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Letter to the Editor by Julie Clark In several of the editorials that I have read in the Southside Sentinel, as well as from parents that I have spoken with, I have noted the word bully being used. Bullying has been around for a long time, many say. Some consider it a 'rite of passage.' Murder and rape have been around for a long time, and I don't think that too many would agree with dismissing those crimes on the basis that it has been around for a long time. Bullying is abuse. Physical bullying is in reality assault...and isn't assault a crime? It seems to depend on where the assault takes place...if the victim defends himself from an attack in a park he's using self defense. If he defends himself from attack in a school...he's "fighting." Zero tolerance seems to equal zero common sense. Most kids that I have spoken to report that verbal bullying (verbal abuse) is as bad, if not worse, than physical bullying (assault). Hearing ugly remarks, being called names, taunted because of physical or mental handicaps, having racial or sexual slurs hurled at them, wears on the soul of a person. Children are people, too. To be screamed at, even witnessing frequent screaming at others, by those who are supposed to be in charge, sends the message that it is a place to be feared. That no one is really in charge, that it is okay for bullies to bully others. When the example comes from those in charge, we can expect that some students will also bully. No one can learn in an environment of fear. It has been reported that an estimated 160,000 children, nationwide, miss school every day because of fear of bullying. Children who are bullied are more at risk for self destructive behaviors i.e., smoking, drinking, using illegal drugs, and self mutilation (cutting). Some who are bullied resort to bullying as a defense mechanism. Others become clinically depressed. Victims of bullying are also more likely to drop out of school. Some children even commit suicide, which has given us the tragic new word "bullycide." Children who are bullies do not necessarily come from abusive homes. They come from homes of all descriptions. Generally where they have been indulged too often and have had little expected of them in the way of family responsibilities. Bullies are four times more likely to be arrested for violent crimes and are more likely to be abusive spouses. Little bullies grow up to be big bullies if they are allowed to continue bullying others. Society has given them many excuses over the years...boys will be boys, those other kids gotta toughen up, and so on. One does not have to be physically or emotionally assaulted in order to have a good life. If children are being bullied, parents will need to take a firm stand. They need to be firm in insisting that the bullying stop. Press charges for physical bullying, and continued harassment. Don't ask if it is okay to press charges. If nothing gets done or you get brushed off, contacting the media is helpful. Talk with other parents to find out if bullying is a problem with their children. There is strength in numbers. In the meantime, it may be necessary to homeschool or attend a private school. Some opt to just leave their hometowns. Sad that those who want to learn in a physically and emotionally safe environment are the ones who have to leave. Schools can be on the lookout for bullying. Bullying is more likely to take place during transition times: before and after school, class changes, and lunch time. Don't put up with bullying when you see or hear it. Do not dismiss a child for "tattling" if he or she is trying to report a physical or verbal assault. Tattling is when one kid wants attention or wants to get another kid in trouble. Telling is reporting what happened to yourself or another student. School personnel should not ignore bullying, and they should not tell victims to ignore it. When adults ignore it, it gives the bullies tacit approval. When victims try to ignore it, the bully steps up his efforts. And just how does one ignore being tripped, hit, kicked, and taunted? What if parents went to their children's schools and did the same to staff while they tried to do their jobs? How long do you think that the parents would be ignored? I am working with an anti-bullying organization, Bully.Police.org. They have a website at http://www.bullypolice.org. Members of this group, especially Adrianna Sgarlata, have worked on anti-bullying legislation which passed almost unanimously recently in both the House and the Senate. The bills will be signed into law on July 1, 2005, by Governor Warner. More information on this legislation (HB2266) can be found here: HB2266. The second law, HB2267, is designed to give immunity from harassment any school employee or student who reports bullying or other crimes. Information on HB2267 may be found here: HB2267. Links and information on both laws will be available on my website. These new laws are good news for Virginia's children! Parents should keep up with these laws, and hold the schools accountable. Our children are depending on us. BullyWhys.com designed and maintained by Julie Clark, Locust Hill, Virginia. All content ©Copyright 2004, Julie Clark. All rights reserved.