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April Birthday, Happy Fool!
By Mary C.,Susan G, Anne-Marie, and Kathy M
Part 1
March 27, 1971
Candy and Jonathan started to walk up Bay Road to their home, Gull Cottage. Mrs. Coburn and Linda had dropped them off at the bottom of the hill that afternoon as per Carolyn’s instructions that morning. Linda had another orthodontist’s appointment that afternoon and couldn’t be late for it. The weather was balmy for March, and the children took their time making their way up the hill.
“Hey, Candy …” said Jonathan, “Watch-ya gonna do for the Captain’s birthday this year?”
Candy stopped on the road and turned to him, her eyes wide open. “Birthday! When’s that? I thought you’d be more worried about your dumb April Fool’s Day jokes! Remember, you promised no more jokes like last year! Besides, didn’t we do the Captain’s birthday?” Candy continued walking up the road.
Jonathan shook his head. “No … remember? Claymore gave us the wrong day! We celebrated the day the Captain DIED … not the day he was born! Mom told me so!”
Candy grimaced at the thought. “Oh yeah … well, when is it?”
“Mom said she looked up the right day in the city records after Claymore blew it. It’s April 8th… 1825.” Jonathan paused and concentrated. “… At least I THINK that was the year… But I’m SURE it’s April 8.”
“Gee, that’s not very far away!” Candy turned and glanced at her brother again. “It’s March 27th now! That only gives us … thirteen … yeah … a little less than two weeks to get ready for it!”
“Yeah … I wonder why the Captain didn’t say anything about it? I start talking about what I want for MY birthday at LEAST a month ahead of time!”
“I don’t think grownups like birthdays …” Said Candy, thoughtfully. “…I mean I think they like that people remember their birthday, but I don’t think they like to talk about them. Maybe they’re worried about getting old or something. You know, Martha calls hers a ‘State Secret’.” She reminded her brother.
“Well …” said Jonathan, kicking a stone in his path, “… the Captain can’t get OLDER exactly … do you think maybe he forgot what day his birthday is? He couldn’t remember when we asked him about it in November…That’s how we ended up getting the wrong date from Claymore and surprising him on the wrong day …”
“I don’t think so.” Said Candy, shifting her school books to her other arm, “I was thinking about it after the party was over last year … I think maybe he told us he couldn’t remember the day on purpose … so we couldn’t make a fuss. Mom says he remembers everything … that’s how he can tell such great stories.”
“Well that’s dumb!” Jonathan retorted. “If we remember yours and mine and Mom’s and Scruffy’s we have to remember his too!”
“Well, don’t get mad at me!” Candy replied hotly, “I think you’re right! But we have the same problem we did in November … how can we surprise him with a birthday party when we never know when he’s around to spy on us?”
“Well, I was thinking…” Jonathan said, in a conspiring tone “… He doesn’t know WE know when his birthday is, right?”
“Right …”
“And Martha knows about the Captain now … and Mom, and Claymore …”
“Yeah …”
So that makes everything easier! Don’t you get it? Maybe we can do what we’re doing right now … plan it all when we aren’t AT Gull Cottage!”
Candy’s face suddenly lit up as Jonathan’ idea began to take shape. “Oh! I get it! We can run errands and take walks and play on the beach and plan the party and then go into town with Mom to get stuff and hide everything we get for the party in the car! Captain Gregg NEVER messes around in Mom’s car!”
“Yeah!” Answered Jonathan “Except the cake … we can’t hide THAT there! But, Captain Gregg might STILL be on the lookout for something going on … He looks out for everything anyway -- Maybe we could disrect him or something…”
“Disrect? Don’t you mean DISTRACT?” Candy corrected him, with what Jonathan privately called her ‘mother’ tone.
Jonathan rolled his eyes. “Yeah … that… make him think we’re doing something else …”
“Like what?”
“Well … His birthday is real near April Fools’ Day … Maybe if he thinks we’re trying to ‘get’ him with April Fool’s Day jokes, then he’ll forget about his birthday!”
“I don’t know Jonathan…” Candy said doubtfully. “It’s four days to April Fool’s Day and then another eight days after that to his birthday …”
“Yeah, but If he thinks we’re trying to play jokes on him, maybe he’ll start thinking about jokes to play back and forget about his birthday … Hey! Wait! I know!” Jonathan said, tossing his schoolbooks to the ground.
“What?” said Candy, exasperated, but trying to be patient.
“We could play a REALLY big April Fool’s Day joke! We can do his birthday party ON April Fools Day! He’ll never guess that!”
“I dunno Jonathan … I’d want MY birthday remembered ON my birthday … having it early wouldn’t be any fun!” said Candy. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea …”
“No ... you STILL don’t get it! We’ll do both! We FOOL him on April Fools day with a little party. Then surprise him on his birthday with a big party! That’ll REALLY get him!”
