From: William Ginn, the originator
Sometimes as a gimmick to increase viewership, famous directors direct
TV shows (for enough $ of course, and since Phalus Lupine SO, if it could happen, here is what we might see:
Oliver Stone: There is a big conspiracy to eliminate the charasmatic DA on the show... (oops, this has already happened) Skip this one.
Quenitin Tarintino: Logan & Brisco get to be really nasty cops who get in a incredibly graphic shootout with some bad guys. Lots of blood and gore. Logan roughs up some perps.
Steven Speilberg (of SKG Dreamworks): Gigantic Dinosaurs commit a murder, but they devour the evidence. Logan and Brisco arrest them on a faulty search warrant, but the Defender argues that this is a social norm where they come from, and the warrant is invalid. Jack and Claire work from inevitible discvery rules, but since there is no body, the discover that they can not prove anything since all the witnesses have disappeared (dessert,anybody? everybody?) and T. Rex and Al O'Saurus are found not guilty. T. Rex and Al O'Saurus (who is a Mick, just like McCoy) are then tried on intimidation and murder of the witnesses, and are found guilty on all counts. Under NY's new death penalty, they are sentenced to Extinction.
George Lucas: Logan discovers in the course of an investigation, that the perp, a world traveler who wears a leather coat, fedora, kakhis, and hates snakes is really his father. Logans father was Greavys partner, and masterminded his killing. He also discovers that he has a sister, who is also in law enforcement- Claire. He also discovers that his partner is in love with his sister (whom he once lusted over). At the end, torn between family loyalty and loyalty to the great one (Adam) he pulls his wounded father out of the line of fire to die in peace.
Martin Scorcesse: The ep that he films goes way over budget by the end of the first day. Sam Waterson does his scenes drunk and unscripted, but shows that even drunk, he is twice the actor that almost anybody else on TV is.
Francis Ford Coppola: The Godfather from the Cops and DA's side. Adam is in the teaser at the beginning of the show is giving a speech to McCoy, Kincaid, and Logan (Brisco is chasing down leads) moaning how the Detectives and DA's never give him any respect, and how they only come to him with their problems, never their celebrations.
In this story, Adam is the main character. We see him masterminding
the DA's office successes, and showing when the DA's disregard his
advice, they loose. As the Ep goes on, we see Jack begin to fill Adam's
shoes. Adam announces his retirement from elected office, and his
desire to get back on the front lines. Jack runs hard for Adams office,
and in a narrow election, wins it and attains the wisdom and one liners
that make us all love Adam. Claire makes ADA and begins to try cases
with Adam as her assistant.
From TTLG (Tracy)
Woody Allen: The distinctive theme music is replaced by a Cole Porter song. The episode, entitled "Lower East Side of Manhattan", focuses on Logan's insecurities about his ability to form lasting relationships with the opposite sex and features narration by Logan and humorous black and white flashbacks to his first Catholic school encounters with girls. Mia Farrow guest stars as Logan's neurotic but lovable alcoholic mother.
David Lynch: Briscoe and Logan investigate the case of a young female murder victim found wrapped in plastic in Central Park. Soon they are joined on the case by a quirky FBI agent with a fondness for cherry pie. The investigation leads to the victim's cross-dressing father who belongs to a secret cult of log worshippers. McCoy prosecutes, but based on testimony from Olivet, the defendant (as well as the director) is declared not guilty by reason of mental defect.
Neil Jordan: While investigating an IRA-related kidnapping, Logan falls for an enigmatic young woman, only to discover that she's really.... well, you can guess the rest.
Alfred Hitchcock (posthumously?): Briscoe is recuperating in his apartment after being shot in the leg (it had to happen - the streak continues). Through his window, he witnesses a neighbor apparently committing a murder. The neighbor is arrested, but later released due, naturally, to an improperly obtained search warrant. After obtaining further evidence, Logan trails the murderer to the men's department of Bloomingdale's, where, unfortunately, his paralyzing fear of non-plaid ties allows the suspect to escape.
Spike Lee: Entitled "Do the Right Thing, Sir, or I'll Be Forced
To Prosecute", this episode focuses on the tempestuous secret relationship
between Ben Stone and Shambala Green, and includes jazz music performed by
Michael Moriarty and several nightclub scenes choreographed by Rosie Perez.
