NX: The Quest

The Quest

Northern Exposure
Episode 6.14
Original CBS Air Date: 2/8/95

Written by: Andrew Schneider and Diane Frolov
Directed by: Michael Vittes

Guest Stars:

Phil: Paul Provenza
Michelle: Teri Polo
Bernard: Richard Cummings, Jr.
Dyo: Seth Sakai
Adam: Adam Arkin

Notes: Transcribed by Chas, with the aid of closed-captioning, from the A&E channel's airing of The Quest.

Page created 7/23/98.

**************************************************

[Scene: Maggie's bedroom. She is sleeping. Someone is knocking at her door.]

JOEL (offscreen): O'Connell! O'Connell!

(Maggie awakes)

JOEL: Hey!

(knocking continues)

JOEL: O'Connell!

MAGGIE: (opens door) Fleischman...

JOEL (winded): Here's the thing, O'Connell. I need a favor. (sets down bag) I need a lift...to the Aleutians...Bogoslof Island.

MAGGIE: Bogoslof Island? Fleischman, there's nothing out there.

JOEL: Oh yeah there is, O'Connell. There's this. C'mere...found the remains of an encampment from an expedition by a guy named LaPerouse, uh...this was there, preserved in the ice. (sniffles)

MAGGIE: La who?

JOEL: French explorer, 1785. Now, it's in Latin, probably written by his priest - cause I had, uh, two years of pre-med Latin, and it's a map. _This_ shows the location of Keewa Ani - I'm gonna find it.

MAGGIE: Keewa Ani is a myth, like Atlantis, the Fountain of Youth. It doesn't exist.

JOEL: This priest thought so. He saw it! Look at this, look at this: "Turres Nitentes Smaragdanae." The shimmering Emerald Towers. Why doncha come with me? Whaddaya say?

**************************************************

[Scene: Phil's office. Phil is examining Chris' ear.]

PHIL: Cotton swabs. They sure keep those ENT boys in business. Didn't your mother ever tell you never to put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear, Chris?

CHRIS: Huh, that's funny, "elbow in your ear." You got a good sense of humor.

PHIL: Just an old saw, Chris. You've impacted some earwax against the eardrum; I'll just take a second and clean it out.

CHRIS: Okay, go for it. (pause) You're a welcome change around here, Phil.

PHIL: Oh?

CHRIS: Yeah. Joel? Cold, man. Assembly line medicine - get 'em in, get 'em out. But you got a good, um, whaddaya call it,"bedside manner."

PHIL: Hmm. I don't know. Joel seemed like a caring physician to me. You're all done.

**************************************************

[Cut to aerial scenes of Alaskan wilderness from Maggie's plane, then cut to Maggie (disembarking from parked plane)]:

MAGGIE: God, Fleischman, you know, if you want to search for the Ark of the Covenant, that's one thing, but does it have to be on the dark side of the moon?

JOEL: Hey, you aren't going to find a lost city in a Michelin guide, now are ya? Now look, judging by the map it's going to take at least three days to reach what they call the Stone of St. Sebastian.

MAGGIE: Stone of St. Sebastian - right.

JOEL: Uh, yeah, I hope I brought enough food.

**************************************************

[Cut to inside The Brick.]

MAURICE: Shelly, where's Holling?

SHELLY: In the kitchen, snaking the drain.

OWEN: Let me have some Tabasco, please.

MAURICE: Would you hold your horses, Owen, she'll be with you in a minute. (to Shelly) C'mere. C'mere. (goes back into the kitchen) Hey Holling, listen to this. Michelle just got a fax on my machine at the office. You're not supposed to know this, but she's in a position to do both of you, and this town, a lot of good. "Alaskan Highways" is doing an article on eateries on the tri-borough area. They're doing uh, La Forchet in Sleetmute, Ali Baba's down in Cantwell, you, couple of chop houses up and down the Alcan. Well, Michelle has been hired to review The Brick.

SHELLY: Fresh!

MAURICE: I'm _not_ telling you this to brighten your day, Shelly; I'm telling you this 'cause I want you to make use of it. I want you to make sure she gets a decent meal.

HOLLING: Maurice, we always serve decent fare here.

MAURICE: Holling, if you get a couple of stars in "Alaskan Highways," all those pioneer wannabes in their rented Range Rovers will be burning rubber to get to The Brick! That's good for you, it's good for the town!

**************************************************

[Cut to Capra's office. Bernard, Chris' brother, enters.]

BERNARD: Dr. Capra?

PHIL: Yes.

BERNARD: Bernard Stevens. You know my brother Chris.

PHIL: Chris? Chris Stevens?!? He's your brother?

BERNARD: That's right.

PHIL: Well, what can I do for you, Bernard?