“Hey! Yeah!” Said Candy, “That’s a great idea!”
Let’ go tell Mom and Martha! Said Jonathan, grabbing his books from the ground.
Yeah! Let’s go!
Candy and Jonathan raced the rest of the way up the hill and burst through the front door. To their surprise, Carolyn and Martha were at the door, waiting for them.
“Avast you two!” said Carolyn, greeting them with a hug. “I’m glad you two are home – and on time for a change! You DO remember we have shopping to do in Schooner Bay this afternoon?”
“And no arguments!” added Martha, joining the three with her purse and a shopping list. “I already have your after school snack in the car, so put your books down and we’ll get moving!”
“OK!” chorused Candy and Jonathan; they put their schoolbooks down quickly and made a beeline to the car with no arguments.
“Hmm…” said Martha, staring after them.
“Hmm what?” asked Carolyn looking at her friend.
“Hmm…that’s all.” Said Martha. “The kids hate shopping! Even when it’s for them! I wonder what they’re up to?”
“Couldn’t say!” replied Carolyn with a laugh, “I’m just happy to have ‘willing prisoners’ for a change! Now lets get going before they change their mind about being cooperative!”
Part 2
"Let me get this straight. You want TWO parties for Captain Gregg?"
Martha was incredulous. "Both of them surprise parties?"
"Yeah ... it's sure to work, Martha!" Jonathan bounced up and down on
the back seat in his excitement. "He'll never guess they're for his
birthday. You'll make a cake, won't you?"
"Two cakes?" Candy interjected.
Martha sighed. "More work, I see. Any particular kind you have in
mind for an April Fool?"
Carolyn smiled when the car was filled with suggestions. Then she
said quietly to Martha, "Remember when we had this discussion in
November? You said you'd make an Angel Food cake, since that was
appropriate for a ghost."
Martha grinned. "And you asked for a Devil's Food! I thought you
just preferred chocolate! But now that I know the Captain ... in a
manner of speaking ..." She shivered suddenly. "I still find it creepy
that he's real."
"Ghosts aren't REAL, Martha." Candy spoke up, having been listening.
"YOU know that!"
"Except for Captain Gregg. HE'S real!" Jonathan defended his absent
hero.
"A real GHOST," Candy said, scornfully, "but not a real PERSON!"
"He is, too! Mom, tell her!" Jonathan insisted.
"Kids, we've had this discussion before." Carolyn said.
"Yeah, when you cut down his tree. Boy, was he mad at you, Mom!"
Jonathan reminded her.
"I forgot about that," Candy was thoughtful. "You said HE wasn't
real, but that the thoughts and dreams of the man he was live on ... or
something like that."
"They sure do." Martha muttered. "Sometimes I just want to hit him
over the head, when he's being stubborn!"
"Mom gets mad and yells at him all the time." Candy said.
"And it hurts his feelings." Jonathan added.
Carolyn winced slightly. "How did the conversation get from having a
party to THIS?"
"Except when he thunders back at her." Candy giggled. "So, can we
have a couple of parties? Huh?"
"We'll think about it a bit more and let you know before we go home.
How's that?"
Jonathan and Candy subsided into the back seat and started murmuring
together, making plans. Martha looked at Carolyn with her eyebrows
raised.
"You sort of want to do this, don't you?" she asked.
"Well," Carolyn defended herself, "The children want to do it, and
really, Martha, the Captain hasn't celebrated a birthday in YEARS!"
"Generations."
"That, too. I just think it would be ... fun." she finished lamely.
"As long as I don't end up the April Fool." Martha grumbled. Then
she brightened, and lowered her voice. "And I've just thought of the
perfect cake to make for a ghost!"
"I thought the Devil's Food appropriate."
"This is even MORE so! A "Better Than Sex" cake!"
Carolyn sputtered with laughter. "You've got to be kidding, Martha!
There isn't such a thing!"
"Oh, indeed there is!" Martha was grimly satisfied. "A Devil's Food
cake to start with, to fit the old devil himself, then, when it comes
out of the oven, poke holes in it and pour caramel sundae topping and
sweetened condensed milk into all the holes, then when it's cool, cover
it with whipped cream and chocolate chips or scrunched up pieces of
chocolate bar or something. Yup, the perfect cake for him! Better than
Sex! Maybe it'll remind him that although he's now on the spiritual
plane and supposedly above all the desires of the flesh, he can still
enjoy good, sweet chocolate!"
Shaking her head at Martha's audacity, Carolyn parked in front of
the clothing store. "All right, mates, bail out and hit the decks here
to start!"
