Um...hi.
Yeah, it's been a long while. Which is like saying Antarctica is kinda cold, customers are kinda stupid, and Cobra Commander is kinda mean. So yeah, HooveRland has been away. But it's back. And back for GOOD, POWERED BY THE RAW, UNBRIDLED ENERGY OF MLAT COMICS! Actually, I don't know what that sentence means, but it sounded good. But yeah, HooveRland is back.
Many of you are probably experiencing HooveRland for the first time, to which I can only say, "RUN. GET AWAY NOW! SAVE YOURSELF!" But you probably WON'T. So that's fine. But to the uninitiated, I suppose I should sort of offer up an explanation of who I am. Although that's not really easy to sum up. Although the phrase "random idiot" keeps popping up in my head. I guess I'm just a guy who doesn't really fit into the world very well. And this place is my home. This site is not a webcomic, but this site is not just a "blog" (though I sold out and have one now)... in fact, this site is ...probably mostly pictures of Stacy Keibler, Brooke Burke, and Jennifer Connelly, and why they should be my girlfriends. No, actually, I edited all that stuff out. Well, most of it. Okay, some of it. Okay, just the stuff that caused the restraining orders.
But I was trying to explain this site, wasn't I? To say my memory is bad is like saying Antarctica is kinda cold, customers are kinda stupid, and-- wait, I used that line already. I told you my memory sucked. But anyway, I'm just an idiot who is egotistical enough to think he needs to talk about himself on the web. That's all. Some people enjoy me, most don't. But it's the people in the world who DO enjoy me that make me think I DO need a home on the web. Jerzy Drozd, my besterest friend in the world, seems to think so. So it's HIS webspace (for the most part) that's storing my site (or at least all my image files). He is responsible for the rebirth of HooveRland. He's probably also partly responsible for me not jumping off a building during college. So if you hate this site, you can send him hatemail. But he's probably too busy drawing comics to reply anyway! AH HA HA HA!
This site originally began in 1997 (when the internet was young!), and eventually grew to a thriving monstrocity by around 2000, in the same way Umbrella Inc's biological experiments grow to thriving monstrocities. That's another thing to expect from me: random geek references. That one references the Resident Evil videogames. That's a freebie--I won't explain them all. But in late 1999, I pretty much dumped HooveRland for a much cuter girl. I couldn't help it, she wore thick-rimmed glasses. I'm powerless against that $#!+. But I still saw HooveRland on the side, with the occasional menage-a-trois (which is one of about 4 French words I know). But deep inside, HooveRland was dying like the fish at the end of Faith No More's "Epic" video... still living, but it was only a matter of time. Eventually the sweet thing just had to be put to sleep. The website, not the girlfriend. Although she left too ('cause that's what they do).
I tried to relaunch the site, but all the material was too old and crappy... I needed NEW material. But that took work. And work takes time. And as HooveR's small handful of friends know, HooveR is FAR too busy adding more toys to his room, reading comic books, drinking Icees, and working retail to properly rebuild his site.
Enter Jerzy Drozd, my pal. "HooveR, you gotta relaunch HooveRland," he'd say.
To which I would reply, "Yeah. I know."
Of course then we'd start talking about Transformers and how Ultra Magnus was just an idiot who thinks the Autobots' Darkest Hour is like six Decepticons attacking. And then we'd move on to something a little bit more profound, like how we'd join COBRA if it really existed, or if it was a day ending in Y, we might get REALLY highbrow and talk about that time I screamed like a girl when we were playing Resident Evil 3 and Nemesis was running after me. In actuality, I was emitting a high-pitched bird call, because I happened to notice a sparrow outside the window, but try telling HIM that.
So anyway, I'm just some guy. I buy toys, I watch 80's cartoons, I read comic books, I drink Icees, I play some videogames, I work in a bookstore, I sleep, and... wow, actually that's about it. I never said I was exciting. But hell, you've lasted this long.
Up above this massive missive are a row of Decepticon symbols. Each one represents a section of my site. Touch 'em, even without clicking, and they'll morph into a Cobra symbol! How cool is that?! Don't compliment me, it's all the work of the talented staff at Yezshabo Productions. I just bark the orders, and they make it happen. So you can click any one of those sections, and Calgon will take you away to a ...slightly-different part of my site. But I'm still polishing off certain parts, so don't be surprised if parts are skimpy for now. That'll change.
So if you're new to HooveRdom, well, again, get out while you can, but if you choose to stay, the first round of Icees are on me. If you've experienced HooveRdom before, and you're back for more, don't worry, I've already called the men in white coats.
But in any case...welcome.
Now go click some stuff.
|
|
|
