When Someone You Love Abuses Alcohol or Drugs:

A Guide for Kids

by James J. Crist, Ph.D., CSAC

Introduction:

Is there someone in your family who has a problem with drinking beer, wine, or alcohol?  Or does someone in your family use illegal drugs, such as marijuana?  Maybe it is your father or mother, your older sister or brother, a grandparent, aunt, or uncle?  

Do you worry about how that person behaves when drinking or using drugs?  Do you ever feel bad, sad, scared, or mad when they drink?  If your answer is yes, read on.

Millions of people have a problem with drinking or using drugs.  That means that many kids just like you have a parent or other family member with a drinking problem.  It is sad that the families of people who drink too much are also hurt.  Many children who grow up in families with a drinking or dug problem feel confused, hurt, scared, and angry.  You may want to do something to help an alcoholic, but the person who is drinking does not seem to want help.  You you try to talk to that person, even if it your dad or mom, he or she usually gets upset.  Then you feel even worse. 

People who cannot stop using alcohol are addicted to to alcohol.  They are called alcoholics.  people who cannot stop using drugs are called drug addicts, or just addicts.  They often need help to stop.   On this website, you will learn more about alcoholism and how you can deal with your feelings and begin to feel better, even if the alcoholic in your family does not stop drinking.  You'll also learn about two books I wrote to help kids and teens who are trying to cope with alcoholism and drug addiction in their families.

How can you tell if someone is an alcoholic or an addict?

It is not always easy to tell if someone is addicted to alcohol or other drugs.  Some people can drink alcohol without having any problems.  A glass of wine with dinner or a few beers at a cookout or at a party may not be a problem.  But for others, using alcohol can lead to problems.

An alcoholic keeps drinking alcohol even after it has caused problems, such as being arrested for driving after drinking (called a D.W.I. or a D.U.I.).  Other problems include arguing, yelling, crying, or even hitting after starting to drink.  Alcoholics drink more and more alcohol, often without knowing it.  Some people drink so much that they pass out, which means they fall into a deep sleep.  Or they have a blackout--they don't remember what they did while drinking.  

How does an alcoholic get help?

Sometimes, alcoholics realize on their own that they need to stop drinking.  But for many, they do not get help until something bad happens, such as being arrested for a DWI, losing a job because of drinking, or hurting family members.  A judge can order an alcoholic to get help.

Many alcoholics go to a counselor or therapist, who will talk to them about their problems and suggest ideas to help.  Sometimes, an alcoholic will need to go to a hospital or rehabilitation center for a few days or weeks to stop drinking.  Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) is a group for people who are alcoholics.  They get together for meetings to help each other to stop drinking.  Narcotics Anonymous (N.A.) is a similar group for people addicted to other drugs such as marijuana, heroin, or cocaine.

How can I help myself with feelings about alcoholism?

Talk about your feelings with someone you trust.  Many kids in alcoholic families think it is bad to talk about their family problems.  But talking about them helps, while keeping them inside just makes it worse.  

Exercise can be a great way to get rid of the frustration and anger you may feel.  Running, swimming, biking, basketball, and even hopscotch can all help.  Exercise can help you sleep better and keep your temper under better control.

Writing down how you feel can help.  You can write a letter to the alcoholic explaining how you feel, how you want things to change, and why.  It is best to share it with someone else before giving it to the person, because it may not be a good time to send the letter.  Even if you never send it, writing it can get the feelings out.

For more information:

I have written a new book for kids, When Someone You Love Abuses Alcohol or Drugs.   The information above was taken from the book.  In easy-to-understand language, this book explains:

* What alcoholism and addiction are

* How it feels to live in a family with an alcoholic

* How an alcoholic gets treatment

* How to cope with the fear, anger, hurt, and confusion of having an alcoholic parent

By answering the questions kids most often ask, this book will give you a lot of ideas on how to handle these problems.  You will also understand why you are not the cause for your parent's drinking.  The book also has a chapter for your parents to give them ideas on how they can help you feel better.  

You can order this book directly from SelfHelpBooks.com.  It sells for $12.95, though it's currently on sale for $11.00.  It is available as a printed book or a book-on-demand, which you can download immediately.  You can also call directly at 866-772-6657.   It is also available through Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.  

My earlier booklet, Alcoholics and Families, is still available directly from me for $5.00 plus $1.00 for postage.  My new book is an expansion of material from the earlier booklet.  If you are interested in this booklet, send a check for $6.00 to James J. Crist, Ph.D., 13649 Office Place, Ste. 102, Woodbridge, VA  22192.  If you order in bulk (10 or more), I will discount the price.  Email me for more information.  

Helpful web sites for more information:

Check out the web sites below:

Just for Kids                    Kit for Kids                   Children of Alcoholics Foundation          The Cool Spot

The National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information     D.A.R.E.      Freevibe.com

About Dr. Crist:

I am a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and a Certified Substance Abuse Counselor.   I am a graduate of Williams College and of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.  I am the clinical director of the Child and Family Counseling Center in Woodbridge, Virginia.  I help children, adults, couples, and families by teaching them how to handle their problems.  

If you have questions or comments, please feel free to contact me.  I have also written a book for teenagers who have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.  If you are interested in this topic, use this link to find my web page: ADHD--A Teenager's Guide.   My third book will be available in January, 2004 from Free Spirit Publishing: What To Do When You're Scared & Worried: A Guide for Kids.

Contacting Dr. Crist

If you have questions or comments about my webpage or my book, you can reach me at DrCrist@aol.com.  

Site created. 2-12-2000.  Updated 11-01-03.

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