All the words

Lyrics

From: Some See The Glass Half Empty

The Low Self Esteem Talking Blues

I wonder what it really means

to exercise my self esteem

do I need weights and a stairmaster for my mind

I know it's not too late

I can go and get myself a date

I just need to get up off my fat old behind

Now I don't know if you really care

but I was never really quite aware

of any woman with a crush on me

Now she can get down and beg

reach under the table and grab my leg

But what would a woman that fine want with a geek like me?

Now this woman on me she had a crush

so much her cheeks would get all flushed

There was many a time she had made a pass

Now that she is married and all

she says we could have had a ball

if I had only gotten my head out of my ...

I took out a woman I really liked

to see if I could get her to spend the night

take this thing to it's logical end

although she said she wanted to

she said it would't be true

cause she thinks of me just like a friend

Now between women who just don't care

and my being just unaware

This middle aged dating thing is a fright

So don't be in too much of a hurry

and if you want something fat, old and furry

you can come on over ... you can spend the night

Almost Beautiful

She’s one of those girls who is almost beautiful

an ordinary girl without much to say

no hopes no dreams no aspirations

No ideas no anger just day to day

teddy bears smile

from the cabinet in the corner

and the little glass robin

that her brother gave her

and the dress that she wore

on her day of graduation

the only memories from her childhood

worth smiling about

She laughs at jokes that she doesn't find funny

But her friends all laugh so she laughs anyway

Spends her evenings staring at the TV

all her nights just waiting for the day

teddy bears smile

from the cabinet in the corner

and the little glass robin

that her brother gave her

and the dress that she wore

on her day of graduation

the only memories from her childhood

worth smiling about

Someday she’ll break out and give ‘em hell

Tell ‘em what for but she knows too well

That she’ll lose her nerve and not speak her mind

and she’ll just go home since she’s not that kind

She defines herself by the men she falls in love with

Stares at the ceiling in a Harlequin dream

She wishes her life was a gothic romance

but she never wonders what her life really means

teddy bears smile

from the cabinet in the corner

and the little glass robin

that her brother gave her

and the dress that she wore

on her day of graduation

the only memories from her childhood

worth smiling about

She’s one of those girls who is almost beautiful

The Things You Never Know

Sandra was my first love

a perfect english rose

when evening came along

to Tivoli Road I would go

But my family went back to America

at 16 I had no say

We said goodbye one sunday afternoon

and I never saw her again

From the losses you regret

To the things you'll never know

and I wish just one more time

I could walk down Tivoli Road

Valerie was a gentle soul

I'm afraid to say I broke her heart

I was the first man she ever loved

and I treated her so hard

It was some years later

I saw her on the street

It made me happy to see

that she didn’t remember me

From the things you'll never know

To the losses you regret

All the moments in your life

that you never can forget

Nancy was pugnacious

But she hated to fight

We only went out once

and had a wonderful time

It was hours later that I realized

And it haunts me to this day

I closed the door and walked on home

and she had wanted me to stay

From the losses you regret

To the things you'll never know

and to this day I don't understand

why I felt I had to go

Bang My Bald Spot

Not too long ago I had a plan

to see the 14th farewell tour of my favorite band

I kissed my wife and took out the trash

went to the ATM and grabbed some cash

thought maybe when I get there I can meet some babe

I can impress her with my middle age rage

closer I got to the stadium what did I see

10,000 old fat guys just like me

Just can't stand it I wanna be young

have lotsa hair feel real strong

Gonna raise my fist in a middle aged rage

gonna bang my bald spot

on the edge of this stage

I loved this band back then so I hate to mention