BERNARD: Well, I need to serve you with this complaint, and notice of deposition. See, I'm representing Chris; he's suing you for malpractice.

PHIL: What?!?

BERNARD: Your clinical malfeasance has caused my client great pain and suffering.

PHIL: What are you talking about?

BERNARD: Well, specifically, dizziness, loss of balance, nausea, which in turn have led to the loss of consortium: the ability to have sexual relations. I think it's all there in the complaint. I may not have crossed all the "t"s and dotted all the "i"s. I'm an accountant by profession.

PHIL: Whoa, hold on. The symptoms you're describing are inner-ear related; all I did was clear out some impacted wax.

BERNARD: Dr. Capra, I really don't think you want to discuss this with me, because we're just not suing for compensation, we're asking for exemplary damages. Good day.

**************************************************

[Cut to interior of The Brick, Marilyn and Michelle entering.]

MICHELLE: I'm really glad you could join me, Marilyn. It'll make for a better review if I can get a sampling of more than one entree.

MARILYN: Uh, I'm not hungry.

MICHELLE: Well, that's okay, you don't have to finish, just so I can get a taste.

MARILYN: Hmm.

SHELLY (to Holling): She's here, let's roll. Get the appetizers ready. (Shelly greets Michelle and Marilyn) Hey guys! You don't want to sit at this little table. I got a bitchin' booth by the window.

MICHELLE: Oh, well, this is fine, Shelly.

SHELLY: Oh, come on, you want to be comfy, don't you? (aside) Beat it, Hayden, It's taken.

HAYDEN: What?

MICHELLE: No, really, Shelly, um...

SHELLY: Oh! He doesn't mind, besides, booths are for two or more. (to Hayden) Move it - now.

HAYDEN: Oh, okay.

MICHELLE: Thanks, Hayden.

SHELLY: Ahh. See? Now you've got room to stretch out.

MICHELLE: Ah.

SHELLY (hands them menus): Oh! Bon appetit.

(Holling approaches the table with a couple of dishes)

HOLLING: Marilyn, Michelle. Some crudites. Oh, that's country pate.

MICHELLE: Uh, we didn't order any hors d'oeuvres, Holling.

HOLLING: Well, it, it seems that these come with all the meals now. Let me tell you about our specials. Uh...grilled roughy with papaya salsa, entrecote of beef with shitake mushrooms; for our spa selections, uh, skinless breast of chicken with cilantro and black beans. I'll just let you ladies have a moment to make your decision.

MARILYN: They know.

**************************************************

[Cut to Joel and Maggie trekking up a lakeside.]

JOEL: So, "anus caput," that's definitely "old woman." The old woman "demittit"...would be "leans." Or no, "bows." Yeah. "The old woman bows her head to the Stone of St. Sebastian which...tibi viam docebit...will show you the way." Yeah. "I will show you the way."

MAGGIE: Fleischman, listen to yourself. The old woman, the Stone of St. Sebastian. What is this? Holy Grail, King Arthur?

JOEL: Well...

MAGGIE: You ever notice they just never tell you where to go? "Turn left, turn right, if you've hit the big rock you've gone too far."

JOEL: Yes, well, say what you will, but you know you wanted to come.

MAGGIE: No.

JOEL: You did.

MAGGIE: No no no no.

JOEL: Yes you did!

MAGGIE: I came just to keep you from becoming a popsicle for some polar bear.

JOEL: Wait a minute, are you telling me you're not the slightest bit curious? I mean, you don't get goosebumps thinking we might, we might make some incredible discovery out here? Be like stumbling into King Tut's tomb, or or unearthing Pompeii. Come on! You don't, you're not excited by that, that possibility at all?

MAGGIE: What has happened to you?

JOEL (looks up the path): Hey...the old woman.

MAGGIE: It's a tree, Fleischman.

JOEL: Yeah, but you know these things are always described in metaphor. That looks like an old woman to me. That doesn't look like an old woman to you?

MAGGIE (notices cabin): Hey...like I didn't think anybody lived out here. (man appears wielding a long pole)

MAN: (Japanese exclamations)

JOEL: Hi. Um...we're just, we're looking for something called the Stone of St. Sebastian?

MAN: (in Japanese) Prepare to die!

MAGGIE: Look, Fleischman, let's just not get involved, huh?

JOEL: Wait a second...hey, it's okay, we're not, we're not here to give you any problems. (Man cries out and takes a swing at Joel's head; Joel slugs him in the gut. Man falls to ground, removing scarf from face, revealing himself to be an elderly Japanese gentleman)

MAN: (in Japanese) That hurt!

**************************************************

[Scene: interior cabin. Joel bending and examining man who is now seated.]

JOEL: That hurt?

MAN: Yamaguchi, ni ni yan butai, taicho.

