Art by Scott Benefiel

Much mystery surrounds the smallest member of the Freshmen team. Captured at the age of three by a pet store with a special request from D.W. Freese College, the Beaver has spent most of his life in captivity while dreaming of freedom and building dams. He has become institutionalized—comfortable with his school sweatshirt and cushy accommodations, but is still determined to make his mark on the world of dam building.

Before ending up in the Boughl Science Building on the fateful night of the Ax-Cell-Erator’s explosion, the Beaver had been captured from his cage in Freese College’s athletic department and kept in the Alpha Chi Rho Frat House for six days, sustaining on a strange diet of cupcakes, Ramen Noodles, pizza and beer. He expected the worst when he was left in Paula’s closet, and his fears were realized when she started screaming the moment she saw him. As he himself put it later, he was wishing he could convey to each of the kids the “astounding profundity of [their] bankrupt intelligence” when the Ax-Cell-Erator exploded, providing him with off-the-charts intelligence and a snooty English accent that matches his will to insult the students at every opportunity.

The Beaver’s first and foremost love, building dams, is always present in his thoughts and dialogue. But now the Beaver leads the Freshmen (or, as he calls them, “the mongoloids”) and provides them with an intelligent point of view that is often dismissive but rarely emotional.