Part 3
At the same time, while the family was in town, in Gull Cottage Captain
Gregg was busy thinking. He was trying to come up with a marvelous trick he
could play on Claymore on April 1st when suddenly his thoughts walked to
Mrs. Muir and her children. He had watched them drive away in Mrs. Muir's
car,
Martha with them. He knew they were on a shopping trip. He had noticed that
Candy and Jonathan something planned. But what could it be?
Daniel had no idea that these plans had something to do with his person. He
didn't think about his birthday at this moment, but he would get to that
later. His thoughts went back to April Fool's Day.
And now he knew what joke he could play on Claymore. 'Oh yes, that will be
fun.' he thought.
His thoughts went again to Carolyn. He wanted to play an April joke on her,
too. Daniel had a marvelous idea. 'I'll sent her another very wild dream
about being with me on board my ship. Poor lady, her dream will end in a
disaster. Then, the next morning when she wakes up, she....' he was
fiendishly
happy over this thought. 'And now back to Claymore. I'll send him to sea
that morning and teach him a terrible lesson.' Captain Gregg's fiendish
laughter rolled through the house at that thought.
Carolyn glanced over the nautical catalogue she had picked up in town and
looked in amazement at all the things you could purchase for the "sea lover
in all of us." She knew she probably shouldn't be looking at it in the
house, so as not to ruin the surprise, but she just couldn't resist. Who
would have ever known how many things could be bought in the shape of a
telescope or compass?
Preparations for the "fake" party where going well. Martha was making a
yellow cake, with chocolate icing and Jonathan and Candy had a couple of gag
gifts for the Captain. She hadn't still picked out anything for the April's
Fools' Day, she was too busy day dreaming over what she wanted to get him
for his real birthday. The thought of Martha's Better Then Sex cake made
her smile and she couldn't help but wonder what the Captain's thoughts on
THAT would be.
"What are you blushing about?" Captain Gregg appeared at his telescope, his
gaze taking in her lithe frame covered demurely in a gown of creamy satin.
She did realize just how beautiful she was?
"I wasn't blushing," she defended herself, feeling her face grow warmer by
the minute. " I was just looking at this, um magazine."
He nodded and turned to look out at the view below. He had a feeling
something was up, but he wasn't sure what. What he did know was that
tomorrow was April Fool's Day and he had a plan or two of his own. But
right now he was going to pop down to the kitchen and see what Martha was up
too. Seems he had heard cake pans rattling earlier.
April 1, 1971
Carolyn woke up rather early on this day because she felt something
hard at her back. It actually felt as if she had slept the whole night
on something very hard. When she opened her eyes, she noticed that she
lay on the floor. But how had she landed there? And then Carolyn
remembered that terribly wild dream. She had been on board Captain
Gregg's ship, the sea was wild and worst of all, pirates all around her.
They had stared at her with wild desire. Just as they had been about to
ravish her, Captain Gregg was
there and had rescued her. Then both had been washed overboard by a
colossal wave. And then she remembered nothing more.
Now she lay on the floor. She wanted to go back to bed again, because
she didn't feel very well after that dream. As Mrs. Muir tried to get up
from the floor, she noticed that her hands were full of tar. But how had
it come on her hands? And then it came to her like lightning bolt.
'Captain Gregg, this underhanded man of a ghost.' she cried in her
thoughts because she couldn't bring the words out of her mouth. Somehow
her voice had failed.
Carolyn managed to get to her feet again. She ran like a fury from
the bedroom in the direction of the bathroom. She wanted to wash up that
tar as soon as possible. In her excitement, she didn't noticed that the
bedroom door was opened like by magical hand and the bathroom door was
opened in the same way.
Somehow Mrs. Muir got off that tar from her hands. She swore terribly
revenge on the Captain. Then suddenly her voice was back when she heard
a deafening laughter, which she knew very well.
"Okay, Captain, you had your joke and you can count on it that I will
find a way to get back at you."
After this, she only heard a terrible 'BLAST' and then nothing more.
*****************
At the same time as Mrs. Muir was feverishly thinking over a revenge
and how she could pay back the Captain, Claymore had also woken up. But
this condition shouldn't last long. Daniel had, in the meantime, arrived
at Claymore's home to carry out his second joke. When Mr. Gregg tried to
get up, he fell back on the bed and fell asleep again. His body began
twitching as he realized that he was on a terrible ship someplace on the
high seas. He become very seasick as the waves got bigger and bigger
and the ship start to rock even harder. Claymore got greener in the
face. He couldn't control himself any longer, leaned across the rail and
started to spit. Suddenly Claymore was awake and found himself in front
of his mirror. He had no idea how he had come there. He couldn't
remember anything! When he looked in the mirror, he saw that he was
green in the face. But how could that be? The only explanation for it was
that he had somehow had to have recently been on a ship. The
thought didn't come him right away that it was April 1st and Captain
Gregg had gotten him in this mess as a April joke.
Daniel was fiendishly pleased about Claymore's silly, green face.
