Top 11 signs You've Reached Middle Age by Rich Helley

11. You don't eat hard candy because you're afraid the cement holding
    your crowns in place will give way. 
10. You see an attractive woman and realize you're old enough to be her 
    father.
9.  The barbell you once lifted easily now looks like a massive object 
    that would challenge the Incredible Hulk.
8.  You're the one you know who still uses a typewriter and a dial 
    telephone.
7.  In a restaurant you base your menu selections on jhow the food 
    will affect your digestive tract the next day (or two).
6.  You perform your Groucho Marx impression for people and they
    ask, "Who's Groucho Marx".
5.  You get up from a chair and are so stiff you walk around
    for a moment bent over like Groucho Marx.
4.  While watching a figure skating exhibition you suddenly
    realize you're too old for Dristi Yamaguchi (see #10).
3.  You think that "Internet" is a fishing term.
2.  The toys and comic books you owned as a child are now
    collector's items worth hundreds of dollars each.
1.  You remember when Silicon Valley was called the Santa 
    Clara Valley (or something like that; it's been so long).

Rick Helley lives in San Jose, Ca.
Published in San Jose Mercury News On Thursday January 2, 1997.

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