I recently read Stupid
White Men by Michael Moore,
who said we
should get involved. I resisted. It's so much easier just to complain.
Then I read Marian Williamson who said thinking that you're doing your
part for democracy by voting is like saying you're a good parent cause
you pay child support. Okay, let's just say this is my way, as a Texan,
of apologizing to the rest of the world for Dubya.
Since I'm a folksinger from Austin (half of the duo The Therapy Sisters), it's
my job to keep up with what and who needs lampooning. Being a
folksinger from Austin is not as easy as it sounds. It means having a
clue and giving a hoot, which makes me twice as qualified as the last
Texan who ran for President. I'm also a lesbian, which means, although
I am a honky, and the jury's still out on question of my stupidity
(notwithstanding those three college degrees), I am clearly not a man.
As my campaign song, "Let's Put A
Folksinger in the White House" says, any citrzen should be able to
run for President. There's plenty of room in the ring for your hat,
too. I recommend it. It's a great way to keep current with events and
figure out what you believe. You could be asked for a sound bite at any
time. Or a biting satirical sound. I better get back to work. There's
so much to sing about. Thanks for visiting my virtual campaign
headquarters. Send me a link to yours.
Thanks to Kiya Heartwood, a folksinger's folksinger, of Wishing Chair, for this wonderfully
absurdist notion [only by attempting the absurd can we achieve the
impossible] and to Nancy Scott (who, if there were a goddess, would
have a web page and be a world famous folksinger) for the campaign
slogan.
First things first. The War.
I'm neither a rocket scientist nor a political scientist and I know
this is about oil, revenge, and the economy. Actually, if Dubya's
afraid of "nucular" weapons, he needn't worry cause there's no such
thing. If he's talking about nuclear
weapons, he should learn to pronounce it,. (I don't mean to be
unsympathetic about the learning disability Dubya denies. Maybe he
should just say "nukes.") The US not only has, but has used weapons of
mass destruction. Like Iraq and Israel, we continue to ignore UN
resolutions. Why shouldn't we have UN inspectors in our
presidential palaces?
Please inform yourself and check out www.womenrise.org and www.unitedforpeace.org and www.truthout.org and www.moveon.org, and the lyrics to my
latest song on the subject, "Wag That Dog."
Top Ten Reasons I'm
running for President
1. Texas isn't ready for a lesbian Governor.
2. To remind America that Dubya isn't representative of Texans. (Or
real people, for that matter.)
3. Because insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting
different results.
4. Because I'm seriously annoyed by Dubya's oiligarchy.
5. To shut up my friends who tell me to stop complaining and Do
Something About It.
6. To encourage songwriting and art and other forms of creativity so
kids will be better equipped to solve all the problems we're creating.
7. To get the elderly off drugs. (And the pharmaceutical companies off
welfare.)
8. I'm sick of having to choose between Demagogues and Republicrats,
so I'm running as an Interdependent.
9. To promote an International Anthem.
10. Who wouldn't want to work for 4 (or 8) years, get laid off, and
collect unemployment the rest of your life? And then have your own
library!
Okay, there are more than 10.
11. I'm one of those 40 million Americans without health
care.
12. We need an immedate regime change in Washington, D.C.
Top Ten Reasons to vote for me for President
1. We haven’t had a lesbian folksinging President – ever.
2. We haven’t had a lesbian First Lady – lately.
3. I care about real people.
4. In fact, I AM one.
5. I write songs about them.
6. I’m not a stupid white man
7. I'd ask Molly
Ivins to be press secretary.
8. I'd beg Granny D to be a White
House advisor..
9. Since music is the universal language, I’ll be ready to receive
interplanetary visitors.
10. Forget John Cusack.
We already tried an actor in the White House.
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free the press
a living wage
wage peace
art heals
more music
screw no one
make love
love nature
laugh often
think global
buy local
go solar
con gusto
kids rock
girls rule
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[You know the tune.]
