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Copyright 1990 by
Dina. Any attempts to plagiarize will result in my flying monkeys coming
after you.
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This novel is dedicated to the memory of Jason Merz, Heather Carpenter, and Passha Cline. May their childhood friends always remember them.
The Three of Us
by
Dina
Chapter One-California Dreaming
| We are walking. Adam takes my hand and a feeling of love comes over me. My mind, heart, and soul is filled with only one thought; only one emotion. All I'm thinking about is Adam. The rest of the world doesn't exist. Graduation, careers, the failing enviroment...None of those things matter. At least they don't in my mind. Right now, the only thing important is Adam. |
| "Are you glad to be here?" he asks. |
| I grin. A few weeks ago our parents gave us plane tickets to California for a college graduation present. Both my parents and Adam's parents knew how much we longed to go the sequined part of the west. They knew Adam and I longed to see the place where movies are made and dreams come true. My whole life I have longed to see Los Angeles along with a host of other places (Israel, Africa, Egypt, Austria, Australia, Hong Kong, Etc). |
| "Sky? Are you in there?" Adam asks. He must think I've lost my mind. |
| "I'm here," I answer. But here or wherever we are doesn't matter to me. California or any other "magical" place would be meaningless without Adam. Right now, in my mind, it is a question of who I am with rather than where I am. |
| "Hey look!" I turn to where Adam is pointing. A crowd of people have enclosed a single body. One human being has attracted the total attention of more than twenty people. "It must be some celebrity." I nod my head. "Should we go over and get an autograph?" |
| "Sure." A feeling of self-degradation comes over me. What makes this person with dark glasses so divine that a bunch of people including myself would go over and beg for an autograph? What makes this celebrity so much better than everyone else? Although I'm not a very religous person, I have to ask myself if it is not sacreligious to worship a movie star in the same way one worships God. |
| "Come on!" Adam tugs me towards the direction of the crowd. "At least let's see who it is." |
| "Okay." We walk over to the crowd and become part of the mindless herd. Adam jumps up on his toes in order to get a glimpse of who the famed-one is. "Who is it?" I ask. |
| "I don't know," Adam comes back down to his normal height and takes my hand which he had dropped a few seconds ago. I feel grateful that he is touching me once again. Adam laughs. "You're not going to leave me if it's Tom Cruise, are you?" |
| "Well..." I hesitate. "What if it's...Christie Brinkley?" |
| Adam opens his mouth to answer but he is interrupted by shoves from the crowd. The celebrity is trying to get away, trying to escape. "She or he is coming through our way," Adam reports to me. |
| An unwanted feeling of excitement comes over me. I am about to meet a real live movie star. I wonder if it will be different seeing him/her in real life rather than on television or the movies. |
| My heart beat gets faster as I see the top hair of the celebrity; platinum blond. "Well, guess it's not Tom Cruise." |
| "Yeah," Adam chuckles. "Maybe it is Christie Brinkley." But we soon find out it's not Christie Brinkley. My fast heart beat increases to an estimated ten times it's usual speed when I realize the identity of the actress. |
| "Oh My God," a young man shouts behind me. "It's Katherine Rain." |
| Katherine Rain. Tears burn my eyes as I hear the name. |
| "Excuse me." Katherine's bodyguards push me gently aside. "We need to get through." Katherine's dark green jacket brushes my side as she passes. I have a terrible urge to grab the coat and the person inside. But I keep my cool and let the actress through. |
| "Are you okay, Sky?" Adam asks me. There is a look of bewilderment on his face that I have grown to adore. His hand reaches up and wipes away a tear that floats down my cheek. |
Chapter Two-Summer of the Cows
| In Hollaway Illinois there is a little house. And in that house my grandparents live. One of the rooms in the house is my grandfather's office. Hanging on the office door are two framed pictures. |
| The first picture was taken on July 4th 1970. A five year old boy is sitting on his knees with a finger sticking up his nose. Sitting next to the nosepicker is a two year old girl with a red mustache. The fruit punch kid is me and in my tiny lap is a ten month old baby. Emily, the baby, is chubby in the picture, cute and chubby. Katie is a strong contrast to the rest of us in the picture. She is sitting with perfect posture and with perfect poise. All of her fingers are in appropriate places and her meals are in her digestive system rather than on her face. The three of us, besides Katie, have brown hair like the majority of Jewish children do. I remember, even back then at my incredibly young age, I felt jealousy towards Katie's "yellow" hair. |
| The next picture on the wall was taken four years later; July 4th 1974. Katie, who is dressed in a patriotic blue and red dress, sits in the center of the picture. I sit on the left of her while Emily sits on her right. Joshua stands in back providing his sister, Emily, with rabbit ears. |
| Emily was furious a week later when the pictures came back from the photo store. "Look," she whined to me. "Look what my brother did!" She was four years old; an age where kids could not emotionally handle having strange objects poking out of their head in a picture. |
| "You ruined the picture." Katie glared at Joshua from across the table. The four of us were all sitting in my parent's deli. Customers periodically turned from their food to watch us. I guess they found us either adorable or annoying. "Why did you have to ruin the picture?" |
| Joshua laughed and tried to act cool. He probably thought he was too mature to be bothered by the pestering of his younger sister. "I did it too enhance Emily's appearance." |
| "What?" I was only past kindergarden. I couldn't understand this guy's complicated weekly-vocabulary-book language. |
| "Never mind." Joshua rolled his eyes. "You guys are a bunch of retards." "We are not!" Katie protested. She turned her head to make her blond hair swing. The hair hit Joshua in the face. My aunt Sarah exited from behind the counter and came over to the counter. "Hi Mommy," Katie cooed. |
| Aunt Sarah's face wasn't all bubbly like her daughter's. Her face looked like a stone. All of us cousins knew she was angry. "You know you're not supposed to be loud in the deli. If you kids are going to fight then you can do it at home." |
| "We can't stay at home." Katie reminded her mother. "There is no one to take care of us." |
| "I'll send you to the orphanage then." Aunt Sarah stormed away which made me feel a little sick to my stomach. I didn't like when my aunts or uncles got angry around me. I preferred their faces to be full of smiles and their arms full of presents. |
| Emily's eyes widened. "Is she really going to send you to an orphanage?" |
| "Oh God," Joshua rolled his eyes. "How will you go to kindergarden this fall if you're so stupid?" |
| "I'm not stupid!" |
| "She's only four." I tried to stick up for Emily. She was my favorite of the cousins. |
| "I'm almost five." |
| "Good for you," Joshua said. He got up from his chair and rushed away. |
| "Thank God he's gone." Katie pulled her blond hair into a ponytail. "Sky, do you have a rubberband." |
| "No," I replied. "Keep your hair down. It looks fine." |
| "I know but I'm hot." |
| "Me too." Emily wiped some sweat off her brow. "I wish it would snow." |
| Katie giggled and patted Emily's head. "You're so cute." |
| "I am?" Emily seemed quite proud. |
| "Yeah, you're adorable." She pulled Emily into her lap. I watched to see the reactions of the deli costumers. All of them stared and pointed at my two cousins as if they were elephants taking a crap at the zoo. |
| "Isn't that darling," an elderly lady remarked. "A baby carrying a baby." |
| "I am not a baby!" Emily hopped off Katie's lap in protest. "I am four years old!" The lady and her friends all laughed. I shot a look of anger at them for they had no right to laugh at my cousins. |
| I guess the lady detected our anger because her laughter subsided and she called us over to her table. "I'm sorry children." She took Emily's tiny hand. "I didn't mean to make you angry." |
| "I'm not a baby," Emily repeated. "I'm starting kindergarden this fall." |
| "And I bet you'll do real good in school." The lady reached into her purse. My heart quickened. Was she taking out some poisonous candy; the kind our parents always warned us about? The lady's hand emerged not with candy, but with three cows; a blue, pink, and green one. |
| "What are those?" Katie demanded. |
| "They're erasers. I got them in the mail." |
| "You did?" I knew what the astonishment in Katie's voice referred to. We never got such neat things mail. Who was this lady's mailman? I made a mental note to find out. "Can we have them?" |
| The cow lady glanced at her friends and laughed. "Sure, you can have them. What would an old lady like me do with a bunch of cow erasers?" |
| "Milk them?" Emily's suggestion brought out hysterical laughter from the grown-ups. By now the whole store was tuned in to the conversation. "Can we really have the cows?" |
| "Of course." The lady handed each of us an animal. I got the blue one, Katie got the pink, and Emily got the green. |
| "What do you say?" My mother asked, insulting our intelligence. |
| "Thank you," Katie obeyed her Aunt's orders. "Thank you for the cow." |
| "You're very welcome." The cow lady looked at me. I knew that my own mother was watching me; waiting to see if I too had manners. |
| "Thank you." |
| "You're welcome." |
| "Thank you." Emily took her turn. We cradled the cows in our palms. I don't know about Emily or Katie. But I personally was feeling pretty lucky. |
| We took the cows outside since the store was getting a tad stuffy for us. Before we walked out the door, my Aunt Mara stopped us. "Emily," she said, "don't stay out to long. I don't want you to lose too much salt." |
| "I won't, Mommy." |
| Later when we were sitting on top of the grassy hill across from the street of the deli, I asked Emily about the salt. |
| "Yeah," Katie added to my question "Why is your mom so worried about salt?" |
| Emily shrugged her tiny shoulders. "I dunno." |
| "You know Emily, you're a weird kid." I nodded my head to agree with Katie. It was true. Emily was weird. She was different from Katie and I. |
| "I'm weird?" |
| "Yeah," Katie answered. "You take pills and you...you...you know." |
| "I'm not weird." I guess Emily realized that the word we had attached to her wasn't too positive. "I'm going to be in kindergarden." |
| Katie laughed. "Jeez Emily, you think you're so great about the stupid kindergarden. Just wait. By next summer you'll hate school. Wait until you start addition." |
| "Yeah," I echoed, "wait till you start addition." |
| Emily gulped. "Addition?" |
| "Yeah, it's really hard." Katie placed her pink cow on a broken tree branch. "Moooooooo." |
| "Mooooooo," my blue cow repeated. "Mooooooo." |
| "Mooooo my name mooooo is Mr. Pink" |
| "Moooo Mr. Pink. My name is Mr. Blue." |
| "What's my name?" Emily's cow asked. |
| "He has to moo." Katie made her mouth into an 'o' to show Emily how to mooo. |
| "I know how to moo! I'm going to be in kindergarden. I'm not stupid." |