JOEL: Obviously I didn't break anything, he'd be in a lot of pain. (to man) Look, listen, you, you okay, you okay.

MAN: Yamaguchi, ni ni yan butai, taicho.

MAGGIE: You know, I don't know anything about Japanese, but that sounds like name, rank, and serial number to me. I mean, look at all this stuff. Do you think this guy could be a Japanese soldier?

JOEL: Well, it's definitely possible. I mean, you know, they definitely, they fought a lot of battles in the Aleutians but...

MAGGIE: Could be his company retreated and they left him behind...

JOEL: Yeah, but God, 50 years and not know the war is over?

MAGGIE: You could certainly live around here for 50 years and never run into anybody. Yeah? Don't you think?

JOEL: (to man) Hey. Is that true? You soldier? Banzai? Yeah?

MAN: Yamaguchi, ni ni yan butai, taicho...(swears in Japanese)

JOEL: I don't know....sushi looks good, tho, huh?

MAGGIE: Yeah.

MAN: (In Japanese) Sushi? You know sushi?

JOEL: Yeah. Sushi, right? I like sushi. It's sushimi, tho, you know, uh, technically. No rice.

MAN: (in Japanese) Maguro. Yes, very fresh.

(Maggie hands Joel a book she has found in man's cabin)

MAGGIE: Look at this. "The Art of Japanese Management," by Richard Pascal.

JOEL: Whoa, wait a minute. What's going on? This is a couple of years old! (to man) You understand me, don't you? This is English.

MAN: I just like to keep current.

MAGGIE: You're not a Japanese soldier?

MAN: Oh yes, I was. Spent six months in the Aleutians back in '43. Best time of my life. I always wanted to come back here to retire.

MAGGIE: Dressed in uniform?

MAN: Say what you like about Hirohito, but nobody ever lost their shirt buying commercial property in Tokyo.

JOEL: What, you're like a refugee from the Japanese recession?

MAN: I was part owner of a building in Meronuchi. Only 40% occupancy. Ah, I tell you, I fought a lot of dragons in my day - demanding father-in-law, gum surgery, but nothing like this inflated real estate market. (rumblings of thunder are heard in the distance, and Maggie seems momentarily worried about her recent real estate investments)

JOEL: Well, it's, it's certainly interesting.

MAN: Dragon. I said "dragon." You know the ironic thing? My first name, Dyo - it means "dragon"!

(Cut to Maggie and Joel out on the trail, continuing the Quest)

MAGGIE: Hey Fleischman. He said his name was Dragon, did you pick up on that?

JOEL: Yeah.

MAGGIE: Well, remember how I mentioned the Holy Grail and King Arthur? There's always a dragon or a monster or some kind of gorgon in that, and the hero slays it, just like you did - symbolically, at least.

JOEL: I think it's pushing it, ya know - I punched a 75 year old man in the stomach.

MAGGIE: I know, I said symbolically. Anyway, I think what you did back there was heroic. I was impressed.

JOEL: Yes, well (sniffs) thank you, but we really better push thru that pass before night falls or we're in trouble.

**************************************************

[Scene: the studio of KBHR. Bernard is at the mike, Chris sits off to the side with a ridiculous-looking bandage wrapped around his head. A light jazz tune pays in the background.]

BERNARD: Top of the morning, and greetings, Cicely. This is Bernard Stevens, subbing for my brother Chris whose current health problems prevent him from doing the job he loves so dearly. (Maurice and Phil enter) I'm sure he would appreciate your cards and letters of support. And for those of you who don't know what's going on, my brother Chris is suing Dr. Philip Capra for malpractice. Here at KBHR we plan you keep you updated on any late-breaking developments on the ca--

(Maurice pushes button and radio goes dead)

MAURICE: All right, you're off the air.

BERNARD: Maurice!

MAURICE: Personal injury suit, I can't believe you'd do this, Bernard. I mean, you were a Republican!

BERNARD: My brother was grievously wronged!

CHRIS: He damaged me, man.

PHIL: Chris, I didn't do anything that could possibly have hurt you.

CHRIS: What?

BERNARD: 30% hearing loss in his left ear.

PHIL: Chris, look, if you just let me examine you here, I'm sure--

CHRIS: Whoa, no, keep that butcher away from me, huh man? (Chris stands and staggers)

BERNARD: Here, sit in the chair, Chris, easy. (to Phil) Loss of equilibrium is getting more severe?

MAURICE: Uh, this is not some overstuffed HMO that you're suing here, this is the borough of Arrowhead county! That translates to Maurice Minnifield! (looking over papers) Loss of wages...vocational rehabilitation?!? These charges have got to come out of a deep pocket - mine!!

BERNARD: Not entirely. Dr. Capra's liable too.

