to Mougins and Abiquiu.

¤*·-.,.-·*·¤ <3 Look up and down. <3 ¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤

·Beleive in the unknown for it is there.

Live in many places. Live with flowers and music

and books and paintings and sculpture.

Keep a record of your time. Learn to read well.

Know your country, know your world, know your history, know .,.- yourself.<3 ¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤

Take care of yourself physically, and mentally. You owe it

to yourself.

Be good to those around you. And do all of these things

with Passion.

Give all that you can.

Remember

( ¯`·.,¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.-> LIFE IS SHORT

AND

DEATH IS LONG..<-.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯ )

<3 HéÁr†§ (¯`··´¯)

(¯`··´¯) `· . ·´ (¯`··´¯)

(¯`··´¯) `· . ·´ (¯`··´¯) <3 `· . ·´

`· . ·´ <3 `· . ·´

(¯`··´¯)

`· . ·´ HéÁr†§ <3 HéÁr†§ <3 HéÁr†§ <

HéÁr†§<3 HéÁr†§ <3 HéÁr†§

(¯`··´¯)

`· . ·´

¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤·¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤·¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤·¤·*·-.,.-·*·¤·

Recipe for an

"anti-depression kit"

In a sandwich bag, include the following:

An Eraser, so you can make all your mistakes disappear.

A Penny so you will never have to say "I am broke".

A marble in case someone says "you've lost all your marbles".

A rubberband to stretch youself beyond your limits.

A String to tie things together when everything falls apart.

A Hug and A kiss (hersheys candies) to remind you that someone cares!

-Ö.,¸¸,.-Ö····-.,¸¸Ö,.-····-.,,Ö,¸¸,.-Ö····-.,¸¸Ö,.-····-.,,Ö

Just a cheap thrill for Ma.......

An elderly couple sat in the kitchen when the old gas stove blew up and sent them sailing out of the house, landing into a haystack.

"You okay, Paw?" the wife asked.

"Yep. Lucky, I guess. You okay, Ma?"

"Yesiree! I kinda enjoyed that. Seems like it's the first time we been out

together in years."

``__D``___D``__D ``__D``___D``__D

A female dwarf goes to the doctor, saying you've got to help

me doc, i've got a really itchy fanny....have tried

everything! he says... alright jump up on the examining

table. she says, you'll have to help me, so he lifts her on

to the table. then she has to throw her frock up....the doc

fiddles about for ten minutes...he helps her down and she

goes ...oh....oh... that feels fabulous, i can't thank you

enough, what did you do? ....oh....i just cut 3 inches offf

your ugg boots!!!!

-Ö.,¸¸,.-Ö····-.,¸¸Ö,.-····-.,,Ö,¸¸,.-Ö····-.,¸¸Ö,.-····-.,,Ö

What If Food Was Dirty And Sex Was Clean?

When you think of it, there are only two things you need to make

people. You got to have sex. You got to have food. That's it.

You don't need clothing, shelter, or TV. Okay, maybe TV, but

otherwise, it's sex and food. But for some reason, sex is dirty.

Maybe God was a Republican. Somebody said, "All right, you want to

propagate, go ahead, but only late at night, with all the doors

closed, man on top, once a week, that's it." But not only can you eat

the charred decaying flesh of other major mammals, you can do it in

broad daylight and invite all your friends to watch: "Hey, Chuck, why

don't you come over on Sunday? We're going to kill a pig, cut him up,

burn him, and eat him. Bring the kids, have a hell of a time."

What if they had been switched around? What if, through a simple

twist of fate, sex was clean but food was dirty? Our entire culture

would change. Food would become a four-letter word.

-When people got angry at you, they'd yell out "Oh yeah? Well, food

you. Suck cheese you Popsicle slurper."

-Punks in passing cars would flip you the fork.

-Flashers would have pizzas strapped to their chests. "Ohmigod. It's a

pepperoni."

-Locker room talk would change. "Hey, man, how'd you do this

weekend?" "Two burgers and a bag of fries. Crinkle cut."

-Garlic would be illegal in most Southern states.

-Supermarkets would check I.D.'s and charge admission to the poultry

section.