| "Yes moooo you are moooo." |
| "Moooo," the green cow butted the pink cow with it's ears. "Don't make fun of Katie!" |
| I giggled. "I hate all this mooing." |
| Katie looked at me with astonisment. "So do I." She looked down at my cow. "Mr. Blue you must learn to talk without mooing." |
| "Okay moooo." Mr. Blue replied. |
| "No!" Katie laughed at me. "Sky, tell your cow not to say 'Mooo'." |
| "Mr. Blue, stop saying 'Moo'." Katie laughed at me. Her approval of my joke made me feel like a somewhat worthwhile human being. |
| "Mr. Pink, stop saying 'Moo.'." Katie nudged Emily. "Your turn. Tell Mr. Green to stop mooing." |
| Mr. Green climbed up on Emily's knee where it experienced a minor earthquake. |
| "Stop shaking your leg and tell Mr. Green to stop mooing!" |
| "Okay." Emily obeyed Katie. She pulled her knee up to her nose and whispered to the cow. |
| "Will he stop mooing?" |
| "Yeah," Emily answered. |
| "Yeah," Mr. Green answered in a voice lower than it's master. "I'm going to be in kindergarden." |
* * *
| Mr. Pink, Mr. Green and my very own Mr. Blue spent the summer with me and my cousins. The six of us went on many fabulous adventures together. We got wet in the great rapids (otherwise known as the local swimming pool). We survived enormous rainstorms (the sprinkler in the yard), talked to psychotic ex-convicts (Joshua) and overdosed on highly hallucinogenic drugs (chopped up sweet tarts). It was a great summer, I'll have to say. |
| But out of all those daring activities, my cousins and our cows experienced, our favorite was the film festival. Every day at two-fifty, Emily, Katie, and I would come in from the hot outside, get cleaned up, and come into the den. Who's den? It varied from day to day. Some days we went to the Emily film festival, while other days we went to the Sky or Katie festival. |
| The three of us would get a bowl full of bagel chips, rest our cows in a clean ashtry Emily had made in preschool (we brought it to whoever's house the film festival was at), and then we'd turn on the t.v. |
| Sesame Street. It was a gift from God himself. Some of the kids in my kindergarden class had already outgrown the show but not me. I loved the show and so did Katie who was going to be a second grader, a grade in which most kids have graduated to shows like the Brady Bunch. |
| One day while we were watching Big Bird solve one of his-or her- perplexing problems, Katie interrupted Grover's solution to make an announcement. "I'm moving to Sesame Street," she proclaimed. "You can come with me if you want." |
| "We can?" Emily swallowed one of her mystery pills and gulped down some water. |
| "How do you do that?" Katie was steered from her moving subject, something I was dying to hear about. Moving to Sesame Street seemed like the best idea Katie had ever thought up. But Katie didn't go back to the moving subject. She asked Emily again. "How do you swallow all those pills?" |
| "It's easy. Wanna try?" |
| "No way! I wouldn't take pills if you bought me a real stable for my cow. I wouldn't if you bought me a diamond ring. I wouldn't if...." |
| "Shut up," I requested Katie politely. "Please." |
| Katie glared at me and I shrunk considerably in size. "I'm not taking you with me to Sesame Street if you're going to be such a bitch." |
| "Katie said the B word!" I shouted to the cows and other invisible members of the film festival committee. "Katie said the B word!" |
| "Oh My God," Emily murmured. "Oh my God." |
| Katie shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes as if her crime didn't matter. "At least I didn't take the Lord's name in vain." Katie told Emily. "You're not supposed to say 'Oh my God.'" |
| It was time for me to send Katie back to her Sesame Street subject. "Are you going to take a plane there or a car?" |
| "I don't know." |
| "I think you should take a plane," Emily said. "That way you can get one of those cute coloring books from the pilot." |
| "True." Katie nodded her head. "Do you think I should take a plane, Sky?" |
| A plane seemed like a fine method of transportation. However, I realized there was some other things to consider. "Are you going to tell your parents you're going or are you going to just run away?" |
| "I don't know." |
| "You better decide." |
| "I will." Katie got up and lowered the volume of the t.v set. "We don't need to hear the t.v since we'll be living there." |
| "Yeah." A smile crawled across Emily's face. "I wanna live with Big Bird. I wanna live in his nest." |
| "Okay," Katie decided. "That's fine with me. Is it okay with you, Sky?" |
| I didn't answer. I was very entertained by the prospect of moving to Sesame Street but I wasn't too keen on running away. |
| "What's wrong, Sky?" Emily asked in her sweet little voice. |
| "I don't want to run away. Who will feed us?" I imagined the terrible prospect of loosing those yummy bagels at the deli. What would we do without food? Would our stomachs growl forever? Did they allow stomach growlers on Sesame Street? I decided to repeat my question. "Who will feed us?" |
| "Yeah," Emily chimed in. "What will we eat? Who will make us peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches?" |
| "You silly kids! Mr. Hooper will feed us and Cookie Monster can share his cookies." |
| "Oh yeah," I grinned. "Why didn't I think of that before?" |
| "Because you're a dodobird brain." |
| "She is not!" Emily defended me. "You're the dodo!" |
| "Bitch!" |
| "Katie said the B-word! Katie said the B-word!" My Aunt Mara rushed into the room. |
| "What's wrong?" She spoke calmly. "Why did you scream?" |
| Katie gave Emily a secret look meaning 'you tell and I chop off all your brown hair.' |
| "Why did she scream?" Katie said. "Is that what you asked?" |
| "Are you okay, Emily? Is there something the matter?" |
| "I'm fine, Mommy." |
| "Are you sure?" Emily nodded her head. Aunt Mara seemed kind of worried. I didn't like to see her like this. Why did Emily have to scream? Why did Katie have to say bad words? Why wasn't Sesame Street in Hollaway Illinois? "Hey, where is Sesame Street?" I asked proud of my thought provoking question. |
| "Sesame Street?" Aunt Mara's worried look went away and a smile replaced it. "You kids want to know where Sesame Street is?" |
| "Yes Mommy, we're going to move there. The three of us and our cows." |
| Katie glared at Emily and whispered in my ear. "I knew I shouldn't have told that little brat. She can't keep a secret." |
| "Stop making secrets about me!" |
| "Yes," Aunt Mara said softly. "It's not very polite to tell secrets." |
| "Sorry, Aunty Mara." Katie batted her eyelids. She was nauseously cute when she did that; could talk a grown-up into doing anything. |
| "That's okay." Aunt Mara took a seat in an empty chair. "Tell me about your move to Sesame Street." |
| "We're going to live there." Katie said. "We'll probably leave tommorow." |
| Tommorow???? I gulped. "That's kind of soon, isn't it?" |
| "Yeah," Aunt Mara agreed. "Isn't that a little soon? Are you sure you want to leave Hollaway and your wonderful parents tommorow?" |
| I shook my head. I personally was definitely not sure. My parents weren't as good as the grown-ups on Sesame Street but I kind of liked them. Katie stood up. With a Broadway voice she shouted, "I am going to Sesame Street and no one on this planet is going to stop me!" |
| "Me too!" Emily jumped and threw her arms over her head as if she was about to do a jumping jack. I was in an agonizing dilemna. Should I abandon my parents, Aunt Mara, the deli, and Holloway? Or should I drop my cousins and the dream of living next door to Ernie and Bert? |
| Katie took my hand and on her other side, she took Emily's hand. She raised our arms above our shoulders. "Together we will live in peace on Sesame Street!" |
| "Amen!" Aunt Mara giggled. How could she laugh when I was making such a difficult choice? Sadly, no one in the room knew my mind was struggling. They all thought I was emotionally ready to leave Hollaway for Sesame street. Then Aunt Mara frowned. "I'm sure going to miss you, Emily." Oh, I felt so bad for my aunt. She reminded me of how I felt when my Barbie doll got sucked up in the baby pool drain. |
| Katie put her arm around the grieving mother. "Don't worry, Aunt Mara. Emily will write you letters." |
| "But Emily can't write." That was it! The solution came to me. "How are you going to learn to write?" |
| "That's what they do all day in Sesame Street, Bird Poop." Katie rolled her eyes at me. Her insulting words caused my heart to sink into my the right corner of my lower intestine. I feared, when I stood up to flush later, that I'd find a symbol of valentines day in the toilet. |
| "Yeah, I'll learn to write in Sesame Street. Big Bird can teach me!" |
| "Yeah!" Katie rubbed her palms together. "And he can teach the cows too!" |
| Aunt Mara sniffled a little. I prayed to God that she wouldn't cry. Grown-ups weren't supposed to cry. It was against the law. "Please don't go," I wimpered. |
| "Mommy? Are you okay?" |
| I had to stop Aunt Mara from crying. I had to stop Katie and Emily from moving to Sesame Street. "Emily?" |
| "What?" |
| "They don't have a kindergarden class in Sesame Street." |
| "That's right," Aunt Mara's crying symptoms completely and miraculously disappeared. There was no signs of tears or anything. "You might learn to read at Sesame Street but there will be no kindergarden. No naptime, no cookies, and no milk. No story hour, no...." |
| Tears formed in Emily's large brown eyes. I hated to see my cousin cry but it sure beat having to see my aunt cry. "Katie?" |
| "What?" |
| "I really want to go to kindergarden." |
| Katie sighed and plopped back down on the couch. "Are you backing out on me?" |
| "No." |
| "So you're coming with me?" |
| "No." |
| Katie sighed again. "This is just great." She turned to our Aunt. "Sorry, Aunt Mara, but your kid really disappointed me." |
| "That's okay," Aunt Mara smiled her lovely smile. "You know Hollaway can be a fun place if you make it." True, that was very true. "And Sesame Street will always be on t.v. for you to watch." |
| "That's good to know." Katie got off the couch. Imitating the motions of a turtle, she walked over to the t.v and turned up the volume. "I guess since we're not going tommorow I'll watch the show." Unfortunately, Sesame Street was already rolling it's credits. Katie sobbed and I watched her with pity. Poor kid. |
| "Sorry," Emily whispered. She stroked Katie's back. |
| "That's okay," Katie murmured. "I'll be okay. Just give me a few days." |
| I got up from the couch and picked up the ashtray. I had to do something to stop my cousin's tears. I handed her the pink cow. "Mr. Pink wants you to feel better." |
| Katie smiled a little. "Thank you." |
| "Mr. Blue also wants you to feel better." |
| "Thank you, Mr. Blue." She laughed a little. We both waited for a statement from Mr. Green. |
| "Mr. Green has to use the poddy." Katie and I laughed our heads off as Emily ran out of the room and into the bathroom. |
Chapter 3-Back to Our Hotel
| I lay in bed. Adam watches me. "Are you okay?" he asks. I nod my head. Lucky for me, he accepts the fact that there is something wrong which I don't want to discuss. Adam doesn't press me for information. Nor does he tell me to cheer up, put a smile on my face, and stop ruining the vacation. Instead, Adam just sits on the bed and watches me. |
| "Was it Katherine Rain?" Adam speaks after a few minutes of silence. "I know that may sound silly but it seems like you got upset after seeing her." |
