The light at the end of her tunnel is on the front of a train and she is standing on the tracks, and for four days I've known and I've seen her at work and I've wanted to say something. 

Just watched:  Chocolat - What took me so long?  This movie is delightful, magical, really well done and full of chocolate!  I am more sure than ever that Judi Dench is a goddess, and I have a whole new appreciation for Johnny Depp.  

Just Read:  I've been surfing about through some web journals.  So far, my favorites are Footnotes: A Cyber Journal and Man about Murfreesboro. They're very different from each other, but I love them both for different reasons. Check them out.

Back    Kate's World   Forth

Ramblings

Get notified

Write Kate

Tunnel Vision

Well, the information in the side bar is accurate to about two weeks ago, which is how long I've been puttering about, deciding to make a new entry.  I was writing one about writing, but it sounded too self-absorbed and I figured if I didn't even want to read it, no one else would. 

I have a friend (yeah, a lot of stories start like this, but this really is about a friend) who is about to go under the knife and have bariatric surgery.   Those of you who know me, have no question what my opinion of this decision is.  Neither does my friend, apparently, because she hasn't spoken a word to me about it.  In fact, I've hardly talked to her at all in the past few weeks - something I recently commented about, and now I guess I know why.  She's been planning surgical self mutilation and she doesn't want to hear what I have to say about it.

And it's none of my business, except that I care about her... a lot.  She's not just some co-worker, a lot of them have been having these surgeries lately.  It's an epidemic.  They all sit around with bags of cheetoes on their desks, because it's something they have a prayer of eating without throwing up, taking turns running to the bathroom to vomit.  Woo - good times.

She's an 'I've been to her house, she's been to my house, she helped me move and brought me dumplings when I was recovering from surgery' kind of friend.  We've taken road trips for the job together.  I like her.  She's too smart for this.  She's seen what it can do.  This is a bad bad bad idea.

And there's nothing I can do about it.  And she doesn't take feedback well, and I can't decide if I should say something to her about it, and the deadline draws near.  Her surgery is next week.  The light at the end of her tunnel is on the front of a train and she is standing on the tracks, and for four days I've known and I've seen her at work and I've wanted to say something.

And part of my ambivalence about talking to her is about me.  I absolutely know that she doesn't need this surgery, and that even though she's put on a few pounds lately, she can lose them again with exercise.  The thing is that I've also put on some pounds lately, after having my surgery reversed, and I haven't done anything of consequence about losing my own. 

I was in the 'bag of cheetoes' club for twenty years.  I lost weight right after my surgery too.  I bought into the para-religious zeal of what a miracle this surgery is for people who just  "can't" lose weight any other way.  I threw up for twenty years, every day, several times a day, and ruined my teeth, and worried about my vocal chords, and woke up choking on vomit, and finally the scar tissue built up in my stomach until I was only able to keep down liquids.  That's what it took, after twenty years of hitting myself over the head for making such a huge mistake, to finally do something about it.

So after the reversal I was in a lot of pain, and I live alone, and I was afraid to go for walks after the surgery, like I had done for the first one.  And I was celebrating being able to eat again, and so, I've gained a lot of pounds and am uncomfortable in my body.  Maybe she takes this as some kind of 'evidence' that the surgery is better than not having the surgery.  Maybe I'm paranoid, but I've wondered if the 'bag of cheetoes' girls have pointed to me and whispered that I should have left well enough alone.

My problem with exercise in the past few months has been pain in my legs and knees.  My doctor and I have been working on that, and I'll be taking off the pounds again soon.   But not soon enough to stop my friend from getting hit by the light at the end of the tunnel.