From Karen Wheless
Robert Zemeckis: During a race to find a vicious child abuser,
Briscoe and Logan discover that the perp has escaped in a strange time
machine. Briscoe advises
caution, saying "a time machine is like a dirty-water dog, Mike, you
never know what you're gonna get," but Logan swears to "get the creep
that did this." Logan ends up in the past, where through an amazing use
of special affects, he meets other law breakers of the time (Doc
Holliday, Billy the Kid). He also gets advice from a mysterious farmer /
sheriff (Michael Moriarty) who tells him to follow his principles - but
be sure to have a valid search warrant and a contract for another
season. Logan finally returns to the future with the scumbag in hand,
but in a stunning season-ender, vows that he must return to the past to
"set things straight" (where he isn't constrained by search warrants and
police brutality charges). McCoy is stunned to find that when he opens a
history book, he finds a picture of a grinning "Logan the Avenger."
From: Karina Santos
rotfl to the point of injury over bill and tracy's director scenarios, and i'd pay serious money to see the woody allen and neil jordan ones actually pan out. but having a serious jones for david lynch, may i suggest that...
former fbi agent dale cooper becomes briscoe's new partner? requisite hunk, from a gen-x watched show, and enough quirks to drive briscoe batty and keep him wired on caffeine. i would love to see cooper with a small box of chocolate bunnies saying, "briscoe, let me stop you in the hallway" as he stops him in the hallway. also, cooper has his own trademark coat....
i'd also like to see a show directed by pedro almodovar: if anyone
has ever
seen and perhaps a disney produced episode: logan and briscoe
investigate a tragic death of a little boy at halloween. turns out it's from
a poisoned apple; kincaid
becomes suspicious because it follows the m.o of her evil stepmother. claire
admits to logan+briscoe her real name is snow, but she picked up kincaid from
this prince guy who turned out not to be so wonderful after all, and she left
sleepy hamlet, pa ("guys, there has to be more than this provincial life") to
move to nyc. they investigate, and sure enough, the evil stepmother has
moved to 615 central park west, just above the lowensteins in elizabeth
hendrick's old apartment, replete with her s+m hope chest. they haul her in
for questioning and (my apologies to the person who originally suggested this
months back) we all finally see briscoe do his we also get to see the dream of the dancing plaid ties and handcuffs, the
seven dwarves in the jury box, and finally! schiff in the pink tutu dancing
with hippos to and quite *obviously* i must be od'ing on antihistamines right now
From: Gayleen
I really loved the guest director eps (all of them!) I was ROTFL!!!!
Tallulah's Disney plan was especially funny for someone who has seen all
those videos too many times (the best way to subdue a two yr old terrorist is
to pop in a video) Tallulah said "i can't quite figure out what to do with
mc coy, but he looks like a skinny gepetto to me..."
How about the arrogant Gaston from Beauty & Beast? I know he doesn't have
the physique, but the attitude is dead on.
From: Gina
I LOVED the disney version of L&O....may I add to it...
LT VAN b aquires
an
"island" accent (and i don't mean long island)...and sings a chorus of "kiss
the girl" while McCoy eats chinese and sucks back a drinkie or two with
claire.....or better yet, McCoy's nose could grow (or hair get poofier) as
he's explaning to Adam how he's so sure of his case and his faith in the
cops....
Of course if this were the alternate universe Disney version, Adam would
be
teaching everyone the "glad game" from Pollyanna.....
From: Karina
YES! which works into the musical number i want anita to do, where she
sings
the evil stepmother the ann, to your request for the wicked stepsisters:
logan can interrogate claire's stepsisters as gaston--after all, they have
the same kind of name, same physique, same affect on the ladies (same chest
hair?!). i'd love to hear him say "hakuna matata,my ass" also from deb the pooh bear ep--i hope you don't mind if i take
a shot at
it...
the crack house at pooh corner,the law and order episode in which
pooh bear gets stuck in a tree trunk trying to get out honey from someone's
crib because he's so very hungry. rabbit briscoe+tigger logan arrest him for
trespassing and theft and for suspicion of trafficking because he keeps
singing : "the more it snows-tiddely-pom the more it goes-tiddely-pom". they
can't get him out--briscoe wants to starve him and logan keeps
boing-boinging him on the head for his stupidity. having already put barney
the dinosaur in a coma for this, lt.kanga van buren tells him he'd better
stop. pooh ends up in the hospital and sues the police department. paul
christopher robin-ette shows up as pooh's attorney having been gone for so
very very long, claiming his client's civil rights were violated.