| "Adam, I..." |
| "I know. You don't want to talk about it." |
| I smile at him. "Thank you." |
| He sighs without a smile. "You're welcome." Then he gently takes my hand and touches the engagement ring. "You'll tell me someday, won't you?" |
| "Yes," I whisper through tears. "I'll tell you." |
Chapter 4-Emily and her Medicine
| Fall 1974 came along and pushed summer vacation away. Joshua started fourth grade; developed his first crush. Katie started second grade and was fought over by all her peers. Each one of them wanted to be her best buddy. Even in the first grade halls (where I dwelled) there were voices of kids wanting to be friends with my cousin. "Katie said 'hi' to me!" I heard one girl squeal. It made me feel kind of superior. Here these kids were fighting over someone I had played with the whole summer, someone who shared the same blood as I! |
| Emily started kindergarden and her career as a student. She fell in love with school and to Katie's and my shock, wasn't rattled by addition. She was a definite brain. |
| "You're a nerd," Katie complained one day in October. The three of us sat in Emily's den watching Bugs Bunny Cartoons. A few weeks before Katie had announced her retirement as a Sesame Street fan. She decided it was no longer in vogue for a second grader to watch public television. |
| "What's a nerd?" Emily asked and cleared her throat. Lately, she had been clearing her throat a lot. My mother had mentioned something about Emily being congested, whatever that meant. |
| "A nerd is someone who is like you," Katie replied. I nodded my head; seemed like a fine answer. "You're a nerd." |
| "Is that good?" |
| Katie laughed and rolled her eyes. "Do you think I would call you something good, Guthead?" |
| "Mommy! Mommy! Katie told me a bad name!" |
| "She did?" Aunt Mara called from the kitchen. "What did she call you?" |
| "She called me a nerd!" |
| Aunt Mara entered the room carrying a tray of bagles sprinkled with cinnamon. I took note of the shiny gold ring that rested on her fourth finger. It was so beautiful. I wondered if one day I'd get married and have a ring like that. "Who wants a snack?" the ring wearer asked. |
| "Me!" Katie announced and then softened her voice to a polite tone "I would love some bagels, Mrs. Katz." |
| "Mrs. Katz?" Aunt Mara laughed. |
| "That's your name, isn't it?" I nodded my head in agreement. I always heard people at the deli calling Aunt Mara Mrs. Katz. Why couldn't we call her that? |
| "I'd prefer you call me Aunt Mara." |
| "Why?" Katie bent her head down and let the blond hair fall over her face. |
| "Because if you don't, I won't give you any bagels." |
| "Okay," Katie moved her hair away from her face to display a smile. |
| "Mommy?" |
| "Yes Emily?" |
| "Katie called me a nerd. What does that mean?" Aunt Mara sighed with a smile "Mommy?" |
| "Yes?" |
| "Do I still have to go to the doctor's today?" Katie and I gasped. Neither of us had heard anything about Emily having to go the doctor. |
| "You're going to the doctor?" Katie demanded. "Why didn't you tell us?" |
| "I forgot." Emily's answer was rather simple. |
| "When do you have to go?" |
| "In ten minutes," Aunt Mara answered my question. |
| "Will you have to get a shot?" Katie lowered her eyes in sympathy. "Will you have to get a needle in your butt? I had to do that once. Remember? I couldn't sit down for three days. It hurt more than...." |
| "That's a nice story." Aunt Mara gathered a crying Emily into her arms. |
| "Emily don't cry," Katie begged. "Maybe you won't have to get a shot." |
| "Y..y..y...es I wi..wi.ll," Emily stuttered. "The d..do..octor will hurt me!" The poor kid was bawling. "I don't wanna go!" |
| "You have to go, Sweetheart. The doctor is going to help you. There may be a quick prick or two but it will be over in a second." Aunt Mara smiled a little. |
| "Yeah," Katie chimed in. "It will only take a second." Emily cried for a few more minutes and then finally calmed down. She was all stuffed up though from crying; kept coughing. |
| "Do you have a cough?" Katie asked her. |
| "No," Emily answered. |
| "Aunt Mara?" There was a question I had to ask; a question I had kept bottled up for so many years. I always had a desire to ask but I chickened out each time the desire wanted to take action. |
| "Yes, Sky?" Aunt Mara moved her hand and the gold ring reflected a drop of sunlight. |
| "Why does Emily take pills before she eats?" There the question was out. Now I'd find the truth. |
| Aunt Mara sighed. "It's sort of hard to explain. She takes it because..." |
| "I take it to make me stronger. It's like Popeye's spinach." Emily flexed her muscles. |
| "Will you die without the pills?" I gasped with astonishment. How dumb of a question could Katie ask? Only old people died. Who ever heard of a five year old dying? It was just plain silly; monsterous! |
| "I'm going to die!" Emily gulped. "Oh no!" |
| "You're not going to die, Emily," Aunt Mara said slowly. |
| "Then why does she have to take the pills?" |
| "Because she has trouble digesting her food." I didn't like the look on my aunt's face. The cheerfulness was gone. Her mouth was still turned up into a smile but her eyes looked ancient and worn; like one of the mummies at the museum. "Without the pills, Emily eats but none of the nutrition stays in her." "What if she doesn't take the pill?" Katie demanded. "Does she die?" My cousin then did her first real dramatic performance. She stood up and then toppled to the floor. When she was lying down, Katie spread out her arms, closed her eyes, and stuck out her tongue. |
| "What's wrong with, Katie?" Emily poked me in my side. "Is she okay?" |
| "I'm dead!" Katie announced. "Can't you see that?" "You're not dead!" Emily seemed very proud of her declaration. "Dead people can't talk." |
| "They can talk in heaven." I suggested. "Don't they Aunt Mara?" |
| But Aunt Mara didn't answer my question. "Katie? Sky? Why don't you get your coats. I'll drop you off on the way to the doctors." When she said that, Joshua came running down the stairs. |
| "Hi ugly," Katie complimented Joshua. |
| "I know you are but what am I?" |
| "Retarded." |
| "I know you are but what am I?" |
| "Dumbpoop!" |
| "I know you are but...." |
| "Stop!" Emily interrupted the argument. She looked at her brother. "Joshua stop picking on my cousin." Then she looked at Katie. "Katie, stop picking on my brother." |
| "I wasn't picking on him!" Katie rolled her eyes. "Emily, sometimes you can be a big baby!" |
| "Yeah," Joshua agreed with the girl who had been his enemy a few minutes back. "Besides Emily, Katie's my cousin too. She's both of ours." I was kind of jealous of Katie at this moment. All these people were fighting over her. No one was even mentioning me. |
| "Come on kids," Aunt Mara gathered us together. "We're not in court." The four of us kids and the one grown-up piled into the car. The drive was rather short for we all lived on the same street. |
* * *
| The lukewarm water wiggled through my hair and onto my face. |
| "I didn't get soap in your eyes, did I?" |
| "No Mommy." My mother grinned. Everytime I took a bath she'd ask me that same question. The last spring while taking a bath I had gotten non Johnson and Johnson shampoo in my eyes. It had been quite painful and I cried like I was participating in a tear marathon. My mother was faced with feelings of incredible guilt. It was she who was giving me the bath and I think she thought it was her fault. So, now my mother was always extra careful when washing my hair. |
| "Did you have fun at school today?" It was a question she asked everyday. |
| "Yes." |
| "What did you do?" |
| "Nothing." |
| My mother sighed. "Why do we send you kids to school when all you do is nothing." I shrugged my shoulders. "You know Sky, before I met you, I didn't know there was a such thing as doing nothing." |
| "You didn't?" Doing nothing didn't seem that challenging. Was I really special for the feat? |
| "Yeah, I mean I have always been doing something." My mother put the conditioner in my hair. "I'm either cooking, taking care of you, reading, writing, shopping....If I'm not doing one of those things then I'm sleeping or thinking or...." |
| "At school we drew halloween masks. I made a witch costume." |
| "So! You did do something." |
| "Yeah," I said, not quite understanding my mother's enthusiasm. |
| "You know, the only people that can manage to do nothing are dead people." |
| "Mom?" I remembered a question I had to ask. |
| "Yes?" |
| "Why does Emily take medicine before she eats?" |
| My mother smiled. The joy in her eyes disappeared but not as much as Aunt Mara's. "Why do you ask?" |
| "I want to know. She always takes medicine. Why don't I take the medicine? What's it for?" |
| "Well, your cousin has a small problem with eating. When she eats, the food goes right through her." My mother took a deep breath. "I don't know how to explain it to you." |
| "Please!" I begged. "I want to know." |
| My mother was quiet for a few seconds so she could think up a good answer. "You know when you go the bathroom?" I nodded my head. "Well, that's part of your body's process of handling your food. Do you understand?" I shook my head. My mom giggled a little. "I'm not good at explaining things." |
| "Tell me!" |
| "When you eat your body does a lot of things with your food. Some of it comes out in the toilet but the rest of it goes into your body to help you grow and be healthy." |
| "Oh," I said, "but why does Emily have to take the medicine?" |
| "Emily has a tiny problem in her stomach area that makes her get rid of too much of the food. There is not enough food for her to grow and be healthy because all the food is in the toilet." |
| "Oh no," I murmured with a dramatic flare (but not Broadwayish like Katie) |
| "But the medicine is doing a fine job of helping Emily. However, without the medicine she'd be very sick and she'd be too skinny." |
| "The medicine helps?" My mother nodded her head. "What's it called?" |
| "Cotazyme." |
| "Sounds like cow food." I wonder if Mr. Green knew about Emily's eating and poo problem. |
| My mother laughed. "You're cute, Sky." |
| "Thank you." I said. It felt neat to get a compliment even though it was just from my own mother. Katie was always getting all the compliments and I never thought it was really that fair. "Can I get out now?" |
| "Sure," My mom replied. She grabbed my towel off the closed toilet seat and pulled me out of the tub. |
Chapter 5-Emily Becomes a Drum |
| The next afternoon Bugs Bunny blew up Elmer Fudd and Emily burst into tears. |
| "It's okay," Katie put her arm around Emily. "Elmer will come alive again. He always does." |
| "I know," Emily sniffled. "That's not why I cried." |
| "Then why did you cry?" I asked. |
| "I had a bad time at the doctor yesterday." |
| "You did?" Katie wrinkled her nose. "Did you get a lot of shots?" Emily nodded her head. More tears fell from her eyes. "Did you get that long thing stuck down your throat." |
| "Yes," Emily turned to me and looked into my eyes. She seemed so sad. It made me want to cry. "You know what?" |
| "What?" Katie and I said together. |
| "I'm a drum now." |
| "What???" A giggle popped out of my throat like a deformed kernel of unbuttered popcorn. |
| "Don't laugh," Katie scolded me. "It's not right to laugh when someone is crying, especially your own cousin." |
| I bent my head down in extreme shame. "Sorry." |
| "That's okay," Emily mumbled. She groaned. "Every night my mommy has to hit me. She hits my back and above my boobies and my sides just like I'm a drum. It sounds like a drum!" |