MAURICE: It's crap like this that's ruining the whole country. Man gets an earache and he feels like he's got to sue somebody. (leans over to Chris) You're FIRED, Stevens! (to Bernard) You, too. Get the hell out of my radio station.

BERNARD: I wouldn't, Maurice.

MAURICE: Why not?

BERNARD: Unlawful termination. I'd have to file a claim. And, you've already got enough headaches as it is.

(disgusted, Maurice leaves)

PHIL: Maurice...Maurice, aren't you gonna do something?

**************************************************

[Cut back to Maggie and Joel.]

MAGGIE: Did you hear about that woman who walked around the world? Took her three years. Wonder how many pair of shoes she went through. (Joel and Maggie see a building in the distance) Is that a lodge? Out here?

JOEL: Well, maybe we can get a hot meal.

MAGGIE: Wow. I wouldn't mind a massage...what do you say?

JOEL: Very weird. Let's go down.

**************************************************

[Cut to the Capra cabin.]

PHIL: Bernard slapped me with that complaint and all of a sudden I was back on the 405: traffic gridlocked, semi in front of me spewing diesel fumes, all the cellular phone circuits overloaded...Michelle, it was like everything we wanted to get away from was back, screaming into my face.

MICHELLE: Hmm...

PHIL: The worst part was what it did to me, made me want to step on the accelerator and just ram the car in front of me. I wanted to grab Chris by the throat and just--

MICHELLE: Phil, I don't know about this, what do you think?

PHIL: What?

MICHELLE: My review of The Brick. Listen: "The disingenuous papaya salsa had a consistency of lumpy cream of wheat, but at its worst, still elevated the latex-like orange roughy hiding underneath."

PHIL: You're writing that about The Brick?

MICHELLE: Sounds negative, doesn't it.

PHIL: Negative? (reading) "The shotgun pellet my luncheon companion found in her entrecote led me to believe the meat was not beef as advertised but some unfortunate local prey"?!?

MICHELLE: Marilyn almost broke a tooth.

PHIL: Michelle, you can't write this about The Brick!

MICHELLE: I know Holling and Shelly might take it personally, but I can't lie, I can't say the food was good!

PHIL: Sure you can lie! Why can't you lie?

MICHELLE: Phil!! You know, this is my first big assignment up here, it could open up all kinds of possibilities. I have to maintain my journalistic integrity.

PHIL: Oh, Michelle. I'm already being sued - you wanna make sure everyone in town hates us?

**************************************************

[Cut to interior of lodge. Maggie and Joel reclining.]

JOEL: Mmm... (sounds of splashing in a pool, racquetball in the background)

MAGGIE: I know, this is greeeat...I could really get used to this. No phone. No digging out of the driveway. No 4 AM flights to Sitka...me and you, Fleischman, we haven't had an argument, you realize that, in how many days?

JOEL: Hmmm.

MAGGIE: Fleischman, how many days have we been here?

JOEL: Three, I think. What difference does it make? (finishes his drink)

MAGGIE: Well, what happened to, uh, whatchamacallit? Keewa Ani?

JOEL: Uno mas? (starts to get up for a refill)

MAGGIE: No, wait, Fleischman. What about Keewa Ani, the Jeweled City of the North?

JOEL: I'm gonna get us some more drinks.

MAGGIE: Oh, this is bad. This is bad, Fleischman. Hey, Fleischman! I used to LOVE to fly in the morning. You know I could see the sun coming up? And you, a week ago, all you could think about was finding Keewa Ani and now you're strung out on some shiatsu massage. We have got to get out of here. We gotta get out of here - right now.

JOEL: I don't want to get out of here, okay? I like it here, it's fun.

MAGGIE: Well, yes, of course it's fun. It's fun because we're wallowing around in this herbal-scented bliss but don't you see, maybe that's the problem?

ATTENDANT: Dr. Fleischman, time for your algae wrap.

JOEL: Oh...

MAGGIE: No no no, no, he doesn't want it.

JOEL: Yes I do!

MAGGIE: No - you don't. Fleischman, listen, don't you remember the sirens? How they'd sing their beautiful songs and the sailors couldn't resist them and they'd crash their boats on the rocks and die?

JOEL: What?

MAGGIE: I don't know. I don't know but look - this search, I feel like it's something you're supposed to do. Okay? Come on.

**************************************************

[Cut to interior of church. A deposition takes place concerning Chris' lawsuit.]

COURT REPORTER: While we're waiting for plaintiff's counsel, I'd like to make sure the defendant realizes that although this may appear to be an informal proceeding, this deposition carries the full force of a court of law.

ATTORNEY: My client has been so advised.

(Bernard enters pushing Chris in a wheelchair)

BERNARD: Sorry we're late. No wheelchair access.

MAURICE: (incredulous) Wheelchair?

PHIL: Oh, who is he trying to kid?

