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Where did all that decking come from?
If you've been watching TV in the UK recently, you can't have failed to notice how things have changed. A couple of years ago it was all police and hospitals; dramas, documentaries, voyeuristic fly-on-the-wall children's ward docu-dramas, you name it. Now it seems to be gardens and interior design.
What is it with the schedulers at the moment? Run out of ideas fellas? Every day seems to be a never ending stream of "Changing Rooms," "The Garden Squad," "Dream Toilets," and "Spoil your Garden, Mr?" A succession of over-amphetamined dayglo presenters gush about design-kits, turf, stencils and water-features as if B&Q were about to shut up shop and move to Eastbourne. And to cap it all, every 10 minutes somebody has to use that word- the scourge of daytime TV- the "makeover." The very sound of it puts me on edge. Somehow the TV companies manage to dig up some sad, blighted souls desperate enough to put up with these unbelievably irritating teams of misfits invading their homes and gardens. And what do they receive in return? Five minutes of semi-fame, and a garden/ interior prepared to last just long enough for filming, but which will quite obviously fail to stand up to the first shower of rain/children. These ludicrous designs probably look just fine in a magazine, but for some reason best known to themselves, the "designers" brought in for these shows show scant regard for practicality.
I could lead off on almost any aspect of this type of program (turf seat, anyone?), but surely the worst offence must be Alan Titchmarsh's favourite: Decking.
Whose idea was that? Since when was it really popular with anyone in the real world? Answer: since the TV bosses decided it must be the Next Big Thing. Every week, these "garden makeovers" find any excuse to make a perfectly good garden disappear under a mass of wooden decking and gravel. If I wanted decking I'd buy a boat. No, Mr Titchmarsh, I want plants: remember them? They're green you know. The victims chosen each week seem to have no choice as their protests are ignored; the fenceposts get painted blue, the gravel goes down, out come the obligatory blue glazed pots (empty, of course) and, oh, I think we'll have some decking here. Another garden ruined, and we'll see you next week in Basingstoke!
Gardening is about plants Alan, not carpentry.