| "Ooooooh," Katie moaned, "you must be a real bad girl. I never got that many spankings." |
| "Everynight she has to do that," Emily sobbed. "Everynight!" |
| "Why?" I asked. I couldn't imagine Emily being so devilish too deserve such harsh discipline. |
| "Because the doctor said I have too much moo moo in my body." |
| "Moo moo?" |
| "Mucus!" Aunt Mara called from the kitchen. I guess the sneaky lady had been eaves dropping on our conversation. "You have too much mucus, not moo moo." |
| "I know!" Emily screamed. "I know!" |
| "Sshhh," Katie whispered. "Don't scream. You're mom will hit you more." |
| "Does she have to do it tonight?" |
| "Yeah," Emily answered my question. "Every night." Aunt Mara came into the room carrying a tray of bagel chips. I felt a big puddle of anger built up inside me. I no longer saw this bagel lady as my sweet, funny, Aunt Mara. I saw her as Cinderalla's evil stepmother, Hansel and Gretal's mother, the witch with the poisen apple, the.... |
| "Aunt Mara?" Katie interrupted my thoughts. |
| "Yes?" |
| "I don't like talking mean to grown-ups but I really think it's bad what you're doing." |
| "What do you mean?" I didn't like the sourness in Aunt Mara's voice. |
| "Why do you hit Emily everynight? Isn't that a little unfair?" |
| "Yeah," I chimed in. I wasn't as daring as Katie to bring the subject up. But I was quite capable of agreeing outloud with Katie. "Why do you hit Emily?" |
| Then a terrible thing happened. Tears came out of my aunt's eyes, real tears! She dropped the bagel chips and ran out of the room. Never in my life had I seen a grown-up cry. And even today, sixteen years later, I can still vividly see my Aunt's tears. It was a devastating thing to witness. |
| I cried myself to sleep that night, wondering why Emily had to be hit everynight. It didn't seem fair at all. She hadn't done anything bad. And what made it even worse was Aunt Mara didn't even seem to want to do it. If she was so upset about hitting Emily then why was she doing it? |
Chapter Six-A Question for Adam |
| I wake up early in the morning; think it's about three o'clock. I clear my throat a few times hoping Adam will awaken. He does and I'm glad. I don't like the loneliness I feel when he's asleep and I'm awake. |
| "Is it morning?" He moans. |
| "No." I laugh a little. "Well, it's morning but not morning enough to wake up." |
| "Oh," Adam moans. "Go back to sleep then. We need our rest." |
| "Okay." I allow him to go back to sleep even though I don't want him to. Five minutes later, I wake him up again. |
| "Sky, are you okay?" |
| "Adam, have you ever heard of Cystic Fibrosis?" He's going to think I've gone crazy. I know he will. He will wonder why I'm asking such obscure questions. |
| "Yes, I've heard of it." |
| "Do you know what it is?" |
| "Yes of cour..." Adam stops. "Okay, I don't really know what it is. I've heard of it though. Isn't it some kind of disease?" |
| "Yes." I turn my pillow around to the cold side. It is obvious by looking at Adam's face that he is tired. "Okay, you can go back to sleep." |
| "Okay," Adam turns his pillow around also. He closes his eyes and drifts asleep. |
Chapter 7-Passover 1975 |
| Katie was lucky. She had a Jewish mother and a Christian father. Having two religions equaled more holidays which in turn equaled more presents. She celebrated both Christmas and Hannukah; and celebrated Easter as well as Passover. |
| The day after Easter I went over to Katie's house. Emily wasn't there that time. She was at a friends house so it was just Katie and I. |
| An enormous Easter basket stood on Katie's dresser. It was full of chocolote eggs, M & M's, jelly beans, marshmellow bunnies etc. "Yum," I commented, "looks really good." (not hinting or anything, of course) |
| "Yeah," Katie grinned. "I think I like the Jesus holiday better than the other one." |
| "You do?" How I wished to be able to make my own judgement about the two religions. I always begged my mother to allow us to try the Christian religion but she always refused. |
| "Yeah, I don't know what I'd do without Easter. It's so fun." |
| "It is?" |
| "Yeah," Katie replied, "it's pretty neat." The Katz side of Katie's family which included myself, my parents, Aunt Mara, Uncle Jacob, Grandpa, Grandma, Emily, and Joshua never partook in the Easter eggs hunts that the Rain side of Katie's family held. It always made me sick with envy when Katie traveled to her other grandmother's house, the candy-giving grandmother we didn't share. |
| Two days after Easter, Passover came; the holiday that the Katz side of Katie's family celebrated. There was a long table in my Grandparent's home and we all sat there for the seder. Grandpa Jules resided on the end of the table where he kept watch on the family. Grandma Anne sat besides him bickering about whatever she could find to bicker about. On the other end of the table, my Uncle Jacob (Emily's father) sat. Aunt Sarah was on one side of Uncle Jacob and my Aunt Mara was on the other side. (Aunt Mara and Uncle Jacob would kiss each other at certain intervals causing us already-sexually-curious children to giggle like lunatics) Inbetween all the above described people were my parents and some extra relatives that we, the cousins, didn't share. |
| The children sat at a seperate square shaped table. It was covered by a table cloth decorated with the star of David. "I'm glad we finished the ceremony junk," Joshua remarked when the matzah ball soup got passed to our puny table. "Now we can eat normal food!" |
| "I like the Passover," Katie told Joshua. "I like that cinnamon apple stuff!" |
| "Do you know what that's called?" Aunt Sarah bellowed from the grown-up table. I wondered why she was trying to test us. We weren't in school, were we? |
| "Mashed apple pie?" |
| "No," Uncle Jacob laughed at Katie. "It's called Haroset. It's a symbol for the cement our ancestors used to build things for the Egyptians when the Jews were slaves. See, at one time, long ago, Jews...." |
| "We understand, Dad," Joshua interrupted my Uncle. |
| "Okay," Uncle Jacob went back to eating. We at the children's table were all thankful for Joshua's interruption. None of us wanted to hear any grown-ups acting like school teachers. Besides, we had already gone through all the passover history junk during the seder thing. |
| "My favorite part is the ghost!" |
| "You mean Elijah?" Joshua asked Emily who nodded her head. |
| I licked my lips to remove some soup that had stained them. "It's so cool how Elijah drank the wine. I never knew ghosts were real!" |
| "They're not." Joshua lifted his head to show off his imagined intelligence. "Elijah isn't real. You don't believe he's real, do you?" |
| "He is real!" Katie proclaimed. |
| "Yeah," Emily and I said together, "Elijah is real!" |
| "No, he's not. When we're not looking one of the adults drink the wine." |
| "Liar!" The three of us yelled in protest. |
| "Children hush!" My father scolded the occupants of the Star of David table. "This is a holiday not a funeral. It's a time to be happy not sad." |
| "Uncle Sam, is Elijah real?" Katie asked my father. |
| "Of course," my dad replied. All the grownups laughed as if Katie had asked about the male anatomy or something. |
| "I know it's just one of you who drinks the wine." Joshua said in a disgusting know-it-all voice. "I'm not stupid like these little brats." |
| "We are not brats," Emily whined. |
| "Crybaby!" |
| "I am not a crybaby." Emily burst into tears and snot shot out from her nose. "Elijah is real." |
| "I like Easter better." Katie said those words extra extra loud. All the grown-ups at the large Non-Star-of-David table turned around to stare at her. "On Easter you get lots of goodies. On passover all you get is gross stuff. We don't fight at my other grandmother's house." |
| "Hey Katie," Aunt Mara laughed. "You're lucky we're not very religious. Some Jews have to go on special Passover diet for eight days. |
| "What kind of diet?" Katie asked. |
| "They can't eat bread. Instead they eat matzah." |
| "I like matzah." |
| The grownups all looked at each other and burst like swollen hyenas. "Did you know that some Jews are on special diets their whole life?" Grandpa Jules asked. |
| "They are?" |
| "Yes, before I married you're grandmother I was kosher." |
| "What does that mean?" I asked. |
| "Well, we couldn't eat meat and dairy products at the same time. We couldn't eat any shellfish. We had to eat a snake's eye once a week...." |
| "Jules!" My Uncle Jacob turned pink. "Don't tell the children stories!" |
| "Do Jewish people really eat snake eyes?" |
| "No." My Uncle Jacob answered my question. "You're grandpa is just being silly." |
| Katie and I looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders. We went back to eating our food while the grownups went back to their complicated and symbolic conversation. After a while, we all finished eating and Grandpa Jules made an announcement. |
| "Okay, it's time for you kids to find the Afikoman, the hidden matzah," he said. "Do you remember that from last year?" |
| "Yeah," Katie answered. "We got prizes." |
| "That's right and there's more prizes this year. Now go and find it!" Joshua, Katie, Emily, and I violently pushed back our chairs and scattered through the house. Katie went towards the den and Joshua went upstairs. Emily and I looked in the office where the two framed pictures were hanging out. |
| Emily pointed to the oldest picture. "Which baby is me?" |
| "You already know which one. I tell you everytime we're here." |
| "No, I don't," Emily whined. "I don't know." |
| "Yes, you do." I quickly pointed to the baby in my lap. "That's you." |
| "Did I have to take my cotazyme then?" |
| "I don't know!" My outburst was due to my getting sick of Emily's seemingly endless questions. Didn't she understand that we had to find the matzah? "Do you want to get the prize?" |
| "Oh yeah! I forgot." The two of us turned over cushions and opened the drawers in a wild frenzy. We had to find the matzah! |
| "Found it!" A repulsive male's voice called from upstairs. Emily and I groaned. |
| "No fair!" Katie yelled from the den. "You found it last year!" The four of us met together in the den. "Why do you always find it, Joshua?" |
| "Because I'm the oldest and the smartest." Tears started to form in my eyes. I tried very hard not to let them fall. I didn't want everyone to know how down I felt. Emily, however, wasn't so succesful at keeping her emotions hidden; she bawled. |
| "Children, did you find it?" My grandpa called from the dining room. |
| "Yes," we moaned. |
| "Hey, don't worry," Joshua said. I think he felt a little guilty about finding the matzah again. Of course he did very much deserve his guilty feelings. "Remember last year? We all got prizes." |
| "That's true," I replied. We had all gotten a prize. Joshua got something extra though; a dollar. |
| "Come on." Joshua motioned us to follow him to the dining room. We stepped in there and handed the matzah to Grandpa Jules. |
| "No." Grandpa Jules handed the matzah back to Joshua. "You don't give the matzah to us until I pay you." |
| "Okay then pay us." Katie rubbed her hands together. "Pay us wonderful kids." The grown-ups all laughed. Emily coughed; part of her little nameless problem. |
| "Is that your CS?" Katie asked Emily in a Barbera Walter's style. |
| "No, it's CF." Joshua corrected Katie. "Emily has CF not CS." |
| Katie shrugged her shoulders. "Let's get back to the prizes." |
