Furgiveness: The amazing ability rats
have to be forgiven for anything just
because they're cute and
furry.
Stashism: Political belief that all extra
food and miscellaneous items should be
stored for later use.
Pewtophile: A lover of white rats.
Treatise: A written document that states
all owners are required by law to offer
at least one yogurt drop
per rat per day.
Bruxtaposition: The condition of having a happy rat sit next to you on the sofa.
Gnawtification: A formal indication that your rat was here.
Shredware: The high necked, long sleeved
garments commonly worn by rat owners
when playing with their
rats.
Exvermination: The act of removing all traces
of your pet rats from view when your
landlord is about to visit.
Rodentertainment: The joy and happiness
you acquire from watching the comical
and clever antics of your
rats rather than television.
Omniratent: Having rats present in all parts of your house at all times.
Self-restraint: Control imposed by oneself
when one sees a tank full of unmarked
ratlets for adoption in
the pet shop.
Mycophobia: An intense and irrational fear
experienced by all rat owners at the
first sign of a sneeze.
Groominate: To subconsciously and incessantly
clean oneself while pondering
life and the universe.
Adamocosis (aka Jane's Syndrone): The mental
disorder that makes you no longer
content with owning just
R. norvegicus.
Rexpectation: The state of hoping for a few curly whiskers in your next litter.
Peeterrent: The unmistakeable aroma of
rat pee on your clothes that prevents
non-rat-lovers from hitting
on you.
Ratochistic: said of one who derives
pleasure from being scratched, peed on,
enduring violent allergic
reactions, picking up raisins, cleaning cages and
spending all their money
on rat food and vet bills.
Bucktion: The irresistable force that
attracts people to big, lazy, squishy male rats.
Mischief-maker (a.k.a. Breeder): A person
who deliberately amasses large
numbers of rodents with
the express purpose of distributing them to as many
people as possible.
Cross-Scritch: A crafty technique requiring
the skill of petting two rats at once
on different sides of your
lap.
Ratriarchy: A form of social organisation
in which rats hold all of the power (common
in most pet rat households).
Heat wave: The courtship process whereby
a female rat wiggles her ears at a potential
male across the room.
Stynchronisation: The amazing coincidence
that visitors always manage to drop in
unannounced just before
cage-cleaning day when the whole house reeks of rat pee.
Hell-raisin': When your rat causes trouble
by depositing a wet, squishy smelly poop
then steps in it and proceeds
to drag it all over the house.
Dropsy: A hyperactivity disorder in
rats caused by eating way too many sugary
yogurt treats.
Sofamorphism: The incredible ability
of all rats to squish themselves into any shape
in order to fit behind/inside
large immovable furniture and household appliances.
Scentinel / Scentry: A pee drop placed
at the border of a rat's territory to guard
their domain from rogue
rodent invaders.
Exherbitionist: A rat who has a compulsive
desire to draw attention to itself by
digging up pot plants.
Cage-fright: The instantaneous horror
that you feel when you're sitting at your desk
at work and the realisation
dawns on you that you've left the rat cage lid open at home.
Newton's Law of Rodent Physics:
The harder one tries to prevent a rat from gnawing,
the more determined a rat
will be to gnaw.
Pednipology: The study of why rats love
to bite socked toes.