Then his thoughts went back to Carolyn. What kind of ambush she had
thought up in the meantime? He had to reckon with everything when he got
back.
Part 6
Inwardly Carolyn raged, outwardly she uttered every swearword she had ever learned from the Captain, her father, her grandfather, from every man she had ever dated—And from her Sorority sisters at college. Indeed she was not conducting herself in a ‘ladylike’ manner!
As she dressed however, she calmed down…remembering the day it was and the itching powder incident and bath in the cold ocean that the Captain and Jonathan had suffered last year. Now her joke had to be two-fold – She needed to play a joke that was worthy of a response AND would not make The Captain suspect that they had the ‘fake’ birthday party planned for that night, BUT was not so devious that he would never speak to her again…Maybe two smaller jokes?
Sensing immediately that the Captain was no longer at Gull Cottage. Carolyn finished dressing and went out to the Captain’s telescope on the balcony.
“Aha! Just as I suspected!” Quickly Carolyn unscrewed the two end pieces of the telescope. She coated the eyepiece end of the telescope with dark red lipstick from her makeup bag…Just enough to put a ring around the Captain’s eye (she hoped) the next time he looked into it. Then, inside the magnifying end of the telescope, she stuffed as many white cotton balls as she could. Then she re-assembled the telescope, and giving it a satisfying spin, she headed downstairs to the kitchen.
*****
“Martha…?” Carolyn said, hesitantly, “Everything OK down here?”
“Good morning Mrs. Muir!” said Martha, washing the last of the dishes in the sink. “Everything’s fine – No pennies in the doors this year! The kids just left for school -- What’s up?”
“I need your help in the attic, that’s what! Come on!”
Carolyn stopped briefly in the kitchen for the bottle of molasses Martha kept in the cupboard and then at the linen closet in the upstairs hall and grabbed all the toilet paper she could find.
Once inside the attic she turned to her friend and grinned.
“Want to help me decorate?”
‘Mrs. Muir! You wouldn’t!”
“Oh yes I would, and I am! Wait until I tell you what he did to me last night!”
Carolyn and Martha, remembering every high school and college prank they had ever pulled proceeded to festoon every square inch of the ‘wheel-house’ possible with toilet paper. Not an area was overlooked – including the exposed beams and rafters.
Martha went downstairs, and grabbed the discarded newspapers from the week before and shredded them—Then she shoved them in every drawer and every square inch of cubby-hole in the Captain’s desk as possible, without moving his actual private papers.
“We better hurry! He’ll be back any minute!” said Martha, laughing and enjoying the joke as much as anyone. What are you going to do with the molasses?
“Watch!” said Carolyn, with a glint in her eye. Carefully, making sure it didn’t spread too quickly, she poured a small pool of molasses squarely in the middle of the Captain’s desk chair, and then pushed the chair back under the desk.
On that happy note, the two conspirators went back downstairs and ate their breakfast…and awaited the Captain’s return.
They didn’t have long to wait .. Captain Gregg materialized s-s-l-o-o-w-w-l-y
In the kitchen.
Part 7
Carolyn eyed the Captain somewhat apprehensively. She said nothing.
Neither did he. He merely folded his arms and fixed her with what he
called his "cold, hard stare". Martha cleared her throat and began to
rise from the table, but both Carolyn and the Captain stared her into
sitting back down again. Carolyn's look was faintly pleading, the
Captain's very dominating.
Finally Carolyn found her voice. "Good morning, Captain," she began.
"Madam, I trust you had a restful night and a good beginning to your
day," he spoke blandly.
Gritting her teeth at the memory of her nightmare, Carolyn forced a
smile onto her face. "Of course," she lied. "I trust you had the
same?"
Martha snorted. "A ghost? Having a restful night? Spare me!"
"Am I to find that amusing?" the Captain said haughtily. Then he
changed the subject. "I expect you both know what day it is?"
Nodding, Carolyn replied smoothly, "Of course. As Mark Twain wrote,
‘The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364
days of the year.' Don't you agree?"
The Captain's face relaxed into a smile. "I had forgotten that.
Thank you, Madam."
"April Fool's Day has been going on a long time, hasn't it?" Martha
commented.
"Since the 1500's, I believe." the Captain agreed. "I had heard
rumours that it sprang out of a change of the New Year festival in
France. Traditionally, the New Year had been associated with the
renewal and excitement of spring, and the revitalization of energy. But
King Charles the IX, I believe it was, adopted the Gregorian calendar,
and decreed that the New Year would begin instead on January 1. There
were supposedly many people who either preferred the springtime
celebration to its replacement or were ignorant of the calendar change,
continued to observe the traditional, seasonal new year. These
reactionaries were made the fools of juvenile pranks played by their
more obliging compatriots; hence the name April Fools' Day."