| "Good idea," Grandpa Jules said. He reached under the table and took out a Barbie coloring book. "This is for Emily." Emily touched the book gingerly with her finger and then her other hand tightened it's grip and took the book from Grandpa. |
| "What do you say?" Aunt Mara said. |
| "Thank you." Emily blushed. She put her arms around Grandpa Jules and very quickly kissed his cheek. |
| "You're welcome." Grandpa smiled. I could tell he liked giving us presents. That was fine because we liked receiving them. It all worked out quite perfectly. Grandpa reached under the table again and took out a book. I gathered my school knowledge and managed to read the cover How Babies are Made. Katie and I burst out laughing. |
| "What's so funny?" my mother demanded. |
| "Joshua has a baby book!" |
| "I do?" Joshua looked at the cover. He faked a smile. "How nice. Thanks Grandpa." I could tell he wasn't too delighted with his gift. |
| "Do you know how babies are made?" my grandmother asked. |
| "Sort of," Joshua answered. "It's like a man and woman get in bed and they...." |
| "That's good enough," My mom turned the color of vampire kool-aid. "I think that's all we need to know right now." |
| "Well Joshua," Grandpa grinned. "I bet there's some great illustrations in the book." All the grownups laughed. |
| "Really?" Joshua pretended to be happy. He took the book and a dollar bill and sat down at the children's table. |
| Next Grandpa Jules gave me my present; a collection of Barbie dolls shoes." Like Joshua, I had to fake my enthusiasm. I hated Barbie shoes. They always fell off the doll's feet. Whenever I bought a Barbie, I'd immediately take off their shoes. "Thank you." I hugged my grandpa." |
| "Okay Katie, it's your turn." Grandpa Jules handed Katie a package of silver (plastic) jewelery. Her face lit up like a candle. "I know how much you like to play dress-up." |
| "I do! I do!" Katie threw her arms around Grandpa and gave him a real kiss. Then she gracefully tore open the package and put the jewlery around her body. After that she turned to me. "Do I look like a princess?" |
| "No," I answered honestly. |
| Katie bit her lip. I think she was one who sometimes preferred for people not to be truthful. "Then what am I?" |
| "A famous actress," Grandma Anne answered. "That's what you are." |
| Katie beamed and repeated grandma's words. "A famous actress." It was a term she'd never let anyone in the family forget. |
|
Chapter 8-Mommy plays the Drums |
| Emily and Katie sat on my bed. I was on the floor fanning myself with an issue of Time Magazine. It was late June, the month of my birthday. I was seven now; going into the second grade. |
| "Are we going to have a slumber party tommorow night?" I asked Katie. |
| "I can't. My mom says I need to have a night of rest." I nodded. We three did need some rest. Ever since school was out, we'd party every night. One night we'd sleep at Emily's. The next night we'd sleep at Katie's and the next night we'd sleep at my house. Twice, so far, we had slept at Grandma and Grandpa's. Their house was the best. They stocked up on all kinds of goodies; cakes, ice cream, M & M's, etc. Grandpa Jules would make us paper hats and dolls. Then Grandma Anne would tell us stories about how our parents were once naughty obnoxious children. Yes, Grandma and Grandpa's house was the most fun. But tonight we were only at my house. |
| Katie got off the bed and walked over to my dresser mirror. She stared at herself and then turned to me. "Do you think I'm pretty enough to be an actress?" |
| "You don't have to worry about how you look," I answered. "There are lots of ugly people on t.v." |
| Katie stuck her tongue out at me. "You're such a guthead Sky." |
| "Stop fighting," Emily blurted out. "Please." |
| "Make me!" Katie bounced back. Emily didn't reply. She picked up a stuffed animal in the shape of a moose and rocked it. |
| "When I was a baby I didn't have to be a drum." Emily sighed. I looked at her with pity. I hated it that my younger cousin had to be hit everynight. My parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents all said it was to help Emily but I still didn't like it. I didn't think it was fair for any kid to be hit. |
| "When you grow up you won't have to be a drum anymore, will you?" Katie asked. |
| "No, I'm going to be an artist," Emily replied. "I'm going to paint pictures and stuff." |
| "Oh." Katie and I looked at each other and nodded. Emily was good at art. When the kindergarden class displayed their artwork in the hall, Emily's work always stood out. |
| "What are you going to be?" Katie directed her profound question to me. |
| This was a question I had mulled over many times with no luck at finding an answer. "I want to be a...." |
| "Maybe you can be an artist too." |
| "Maybe," I replied. |
| "Or an actress." Katie wrinkled her nose. "Nahhh, I don't think you have the talent." I shrugged my shoulders. "You can be a mother." |
| "Yeah," I said. "I'll probably be a mother." |
| "Or a babysitter." Emily grinned at her brilliant idea. |
| "A babysitter would be good," Katie told me. "You can raid the refrigerator and boss kids around." |
| "Okay, I think I'll be a babysitter." As soon as I said those decisive words, my mother came into the room. |
| "Hi Aunt Rhonda!" Katie greeted with a too-much-sugar voice. "How are you?" |
| "I'm fine, Katie. How are you?" |
| "I'm Supercalifragilous." My mom smiled down at Katie. "I'm superduperwuperluper." |
| "That's good." Then my mom looked at Emily and smiled. "How are you doing?" |
| Emily greeted my mother with an upsidedown smile and red eyes. "Hi." |
| "You know what time it is, don't you." Emily rhythmically nodded her head. She hopped up on my bed and my mother followed. |
| "Can you call my mom and ask her if we can skip it tonight?" |
| "I already talked to her. She says you have to do it." |
| Emily swallowed loudly. I believe she was trying to hold in some tears. |
| "Are you okay, Emily?" I asked with sincere concern. It was so horrible what my baby cousin had to go through. |
| "We'll be right here," Katie whispered. "Just remember while Aunt Rhonda pounds you, one day you will be an artist." Katie's words brought a little smile out of Emily. |
| "Ready?" My mom asked. Emily nodded, laid down on her back, and put her head on the pillow in my mother's lap. |
| "Did you take off your rings?" There was a tinge of whine in Emily's voice. |
| "Yes, I took off my rings. Are you ready?" Emily nodded her head. My mom made her hands into a cup shape and clapped Emily's chest. She alternated between hands. The sound the hitting made was like a drum. It had a quick beat to it; kind of made you want to tap along or get up and dance. But we didn't. Katie and I just watched, silently wondering and questioning. |
| After a few minutes, my mom stopped drumming. "Am I doing it okay?" she asked Emily. |
| "I think so." |
| "Does it feel like when your mother does it?" Emily shrugged her shoulders and my mother started to bite her nails. "If it doesn't feel right, tell me. You won't hurt my feelings." |
| "I think it feels all right," Emily answered. "But I think I'm finished with this position." |
| My mom looked at her watch which she had taken off in order not to hurt Emily when she drummed. "Sky, hand me a kleenex," she ordered. I rushed into the bathroom pretending to be WonderWoman and got a few tissues. "Thank you, Sky." |
| "You're Welcome." |
| "Okay," my mother said to Emily. "Cough." Emily, with the kleenex in her hand, took a deep breath and followed my mother's directions. The cough was a clean one. From my other nights of watching Emily get therapy I could conclude that Emily wasn't going to cough up any of that wicked slimy stuff. There was a big difference between her clean coughs and slime coughs. The clean coughs sounded like my own cough while the slime cough sounded like my Uncle on the other side of my family, the one who smoked too much. It was kind of funny. Katie was like a smoker who never smoked. |
| When Emily finished her clean cough she got into the next position, sitting down with her back bent and shoulders slouched. My mother drummed her near the shoulder blades. |
| "I like this one best," Emily annouced. Her voice vibrated like a drum; making Katie and I laugh along to the beat of my mother beating. "Aaaaaaaahhh," Emily sang. Her voice sounded like when you stick your finger in and out of your ear when a vacuum cleaner is on. After that position, Emily coughed another clean cough. |
| "I'm clear today," she announced. "My mommy's going to be real happy about that. She likes when I'm clear." |
| "I'm sure she does," my mom replied. |
| "When I grow up I won't have to be a drum anymore." My mother didn't say anything to correspond with Emily's declaration. "Should I get into the next thing?" |
| "Yes, Sweetheart." Emily spread herself sideways across my mom's lap. "Ready?" |
| "Yeah." My mother began to hit her upper side. |
| "Does that hurt a lot?" Katie asked outloud while I asked silently. |
| "Yes!" Emily grimaced. |
| Katie moaned. "Oh Emily, you poor little darling." |
| "Well, it doesn't hurt that bad." Emily requested my mother to stop clapping for a few seconds. "Aunt Rhonda?" |
| "Yes?" |
| "Maybe you can clap Katie and Sky for a little bit; show them what's it's like." |
| My mother smiled at Emily. I could sense the love between the two of them. I didn't want it to, but their love made me feel jealous. I worried that my mother loved her niece better than she loved me. "Okay," my mother told Emily, "after I finish all your therapy, I'll show them what therapy is like." |
| So Katie and I waited half nervous, half anxious while my mom hit Emily's other side. And we waited patiently while Emily did the last position; the one where her butt was sort of sticking up in the air. |
| "Okay ready?" my mother said when Emily finished her last cough. |
| "Yeah," Katie climbed on to the bed and went into the second position; the sitting one. My mother clapped her back and Katie squealed. "Ooooh, that feels funny." |
| "Does it hurt?" I ask knowing my time was coming up. |
| "Not really." Katie wiggled out of my mother's reach. "I wouldn't want to do it everynight though." |
| After my turn I asked my mother a question. "What day can Emily stop this drum thing?" |
| "I don't know." My mother replied with her eyes away from me. |
| "Will it be soon?" Katie asked. "Will it be this summer?" |
| "I don't know. Maybe." Then my mother got off the bed. "I'll let you kids alone now. Behave yourself." |
| "Okay," Katie quickly agreed. My mother hugged us all and started to head out the room. |
| "Aunt Rhonda," Emily kept my mother from leaving. |
| "Yes Sweetheart?" |
| "I didn't have to be a drum when I was a baby. Remember?" |
| "Yes, I remember." It had taken quite a while for my mother to answer Emily's question. When she finally finished vocalizing her answer, she waved goodbye to us and left. |
Chapter 9-Grandma Makes Friends with the Gas Lady |
| Second grade, I found in the fall, was a bit harder than first grade. In first grade, about seventy percent of our time was spent playing. Now in second grade, we were only allowed to play if we finished our work. It was a frightening situation. We would have to do about four or five worksheets in a single hour. Sometimes, I didn't even have a chance to play. Those days I hated. I felt seriously deprived of my rights. |