BERNARD: He's too dizzy to stand.

COURT REPORTER: Is there anything that we can do to make you more comfortable?

CHRIS: I'm okay.

COURT REPORTER: Dr. Capra, would you please rise?

ATTORNEY (to Phil): Keep your answers brief. Don't volunteer anything.

PHIL: Right.

COURT REPORTER: Raise your right hand. Do you solemnly swear that the testimony you are about to give is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

PHIL: I do.

COURT REPORTER: Be seated. Counsel?

BERNARD: Dr. Capra. On the morning of January 4th, isn't it true that you attempted to clean impacted wax from the plaintiff's left eardrum, using what's commonly known as a curette?

PHIL: Yes, that's correct.

BERNARD: A very sharp instrument which if used improperly could perforate the eardrum.

PHIL: Well, I used it properly.

BERNARD: Just answer the question, please?

PHIL: Well, yes, it's conceivable. Yes.

BERNARD: Thereby possibly damaging the, uh, semi-circular canal of the inner ear?

PHIL: Well, the odds of that happening are astronomical.

BERNARD: And such damage to these delicate organs which control equilibrium could account for the symptoms from which the plaintiff is suffering, is that correct?

PHIL: Theoretically yes, but the point is--

BERNARD: Dr. Capra, in the situation I just described, isn't it possible that even after the eardrum itself is healed, that the plaintiff's symptoms may continue? That they may indeed be permanent?

PHIL: Uh, excuse me, could I say something please?

BERNARD: I have no further questions.

PHIL: Can - I'd like to say something. Am I allowed to say something?

**************************************************

[Open to Joel and Maggie trekking thru the forest.]

JOEL: You know, I'm thinking that maybe you got it right. There's the dragon, the sirens, the sushi. Now--

MAGGIE: Sushi?

JOEL: Yeah, 'cause in the traditional hero's journey paradigm you slay a dragon, you get a boon - right?

MAGGIE: (laughs) Yeah, but sushi? (Joel pauses and looks downriver)

JOEL: You know, when I was a kid, I used to - I remember thinking that nothing was real. I just, I remember...it like all felt like a movie set, you know, and and if you turned your head fast enough, you catch God or something changing the scenery...

MAGGIE: Yeah, I know what you mean.

JOEL: I still have that feeling. It's like a sense that there's this whole other reality, you know? That there's "real reality," but we can't see it. I guess that's why I became a doctor, when I think about it. That's why I went into medical school - you know, to get some answers, maybe, in the blood, in the bones, the heart. (pause) Didn't happen, tho. Still don't know what reality is. So, then how do we know what's possible and what isn't? I mean (pauses and looks Maggie in the eye) maybe my whole life has been leading up to this point. Maybe I'll get my chance to look behind the curtain - or we will.

(they continue hiking. cut to bend in river)

MAGGIE: (winded) Hey...hey, there's a bridge! Nice of someone to build one out in the middle of nowhere. (Maggie walks up to gate) Oh, it's locked.

JOEL: (reading map) Says it picks up on the other side...

(a man approaches out of the forest)

TRAPPER: Hey there, hi...ah, what a life saver. Phew!

MAGGIE: Hey! (smiles)

TRAPPER: Hey! I didn't know how I was gonna get across.

MAGGIE: Uh - it's locked.

TRAPPER: Locked? Who's got the key?

MAGGIE: Don't look at us.

TRAPPER: Well, there's gotta be somebody here...

JOEL: (eyes opening) Gatekeeper...

TRAPPER: (knocking on the bridgeman's quarters door) Hey, anybody in there?

JOEL: (yells) Hey, hello!

TRAPPER: We want to get across the bridge...

JOEL: Hello!

TRAPPER: Anybody home?

(door opens and we see the bridgeman is actually Adam)

ADAM: Hey hey hey! Dipstick. Where d'ya get off making that racket?

JOEL AND MAGGIE: Hey, Adam!!

MAGGIE (indicates herself and Fleischman): Adam, Maggie and Joel...?

ADAM (in Brooklyn accent): Look, I don't know what kind of hallucinogenic tubers you hopheads have been sucking on, but my name is not "Adam," okay? It's "Gustav." Now get outta here.

JOEL: (laughs) Ah, c'mon, what are you talking about, "Gustav"? ("Gustav" comes threateningly out at Joel, grabs him and takes him aside)

ADAM: (to Joel): Tell you one thing, okay? CIA, covert operations. That's already more than you need to know. Now beat it.

MAGGIE: Uh, look, whatever your name is, we just want to get across the bridge.

ADAM: Really? Is that a fact?

TRAPPER: (goes up to "Gustav" and whispers): I'll pay you some money, okay?

ADAM: So that's how it is, huh? You just throw money at a problem, it goes away, huh? Let me tell you something, pal - that don't cut it out here. You wanna cross this bridge, you're gonna have to answer the riddle.