God bless the Planet Earth
Land where we live
Stand beside us and guide us
Help us learn how to love and forgive
From The Holy Land to Afghanistan
From The Andes up to Nome
God bless the Planet Earth
May all God’s children have a home
God bless the Planet Earth
Our home sweet home
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Let's Put a Folksinger
in the Whitehouse
Let’s put a folksinger in the White House
Don’t you think it’s time
We put a folksinger in the White House
That’s the reason I’m
Running for the White House
It’s America – you can too
If you’ll vote for me for president
I’ll vote for you
Let’s put a folksinger in the White House
Just because we can
You know a folksinger in the White House
Need not be a man
With a folksinger in the White House
The third world could finally relax
Cause a folksinger in the White House
Would call for multilateral midnight snacks
If there’s a folksinger in the White House
The interns would all be safe and sound
With a folksinger in the White House
The guns would all be in the lost and found
When there’s a folksinger in the White House
There will be a strict curfew on men
Ok, not all males of the species
Just the ones above the age of ten
So, put a folksinger in the White House
Come on, y’all, let’s do it on a dare
With a folksinger in the White House
The cabinet would hold Fiesta Ware
When there’s a folksinger in the White House
The music will never cease
Cause with a folksinger in the White House
You can bet your ass we’ll soon be waging peace
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Example of Folk Music-Inspired Foreign Policy
What about the Middle East?
It’s obvious the Palestinians don’t have enough
to do. I guarantee if you give them a country and some money to rebuild
houses, roads, schools and hospitals, they’ll be way too busy to blow
up somebody else’s country.
What about the Saddam Hussein?
This is really about settling an old score
between Saddam and Dubya's dad. And oil, of course. So, how about a pie
throwing contest? But Dubya and Rummy say it's about disarmament. So,
since the US is the only country to ever use nukes on civilians, we
should the first to agree to multilateral worldwide disarmament and
offer to have UN inspectors here. No nukes anywhere; no threat. Easy.
Example of Folk Music-Inspired Domestic Policy
What to do with Corporate Executive Offenders?
While their bilked billions would provide a living wage for the
sweatshop workers who made them rich, they would be doing time in a
work-release program, washing windows in their former high rise office
buildings, thus learning the value of transparency and balance.
What to do about the sorry state of education?
Take the vending machines out of schools. Turn off Channel 1. Put
students and teachers on the school board. Put our money and our brains
and our creativity and our resources and our energy where our future is.
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JAMES MADISON ON WAR
"Of all the enemies to public liberty war
is, perhaps, the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops
the germ of every other. War is the parent of armies; from these
proceed debts and taxes. And armies, and debts, and taxes are the known
instruments for bringing the many under the domination of the few. In
war, too, the discretionary power of the Executive is extended. Its
influence in dealing out offices, honors, and emoluments is multiplied;
and all the means of seducing the minds, are added to those of subduing
the force of the people. The same malignant aspect in republicanism may
be traced in the inequality of fortunes, and the opportunities of
fraud, growing out of a state of war. . . and in the degeneracy of
manners and morals, engendered by both. No nation could preserve its
freedom in the midst of continual warfare." --
James Madison, April 20, 1795
LIBERTIES LOST SINCE 9/11/01
Some of the fundamental changes to Americans'
legal rights by the Bush administration and the USA Patriot Act
following the terror attacks:
* FREEDOM OF ASSOCIATION: Government may monitor religious and
political institutions without suspecting criminal activity to assist
terror investigation.
* FREEDOM OF INFORMATION: Government has closed once-public immigration
hearings, has secretly detained hundreds of people without charges, and
has encouraged bureaucrats to resist public records requests.
* FREEDOM OF SPEECH: Government may prosecute librarians or keepers of
any other records if they tell anyone that the government subpoenaed
information related to a terror investigation.
* RIGHT TO LEGAL REPRESENTATION: Government may monitor federal prison
jailhouse conversations between attorneys and clients, and deny lawyers
to Americans accused of crimes.