| Emily was in first grade now. I was pretty jealous of her. Of course, I made sure she knew what was going to happen to her in a year. She was mortified when I spoke these words. "Enjoy your playtime now because next year you will have to work all the time. There will be no more fun!" |
| Katie was even less lucky. She was in third grade which had the reputation of being the proportionaly hardest grade in Kiley Elementary School. However, things weren't too bad for Katie since she was much more interested in the social aspect of school than the academic. She concentrated on boys more than addition. The only school subject she really found appealing was cursive because it would allow her to write more attractive notes to the boys. |
| On a Friday in September, my Grandma Anne took the four of us cousins out to dinner. Grandpa Jules was at some kind of club (playing poker I believe) so Grandma decided to have a night out with the wonderful children. In the car, Katie gave us a sypnosis of her weekly romance. "Jon Micheals chased me outside but I don't like him so I chased Bill. Bill kissed me when I found him." |
| "You kissed him?" Emily curtained her giggling mouth with her hand. |
| "Did you really kiss him?" Grandma asked. |
| "Yes and on the lips too!" |
| Grandma beamed. "I'm pretty impressed." |
| "You are?" I asked. Maybe I needed to find myself a boyfriend. |
| "I think girls are disgusting." Joshua added his unintelligent words to the conversation. |
| "Then why do I always see you staring at Whitney Ballwood?" Joshua gave Katie a real dirty look and the conversation ended there. We drove in silence the rest of the way. |
| The silence broke when we turned into the parking lot of the resturant. "Damn!" I think my grandma forgot the age of the people in her car. "This place is so backwards. You have to pay for the damn parking!" |
| "You do?" Katie acted really surprized. I wasn't too shocked by the resturant's parking fee. I wasn't aware that there was usually free parking. "Can you afford it Grandma?" |
| My grandma coughed up an unfunny kind of laugh. "Of course I can afford it." She moved her mirror so she could view herself. She wiped off the lipstick that was sitting on the corner of her mouth "But I'm not paying. We're going to spend enough money at this stupid resturant. I don't see why we have to pay to park." |
| "I'm hungry." Joshua said and his stomach growled to prove his point. |
| "Well, we're not paying." My grandma started to back up in the resturant's driveway. It was a one way street so everyone honked at us. My grandma didn't care. She just stuck her middle finger at them. I thought it was a swell idea so I did the same thing. Then Emily copied me. |
| "Grandma, Emily and Sky are doing the middle finger thing!" Katie tattled. |
| "Good," Grandma replied. Emily and I giggled. |
| We drove out of the resturant and into a gas station. "We'll park here." |
| "We can't," Katie announced dramatically. She pointed to a sign, obviously proud of her reading skills. "Only costumers can park here." |
| "We are costumers," my grandma replied. "We're just not costumers for the gas station." |
| "I'm really hungry." Joseph's stomach growled again. |
| "Tell your stomach to shut up," Katie ordered. "It's not polite to do such things in front of women." |
| "Yeah, but there are no women in this car, just a bunch of brats and an old hag." My grandma's face turned florescent white. She stopped the car, opened her door, got out, and slammed the door shut. Katie got out of the car and the rest of us in the back followed. Grandma took our hands and began to lead us to the resturant. |
| "Grandma," Katie said, "the lady working in the gas station store is staring at us." Grandma stopped and looked towards the store. Our direction changed. We were now walking towards the gas station instead of the resturant. "What are we doing?" |
| "We're going to become gas station costumers," My grandma didn't seem as upset any more. She seemed to be in control. |
| "What do you mean?" Emily inquired. |
| "We're going to buy a few things and that way we'll be costumers." |
| "What will we buy?" Katie squealed. |
| "Whatever you want," My grandma replied. "You each can have one thing under a dollar." We all barked with joy. |
| "What are you going to get?" Emily asked me. |
| "I don't know. How about you, Katie?" |
| "I'm going to get some jewlery or something like that." |
| We entered the store. The lady working there had this really long hair that seemed to never end. I think it may have reached her butt. |
| "Hurry and get your goodies," my grandma commanded. She smiled at the gas station lady. "I promised them gifts. You know how it is with children." The lady smiled. "Do you have children?" |
| "Yes, I have three; a boy and two girls. I also have...." The gas lady and my grandma got into this deep conversation about children while we looked for prizes. |
| Ten minutes later I emerged from the aisles of the little store with a silver (plastic) ring. I wasn't copying Katie or anything. It was strictly a coincidince that we picked out the same ring. |
| "You Copycater!" Katie glared at me. "You know, I learned in school that people who copy are doing it because they love you so much." |
| "I don't love you!" How could Katie think such a disgusting thing? |
| "Yes you do!" |
| "I do not." I wanted to slap Katie. How could she think I loved her? "I don't even like you!" |
| "Well good because I hate you!" |
| "I hate you more than you hate me!" |
| "I hate both of you!" My grandma interrupted our conversation. Katie and I gasped. So did the gas station lady. "You have to joke around with the kids," my grandma told her new friend. "They know I'm joking." |
| "We do?" |
| "Look what I got!" Emily ran to me with a set of water paints. "I can paint pictures!" |
| "That's good Emily," I said. |
| "You can share them if you want, Sky. I'll let you." |
| "Thank you." I gave Emily a little hug. I did love her. Katie twisted her face into a wicked stepsister expression. "One day I'll be famous and you two will be sorry you weren't nice to me." |
| "You'll never be famous," Joshua came out of the aisles with a model airplane. |
| "I hope you crash in the plane!" I looked at Katie and saw her eyes were a little wet. It made me feel kind of bad. I didn't want her to cry. But I wasn't going to apologize. She'd have to apologize first. |
| My grandma gathered our goodies and put them on top of the counter. "It's rare that I buy the kids gifts. I don't want them to grow up spoiled." |
| "I know what you mean, Anne," the gas lady replied. "Children these days are so spoiled. My children...." I was pretty impressed with my grandma's ability to make new friends. I wondered if they were going to exchange phone numbers or something. They didn't; just exchanged our goodies with money. |
| "Well bye, Missy," My grandma gave her biggest smile. "It was nice talking to you." |
| "I hope to see you around again." My grandma took the bag from Missy. "I'll distribute the gifts to you kids later." She waved goodbye to Missy and opened the door for us. |
| When we got outside we headed towards the resturant. Joshua's stomach growled again. It was horrible when I realized that it wasn't really him. My stomach was growling! |
| "Excuse me!" I heard a voice call when we had reached the end of the gas station parking lot. The five of us stopped and turned back to the gas station store. It was Missy who called. "Excuse me Miss, but you can't keep your car there. It's for costumers only!" |
| My grandma's smile wasn't too big this time. In fact it kind of looked fake. "Yes, but we are costumers! We bought all that stuff!" |
| "Yes and it was okay to park then! But now since you're leaving, you'll have to take your car with you!" My grandma grabbed our hands and dragged us back to the car. We put our seatbelts on and she started the car without a word. When we got into Missy's view, Grandma gave her new friend the middle finger. Katie and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. We copied our grandma's finger actions and Emily copied us. |
| "Ooooh," Joshua said, "I'm telling Mom on you." He stuck out his middle finger. Missy stuck out her tongue at us. |
| "She's so immature!" Katie complained. "I've never seen a grown-up act like such a baby." My grandma laughed and stuck out her tongue at Missy. Oh well, maybe Grandma hadn't made a new friend after all. |
Chapter 10-You knew her? |
| Adam picks up his coffee mug. I watch him take a sip. When he puts the mug down, I wait for him to speak. |
| "You're telling the truth?" he asks but I know it's not really a question to Adam. I know he trusts me not to lie. "Did you really know Katherine Rain, the Katherine Rain?" |
| I nod my head. |
| "You were cousins?" I nod my head again. "First cousins?" |
| "Yeah, she was my first cousin." I pick up a piece of toast and stick it into my mouth. I do it not because I'm hungry but because I want to refrain from talking. |
| "Are you sure it's the same Katherine?" |
| "I'm positive." I smile. "Her name used to be Katie though, Katie Rain." |
| "Wow," Adam shakes his head. "This is unbelievable." |
| "Do you believe me?" I already know he does. |
| Adam takes my hand and squeezes it. "Of course I believe you." He drops my hand and takes another sip of coffee. After awhile he speaks. "Were you two close?" |
| "Very close," I answer. "We were almost more like sisters than cousins." I laugh a little. "Katie and I were cousins, sisters, and best friends. We did everything together; went to school together, slept over each other's houses, gossiped.... We often said we hated each but in reality we were almost inseperable." |
| "This is amazing," Adam shakes his head again. I can see he is having a difficult time believing. "Do you still keep in touch?" |
| This question hurts. I don't want to answer but I do anyway. "No, we haven't talked for years. I don't even think she recognized me yesterday." |
| "That's sad." |
| I shrug my shoulders. "It doesn't really matter. She's changed and I'm sure I've changed. We're not the little kids we used to be." |
| "But didn't you have the slight bit of urge to talk to Katherine yesterday? Did you not want to ask her if she remembered you?" |
| I couldn't even begin to explain how much I wanted to talk to Katie yesterday. But it was impossible so there was no use discussing it with Adam. "You know, all that kiddy stuff happened in the past. We're not really even cousins anymore. It's just a blood relationship, that's all." |
| "That's all!" Adam exclaims. "How can you say that's all?" |
| "Adam, lots of people are roaming around not knowing who their children are or who there parents are or who there cousins are. I bet many people give up their kids for adoption and years later see the kid at the mall without recognizing him or her. Cousins probably pass each other on the street everyday without recognition." |
| Adam nods. "You have a point." |
| I laugh. "Face it. I'm always right." |
| "I still think you should talk to Katherine." |
| I shake my head. "Impossible. It was a miracle I even saw her in the first place. I'm sure she has bodyguards with her at all times." |
| "True." Adam sighs. "It just seems there should be a way for you to see your cousin." |
| "Well," I say, "it wouldn't make a difference anyway, so just forget about it." |
Chapter 11-The Mixture Summer |