also starring piglet kincaid, owl schiff, and eeyore mc coy, defending the
actions of tigger logan. mc coy wins, but the big bad wolf (having been
ejected from the woods and now unfortunately a resident of the enchanted
forest) still forces christopher robin noth off the show. eeyore mc coy,
despite his minimal contact with the actor, delivers this poem (my apologies
to a.a.milne for the adulteration of the original, btw):
"Christopher Robin Noth is going, sniff, sniff....i'm going to go bawl my eyes out, reading the ending of
the
original From: Robert
I must have missed the first few messages about the Disney/L&O
crossover.
How about having the L&O take a road trip to Disney World. Like Hawaii, a
trip to Disney World is fast becomming one of the Tired TV Plot Cliche's
that every show must tackle.
Schiff, McCoy and Kincaid would be attenting a D.A. convention there.
Logan, whose most recent ex-girlfriend has a fetish for fake mouse ears,
decides to travel to Florida to see just what got her so worked up. When
Logan asks him if he wants to along, Lennie replies: "Let's see, a place
where I can see human-sized rats that wear gloves, hear strange voices and
even stranger music and talk to people with life-like movements that don't
understand a word I say but ramble on and on anyway--all without falling off
the wagon. What can I say. I'm there!" And Van Buren would just happen to
show up on a family vacation.
The action would start when the supports for Spaceship Earth (that big
silver golf ball in EPCOT Center) buckle and the giant sphere falls on
Mickey, who just happens to be standing under it at the time. Disney Execs
claim it was just an unfortunate accident, but many believe Mickey was
murdered. Since everyone knows Disney has the Florida cops in their pocket,
Briscoe, Logan and Van Buren are asked to investigate the accident. First
they interview Minnie, who tells about how much she loved Mickey. But they
don't buy her Little Miss Sweet and Innocent bit and dig deeper. After
interviewing desk clerks at the Polynesian the detectives conclude that
Minnie was having an affair. Briscoe tells Logan "If she was so hot for
this other guy, why not just dump the Mouse?" "Maybe he was the jealous
type and she was afraid to tell him. How would you react if someone
other than an animator was adding color to you woman's cheeks?" They
question Minnie again and after some intense questioning, she finally breaks
revealing that she was having an affair and who with. "Alright, so I was
having an affair with Daisy. But I didn't kill Mikey. And neither did
Daisy. We were together when it happened." When their alibi checks out
(it seems they were at the Grand Floridian that night), the detectives meet
with Van Buren who tells them: "At this rate, the only place your going to
find any clues is Fantasyland." Try different angles for the murder,
someone mentions money. "Eisner!" the three cops proclaim at once. Then
they realize how silly that is. Eisner is already making enough money
robbing every family with children in the United States, he doesn't have to
resort to murder. Logan still hasn't ruled out Minnie and suggests they
interview Daisy. During questioning, Daisy reveals that Donald discovered
her affair and was not a happy quacker. She tells of how Donald ran off
ranting about how "That damn mouse put Minnie up to this! He did this just
tick me off! The TV show and 60 years of humiliation wasn't enough!" With
a new suspect, Briscoe suggests they search Donald's home but Logan tells
him they'd better get a warrant first. Briscoe says: "He lives in a lake
Mike. A judge would laugh us out his courtroom." Mike replies: "Been
there. Done that. Get the warrant." Warrant in hand, the detectives
discover a slightly soggy set of engineering plans for Spaceship Earth and a
blue sailor's shirt covered with metal filings.
Ooops, this is a lot longer than I thought. Think I'll skip the Order
side. :)
At least i think he is
Where?
Nobody knows.
But he is going
I mean he goes
Do we care?
We do
Very much
The fact is this is more difficult than I thought,
I ought--
(Very good indeed)
I ought
To begin again
But it is easier
To stop.
Christopher Robin Noth, good-bye,
I
(Good)
I
And all your friends
Sends-
I mean all your friend
Send-
(very awkward this, it keeps going wrong)
Well, anyhow, we send
Our love
END."