* FREEDOM FROM UNREASONABLE SEARCHES: Government may search and seize
Americans' papers and effects without probable cause to assist terror
investigation.
* RIGHT TO A SPEEDY AND PUBLIC TRIAL: Government may jail Americans
indefinitely without a trial.
* RIGHT TO LIBERTY: Americans may be jailed without being charged or
being able to confront witnesses against them.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
(Send your queries to: LRguitar@sbcglobal.net.)
What about the First Significant Other?
Maurine McLean and I have been one another's S.O. since
1981. (She prefers the term "pelvic affiliates." We've had several
ceremonies over the years, but we Tied the Knot in Vermont on September
6, 2000. Maurine is a sought-after Spanish/English
translator/interpreter, and, since 1990, has been the sole proprietor
of BiLingo Language Services. She started The Therapy Sisters with Gail
Lewis in March of1987 and I joined a week or so later. The best of the
ideas here are hers. Opening my eyes and ears every morning to her
beauty, brilliance, and delightfully twisted world view is like opening
a present.
Why haven't you paid income taxes lately?
I'm a folksinger, remember? Okay, and a cowardly pacifist. If I ever made any
money as a folksinger, that would give me a military industrial complex,
Then how can you afford to run for President? Who are you
in bed with?
Though I like to think of mine as a seamless non-violent
peace-loving tree-hugging garment, it's also threadbare, and
there's nobody but Maurine in bed with me, so it doesn't have to cover
much. You're right, it does take a jillion dollars to buy the White
House. And then you have to pay it back. What a nauseatingly Faustian
bargain! Then along came the Internet, the Real Campaign Finance
Reformer. No, not everyone can afford a computer. But all you really
need to run against Dubya is a library card. Okay, and access to a
library. Does that discrminate against the illiterate, you ask? Nope.
These days the darn things'll talk to you with a click of the mouse.
What's a mouse, you ask? Ask a librarian. What's a librarian? Okay,
maybe you're right.
I don't have a day job to quit in order to campaign. I don't
have decent benefits to lull me into a false sense of job security. And
since I travel the country playing music, it's no great leap to think
of those gigs as whistle stops.
What's your educational background and does that qualify
you for office?
I have a BA in History and a teaching certificate and two
graduate degrees. Don't worry -- neither one is an MBA or a law degree.
One's in religion and the other's in social work. Anyone with a college
loan knows it's not the degree that entitles you to responsibility.
It's all those intangibles like wisdom, leadership, judgment, humility,
and stuff folksingers like to try to immortalize. We usually don't know
whether someone's qualified for office until it's too late.
What's this about a plan for world peace in ten days?
It's actually Renee
Buck's idea and it's a great one. Remember Lysistrata? It's a play
by Aristophanes about "Athenian women
[who], fed up with the Peloponnesian War, barricade themselves in the
Acropolis and go on a sex strike to force their husbands to vote for
peace with Sparta." Sadly, it's considered a comedy. [Check out
http://www.lysistrataproject.org/.] Well, the power these days is
not in the pants. It's in the purse. Renee believes that
within ten days of our going on a shopping strike, men would meet our
demands. The hard part, of course, would be agreeing on our demands.
The easy part would be getting women to agree that we're tired of men
picking fights with each other which result in the death of their
children. Who knows if it would work. But wouldn't it be fun to try?
How about a Gazillion Mom Strike for Peace? Why not start with the day after Thanksgiving?
There's another great idea afloat at www.womenrise.org, revisiting the
women strike for peace.
You were involved with a gay and lesbian youth group.
Aren't you afraid you're encouraging kids to be homosexual?
Boy, I could have used some of that encouragement. Out Youth is a non-profit
organization that provides peer support and education for and about
gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth. Out Youth's mission is to
promote the physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional well being of
sexual minority youth so they can openly and safely explore and affirm
their identities. Don't you think the mission of the government should
read something like that? I was co-founder (with Jay Erwin-Grotsky) and
Executive Director of Out Youth, and I've never been prouder of
anything I've ever done. Their motto (and mine) is: There is only one
YOU for all time; fearlessly be yourself!