"Fancy that," Carolyn said, never having heard this story before.
"Captain, I think you should tell the children about this."
"If you insist, Madam."
"Juvenile pranks, eh?" Martha murmured. She shot a look at Carolyn
who pretended not to see it.
Juvenile pranks indeed! Well, it was nice to know that the Captain
was still a kid at heart. She just wished she could have found it
out in a much nicer way. The very nerve of him!
At least she thought, a smile of smug satisfaction on her lips, she
had bested his prank. Just wait until he got a taste of her medicine.
"You look like the cat who swallowed the canary." Martha remarked,
laying the dish cloth over the freshly washed dishes. "Don't tell me
you would stoop to childish pranks."
"Oh surely not." the Captain reappeared, his eye still bearing the
remains of his lip-stick booby trapped telescope. "Not a dignifed,
sedate, upper crust Philadelphia author." and he threw Carolyn a
bitter look.
The dignified, sedate, upper crust Philadelphia author assumed an
innocent look, trying her best not to laugh. Crossing her arms in
front of her, she shook her head. "Not anymore than a stuffy,
overbearing, hard-nosed sea captain." And she gave him a once over
look.
"This is too much for me." Martha shook her head in bewilderment.
"I will never figure those two out." she said more to her self than
to them. "Let me know when it's safe to come back into the
kitchen."
"What the blazes is she talking about?" Captain Gregg inquired, a
look of confusion on his face.
"Don't ask me." Carolyn shrugged. "I have things to do, so I'll say
goodbye now."
"I just bet you do." he growled, leaving the room in a flash.
"Show off." she yelled into the air. This was getting to be more
interesting by the minute.
Carolyn mustn't wait for long. Suddenly, she heard a terrible hanging
on, that was coming from the attic. It was clear for her what had
triggered that noise, the Captain must having got caught in the toilet
paper, which she had distributed over the whole attic.
And then she heard a terrible curse of Captain Gregg, she was sure
she had never heard before of him. But she would get over that subject
later, then she waited for the next cry of the Captain. She know it
would come rather quickly.
Carolyn could imagine the Captain face, when he noticed what she had
further done. By that thought she grinned over her whole face.
Daniel managed to get free of that paper. His thought went further.
'In what mess will I got next?' he peeked around to see if anything
miss. But it wasn't the case. He got to his desk and pushed away the
chair from the table. He didn't notice that molasses was distributed on
this.
Now, he tried desperately getting off one drawer after the other at
his desk. But at first he didn't succeed. Now he was furious. 'What the
devil is going on here?' and then he noticed that something was put in
every hole of the desk. In his rage, he rattled frenetically at one of
the drawer. And look there, it could be opened. But thereby he lost his
hold and he landed on his chair and the molasses began splash all over
him.
Part 10
Carolyn sighed. For the most part, April 1 and been a very unproductive day. She was tired because of the Captain’s induced nightmare the night before followed by the morning ‘activities’ with Martha. She had given up all hope of getting anything written over an hour and a half ago and contented herself by getting her files in order…Something she usually put off doing as long as possible.
Around noon, she heard terrible noises coming from the attic. She expected a downpour, and thunder and lightening from the Captain…but nothing came…not even a mild breeze; nor did Captain Gregg materialize into their…HER cabin and start yelling.
By two o’clock the filing had been completed to Carolyn’s satisfaction and she had had even more time to think. What had started as a present and a celebration for Captain Gregg had turned into a mild practical joke war…and she hated practical jokes…April Fool’s Day in particular! How on earth could everything be set right for everyone concerned? After all, they still had the first of two parties tonight!’
Martha popped hear head in the door of Carolyn’ room.
“Mrs. Muir…You were planning on picking the kids up this afternoon?” She added in a whisper, “And getting the last of the party stuff?”
Carolyn looked up from her desk “Yes Martha. As a matter of fact, it might take just a little longer to get back here though…I have to…pick up a few extra things in town too.”
“Fine.” Martha responded with a wink. “I have a few things to finish up here so you won’t be delaying me a bit.”
*********
Carolyn picked up Candy and Jonathan from school at 2:30, sending up a silent prayer of thanks that she had no other children to take home that afternoon.
On her way to the ‘downtown’ area of Schooner Bay, where all the shops and stores were, she sheepishly told her children about what had happened that morning…an abbreviated version of her nightmare…and about the booby-trapping of Captain Gregg’s telescope…and the T.P.ing of his attic…and not hearing from the Captain…so far.
“Gee Mom!” said Candy. “I think the T.P.ing was a cool idea…I didn’t even think you knew about T.P.ing…but molasses? On his chair?”