it costs 47.50 for the nose bleed section

problem with that is for a guy my age

it's so far away I can't make out the stage

glad I got good credit cause I was in a fix

a ticket on the floor cost me a 106

the band began to play and the crowd began to fight

they call it a mosh pit but it looked like a riot

Just can't stand it I wanna be young

have lotsa hair feel real strong

Gonna raise my fist in a middle aged rage

gonna bang my bald spot

on the edge of this stage

stuck in the pit I saw something made me proud

a guy my age came surfin cross the crowd

Shoe came untied so I got down on one knee

some 17 year old kid kicked the hell outta me

I got home all broken and bloody

had a weird time and spent lots of money

woke up the next morning with a t-shirt and some pain

gonna be a couple years before I do this again

Just can't stand it I wanna be young

have lotsa hair feel real strong

Gonna raise my fist in a middle aged rage

gonna bang my bald spot

on the edge of this stage

Don’t Go Home

Don’t go home

and don’t you cry

there are too many ways to say goodbye

the floors are gone and the walls are cracked

when I think of all the things we lacked

Don’t go home

cause it won’t be there

there are too many ways to say goodbye

don’t go home

cause it won’t be there

it takes a lot to make you cry

out in the streets

without a name

sorry you left but glad you came

you’re too old but how you grow

didn’t anybody tell you don’t go home

Don’t go home

cause it won’t be there

there are too many ways to say goodbye

don’t go home

cause it won’t be there

it takes a lot to make you cry

Like a mother

without a home

there’s somewhere else for you to go

the floors are cracked the walls are stone

didn’t anyone tell you you can’t go home

Don’t go home

cause it won’t be there

there are too many ways to say goodbye

don’t go home

cause it won’t be there

it takes a lot to make you cry

Oh Shannon

It was the middle of the night

and sleep wasn't arriving

a really good movie

was what I was striving for

but my eyes were locked open

with a look of disgust

when I saw what Shannon

had done to her bust

Oh Shannon Oh Shannon

what have you done

All the things that you do

Just trying to look young

But vanity or greed

or some financial trauma

made you have so much surgery

you look like a llama

I shed a tear for all

that you once were

long legged and blonde

and definitely a her

the next segment of your career

you’ll soon be facing

and all of those wrinkles

with a sander erasing

Oh Shannon Oh Shannon

what have you done

All the things that you do

Just trying to look young

But vanity or greed

or some financial trauma

made you have so much surgery

you look like a llama

she's had eye lifts and face lifts

and butt lifts and tit lifts

and collagen injections

that would make her hard to kiss

I remember some years ago

I wanted to hold her

but with any more surgery

her tits'll be on her shoulders

Oh Shannon Oh Shannon

what have you done

All the things that you do

Just trying to look young

But vanity or greed

or some financial trauma

made you have so much surgery

you look like a llama

The Hand Above The Water

Cathy is tired so she goes to the window

climbs on the fire escape lies down for the night

shouts in anger and frustration

looks for a sense of what could be right

she says

Envelop you, protect you, enlighten you, frighten you

Push the world away, give you room to breathe

If you’ll be my Don Quixote, I’ll be your Sancho Panza

Let me share your madness give me something to believe

I could be the hand above the water

pulling you from the depths

I could be the one who protects you

from the things you haven’t done yet”

Cathy feels useless her hands are cold

closes her eyes and just feels old

tries to feel bad about the scene she’s created

then she thinks about all the people she’s hated

she says

Envelop you, protect you, enlighten you, frighten you

Push the world away, give you room to breathe

If you’ll be my Don Quixote, I’ll be your Sancho Panza

Let me share your madness give me something to believe

I could be the hand above the water

pulling you from the depths

I could be the one who protects you

from the things you haven’t done yet”

