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Various Television
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“He smiles too much. I don’t think that’s good for the soul. You need to be sad sometimes.”
- Flora from “The Real World” Miami- “Children should be seen but not tolerated.”
- “Reuben Kincaid” from “The Partridge Family”- “Early to rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy and socially dead.”
- “Yakko” from “Animaniacs”- “With every ill wind there blows a fresh breeze of promise.”
- Greg Proops from “Whose Line is it Anyway?” as a “Politician with policies from Fortune Cookies”- “I’ve got a plan. We die a horrible death. You go to hell and I spend the rest of eternity in the arms of baby Jesus.”
- “Gunn” from “Angel”- “Lighten up, its a homicide, not a funeral.”
- guy from “Millennium”- “Time heals all wounds, Pinky, except perhaps the one in your head.”
- “The Brain” from “Pinky and the Brain”- “They once though that if you stay outside during the full moon, you would go crazy like a lunatic. I’ve spent many a night under the full moon. Do you think I’m crazy?”
- Bill Nye from “Bill Nye the Science guy”- “I, Tom Green, being of sound mind, wish the following to be performed on my carcass by Glenn Humplik upon the event of my untimely death. First, I want you to throw my body off a 40 story building. I want you to take my corpse and I want you to remove the arms and legs. And then I want you to put the legs where the arms used to be and put the arms where the legs used to be. Then I want you to pour gasoline all over my body. I want you to take my gasoline soaked body. I want you to strap it to the roof of your Suzuki Swift. I want you to light my body on fire until it's all bones. I want you to drive to the cemetery. I want you to mix my ashes with gun powder. I want you to make a special gun powder. And I want you to put that special gun powder into 2 bullets. And I want you to kill a goat and a gorilla. And I want you to let the gorilla and the goat rot in your backyard. I want you to take the bones. I want you to put the bones in a coffin. I want my tombstone to read:
- Tom Green from “The Tom Green Show”HERE LIES TOM GREEN
HALF GOAT
HALF GORILLA”- “In Manila, a man killed a person at a kareoki bar because he said the person was singing out of tune. In a related story, the backstreet boys cancelled their concert in Manila”
- Conan O’Brien from “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”- “You share a birthday with Keith Moon”
- “Jiminy Glick”
“Really? August 23rd?”
- Jay Morh
“No.”
- “Jiminy Glick” from “Primetime Glick” - “Children should be seen but not tolerated.”
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