T-Bone's Survival Tips for New Preemie Parents
suggestions to help parents, family and friends cope with
the birth of a premature baby
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Tyler Alexander Bone
10.23.96
31 weeks, 2 lbs 15 oz




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There are two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as if everything is.
-Albert Einstein (fellow preemie)


(page down for contents)
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The Special Mother

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year thousands of mothers will give birth to a premature baby. Did you ever wonder how mothers of preemies are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

“Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint, Matthew.
“Forest, Majorie, daughter. Patron saint, Ceceila.
“Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint... give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity.

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, “Give her a premature baby.”
The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”

“Exactly, “ smiles God. “Could I give a premature baby a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.”

“But does she have patience?” asks the angel.
“I don’t want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it.

“I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence that are so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that’s not going to be easy.”

“But, Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”
God smiles, “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.”

The angel gasps, “Selfishness? Is that a virtue?”
God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she’ll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child who comes in a less than perfect way. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied.

“She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says ‘Mommy’ for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

“I will permit her to see clearly the things I see - ignorance, cruelty, prejudice - and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”

“And what about her patron saint?” asks the angel, the pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles. “A mirror will suffice.”

-Adapted from
Erma Bombeck
Motherhood The Second Oldest Profession

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For many parents, the birth of their premature baby leaves them short on support, understanding and compassion from others. It can be an isolating, lonely time. Many parents find themselves depressed, angry, and frustrated, and left wondering if their lives will ever return to normal.

My intention for this website is for it to offer encouragement, compassion, and understanding - the kind that can come only from others who have made the same journey through the world of premature parenting. I hope no other parent ever has to endure the loneliness and misunderstandings that I did when my son was born. It is my hopes that the information found here will help make the NICU roller coaster maybe a tad more bearable. I wish that the support you find here can assist you in discovering hope, love and joy that can be found by sharing in your preemie's life. That's what having a child is all about, even for parents of preemies.

Everything here is intended to help others who are faced with a preterm birth. Read the information for yourself. Print it out for friends and family to read. Read the information again. Link up with other preemie parents for support. Read the information once more. Have faith that you will find strength to deal with all that encompasses a premature birth. And once you have found the strength and courage to heal, take my hand and help another new parents. Know wherever you are, you are not alone in what you are feeling. You are the normal parent of a preemie.

If you would thoroughly know anything, teach it to others. - Tyrone Edwards

God Bless You and Your Miracle!
Kerry Bone,
mom to Tyler, 31 weeker , 10.23.96

My Story
Tyler's First Year in Photos
Photos Page Two
Photos Three

The Basics Every Parent Should Know From The Start...advice and tips for all preemie parents, those just starting out on their NICU trip and seasoned veterans
Those Special First Visits with your baby
How to Touch a Preemie a guide to overstimulation when touching your baby
Leaving the Hospital without your baby
Riding the NICU Roller Coaster dealing with setbacks
Asking Questions who, what, when, where, how,
Taking Care of Yourself don't forget this!
Pumping and Breastfeeding - part one -the emotional side of expressing breastmilk
Breastfeeding, Part2 - covers beginning breastfeedings and transitioning, along with special situations that affect breastfeeding success
Discontinuing Breastfeeding -discusses the emotional pain that mothers feel when giving up breastfeeding and/or pumping
Emotions and Feelings that every parent feels (75% finished)
Depression post partum and otherwise (75% complete)
How Your Family and Friends Cope insightful explanations on the reactions of grandparents, other children, friends and family
Your Marriage adjustments with your spouse
The Preemie Dad (under construction)

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A Primer for those Touched by a Preemie --What every Friend and Family Member should know...
suggestions for helping, understanding and supporting the parents, which each and every friend or family member should read...
Understanding Preemie Parents Part One -informative guide that explains what parents feel, deal with and go through when they have a preemie.
Understanding PP Cont'd Part Two --
a primer for offering help, support and understanding to the preemie parent.
Must Read Tips!!! suggestions on how to treat the preemie parent.
The Grandparent Factor getting along with the grandparents of your preemie - a guide for the whole family
A Parent's Wish a simple list of wants...
From a Preemie Parent... this letter offers insight and guidance to others as only a parent can put it.
How to Help the Parents a list of suggested ways to help the family.


Special Circumstances
Guidance and support for unique challenges that meet parents of a premature baby.
 Insight -a Single Preemie Mom
Facing Surgery in the NICU
Making it With Multiples (under construction)
Discovering a Disability (under construction)
Facing the Loss of Your Baby (under construction)


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Am I The Only One Feeling This Way?
The answer is a resounding "NO!". Here you will find articles from The Early Edition, a web-based preemie newsletter written for parents, by parents. They offer coping skills for situations specific to a preemie parent.
Dealings-comparing yourself with other parents, preemie and fullterm
Guilt after a preterm birth
Dealings giving yourself permission to fall apart.
Your Thoughts Here-holidays - coping with the holiday blues...
A Home for Your Thoughts dealing with comments from people who Don't Have A Clue (DHAC) about the NICU or preemies
Your Thoughts Here talks of the difficulty of dealing with other's pregnancies after a preterm birth
Support&Understanding - a page listing the links to all the articles in this section, and others!


After the Baby is Home...
Oh the fun never ends! Read on for more help...
Isolation - during RSV season and the early months of homecoming
Homecoming (under construction)
Adjustments, Flashbacks, etc.. (under construction)


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Inspirations, Poems And Stories Related to Preemies Which Offer Encouragement
You can't imagine
Holland
God's Child
Describing A Hero
Why I'm Glad I Had a Preemie
Preemie Purple Heart
In The Palm Of My Hand
Blessings in Disguise
Heaven Scent
Time
Faith
Look On The Sunny Side
Lessons From Geese
Be!

Links to other premature parent support...
Links to the TOP preemie websites which offer understanding and support to parents.

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Notice: The information provided on this board is not in any way intended to be a taken as medical advice or used as substitute for medical expertise and advice provided by your doctor, your baby's doctor or a licensed therapist.
Feel free to Email me at kbone91@aol.com
for any questions or comments.
I welcome any and all suggestions!

Before you leave, please take a moment to email me and share your comments.

Thanks!!!









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