JOEL: Oh...of course...

TRAPPER: (laughs): Is this a joke? I gotta answer a riddle to cross the bridge?

ADAM: (mockingly): Look, you're going to have to conceptualize this, okay? We can think of it as a password. Now if you can't handle that, you can get the hell out of here, okay?

TRAPPER: Okay, okay. I'll answer the riddle.

ADAM: All right, quiz show boy, here we go: "How do you keep the one you love?"

TRAPPER: What?!? What kind of riddle is that!?

ADAM: Look, this isn't brain surgery - just answer the riddle!

TRAPPER: A dozen roses, a box of chocolates.

ADAM (draws mock surprise breath, then sings): Scram...

TRAPPER: What?!?!

ADAM (still singing) Vaminos, get outta here...

TRAPPER (yells): No listen!! I gotta get across the river!!

ADAM (still singing): Toodle loo! (man leaves)

ADAM: Don't get frostbite on your way out; write if you get pelts. Okay. (looks at Maggie and Joel) Oo! You're still here. Okay: "How do you keep the one you love?"

JOEL: (pause) You don't.

MAGGIE: (pause) You don't?

JOEL: Love is selfless, non-possessive. If you truly love somebody, then you have no desire to possess them. You don't keep them. (Adam looks upwards as if pondering the answer)

JOEL: Well?

(Adam walks over to unlock and open gate)

ADAM: Think you're gonna find something out there, huh? Not as easy as you think.

(Adam hands Joel the lock, and he and Maggie continue their trek across the bridge)

**************************************************

[Scene: Back at The Brick. Michelle enters.]

SHELLY (to Holling and Eugene): She's back.

EUGENE: I hear they often come back for a second meal, check on consistency.

SHELLY: God! What are we gonna serve her?

HOLLING: The lunch plate, what else?

SHELLY: Pike and potato hash? You pop your gourd?!?

HOLLING: That's what everybody else is eating!

SHELLY: Holling...

HOLLING: Shelly, we don't have to kowtow to this woman. The Brick can stand on its own proud tradition of food service.

SHELLY: If that's the way you feel, you stay in the kitchen. Eugene, see what's in the freezer. (to Michelle) Hi! Just happened to be in the neighborhood, huh? Drop in for a little bite? (smiles)

MICHELLE: Uh, actually I was jogging, just want an iced tea, thanks.

HOLLING: (approaches with bowl) Corn chowder, not fancy, but good and warm. (places bowl in front of Michelle)

SHELLY: Holling, she didn't order any soup. (takes bowl)

HOLLING: Well, that's what she's going to get, anyway. (replaces bowl)

MICHELLE: I'm really not hungry, guys...

SHELLY: (takes bowl) Let me just put some Parmesan on it

HOLLING: It's FINE just the way it is. (replaces bowl) Try it.

MICHELLE: You know I was just running...is there a lot of cream in there?

HOLLING: Double cream. Go ahead.

MICHELLE: (sniffs, and resignedly picks up spoon to taste the soup) Mmmm! (smiles and nods head)

(Michelle puts her hand to her mouth, and pulls out a long hair)

SHELLY: (smile cracking) A hair?

HOLLING: (smiles feebly) What's that they say? "Now everybody's gonna want one."

SHELLY: (to Holling) This is yours!

HOLLING: No, it isn't, look how dark it is.

SHELLY: Eugene, is this yours?

EUGENE: You know I always wear a net when I make the soup.

SHELLY: Fine. I give up! Just let her write whatever she wants. (leaves)

HOLLING: I just want you to know, Michelle, Shelly is blameless in all of this. If you have something bad that you want to say, you say it about Holling Vincouer.

**************************************************

[Scene: a full moon over the woods, wolves howling in the distance. Cut to Maggie and Joel in a tent.]

JOEL (reading map): "Crescentis"..."crescentis" is something, something..."the Jeweled City lies at the back of...it's growing, it's increasing..." Look, you know, I've, I've been all over this island, it's nothing but rock.

MAGGIE: Well, stew's ready.

JOEL: Did you hear me? I have no idea what this should be. "Crescentis" - I don't know. We're dead in the water. We're dead.

MAGGIE: I hear ya.

JOEL: That's all? No reproach, huh? No "I told ya so, I knew this was gonna happen, oh, I can't believe you led me on a wild goose chase," nothing like that?

MAGGIE: I don't have any regrets, Fleischman. I'm actually enjoying myself.

JOEL: (laughs) Enjoying yourself...we're in a pup tent on a barren island, and the wind chill's gotta be at least 60 below...

MAGGIE: Yeah, well, you figure it out.

JOEL: I know what you mean. (pause) We've been through a lot together.

