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Enoch's Army News Archive
ENOCH'S ARMY NEWS ARCHIVE
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PREVIOUSLY ON EA
Newell In Hair Shocker!
Luton's controversial boss, Mike Newell, has today revealed his new look. It is
thought it is a cross between Shaft's 70s Afro and Foster's barnet of the 80s.
Quite why he has opted for a change in folicular adornment is unknown, but it is
 rumoured to be a superstition that harks back to his playing days at Wigan.
More news as it happens only on ENOCH'S ARMY!
EARLIER NEWS
Fans Call For Half-Time Porn
In a poll here on EA, fans have called for several improvements from the new
owners when they take over at LTFC. Amongst the forerunners is the call for
half-time porn to make the break go quicker. "I used to buy a Pukka Pie, but if
we have half-time porn instead, I will definitely be in the line for Offical Tissues
should there be any on offer." said a fan. The only other issue is whether this
porn should be Live, or pre-recorded. "I't can be done at my house" said another
 fan. Another added, "It'll save the programme getting manked up!" We await the
 new owners' thoughts with mild anticipation.
LATEST ON ENOCH INJURY CRISIS!
As you know, Enoch is suffering from a bad back at present. This is just a glimpse of
 what is going on in the physio room to make sure Eno comes back as soon as
possible. He is also being fitted with advanced bionic implants to improve his already
fearsome abilities in front of goal. GET WELL SOON, ENO!
LATEST NEWS: For all concerned parties that wanted to see the Great Enoch play against Wrexham last Saturday, do not despair! Enoch moves in mysterious ways, and if he wasn't playing, it was meant to be! He is probably winding his coil for Tuesday's Cup Replay! Rumours that he was seen in Luton Arndale ordering a new pair of leg warmers are unconfirmed. However, FTSE reports a sharp rise in shares in the wool industry and shepherds in New Zealand are working 24-hour shifts.
OLD NEWS: Rumours are rife that both Arsene Wenger and Alex Ferguson will be at the Kenny tomorrow (Saturday) to see with their own eyes the Wonder that is Enoch. This brings fresh speculation that Man Utd may have accepted a bid for v Nistelrooy from an un-named Division 2 super-power for £50k. Wenger will be sitting in Block J with a 1985/6 Luton/Celtic bobble hat on smoking Gauloises, Ferguson will be in the Oak Road end with the Wrexham lot, but will be sitting just behind the advertising hoardings in the 10 foot dip. He will be holding a copy of The Independent (small issue) and wearing a white poppy in his lapel. If I see them, I'll let you know.
OLDER NEWS: SVEN TO KEEP OFF ENOCH
I've just spoken to Sven and he says for the good of the player and the team, he will not be calling Enoch up for international duty against Denmark on Sunday. "I am realising that this powerful prolific striker is needed for the attack at the Wrexham game and feel it more important that the Town get the points. Many a raw talent has been ruined by the demands of the nation and for now I am content in staying away. Unfortunately, it does mean that I am considering starting Heskey, but needs must as Denmark beckons, what."  
Travelling to Wrexham on Saturday - M1, M6, M54 to A41 (signposted Newport), keep on to Wrexham. Total 152 miles. Get out of car, scratch head, kick self in nads, hurtle back (reverse the above directions) at 120mph and you should just make it back to Kenilworth Road for 3pm. Cheers in advance. You shoulda emailed Cherry!
08/11/03: What a great game from the big man last night at Thurrock FC. Masterful, powerful, assured on the ball. He could have knocked several in! It was absolutely no surprise that he was not subbed instead of Forbes in the second half. Enoch & Crowe are THE strike partnership and they more than made up for the inadequacies of the rest of the team! THE BIG MAN DESERVES A CHUFFIN' MEDAL! Look forward to seeing his maestrofullous skills next Saturday and subsequently in the replay! NICE ONE ENO, NICE ONE SON!

 

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