The following interview appeared in Voices. Information based on the book, "Taking the Bully by the Horns," by Kathy Noll with Jay Carter, MA PsyD.

DEALING with BULLIES

Are you sick of bullies pushing you around? Are you tired of "friends" who play mind games, try to boss you, insult you or make fun of you?

Is your older brother or sister a power freak who is out of control?

If you are nodding your head yes, you should check out "Taking the Bully by the Horns," by Kathy Noll.

Noll wrote the book for young people, based on the popular book "Nasty People" by Jay Carter, a West Reading, PA psychologist. For several years, Carter had looked for someone to bring his ideas to a younger audience. The two writers met when Noll answered a classified ad Carter had placed in the paper.

"Everyone is bullied or made fun of for some reason while they are growing up," said Noll. "And everyone plays the bully at some point in their life."

Bullies can be enemies or friends, relatives, neighbors or even teachers.

In the beginning of her book, Noll tells readers about a few times she was bullied as a kid. Once a teacher told her she had "cats' eyes" and they make her look sneaky! (Verbal intimidation)  Another time, a group of girls in school grabbed her glasses off her face and then pulled out some of her eyelashes to see if they were fake!

(Girl bullies can be horrible as they insult, gossip, and tell secrets!)

"The memories (of being bullied) really stay with you," said Noll. "Everyone is insecure about something. Bullies figure out what you are insecure about and make you feel even worse about yourself."

Bullies create more bullies, she said.

"You can only take being bullied for so long," she said. "Then the victim tries to become a bully."

But young people can stop this "bully cycle," she said.

The key is realizing that what the bully does is totally wrong. Their mean behavior shows they have a problem. You are not the one with the problem! You don't deserve to be treated this way and you don't have to put up with it. In addition to dealing with bullies, Noll's book offers advice about how to increase your confidence and self-esteem.

After you stop thinking like a victim, it's time to take action. Noll's first suggestion is to talk to the bully, whether he or she is a friend, a sworn enemy or your older brother or sister. Point out to the bully what he is doing, and how it makes you feel.

If the bully is really just a bossy friend, this might change his or her behavior.  (He might not "really" be a bully, but wears his "bully face" from time to time.)  If they are only interested in being a bully, they may stop bothering you, since you are no longer playing the victim. If they keep harassing you, make an effort to stay away from them, even if it means walking to school the long way or making some new friends who are not impressed by the bully.

In some cases, you must talk to a parent or a teacher or some other adult that you trust. If someone is hurting you physically, or making you scared to go to school, talk to an adult about it. It is not fair for you to live in fear. In severe cases, bullies break the law by assaulting other kids, and this is illegal. School or police authorities may be able to scare the bully!

Even if the abuse is only verbal and emotional, it can still cause a lot of pain. Some students start having bad headaches or stomachaches because they are so worried about bullies. If you feel this way, or you know someone who does, ask an adult to confront the bully without mentioning your name.

Remember, you deserve to go to school in peace. Don't let a bully ruin your life.

"Bullying is a serious topic," said Noll. "I want to get the word out that kids and teens don't have to take it."

- End

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