MAGGIE: This trip? (laughs) Or the past 5 years?

JOEL: You know, the whole thing.

MAGGIE: Do you ever wonder why we met?

JOEL: What d'ya mean...

MAGGIE: I used to think of all the billions of people in the world, and out of all those people, how was I gonna meet the right ones. You know? Like, the right ones to be my friends, and, right one to be my husband...

JOEL: Hmm...

MAGGIE: And now I just believe you meet the people you're supposed to meet.

**************************************************

[Cut to the KBHR studio. While an opera plays in the background, Bernard discusses the lawsuit with Chris.]

BERNARD: This offer isn't bad. If you're willing to drop the lawsuit, Maurice is ready to pay $20,000 in damages.

CHRIS: What's Capra kicking in?

BERNARD: Nothing. This is covered by the insurance company.

CHRIS: Nothing? What? No, mm-mm. I wanna go to court. I wanna, I wanna nail this guy to the wall.

BERNARD: Well, there's no guarantee a jury will find in our favor...

CHRIS: As long as I can make his life a living hell, that's all that counts.

BERNARD: Okay, we'll reject the offer.

CHRIS: Did you see his fat face at that deposition? Pale and drawn, fear and despair oozing out of every pore, what a, what a beautiful sight, huh?

BERNARD: Chris, if you'll permit me - this sounds a tad bit personal.

CHRIS: Whaddaya mean, personal?

BERNARD: Well, "make his life a living hell"? "Fear and despair oozing from every pore"? This has a hostile vindictive quality about it - as if you're out to destroy this man.

CHRIS: Really?

**************************************************

[Cut back to the tent. Maggie has just woken up.]

MAGGIE: Fleischman? Hey, Fleischman, wake up. Wake up. Hey, hey, what was that word?

JOEL: Word?

MAGGIE: Yeah, that thing that you were looking for on the map.

JOEL: Oh, uh, "crescentis." Or I think it was "crescentis," 'cause the, the last few letters were smudged. Why?

MAGGIE: "Crescentis"...'cause I just had the most vivid dream. And in the dream I was in Paris with this guy that I used to be a student with at the Sorbonne, Jean-Marc. And we were in this patisserie in the 9th arrondissement, and we were buying all this stuff for breakfast.

JOEL: What are you talking about?

MAGGIE: Well, you said the guys who wrote the map were French, right?

JOEL: Yeah...

MAGGIE: Well, doesn't "crescentis" sort of sound like "croissant"?

JOEL: Like a roll - you're talking about a croissant?

MAGGIE: Yeah. Get the map...yeah, now look. Draw a croissant between the two marks.

JOEL: Draw a croissant between the two marks...

MAGGIE: No, that's a brioche.

JOEL: Oh come on...

MAGGIE: (laughs) No, a croissant is like a half-moon. Here, watch, I'll do it, I'll do it...like this. There.

JOEL: Whoa. Whoa! Ho...that's it.

MAGGIE: X marks the spot.

**************************************************

[Scene: interior of The Brick]

SHELLY: Two longnecks.

HOLLING: Coming up.

EUGENE: Holling, Shelly? "Alaskan Highways" just came in.

SHELLY: Is the review in it?

EUGENE: I didn't look.

HOLLING: Shelly, I'm sorry about the corn chowder.

SHELLY: It's okay. It's just that hair...

HOLLING: (laughs)

SHELLY: There it is - "Borough Bistros."

HOLLING: Charlie Wong's got a whole page. Ali Baba's...

SHELLY: Tudor House, Barnie's Hofbrau...

HOLLING: Where are we? We're not even in here!

SHELLY: Yes we are, down at the bottom. "The Brick."

HOLLING: "Dinner fare, plus local game dishes. Full bar. Open 7 days, 6 AM to midnight." That's it. Hmm. Can't argue with that - "open 7 days, 6 AM to midnight." Straight to the point.

SHELLY: (smiles) Yeah.

HOLLING: Yeah.

(Shelly and Holling share a relieved laugh)

**************************************************

[Cut to the Capra's, Phil and Michelle in bed.]

PHIL: Three Ativans. This lawsuit is killing me.

MICHELLE: I used to have such a romantic notion of journalism. Hemingway, Dorothy Parker, the Round Table. (laughs) But you know the reality - the reality is just so messy.

PHIL: You mean The Brick review?

MICHELLE: Three pitiful lines. Well, what could I do.

PHIL: You're a good person. (kisses Michelle) You don't want to hurt other people's feelings.

MICHELLE: Plus we live here. If Shelly and Holling were to get really mad at me, well, there's no other place to eat lunch.

(Chris appears at their bedroom window)

CHRIS: (rapping on window) Hey Phil?

PHIL: Chris. Chris! (grabs flashlight) Get away from here, I'm warning you!