“Yeah Mom,” chimed in Jonathan, “You know how he feels about the stuff in his wheelhouse…and his telescope! Gee, you yell at Candy and me for fighting…”
“Yes, I know…” Carolyn replied, “But you didn’t wake up on the floor with tar all over your hands! Well, Here’s some money…I want you two to go into the general store and get three rolls of wrapping paper, tape and ribbon. Meet me down at Deke’s Antique Shop when you’re finished. In all the excitement I forgot…you two have ‘gifts’ for the Captain, but I still haven’t found anything absolutely perfect, and not too expensive for tonight. Considering this morning, I want to find something a little nicer than I was originally planning…I need to go by the used clothing store first though.
“Sure Mom! Hey, this is cool! We can pick out stuff and pay for it ourselves!
Carolyn watched her brood charge through the doors of the general store and made her way down first to the Goodwill store, then to Deke’s Antique Shop.
*************
Twenty minutes later Carolyn came out of Deke’s, with a happy smile on her face and added a large bulky package to a smaller package already under her arm.
“Hey Mom! What did you get?” said Jonathan, eyeing the larger package. “It’s not another practical joke, is it?”
“No Jonathan...actually, it’s more of a piece offering…And the Captain’s FIRST birthday present!! You’ll see what it is tonight—When he does. I sure hope he shows up!”
‘Well…”Said Candy, “What’s in the little package? Can you tell us that?”
Carolyn blushed beet red. “It’s…A new pair of pants…I could tell by the noises in the attic he found the molasses earlier today…It occurred to me this afternoon…I don’t think he has another pair!”
The children looked at each other and giggled.
***************
By the time the Muir’s returned home Martha had everything ready. Scruffy had ‘stood guard the whole afternoon…no sign of Captain Gregg.
The children and Carolyn quickly wrapped their presents for the Captain. After an hour of waiting, there was still no response from the Captain, even after Candy, Jonathan and Scruffy had searched the house from top to bottom. As a last resort, Carolyn took the Captain’s new pants up to the wheelhouse, which had been divested of all shredded newspaper and toilet paper and laid them across his now-clean desk chair. She went back downstairs and put a record of Irish melodies on the phonograph and they all waited…with her fingers crossed.
***************
Suddenly, Captain Gregg materialized in front of the mantle…wearing his new pants…with a snifter of brandy in his hand.
***************
Part 11
"Happy birthday, Captain Gregg!" they all chorused. Jonathan and
Candy blew enthusiastically on their party whistles and waved streamers.
He looked puzzled. "Yet another April Fool's joke? This is not my
birthday!"
Candy giggled. "Well, you wouldn't tell us when it was, so we
thought we'd pick today to celebrate!"
"No fool like an old fool." Martha mused. The Captain glared at her.
"Hey, Captain, you're wearing new pants!" Jonathan piped up. "What
happened to your other ones?"
"A highly regrettable accident, lad." the Captain sighed. "These,
well, they're not the same. They have a confounded newfangled zipper
that ..." he stopped abruptly, and a frown crossed his face. "Never
mind." he finished, shortly. "But I thank you, Madam, for the gift.
Even though I have a very good idea as to the perpetrator of the
accident."
"Well, I'd hate you not to be able to sit down at your party tonight
because you had dirtied your pants, Captain." Carolyn couldn't suppress
her smile.
Martha snorted with laughter, then smothered it, and stood up. "On
that note, let's get this party rolling. Candy, why don't you and
Jonathan fetch your gifts? Then we have some time to play Pin the Tail
on the Donkey ...."
"Jonathan and I thought we should change it to Pin the Sail on the
Ship," Candy said.
"Yeah, since it's for Captain Gregg."
"Very appropriate," Carolyn nodded, solemnly, her eyes dancing.
Looking at her narrowly, the Captain had a good idea what her
thoughts were, but thankfully she kept them to herself. The five of
them played the home-made game for a while, then Martha brought in the
birthday cake, and the Captain opened the gifts the children had bought,
laughing heartily at the tiny, windup chattering teeth that Jonathan set
to walking across the floor.
"That's so that you can remember how Claymore acts every time he sees
you!" Candy giggled.
"I do not believe I need a reminder of THAT piece of pestilence!" the
Captain muttered, but the corners of his mouth turned up as he
acknowledged that the children were right — the teeth DID remind him of
that cowardly bit of shark bait!
He arched his eyebrows when he opened the second gift. "An
inflatable cushion?" he queried.
"A very SPECIAL cushion, Captain!" Jonathan said. "Here, let Mom
blow it up, then you can try it."
Carolyn obliged, then handed it back to the Captain, a warning look
in her eyes. Warily he turned it over. It seemed harmless enough.
"Sit on it, Captain!" Candy urged.
Rising, he placed it on his chair, then sat back down, only to leap
to his feet in embarrassment. "Madam, I do beg your pardon!"
The other four dissolved into giggles. "It's a whoopie cushion,
Captain! It makes the noise, not you!" Candy explained as best she
could when she could talk again.
