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The Donkoscope www.donkoscope.org

A Plastic Pope for the Bagel Generation

So, where did you really want to go today? After all, there are probably many more important things you really could, or should, be doing. There aren't?! Oh dear...

This is The Donkoscope. The last tin bus on the dust road out of Nowheresville. Three bars and no emergency exits, non-stop 'til morning. Many sites will offer you various insights into their owner's sad little worlds, and thankfully a few links out of them, but I prefer some good wholesome rants and groundless opinionography, washed down with copious references to guns, drugs and fast cars. Have a good look around... you might just find some bits that worry sheep. Don't expect an obvious structure; surely you don't expect me to read it for you too?

The multiple award winning Donkoscope just loves to keep up to date, so you can bet there'll be a constant supply of stuff to titillate your brain-moose with. Watch this space or be very, very, sorry.

The rants will appear and disappear as they see fit, and may or may not reflect thoughts that I've had or thoughts I'm thinking about having. They may even be a gratuitous wind-up. Naturally (although rather boringly) they do not necessarily represent the views of AOL (or the Time Warner Poodle), who are kind enough to put up with me. But who knows? America Off Line? Hmmmmm......

Best wishes to you all,

PS: If you're just back from Bristol with a sticky wicket, you need Donkoscope2. 'Ave it!

The Truth About The Donkoscope

As we all know, a Shuftyscope is a device used for having a shufty with. For the benefit of our American "cousins" this is the same as having a gander, butchers, or taking a peek. I hope you're all clear on that. Hence, in medical terminology we have the Endoscope, a rather advanced shuftyscope but a shuftyscope none the less.

D~ o~ n~ k~ o~ s~ c~ o~ p~ e~^{...............}

No less worthy of mention is of course the hitherto less well known Donkoscope.

This ingenious device which has been many years in development, is of course for taking a look at donkeys. Which the Americans refer to as "asses." And they are welcome to, because they are beyond help. The donkey however, is a far superior beast which gets invited to a better class of A-list media love-in altogether. Have we not all seen them standing in line outside the finest of London's night spots, engaging the glitterati with their witty banter? Oh, maybe it's just me then.

So why is the Donkoscope here then, in this dark corner of the web? Well, firstly because it likes it here, but also because it secretly knows there's work to be done, and it needs something of a foothold. Oh, and it's got to wait in for the Gas Man.

Are you waiting for the gas, man? Do you know where your meter is? Is it still where you left it? How do you know it's still there? You won't know unless you look... it won't decide UNTIL you look...

And another thing. For the Bunny-huggers amongst you, I've made one (just the one) important concession. The Donkoscope used here is free-range. As such it needs to be given room to exercise it's little legs, or it becomes irritable and difficult to live with. So go on, treat yourself: maximise that window!

"Maximise or Die"

- Bill Gates, Seattle, 1991

You heard the man. And while we're on the subject:

You know it makes sense.

Inside The Donkoscope... a bluffers guide to life

The Rant Page

Yeah, yeah, I know what a Donkoscope Is...

Oi! Davis! Stop that!

Plasm: Just the way it is...

The Word of Bod

Where you should really be...

So you think you've got something to add?

Donkoscope2 ...Where the Paparrazi go to play.

Dark Mutterings overheard in Bury...

The Mohammed Al Fayed Page of Absolute Truth

The Truly Scary Seth J. Hackenchirt

The Arse Council Speak

And now a word or three from our sponsors:

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How wonderful are we? Not only do we think we're pretty good, but we keep on winning awards. Impressive huh? Whatever it is we do, it seems we're doing it real well. Just for you. Because you know it's true.