-Frederick's of Hollywood would feature peekaboo napkins and

day-of-the-week paper plates.

-Foreplay would be listed as a menu selection.

-Vice squads would conduct raids on backyard barbecues. "All right,

put down your meat. Just back away from the buns,mister."

-Vegetarians would be prohibited from becoming teachers and a lot of

them would move to the Bay Area.

-Most suburban school districts would ban home ec.

-Hookers would become cooks. You'd be accosted on street corners by

plump ladies in Day-Glo aprons. "Hey, big boy, looking for a hot

meal? Wanna crack some crab?"

-Fudamental Christians would make meat and potatoes a religious tenet.

-Many sexual positions would be found to be carcinogenic.

-Parents would tell their children not to play with their food or

they'll go blind.

-Kids would remember the first time their mother caught them

marinating.

-Ö.,¸¸,.-Ö····-.,¸¸Ö,.-····-.,,Ö,¸¸,.-Ö····-.,¸¸Ö,.-····-.,,Ö

Reflection.

-····-,-····-.,.-····-

Life is what you make of it

There are no rules~

If you live honestly, you learn about life

When you hide from yourself, the world escapes in the

shadows, for then you see only the parts

that agree with you

Life is not difficult when you live in truth.

For most of your difficulties are

disputes with what is-····-,-····-.,.-····-

Don't take the world so personally.

It merely reflects you *¸·¤*º

() .* ~* It's not out to "Get" you.

.* . . * . ||||||||! Do your BEST, but be your own judge.

.* ~ * * * |||||||! When you try to hard, you miss life····-,-····-.,.-····-

.* * ~ * . \|||||! Follow your love, not your doubt

.* ~ . * . `\|||! In your life it is always time to flourish *¸·¤*º

.* . ~ * ~ * . :~~:

.* ~ * ~ * . .::::::.

~~* ~~* ~~* ~~* ~~* ~~* .::::::::::.

Don't ever stop dreaming your dreams...they're a very essential part of you.

Do whatever you can to make them a reality by the course you take...

The plans you make...and all the things you do.

Don't dwell on past mistakes...leave yesterday behind you...

Along with any of its problems, worries and doubts.

Do realize you can't change the past, but just ahead is the future...

And you can do something about that.

Don't try to accomplish everything at once...life can be difficult enough...

Without adding frustration to the list.

Do travel one step at a time...and reach for one goal at a time.

That's the way to find out what real accomplishment is.

Don't be afraid to do the impossible...even if others don't think you'll succeed.

Do remember that history is filled with incredible accomplishments...

Of those who were foolish enough to...believe.

Don't forget that there are so many things that are wonderful...

Rare and unique about you.

And...

Do remember that if you can search within and find a smile...

That smile will always be a reflection of the way people feel....

about you!

HOW TO HANDLE STRESS

Drive to work in reverse

Dance naked in front of yours pets

Use you Mastercard to pay your Visa bill

Make a list of things you have already done

Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on

Find out what a frog in the blender really looks like

Bill your doctor for the time you spent in his waiting room

Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out

Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages

When someone says "Have a nice Day!" tell them you have other plans

Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it gets back to you

Go Shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in them. Return them the next day

Thumb thru National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives

Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send her off to the

preschool as if nothing is wrong

Get a box of condoms- wait in line at the checkout counter and ask a

cashier where fitting rooms are

Lesson's in life for the cynic

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a

replacement.

> Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

> One good turn gets most of the blankets.

> There are two kinds of pedestrians--the quick and the dead.

> An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

> If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool

who said "Quit while you're ahead"?

> A closed mouth gathers no feet.

> Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

> It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

> Jury - Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

> Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

> The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

> Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

> Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.

After marriage,

the 'Y' becomes silent.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every

word you say, talk in your sleep.

Definition of Atheism: a non-prophet organization.

THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM A DOG...

o Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

o Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face

to be pure ecstasy.

o When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

o When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

o Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

o Take naps and stretch before rising.

o Run, romp and play daily.

o Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

o Be loyal.

o Never pretend to be something you're not.

o If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

o When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by

and nuzzle them gently.

o Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

o Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

o On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.

o When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

o No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt

thing and pout...run right back and make friends.

o Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Links to other lessons in life

www.lollie.com