"Hmm. Might I have another piece of cake, Martha?" the Captain
asked. "I must admit, you did a fine job of it." He avoided the chair
with the cushion and seated himself beside Carolyn and Martha on the
sofa.
"Thank you, Captain!" Martha sounded pleased. "It's just a standard
yellow cake. Nothing special! Not like ... well, not like other cakes
I've made. Sometime I'll let you try a REALLY good one. When a
suitable occasion arises."
Carolyn nudged her before she could say anything more, and asked for
another piece of cake as well. It would be a miracle if they could keep
the SECOND birthday party a surprise!
Part 12
So were you really surprised Captain Gregg?” Jonathan asked as they finished Martha’s cake.
“Very much so!” the Captain replied with a smile that almost split his face, “And I love your gifts!
Candy, Jonathan and Martha looked at Carolyn expectantly.
“Well Mom? Said Candy “…Come on…it’s your turn!”
“Yeah Mom!” Jonathan said, “Where’s your present for the Captain?” To Captain Gregg he added; “WE don’t even know what it is…Mom wouldn’t tell us! Come on Mom…hurry up!”
Carolyn went out into the hall and returned with a large oddly wrapped package. “I found it at Deke’s today Captain…” she hesitated, “…If you don’t like it, he said we could make an exchange…”
Even as she was speaking, Captain Gregg was ripping the paper away. There was a collective gasp from the Captain, Martha and the children.
Captain Gregg unveiled a model of a ship…unlike anything else in his collection. A three-masted sailing ship, made entirely of cut wood—even the sails. It was fully rigged, and at the top of each mast was a ‘crow’s nest.’ And three small wood pennants ‘waived’ in the breeze from each mast.
Captain Gregg kept looking at the ship…moving it around, eyeing it from every angle. Finally, on the hull of the ship, he noticed that one word had been painted on it.
“Pax…” He said softly.
“Pax Captain…” Said Carolyn, just as softly. “Peace…Please. I don’t want to play any more April Fool jokes ever…will you agree with me on that?”
“Aye, my dear…” I think we’ve both been silly enough for the whole year today. “This is beautiful…I can’t imagine where Deke picked it up. Are you sure you didn’t…spend too much?’
“It’s rude to ask…” Carolyn said quietly, “…But I promise you, I didn’t. Just take it and enjoy it. It’s yours. Happy Birthday Captain!” Carolyn turned away and began to pick up the discarded birthday wrapping, but if someone looked closely, and he did, they could see tears standing in her eyes.
************
An hour later, Carolyn announced bedtime for the children, but they begged for one card game of ‘Ghost” with Captain Gregg. Being in a peaceful frame of mind after her tiring, yet productive day, Carolyn agreed. While The Captain and the children played cards, Carolyn and Martha attacked the dinner dishes, and quietly started discussing plans for Captain Gregg’s ‘real’ birthday eight days away.
After Carolyn and Captain Gregg tucked Candy and Jonathan in bed, the Captain vanished. When she did not find him in ‘their’ room, and feeling too keyed up to sleep, Carolyn told Martha she was going for a walk, grabbed her jacket and headed out the front door to the beach.
************
“May I join you madam?’ The Captain said as he materialized beside her, “Or did you wish to be alone? He asked, hesitantly.
“Of course, join me Captain!” Said Carolyn. “It’s really your beach after all!” she laughed. “Tell me, did you REALLY have a good birthday celebration after everything we did to each other today?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a nicer one…” he said in a low tone. “You know, not having much of a family and being at sea 300 days a year doesn’t really make for celebrating too many birthdays.”
“I’m glad we could make a happy one for you.” Carolyn said has she bent to pick up a stranded starfish and throw in back into the sea. “You know, I DID mean what I said…” she paused and stopped and looked at him. “WE were the ones acting like babies today! Candy and Jonathan didn’t play ONE April Fool joke on anyone today…except for having the idea to surprise you early for your birthday, of course!” she smiled again, and continued walking, thinking about the surprise’s she and the children and Martha already had started planning for April 8th. You know, “ she continued, “I really don’t like practical jokes. They can get too cruel, too quickly. Harriet and Hazel are crazy about them!”
“That figures!” Said Captain Gregg with a snort, “Practical jokes sound like the type of thing they would enjoy! But, tell me, I know you like a good romance novel every now and then, or watching an old movie with Martha, and a good game of chess or Acey Deucy, But what did you like to do for fun before you were married? Before Candy and Jonathan?” he hesitated again, “Before you married Richard?”
“Carolyn stopped again and looked up at him calmly. “Promise you won’t tell? It would be a VERY BAD thing to expose Candy and Jonathan to…”
Daniel Gregg looked alarmed. What could this intelligent beautiful, woman have buried in her past? He HAD to know!
