Jesus felt His power proceed from Himself and asked, "Who touched Me?" Now of course He knew who it was, but He wanted the woman to admit it. He then declared that her faith had healed her affliction. In Revelation, John falls at the feet of Jesus as a dead man only to physically feel His hand touch him and hear Him say "Do not be afraid, I am the first and the last." There is a reality that someday, each of us will be physically touched by Jesus - will we be ready for this? In these examples, touch is FEARED by John and THE POINT OF HEALING by faith for the woman. Touch can be both fearful and a source of healing by faith. On one hand the woman did the touching, and in the other it was Jesus.

I came home from work one day and my 12 year old son was sitting at the kitchen counter. He asked me, "Dad can I show you a few new wrestling moves I learned on the trampoline?" I told him I was too tired and needed some time to relax from a hard day of work. He pressed me and said, "Dad, ah co'mon, you don't want me to be gay do ya?" Now he had my attention. I said "You're not gay son!" with confidence. He then said, "But you know how important it is for a father to spend time with his son, Dad." I said, "OK son, give me 5 minutes to get my sweats on and I'll meet you on the trampoline." Boys need an emotional and physical bonding with their fathers, mentor, or peers to achieve normal heterosexual development.

It is curious to me that I never remember seeing my father undressed while growing up. On the other hand, my own sons have seen me dozens of times undressed - taking baths, showers and dressing together. This has enabled them to feel comfortable around the male physique. There was no mystery as to what a grown man looked liked for my sons. In fact, they became so comfortable that I've heard them talk about showing off their own genitals in jest with their friends. I never knew such confidence, I was timid, self-conscious, inferior, and modest. I also never had other boys touch me like my sons have. They are a lot more physical, punchy, and touchy with their pals than I was. When I was a child I avoided touch, and burned with curiosity as to what was underneath another boy's or man's clothes, with exception of an older boy cousin who molested me. My imagination exaggerated the unknown in comparison to myself. I felt separated and different from other men. Many men who end up with a homosexual orientation are confused about touch. Touch is a scary thing for men like us because we either never got it growing up or we got it in the WRONG WAY.

So why is same-sex touch so important? It is a prerequisite to healthy heterosexuality. During the process of puberty, they have identified what is called the "body longing stage" between ages 9 and approximately 14. This is when (and you've seen this) boys hit, punch, wrestle, horseplay, and smack each other on the butt. Many times I have found one of my sons with about four of his buddies (all teenagers) watching TV stretched out - arms touching legs, touching shoulders, piled up on each other, oblivious to how physically close they are to each other. Boys at this age naturally crave the skin of other boys, it is subconscious, innate. The touch needs for many boys commonly get fulfilled during participation in team sports, where it is acceptable, appropriate, and depending on the sport, necessary - a safe way to touch the skin of other boys through a common activity that would not be misconstrued as homosexual. We've all seen this carried over to the realm of professional sports - where adult men reach out with a pat on the butt, a hug or high five. This "homosocial," not homosexual, behavior is a bonding experience that reinforces masculine identification, and helps a boy become ONE with his gender. It has become a right-of-passage except for the boys who are left out - who are the non-athletic, un-coordinated, sensitive, musical, artistic boys like myself.

Magically, when puberty hits, the athletic boys typically swing like a pendulum to the feminine and suddenly they crave the touch and attention of girls...because by this time, boys are familiar and boring. It is well documented in many primitive cultures that adult male homosexuality does not occur or exist because boys go through an extreme but deliberately planned rite-of-passage with the older men of a village. Every challenge during this period is accompanied with touch (sometimes painful and grotesque such as genital mutilation) - but the success of such a process is growing up feeling like a man and functioning as a heterosexual.

When all this happens naturally it is beautiful. But most of us who develop a homosexual orientation are TOUCH DEPRIVED. Either we didn't get it at all or what we got was inappropriate. My dad used to squeeze my toe from time to time relaxing on the couch, but I don't ever remember him holding me, a hug, or his affection. Being raised in an Italian family, there was always affection, but it was considered manners. I was instructed to kiss my aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and parent's friends - hello, good-bye, good morning and good night. When my brother died (I was age 12) my father closed up emotionally and physically like a Venus fly trap for the following 24 years until his own death. The only physical touch I had available to me from age 8-14 was the reoccurring molestation from an older cousin who fondled me, and made me satisfy him. As sick as it was, my availability to him increased when my father withdrew from me. My father took up a personal relationship with "the bottle" and I began an addictive cycle of fantasy fueled masturbation, and acting out with my cousin. I learned early on to associate male sex with male love. A simple formula: sex equals attention, which equals love.

So here we are, now as adults...and we are men who never got our natural God given "TOUCH NEEDS" met as kids in natural or appropriate ways...and it is still screaming out within us demanding satisfaction. But now it is erotic and it drives us emotionally and physically into the acquisition of another man's genitals in order to posses his maleness. So we avoid it...but it erupts over and over again in the form of temptation, craving after men's bodies (the whole body longing stage again). We call it lust.

We are BODY, SOUL and SPIRIT, right? So our healing must take place in all three areas. Jesus takes care of the Spirit, and healthy male friendships fulfill the emotional (soul) part. But what about the body? We usually STUFF IT...and it usually rears it's ugly head through lust or fantasy for men. So where do we go to get our touch needs fulfilled? We usually go to a magazine, the internet, or city park to experience touch. This is wrong, and doesn't satisfy because men become sexual objects to us and experiencing orgasm as the result of inappropriate body touch only addicts us to seeking it again.

Recently on a men's retreat, men were allowing their needs to be met in NONSEXUAL ways through touch (hugs, back rubs, holding hands, or perhaps the "holy kiss" on the cheek that Paul referenced) in a safe environment, with pure motives. But there seemed to be no clear boundaries. I trusted each one to establish their own...but some carried their freedom a bit too far to the point of making others uncomfortable. This is un-Biblical according to Collosians. Some of us had been working so hard to avoid touch so as not to act out, because we fear touch and associate it with sex. While some had freedom to touch, others were offended. There needs to be a balance to de-sexualize our touch response and come to a comfortable place where our needs can be met, brothers will not be offended, and touch and affection will have a natural bonding affect that affirms one's own masculinity. Learning and experiencing appropriate healing touch can be a powerful point of healing. I've heard some say that when they experienced being "held" by another brother without it leading to a sex, it was a huge turning point for them. The result was affirming and knowing that sex was not what they craved, but rather non-sexual touch which carried no guilt, shame, or moral compromise.

I was not comfortable with this years ago. I believe it can go TOO FAR, but we do need some measure of affection and touch to continue healing. We must, like my teenage boys, get comfortable with touch, realize it is a bonding experience that we should have had during puberty, and experience touch without a sexual response. There is no other way to do this than to do it. If we avoid touch, we will continue to crave touch. And if we crave touch and don't get it in a healthy way, we crave it erotically. And so the cycle does continue. Positive non-erotic touch has the power to de-sexualize our gender. To avoid it is to deny it's healing power. Brothers, grab the hem of His garment, you will find His power there, and learn to greet one another with the Holy kiss, and the physical touch that leads to healing. It can turn your deprivation into satiation, without guilt or sin.

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