| 1976 was the summer Katie, Emily, and I became chefs. One afternoon in June we were all sitting in our parent's deli bored to tears, almost to death. It seemed that everyday was exactly the same. We'd wake up alone and then meet together at the old deli. There we'd sit and watch our parents cook and we'd watch the costumers gorge themselves. Once in a great while, one of our parents would assign us a job with miminual pay. "Go hand that lady a napkin," or "show the man where the restrooms are." Then Katie, Emily, and I would get a dime to spend. The summer before a dime was a big deal but this summer, with our rising intellect, we learned a dime was worth as much as hair with split ends. |
| Well, on this one afternoon in June, Katie came up with an idea while watching my mother butter a bagel. "You know what we should do, Sky," she said. |
| "What?" |
| "We should help our parents cook." |
| "Cook?" Emily echoed. "You want us to cook?" |
| "Yeah, we could help them get more food for the deli; that way we'll get more money." Katie lowered her voice to a whisper. "Do you know what more money equals?" |
| "No," Emily replied. |
| I knew. "It means more presents for us." |
| "It does?" |
| "Yes," Katie answered, "it does." |
| Emily's eyes widened like a fish in cardiac arrest. "Wow!" |
| "You sound corny," Katie complained. |
| "I do?" "Yeah and corny people aren't allowed to cook." |
| "They aren't?" I looked down at Emily. She seemed so sad. |
| I felt so pissed at Katie for making her feel that way. "Katie?" |
| "Yeah?" Katie's voice was rude and unloving. |
| "Do you hate me?" |
| "Only sometimes." Katie laughed at herself. |
| "That's not very nice." I told her. |
| "Nevermind." Katie always set the rules about when the conversation ended. "So, do you want to cook or not?" |
| "I think it's a good idea," I said, "except for one thing?" |
| "What's that?" The tone of Katie's voice was of a threatening sort. |
| "We don't know how to cook!" I couldn't understand how Katie could have forgotten the obvious. "We don't even know how to use the oven." |
| Katie frowned. "That's true." |
| "What are we going to do?" Emily whined. Right when she finished speaking, my Uncle Tim-who didn't partake in the Jewish holiday get togethers-came into the kitchen. |
| "So, what are you kids complaining about now?" he asked. |
| "We're bored, Daddy. We have nothing to do here and we're sick of it." |
| "You mean you don't like watching your parents cook and act as slaves to people we hardly know?" |
| "What?" Katie, Emily, and I said at the same time. |
| "Are you really bored?" I couldn't believe it. Uncle Tim's voice seemed like he was going to actually help us or something. I knew I had to be mistaken. Since when did a grown-up ever help to cure a child's boredom? |
| "Pa, we're really really bored." I could tell Katie had been watching a little too much Little House on the Prairie Lately. My belief was backed up also by the fact that a week before Katie had announced that one of her many acting jobs would be playing the first half Jewish girl in Walnut Grove. "Pa," Katie whined. "Please help us." |
| "What do you want me to do?" |
| "We want to cook!" Emily stated the facts in a plain, simple, and direct way. "Can you help us cook, Sir?" |
| "Sir?" Uncle Tim laughed. "Since when did you call me 'Sir'?" |
| "I don't know." |
| Uncle Tim was still laughing about Emily's choice of words but he managed to talk. "I'm going home to work on something in a few minutes. Would you like to come home with me?" |
| "Oh yes, Pa!" Katie threw her arms around Uncle Tim. She squeezed so hard I was afraid his guts would pour out of his mouth. "Thank you, Pa." |
| "You're welcome Half-Pint." |
| "Half Pint?" Emily looked at me for answers. |
| "Katie and Uncle Tim are playing Little House on the Prairie," I explained. |
| "Neato." Emily's face brightened with a smile. "Can I play too?" |
| "Later," Uncle Tim replied. "But right now I need to know if you want to come home with me." |
| "We do!" |
| "Okay, I'll go talk to your parents and see if it's okay." |
| All our parents said it was okay. Joshua, however, wasn't too happy about us leaving. "I hope you make something poisonous and die!" |
| "Joshua!" My mother looked horrified. "That's a terrible thing to say!" |
| "I know," Joshua replied. There was a bit of proudness in his voice. |
| My mother came over to us and started playing around with Emily's hair. She loosely braided the brown strands of hair and I wondered why she wasn't playing with my hair. "Behave yourself over there and no using the oven." |
| "How can we cook without an oven?" Katie demanded. |
| "There are many things you can make without an oven." Aunt Mara said from the other side of the kitchen. "When I was a little girl my friends and I would make things called mixtures." |
| "Mixtures?" |
| "Yes mixtures. We'd take a bowl and dump all sorts of shit-oops excuse my language-in it. Then we'd mix it together and eat it." |
| "Does the shit taste good?" Emily asked. Katie and I giggled. My mother blushed. I think because Emily's four letter word had been heard by all the costumers in the deli. "Does it taste good?" |
| "It depends what you put in the mixture. My friends and I always put in chocolate and peanut butter. Those two ingredients were a definite must. Then we'd add things depending on our mood. Sometimes we put in nuts. Othertimes we put in cinnamon." |
| "It sounds yummy," Katie commented. "Thanks for the fabulous suggestion my dear Aunt Mara." |
| "You're very welcome," my aunt replied. |
* * * |
| "Be careful in there!" Uncle Tim called from his office. When we had first arrived at Katie's house I discovered an amazing fact. Uncle Tim was writing a book, a real live book! I couldn't believe it. Never in my life had I known someone who wrote a book. It was so exciting. |
| "Can I read it?" I had asked him in a quiet voice when he told us about the book. My voice was shy because this wasn't just a normal everyday Uncle anymore. It was a famous writer. |
| He said yes but not till I got a little older. This statement made me long for a drink from the fountain of age. I was so curious to know what my Uncle was writing. Was it a mystery book? Was it about animals? I was just too curious. |
| Right now Uncle Tim was upstairs writing his famous book while the three of us kids were spooning peanut butter out of a jar. |
| "Ooooh gross," Katie said as she slapped the peanut butter into the bowl. "It looks like dog poop!" |
| "Ooooh!" Emily held her nose. "It smells like it too." |
| "No, it doesn't. It smells because Sky farted." |
| "I did not!" Why did Katie have to blame everything on me? "You're the one who farted!" |
| "I did not!" Katie gave me a horribly mean look. "Famous actresses don't fart." |
| "Yes, they do!" Emily's hand trembled. I think she was pretty excited about her statement of profound truth. "My music teacher farted in class. She wouldn't admit it but we heard her. I heard her and Hal heard her." |
| "You're music teacher isn't a famous actress. Are you retarded or something?" |
| "No!" Emily burst into tears. "I'm not retarded!" |
| "Yes you are! You have that CS thing." |
| "CF!" |
| "Same difference!" |
| "Katie, that was awful of you to say that!" I wanted to hit her but I kept my hands to myself. What would the famous writer say if I hit his daughter? |
| I think Katie was touched by my words because she put her arms around Emily and tried to get her to stop crying. "Em, I'm sorry. That was mean of me to say." |
| "I'm retarded!" Poor Emily believed Katie's harsh words. |
| "You're not retarded. I just said that to be mean." Katie took a deep breath. "I'm the one that's retarded. Only retards say mean things to their little cousins." Emily and I nodded our heads. It seemed true enough. We resumed our cooking. Katie was a bit quiet for awhile. I suppose she had kind of hoped that we'd argue against her being retarded. Oh well. |
| Ten minutes later, we had a mixed mixture of chocolate and peanut butter. "Now it really looks like dog poop!" Katie laughed for the first time in that bundle of minutes. "Gross!" |
| "Should we taste it?" I asked. |
| "No!" Katie wrinkled one nostril. |
| "It might taste better than it looks." |
| "True." Katie took the first lick. She stuck her tongue down into the bowl and swiped some of the poop look-alike. |
| "Is it good?" Katie answered Emily by grinning and sticking out her chocolate covered tongue. |
| "My turn." I put my face to the bowl and licked the chocolate. "It's good,." I said but my words weren't understood by my cousins due to my mouth being all stuck together. |
| Emily reached her head down, ready to take a lick but then she stopped. "I forgot my cotazyme." |
| "I'll get it for you." I walked into the other room and picked up the pill case that sat on the coffee table. When I handed the case to Emily she threw one of the pills into her pills. I moaned in awe. "I can't believe you can swallow those without water." |
| Emily blushed. "You can't?" |
| "No," Katie said. "Most people can't do that." She grabbed Emily and shook her a little. "I'm so proud of you!" |
| "Thank you!" Emily hugged Katie. I think their previous fight was forever buried in the past. Then I wrapped my arms around them and the three of us hugged. We hugged because we loved each other once in a while. And we hugged because Emily-at the ripe age of six and three fourths-could swallow pills without water. |
| After we hugged and Emily took her lick of the mixture, we put some extra goodies into the bowl; red hots, powdered sugar, and a dash of pepper. Katie, Emily, and I took a few more licks with our tongues and then we brought the mixture up to Uncle Tim's office. |
| "We're finished, Daddy. Do you want to try it?" |
| "Sure," Uncle Tim replied. His fingers stopped pressing buttons on his little typewriter. I was forced again to wonder what he was writing. |
| "It's really good!" Emily told our Uncle. I opened my mouth to add something to her comment but no voice came out of my throat. I was too embarrassed to speak in front the famous writer. |
| "Well, hand it over." We handed him the bowl. Uncle Tim looked at it and smiled. "Do you have a spoon?" |
| "Ooops," Katie said. "I'll run down and get it." She ran downstairs. While she was gone I tried to find courage to ask Uncle Tim about his book but I couldn't find any. I was a coward. |
| When Katie returned, Uncle Tim took a spoonful of the mixture. When he swallowed he smiled to our relief. "Tastes great!" |
| "It does?" A big burst of pride filled my heart. |
| "Yes." |
| "Daddy, we were wondering. Can we go and pass it around to the neighborhood kids?" |
| "Sure," Uncle Tim answered, "just watch the cars and be careful." |
| "We will," Katie hugged her dad. Emily and I just waved. We left the house with the mixture. Before we got to the first neighbor kid, a dog came up to us. |
| "Hi Dopey!" Katie petted the dog. Dopey didn't kiss us like he usually did. Instead Dopey took a big wallop of our mixture." "Dopey! That's gross!" We all giggled. To be nice we let Dopey have a few more licks. Then when he finished, we continued our trek to allow people the joy of tasting our mixture. |
| The whole neighborhood loved it. Joey Polaski's mom even asked for the recipe! |
Chapter 12-Emily Needs a Tune-up |
| The mixture idea was established as a habitual summer pasttime. Three weeks after our first mixture, Katie came up with a seemingly fabulous idea. "Let's sell the mixture! We can become rich." How nice that word "rich" sounded. I couldn't deny the brilliance of Katie's idea. |
| This time we used Emily's kitchen. We took a bowl, poured chocolate and peanut butter in it, and then added other things such as raisins and peanuts. When the mixture was complete, we rummaged through Uncle Jacob's office and came up with a collection envelope. Now we were ready to become billion trillionaires. |
