ARE YOU CONSIDERING SUICIDE? DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE THAT IS? ARE YOU WILLING TO HELP SOMEONE OR HELP YOURSELF? BEFORE YOUR TAKE THAT FINAL STEP, TAKE FIVE MINUTES AND CLICK HERE, PLEASE?


Celebrate my Son's Life with me


"GO REST HIGH ON THAT MOUNTAIN"

As performed by Vince Gill

I know your life
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain

(CHORUS:)
Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son
Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels' faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing.


(REPEAT CHORUS:)

From the album
"Vince Gill: When Love Finds You"
Copyright 1994 by MCA Records, Inc.
All rights reserved.



My son, Jason, was born November 7, 1977. He died July 6, 1996. He did not die from any illness or accident but by his own choice. The following is a reflection of my feelings, worries and doubts for a year following his suicide.

I am not a professional and do not assume that I can offer anyone relief from their personal suffering. I only offer my feelings to let you know that you are not alone, not losing your mind. No one was available for me to give these thoughts to when they occurred to me, so I wrote them down.



AUGUST 5, 1996

Thirty days ago my life ended. Oh, I still get up every morning and go to work, but it is over anyway. At 8:50 p.m. on July 5, I stood in the parking lot at the store laughing at my son. He was so happy. The back seat of his new car was full of boxes and clothes. "What are you doing, moving again?" I asked. "No, Jennifer is finally moving in with me" was his reply.

Jason and Jennifer had been dating for two years, they had an apartment, a new car , jobs in the fields they had studied, money in the bank. During their senior year they had been working and buying things for their apartment. Life was good.


Their life hadn't always been so sunny, they had the normal breakups that teenagers go through, but it looked like things were on the change.

At 5:00 a.m. I heard pounding on my door. All I could think was someone had the wrong apartment. Who else would be pounding away at 5 a.m.? When I went to the door and saw the Sheriff my only thought was ‘Jason must have been picked up for drinking or some other foolish thing'. Why would I think anything else? The sheriff asked me if there was anyone else with me or anyone I could call. It still didn't sink in that this could be something serious.

Jennifer and her mother and brother came in behind them. Jennifer was a mess, covered in blood. Oh God, I thought, there has been an accident, a car wreck, how bad was it??? It must be that if they were all here and Jason wasn't. I was starting to get pretty frightened. No one would tell me anything. The sheriff told me to call someone to come over before he would even talk to me. Jennifer couldn't stop crying and saying 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry'.

I knew it couldn't be really bad, could it?

I called my son Troy but only got his voice mail. I insisted they tell me what happened - where was Jason? I couldn't find anyone to come over....just tell me what has happened!

At 1:40 a.m. Jason had been pronounced dead.

He had placed a 12 gauge shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. I asked if I needed to go identify his body and the sheriff said that his friends had already verified it was him.

I never saw Jason again.

 I never saw Jason again.

I never saw Jason again.
What happened in those four hours between 9 pm and 1 am?

No one knows or no one will say. Everyone that was with Jason that night said he was fine, he was up, he was happy.

Jason and his friends had gone to a party. There were no harsh words, no fights, no reason! Jason, Jennifer, Bobby and Liz returned to Jason's apartment after the party.


Bobby and Liz were staying with Jason until they found their own apartment. Jennifer said she was going to get ready for bed and take a shower. Jason said he needed to talk to her but she said she would only be a few minutes. Bobby and Liz were in the living room when Jason walked in with the shotgun and loaded it. They asked what he was going to do and he said 'I think you know' and walked into the bedroom and killed himself. Jennifer never heard the shot nor saw his body when she came out of the bathroom. She heard Bobby and Liz screaming and ran into the living room, 'What's wrong'....they just kept yelling 'Jason, Jason, Jason' and pointing into the bedroom. Jennifer turned around to look and the light from the living room was falling right across his body. She ran to Jason but of course it was too late.

A 12 gauge doesn't give second chances.

Jennifer lifted him from the floor and held him until the police arrived. She said you couldn't tell anything was wrong, his face still looked perfect. They kept Jennifer, Bobby and Liz at the police station for three hours before they even came to tell me what had happened.

My son had been lying dead in the morgue and they never even let me know.

They never let me see him.

Jason was a special person. Everyone was his friend. You couldn't do anything to loose his friendship. You could steal his money, wreck his car, trash his apartment but he would always take you back. If you needed a place to stay, money, clothes, someone to listen to you bitch or just someone to talk to, Jason was there, He gave everything he had to everyone else and never asked for anything in return.

I can't take back that night or change any part of his life. I can't sit and wonder WHY because I'll never find out why. I just hurt so much and can't understand where his life went wrong.

August 25, 1996


Another Saturday has passed....how long will I continue to gauge my life by passing Saturday's? The past few weeks have been very strange. I never stop thinking about Jason, scenes playing through my mind, conversations, fights, laughter, graduation night. He was so proud to graduate. When he walked across the stage to get his diploma the whole auditorium yelled and screamed (and caught Hell for it too). He had so many friends, where were they July 6th???? WHERE WERE THEY??? WHERE WAS I???


His friends come over to my house and I'm glad to see them, happy they feel they can come to me, but as soon as they get here I want them to leave. Why didn't they help him? They had the power, they knew him better than I, they were with him when it happened, they watched him load the gun and leave the room, they could have stopped him.

~*~ Home Page  ~ *~  Jason's Story  ~ *~  First 6 months  ~ *~  Final 6 months  ~*~

~*~  Web Rings and Helpful Links  ~ *~  Poems and feelings  ~*~    Wishes  ~*~

~*~  I Am A Survivor  ~ *~   8 Years Later  ~*~

*~  I Believe In You  ~*~

~*~   Blaine Larsen, How Do You Get That Lonely? ~*~  






Other web sites I host:

Barbra Streisand the woman, the myth, the legend

Chris Wilson and Monster Truck Five, A Memorial Tribute A life taken too soon

Movies with a twist ... bizarre and unusual movie reviews





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Sue Dawson.



Give the gift of LIFE, give the gift of LOVE.....As an organ/tissue donor you are able to help others. I have been listed as a potential donor since age 16, I proudly donate blood through the American Red Cross. My son, at his wish, was an organ/tissue donor as well. There is so much you can do with your life to help others.

Please sign an organ/tissue donation card, but don't stop there. Simply signing the card is not enough! You must also notify family members and friends that you wish to give the gift of life and love. Think of the possibilities.......you have the potential to give this gift, don't fail.

My son, Jason, helped save 17 people, can't you help at least one?



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