Jonathan Bernstein
Attended Thornton Hall 1986-1991
e-mail:
netprimetime@hotmail.com
*
June 5, 2002
It's hard to explain to NTS's (Non-Thornton Students) what exam time was like at Thornton Hall. I try to tell my wife about the art history exams, which would often consist of one question. She thinks it sounds simple. So I have taken the liberty of dramatically recreating what the experience was like. Although there are some artistic liberties with this, surprisingly it is less than any NT's would think
Exam - Ancient Egyptian Art History
Question: The Palette of Narmer depicts the unification of Upper and Lower Egypt. What was Narmer's wife's cat's name? Explain its historical significance.
Panic immediately sets in.
What? Narmer! Who the hell is Narmer? What cat?
OK the three great pyramids were named after Pharaohs: Kufu, Kafra, and Menkaura. Wait how do you spell Menkaura. Is it Man-Cow-RAY? Damn it!
Wait none of this has anything to do with cats. Think, think, think.
OK. Think of names. Felix! No. Tom, achh don't be stupid. Felix, wait I already thought of that and it's still wrong.
Uhhhhhh?
(Five minutes later)
Uhhhhhhh?
Why is everyone else writing furiously? How come they seem to know this?
OK, wait a minute, the Egyptians worshipped cats. And the cat goddess was called...Uhhhhhh...Felix! No, stop thinking of Felix the stupid cat! Come on brain help me out. Maybe I should have been eating wheat germ.
Egyptian god names -- there is Horus who is a falcon; maybe it was Horus the Cat! No ok how about Bob! Wait it's not Bob but I think it starts with a B...maybe...come on brain I know you can do it.
Wait I know it! Bes! Wahoo!
(Side note: It is actually Bast. Bes is the Egyptian dwarf god believed to guard against evil spirits and misfortune.)
OK Bes. Now since this is very important should I give it one underline or two? I'll guess two. Ok here is my black Pentel Rolling Writer -- now where is my red Pentel Rolling Writer? Oh shit! I don't have it.
Hold on, What's this? It's a Bic and it's green. Well it will have to do.
Ok what was the name again? Damn it stupid pens I have forgotten. Felix? No. Uhhhhhh wait Bob? No. Betty? No. Bes!
Ok better put it down on paper before I forget it. There we go. Now to underline it with my green Bic pen. Damn It! I don't have a ruler. Wait I'll just use the side of the Pentel Rolling Writer.
Shit! It's crooked, time for Liquid Paper. At least I have that, arghh it's white on yellow. Why does she insist on using the yellow pads for writing exams on? It will have to do (wait for it to dry). Ok Betty. Argh! Liquid paper again. (Wait for it to dry again.)
Bes
Now what was Bes's significance?
Time's Up!
What do you mean, "Time's Up"?!
My exam paper consists of my name and the word Bes. Time can't be up!
Oh shit!
I better get a good mark for my Egypt art project.
*
*
*
School Ties: Thornton Hall Alumni
Yearbook: Photos and Memorabilia
Thornton Hall Private School, Thornton Hall Private High School
Thornton Hall High School, Thornton Hall School