Cathy laughs and looks down the alley

follows the metal and watches the light

Cathy is angry so she climbs through the window

Dials up the computer and stays on for the night

WYSIWYG

I saw your picture on the internet

I bet your mother is most upset

That I saw your picture on the internet

I can't stand it any longer

These feelings are getting stronger

There's a million girls I could never get

and they're all downloadable on the internet

I saw your head on another woman's body

Least you weren't wearing something gaudy

When I saw your head on another woman's body

I can't stand it any longer

These feelings are getting stronger

There's a million girls I could never get

and they're all downloadable on the internet

I believe in WYSIWYG

But those things seem awful big

I still believe in WYSIWYG

I can't stand it any longer

These feelings are getting stronger

There's a million girls I could never get

and they're all downloadable on the internet

Sometimes I'll take whatever I can get

So I downloaded your picture from the internet

Golden Age Of Silicon

Some old men are deciding what you get to hear

the hair and faces change but it's the same from year to year

Backstreet boys, N’Sync, Brittany’s not to blame

they told them what to wear did market research on their names

Buying CDs at the mall some teenage girl cries

The one thing I know for sure is that money never lies

It's another teenage boyband an advertiser's dream

Another silicon fantasy prepubescent teenage queen

Commercials are telling you what to think and do

Buy nose rings, skateboards and mountain dew

while those old men are telling you what is the latest thing

While they lead you round by your belly button ring

Buying CDs at the mall some teenage girl cries

The one thing I know for sure is that money never lies

It's another teenage boyband an advertiser's dream

Another silicon fantasy prepubescent teenage queen

It's music made by models and marketing is all

You've got their t-shirt on your body and their poster on your wall

but the poster always tears and the t-shirt never fits

and all you're really paying for are Britney's plastic t*ts

Buying CDs at the mall some teenage girl cries

The one thing I know for sure is that money never lies

It's another teenage boyband an advertiser's dream

Another silicon fantasy prepubescent teenage queen

The One I Chased Away

You were short and silly and smart and funny

We didn’t have a tv, didn’t have no money

Nothing but love and a house full of books

And TV dinners since neither of us could cook

I’ll always remember you as the one I chased away

And the wonderful memories of you are the price I have to pay

For a couple years of bliss

And the memory of your kiss

All dressed up you were nothing exceptional

A pretty girl, nothing that sensational

But in jeans and a t-shirt and your hair pulled back

You had a perfect beauty that couldn’t be matched

I’ll always remember you as the one I chased away

And the wonderful memories of you are the price I have to pay

For a couple years of bliss

And the memory of your kiss

In the end I got the best of us both

For awhile I had you and now I’m alone

And you’re probably with some guy

Who has got to be better

I still have our old love letters

I’ll always remember you as the one I chased away

And the wonderful memories of you are the price I have to pay

For a couple years of bliss

And the memory of your kiss

The Color Of Your Eyes

Enough curves to make Rubens blush

And a retro sort of style

A raucous laugh that stopped conversation

And a sinister kind of smile

You would sit in the evenings and argue with the TV

And you would always win

I can still hear you breathe the way you slept against me

And you’ll always be my best friend

But I can’t recall

The color of your eyes

I remember when we spoke on the phone

And I told you what I’d done

I could hear your jaw clench and your eyes go cold

And then you were gone

You always said it was funny all the ways I found

To complicate my life

So I’m sitting on my couch and I’m flipping through the channels

Looking to pick a fight

And I can’t recall

The color of your eyes

You woulda slapped me and laughed said “quit being silly”

grinned and told me to laugh

“You make it so hard what’s the point dear boy

of living in the past?”

I flip off the tv so I can listen to some music

put down the remote

And somewhere I can still hear you laughing at me

And I still don’t get the joke

And I can’t recall

The color of your eyes

Trophy Wife

I’ve been thinking for a couple of years

I’m in need of a change

Now that I’m rich and successful

I really don’t need a wife my age

I know I’ll only have her

a couple of years of my life

But all I really want is a trophy wife

Stairmaster, Thighmaster

Slimfast, Slimfast, Nordic Trac 1

She’s vapid and she’s stupid

But that’s half the fun

Stairmaster, Thighmaster

Slimfast, Slimfast, Nordic Trac 2

Her idea of a real hot date

will be going to the zoo

And all my old friends will be jealous

and think it’s just a little absurd

that she laughs and dotes

and hangs on every word

She has big ... blonde hair

and a flat little belly

and a credit card bill

that’ll turn my legs into jelly

I know I’ll only have her

a couple of years of my life

But all I really want is a trophy wife

Stairmaster, Thighmaster

Slimfast, Slimfast, Nordic Trac 3

Little short dresses

that don’t make it quite to the knee

Stairmaster, Thighmaster

Slimfast, Slimfast, Nordic Trac 4

I hope I’m not too fat and old

To do it on the floor

I’ll trade her in for a newer model

When we finally get divorced

She’ll take everything I have

when she hauls me off to court

so I know I’ll only have her

a couple of years of my life

Then I’ll go out and get another trophy wife

Stairmaster, Thighmaster

Slimfast, Slimfast, Nordic Trac 5

Little short dresses

that make it barely to the thigh

Stairmaster, Thighmaster

Slimfast, Slimfast, Nordic Trac 6

There’s nothing wrong with me

a little Viagra couldn’t fix

Hides

Hidebound schemes

hides worked for years

stations come trains passing by

structures and plans

building art from nothing

suitcase packed trains passing by

Certain in your solitude

in your private jokes and fantasies

clinging to remembrance

wishing for more days like these

Safe at home

a home to hide in

windows and walls, trains passing by

A room upstairs

a solid retreat

windows blacked out

a passing phase

Certain in your solitude

in your private jokes and fantasies

clinging to remembrance

waiting for more days like these