| The first house we went to had a reasonable excuse for not buying some mixture. "I'm a diabetic," the lady said. I'm sorry." |
| "That's okay," Emily announced. "I'm glad you're on a diet. You need to lose weight." |
| Katie gasped. "I'm sorry, Ma'am. My cousin is a little confused. She's at the rude age." |
| "I am not!" Emily protested. |
| The lady gave us a phony smile. "Good luck on your sales." |
| "Thank you." When we were past the lady's driveway I tried to explain to Emily why what she said was wrong. "When someone tells you they're on a diet you're supposed to say that they are too skinny and don't need to be on a diet." |
| "Oh Sky, you are so stupid!" Katie shook her her head and rolled her eyes which was equivalent to kicking me in the stomach with spiked shoes. "The lady wasn't on a diet. She was a diabetic!" |
| "A what?" |
| "She has a disease." Katie took a seat on the curb and groaned. "Don't tell me you've never heard of diabetes. Everyone knows what that is." |
| "I don't," Emily confessed. |
| "That's because you're as dumb as Sky is!" I wanted to yell at Katie. I wanted to defend Emily and myself but for some reason I just kept quiet. I guess because I wanted to get rich and if we got in a fight, Katie might run off with the mixture. So, the conversation ended there and the three of us headed to the next house. |
| Unfortunately, the next house was "still overflowing with Girl Scout Cookies." We went to the whole set of homes in the neighborhood and each one of them had an excuse about why they couldn't buy some mixture. |
| "Face it," I moaned. "We're failures." |
| Katie shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe I'll try it with Elizabeth. Her and I work good together. I bet everyone would buy the mixture from the two of us." |
| "Do you like Elizabeth better than me and Sky?" Emily asked, stealing the words right from my heart. |
| "No," Katie answered simply, "I like you a lot." |
| My heart beat did a little dance. "What about me? Do you like me?" |
| "Let's go home now, okay?" Katie completely ignored my question. "I don't think anyone's going to buy the mixture." |
| "Do you like me?" |
| "Should we go home now?" I nodded my head. So without any more word, the three of us walked back to Emily's house. Aunt Mara was waiting on the front porch, rocking away on the porch swing. |
| "Did you have any luck, kids?" |
| "No," Katie whined. "We didn't make a penny." |
| "I'm sorry." Aunt Mara grinned. "Maybe next time." |
| "Maybe." I tried to smile. Did Katie really hate me? Had she despised me my whole short life? My mind and heart fluttered with the horrendous possibilty. |
| I think Katie saw the despair painted on my face and felt guilty because she put her arm around me and said, "maybe we can try again next week." |
| "No sorry," Aunt Mara said. "Emily's going to the hospital then." |
| "What?" Katie and I looked at each other. We both bit the inside of our cheeks at the exact same time. How could this be happening? Why in the world was Emily going to the hospital? |
| "Mom," Emily whined. "Why did you say that?" Tears started to form in her eyes. "Why did you have to tell them?" |
| "I'm sorry," Aunt Mara seemed very upset. I feared I would witness my second scene of a grown-up crying. "I thought you already told them, Emily. You tell each other everything." |
| "We do," Katie whispered. "Why didn't you tell us, Emily?" |
| "Mommy." Emily started to sob. "Mommy, make them go away!" |
| "Why didn't you tell us about the hospital?" Katie's tone was half threatening, half sisterly. |
| "Mommy!" |
| "Why didn't you tell us about the hospital?" |
| "Mommy, send them away!" I listened to the two of them cry back and force. Never in my life had I seen such agony on my cousins' faces. I also felt the sadness but I kept my frown hidden. |
| "Katie? Sky?" Aunt Mara sighed. "I think you should go home now." |
| "When does Emily have to go to the hospital?" I asked. |
| "None of your business!" My mouth dropped open. My throat became fire. I had never seen Emily so angry. She looked like she was going to explode. The child standing next to me hardly resembled the sweet bubbly girl I knew as my cousin. This Emily standing besides me looked like a child who had been told by Mr. Rogers that she wasn't special. |
| "Please Emily," I begged. "Please don't be mad. Please don't cry." I tried to put my arm around her shoulder but she pushed it away. "Emily?" |
| "Go away!" She screamed the words. Aunt Mara took Katie and I gently by the hands and led us outside. My palm rubbed against the hardness of Aunt Mara's gold ring. I wondered what it felt like to wear a ring at all times like she did. Would someone get tired of it. Would the ring make your finger itch? |
| "I'm sorry," The ring wearer said after kicking the door closed that was leading inside. "I think Emily is a bit upset about having to go to the hospital. It's really nothing against you guys. I'm sure later on she'll realize and remember that you two are her friends." |
| "We didn't mean to make her cry." |
| "I know, Katie. It's not your fault." Aunt Mara sat down and hit the porch with her hands to tell us to sit down too. We took a seat and she put her arms around us. The ring rubbed my back. I had an urge to ask my aunt if she took off the ring when she drummed Emily like my mother did. But when I was about to ask my aunt started talking again. "You two are really good to Emily. I want to make sure you know that." |
| "We know," Katie assured Aunt Mara. |
| "And I hope she's good to you." |
| "She is," I replied. |
| "Yeah," Katie agreed. "She's my favorite relative in the whole wide world." |
| Aunt Mara laughed but I didn't. "That's sweet of you to say, Katie." |
| "Well, she is." Katie tightened her squeeze on Aunt Mara. "You're my favorite Aunt." My stomach started to burn. Not only was Katie making it known that I was not her favorite relative but that my parents were also not her favorite aunt. What did she have against my family? |
| Aunt Mara started to chew a little on her lip. It wasn't enough to make it bleed or anything but I could tell she was nervous. "You know, I didn't think Emily was this upset about the hospital. When I told her a few weeks ago she cried a little, but her crying lasted about an hour and she never mentioned the hospital again." |
| "Maybe she forgot about it," Katie suggested. |
| "That's a possibility but truthfully I think she was keeping her fears bottled up inside. I think she was afraid to talk about it." |
| "Why?" I asked. "Why didn't she tell us?" |
| "I think she might be afraid that you guys don't have time to play with someone who's sick." |
| "I have time to play with someone who is sick." Katie put an extra amount of emphasis on the word "I". "I don't know about Sky, but playing with a sick kid doesn't bother me at all." |
| "Well," Aunt Mara laughed. "I don't think either of you mind being with Emily. I think you both love her very much." |
| "I do," Katie said. |
| "We do." "I know." Aunt Mara patted both our backs, removed her arms from our shoulders, and then stood up. "I'm going to go inside now, okay? I'm sure Emily will be calling you two up to play tommorow." |
| "I hope so." Katie replied. Aunt Mara grinned and got ready to open the door. |
| "Wait!" I called, surprized at my outburst. I was usually pretty shy. |
| "What's wrong, Sky?" |
| My face turned bright red. I felt so embarrassed. "I was just wondering...I just want to know..." I couldn't find the right words. |
| "You want to know why Emily's going to the hospital?" I nodded my head. |
| "Is she going to get her tonsils out?" Katie asked. "A boy on t.v. got his tonsils out." |
| "No, Emily is going because of the problem she has." |
| "You mean her CF?" I asked. |
| "Yes, kids who have CF have to go to the hospitals once in awhile to get treatments and stuff. You know how Emily get's therapy?" |
| "The drums?" Katie tried to translate. |
| "Yeah." Aunt Mara laughed. "The drums. Well, Emily is going to stay at the hospital for about two weeks and have what they call a tune-up. It's just like what we do to a car." |
| "What?" Katie said. |
| "She's going to get a tune-up like your car does." |
| "What's a tune-up?" I asked. |
| "I don't have a car," Katie told Aunt Mara. "We're too young. We don't understand." |
| Aunt Mara sat back down on the porch. "When people have a car they take it to the shop or gas station once in a while to get it fixed up. Then when they bring it home the car is good as new." |
| "Really?" Katie and I were silent awhile. We both had to think this one over. |
| "Emily is going to go the hospital and she's going to get a bunch of medicine called antibiotics that will help her lungs." |
| "Will she be all better when she comes out?" I asked. |
| "As good as the doctors and medicines can make her," Aunt Mara answered. "But she's fine right now. Emily isn't sick. She just has a little problem. You know like some kids have glasses?" |
| "Yeah, a lot of kids have glasses." |
| "That's right, Sky. Some kids have glasses and some kids have CF. It's no big deal. It doesn't make you any less of a person. It doesn't make you any less special." |
| "Does it make you more special?" I thought of the shows on t.v where they had kids in wheelchair. They called the kids "special." |
| "Not really," Aunt Mara replied. I sighed with relief. For some reason, I didn't want Emily to be special. I just wanted to her to be my cousin. "Well, we better go home." Katie said. She took my hand, treating me not as a buddy but as a baby. "Goodbye Aunt Mara." We started to walk away when a little voice called us back. I dropped Katie's hand and ran to Emily. |
| "Sky," Emily said quietly. "I'm sorry I yelled at you." She blinked back her tears. "I'm sorry I'm retarded." |
| "You're not retarded," I told her. "You're just my cousin." |
| "Yeah," Katie chimed in. "You're just a cousin. Sky's the one who's retarded." I waited for Emily to stick up for me. To my dismay she laughed instead. At first I wanted to cry but then I realized the sweetness of Emily's tears turning into laughs. I opened my throat and laughed with her. Katie didn't laugh. She just rolled her eyes. Even in my young years I was able to make the psycological guess (Even though back then I didn't know what the word psycholgy meant) that Katie was jealous. I hardly knew what she was jealous about. She was the one with the blond hair, the small nose, the famous writer as a father, the talent, the millions of friends, and the handful of boyfriends. What did I have that she wanted? Oh well, at least there was something. |
* * *
| Katie pointed to the tube thing that hung from Emily's mouth. "What's that, Doctor?" she asked the lady who was watching Emily do her tune-up. |
| "First of all, I'm not a doctor. I'm a respiratory therapist." She laughed. "Although, I'll take you're assumption as a compliment." |
| "What?" |
| The doctor-or whatever she was-laughed. "Why don't you just call me by my first name." |
| "What's that?" Katie asked. |
| "A first name?" |
| "No!" Katie giggled. "What is your first name?" |
| "Oh," the three of us laughed together. I could see Emily wanted to laugh but she had that funny mouthpiece connected to a thick tube in her mouth. "My first name is Heather." |
| "Nice to meet you, Heather. My name is Katie." |
| "I know. Emily has told me a lot about both of you." |
| "S |