CHRIS: Uh, could you just open up, I just wanna talk.

PHIL: Hey, I mean it!

CHRIS: Look, I dropped the lawsuit. You know, could we just talk?

PHIL: You dropped the lawsuit? (Phil opens window)

CHRIS: I'm sorry, you know, I'm sorry. It wasn't you, it was Dr. Fleischman.

PHIL: Joel?

CHRIS: You know, he was my doctor. He was, uh, he was my physician. (voice breaks and comes close to tears) He was my friend, you know? For five years, he saw me through my high blood pressure, my strep throat, nasal polyps...it was one of the most intimate and personal relationships I ever had in my life. He knew every cleft and every crevice of my body, you know?

PHIL: Yeah?

CHRIS: He left, you know, he split on me. (sniffs) And I, I lashed out at you, and I gotta cop to that. I'm sorry. I miss him, you know, I really miss him. (pause) Got you some treats, some pistachios, some Laughing Cow cheese, uh, most of a six pack. It probably won't make up for everything.

PHIL: Thanks, Chris

CHRIS: I gotta go. Good night.

PHIL: Good night.

**************************************************

[Cut back to Maggie and Joel, counting off steps in the snow.]

JOEL: 36, 37, 38 39, 40 paces. "Ecce gloria et maiestas" - "behold the glory and the majesty."

MAGGIE: You know, Fleischman, maybe their paces were a different size than yours. I mean, after all, what, these were eighteenth century guys and they had small, short legs. No no really, I was in this military museum in Paris and they had these old sets of armor and those guys were tiny. Fleischman?

JOEL: Oh my God.

MAGGIE: What, what do you see? What?

JOEL: The Jeweled City...

MAGGIE: Where?

JOEL: Look...

(an image of New York City appears in the clearing)

JOEL: That's the Chrysler building! The Empire State building, and the World Trade towers.

MAGGIE: What are you talking about?

JOEL: Oh my god, it's Manhattan...

MAGGIE: I, I don't see a thing.

JOEL: Look! Come here. Right there, right there...

MAGGIE: Maybe I do see something...oh God. Is that the old Pan Am building?

JOEL: Ah...we did it. We found the Jeweled City of the North.

MAGGIE: No. No, I bet it's just as reflection of the ice. No, the light can do really weird things up here!

JOEL: Ah, come on, look. Come here, look, look, look! You see it, don't you, it's right there!

MAGGIE: Okay. Okay. I see something. But...New York? The Jeweled City?

JOEL: I don't know, but there it is. Let's go. Come on.

MAGGIE: No.

JOEL: What?

MAGGIE: New York City. The thing you dreamt about day and night for the past 5 years. The one sustaining constant in your life. Whatever that is, (pause) it's for you. That's your place. It's not mine

JOEL: I don't understand. I want you to come with me. Come on!

MAGGIE: You know, I used to ask myself...I used to ask myself, if Fleischman leaves, if he asked me to go with him, will I? And I didn't know. I know now. This is My place. This is my place, you know, this is where I belong.

JOEL: You're really not going to come with me.

MAGGIE: No.

JOEL: I gotta do this.

(Joel walks up to Maggie, and they embrace)

MAGGIE: Fleischman...everything...all I never said...

JOEL: Me too...

(Joel kisses Maggie goodbye, and walks off towards the Jeweled City)

MAGGIE: Good luck, Fleischman. Mazel Tov...

**************************************************

[Cut to Marilyn's home. She pauses in her knitting, looks up, and says "Goodbye."]

**************************************************

[Cut to downtown Cicely. Maggie pulls up to Ruth-Anne's in her truck.]

RUTH-ANNE: Hello, Maggie.

MAGGIE: Hi, Ruth-Anne. I was at Cordova yesterday so I picked up Lowell Grippo's bread maker.

RUTH-ANNE: Good, I'll see that he gets it.

MAGGIE: Okay.

RUTH-ANNE: Oh, you have some mail.

MAGGIE: Oh!

(Ruth-Anne hands Maggie a bundle)

MAGGIE: Thank you. I'll see ya.

RUTH-ANNE: Mm-hmm.

Maggie goes outside, and looks through her mail. There is a postcard of the Staten Island Ferry from NYC. The post card reads:

"New York is a State of Mind. Love, Joel"

**************************************************

[Joel on the Staten Island Ferry.]

Maybe a moonbeam to light the way when the evening comes
There's no worry, don't care 'bout the cold outside
Only a glad wish for a magic ride on wings of gold
Only a daydream, maybe a moonbeam...

**************************************************

NX Episode Transcripts

E-mail to: Duvelle

*** Thanks to Kipp Teague for permission to use the scanned images from The Quest. Visit his Classic Television: Northern Exposure site for great series pics, and more. ***