Have you ever been elected to anything?
I was shop steward for the clerical workers when I worked
for the ACLU Women's Rights Project in NYC in '85-'86.
What's this about you supporting Feminists for Life? Does
that mean you think abortion should be illegal?
I don't think abortion should be illegal. I think it should
be unthinkable! Just like the death penalty.
How do you feel about gun control?
I support the right to bare arms and arm bears.
Have you travelled outside the United States?
I spent a month in the Philippines when I was 16"building a
church" with a youth group. (Yeah, right!) I've visited Canada, and
Colombia, spent time in Mexico, and I went to Potsdam (just like
President Truman) to play at an international peace festival. I grew up
thinking Charles
Kurault had the best job in the world--going around the country in
an RV digging for human treasures.
Do you have a guru?
I follow the musing of the Swami Beyondananda
whose famous saying, "Don't get even--get odd," would make him a
candidate for Secretary of State.
INFREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Why are we spending
billions on (oxymoronic) "better bombs" instead of better buildings
for countries we've bombed and abandoned?
Why aren't there solar panels on the White House?
If every elected official in Washington has known for years
that Detroit can build vehicles with better gas mileage,
why aren't there disincentives for SUVs? And why on earth do those
useless politicians keep getting elected?
Did Henry Ford's assembly line spell the death of democracy
and the birth of oiligarcy in this country?
What
would our foreign policy look like if it weren't based on oil and
determined by the military-industrial-petroleum complex? Does this map of Oil
and Military Presence in the Caspian and the Middle East Region
scare anybody besides me?
Why are we subsidizing
Israel's destruction of Palestine? Why does Israel need 300
F-16s?
Why don't we give the Palestinians some
money to rebuild their country (as soon as they have one), along with
some information about the value of term limits for elected officials?
Doesn't that make us oxymorons to spend billions on
"better bombs" instead of education?
Why does this country have the highest rate of teenage
pregnancy in the industrialized world?
If we're the only country in the world that's ever dropped a
nuclear bomb on
people, where do we get off not signing an anti-nuke treaty?
What
else can we expect from a leader who says "nucular"?
Why is it that the only other countries in the world with
the death penalty are
countries we consider repressive or barbaric?
Why don't we put a folksinger in the White House?
If Dubya has grudgingly admitted that global warming is
not just a summer-time forest fire phenomenon, why not reverse his
position on the Kyoto treaty?
What can of kind of Homeland Security do we have when
airline passengers can carry
on a cigarette lighter but not a nail file?
Why are we spending billions on (oxymoronic) "better bombs"
instead of health
care?
If we really had a free
press, wouldn't we all have a clue?
Why are we not all outraged and running for
President?
Wag that dog, wag it ‘til it’s happy, come
on
Wag that dog ‘til Baghdad’s been destroyed
Wag that dog, better make it snappy
Cause GW is getting annoyed
It’s no secret Sadam is a bad man
And Baby Bush is itchin' for a fight
Daddy couldn’t whup Saddam but he can
This time Junior’s gonna do it right
Wag that dog, wag it ‘til it’s happy, let’s all
Wag that dog ‘til everyone’s employed
Wag that dog, better make it snappy
Our Boy Dubya is getting annoyed
Everybody knows the stakes are sky high
And that to the victor go the spoils
Though a couple million people might die
We can’t let them A-rabs have that oil
Wag that dog, wag it ‘til it’s happy, time to
Wag that dog, those bombs should be enjoyed
Wag that dog, Rummy’s feeling scrappy
Our Boy Dubya is getting annoyed
Though his generals say it’s not the right time
Cheney swears the danger is for real
Dubya knows the way to get ‘em back in line
Is throw them all a bone and make ‘em heel
Wag that dog, wag it ‘til it’s happy, better
Wag that dog ‘til it’s overjoyed
Wag that dog, do it for his Pappy
Old GW is getting annoyed