“I promise!” He declared solemnly.
“I used to collect morbid poetry.” She said with a blush.
“I beg your pardon?
“Morbid poetry.” She said flatly. “’Little Willie’ poems especially. It was a kind of a fad when I was in college…” That was in the 50’s – very popular at Temple College, where I attended. The fad didn’t last long, but my friends and I collected everything we could find, memorized it, and wrote some…I can’t remember any of what I wrote; but I can remember some of the classics--want to hear some?”
He looked at her in dismay, trying to imagine the classically beautiful woman before him spouting anything unseemly. “All right…maybe an example of one.”
Carolyn stopped and cleared her throat. “OK, here goes”
Willie with a thirst for gore
Nailed his sister to the door.
Mother said with humor quaint,
"Willie dear, don't scratch the paint."
The Captain stared at her in mute shock.
“Or how about this one?” She continued.
Little Willie full
of hell
Pushed his sister in the well
Said his mother while drawing water
"It's so hard to raise a daughter".
The Captain stared at her without saying a word, but out of the corner of her eye, she could see the corner of his handsome mouth start to twitch.
‘I saved my favorite for last.” She said with a grin, “Just for April Fool’s Day Captain!
Little Willie, on the track,
Didn't hear the engine squeal.
Now the engine's coming back,
Scraping Willie off the wheel.
Daniel Gregg burst out in laughter.
“What a very strange way you have of celebrating the holidays my dear!” He chortled, “Morbid, indeed! I can assure you, your secret is safe with me! I suggest we turn around and go back now…you did say you had a writing assignment to finish tomorrow?”
‘I do Captain! You bring out the worst—and the best in me---you do know that don’t you?”
“I do, do I?” the Captain twinkled back at her. “You are right my dear, I’m sure you have a great deal to get done tomorrow. Thank-you for your company…and this most EDUCATIONAL discussion! By the way madam – I HAVE found all your April Fool booby traps for this year, have I not?”
‘Oh yes Captain! You’re safe! Am I?”
“Only from April Fool jokes, my dear!”
On that happy note, they turned around and started walking back towards Gull Cottage.
****************
Carolyn awoke the next morning with a hearty appetite and
a big grin on her face. Yesterday for all of its practical jokes
had been a lovely day, especially the ending, she couldn't help but
think.
Her little bedside clock annoucned silently that it was 7:30 and she
turned off the alarm before it could start to ring. She hated
nothing more than the buzz of an alarm clock telling her it was time
to get up when she already was up.
Coming downstairs about 20 minutes later she walked into the kitchen
greeting everyone with a cheery hello. Candy and Jonathan returned
her greeting with sunny smiles of their own, happy because spring
break had finally arrived and there was not school or homework for a
week.
Martha offered her employer a stack of pancakes, which Carolyn took
gratefully. Martha gave her a strange look as she handed her the
plate with the steaming hot cakes, wondering why the small woman had
suddenly obtained an appetite.
"Where's the Captain?" Carolyn asked adding sugar into her cup.
"He said something about getting things done." Martha informed her,
sitting down with her own cup of coffee. "He didn't say I sure
wasn't going to ask him".
"Mom?" Candy looked up from her plate. "Jonathan and I were
thinking of a cool gift to give to the Captain for his real
birthday. Well, not really give but it is something for him."
"What is it?" her mother asked, curiously.
"It's a song we learned in music class last week." Jonathan
finished. "It's called A Capital Ship and it's really neat."
"You sing it to the tune of Gilligan Island." Candy giggled.
"Gilligan's Island?" Carolyn wrinkled her nose. "That crazy show."
"You like it Mom." Candy teased. "I heard you tell Martha once
that you thought the Professor was cute."
"That's beside the point." Carolyn rubbed the side of her neck,
hoping she wasn't blushing. "Do you have the song?"
"We can get it if we can go into town today." her daughter told her.
"Mrs. Manchester said she'd be at the school and she'd give us a
copy. And Martha will you help us practice?"
"I'd be glad too, if we can keep the old goat out of the house long
enough."
"We will manage." Carolyn assured everyone, pouring more syrup on
her pancakes. "We'll find away."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
After breakfast, Carolyn took the children into town and they got a
copy of the song. They let Carolyn read over the words and she
giggled at the nonsensical lyrics. "He will like it." she told
them.
"I thought we'd drive over to Keystone today and see if we could
find something spectacular for his present." she told them. "I
think we out shopped Schooner Bay yesterday."
"That ship you gave him was keen." Jonathan nodded. "You'll be hard
put to get something better than that."
"I think you're right. But we will try. I know I should have given
that as the big gift, but."
"That's okay Mom, you don't have to explain." Candy assured her so
sincerely, Carolyn wondered what her daughter might be referring
too.
They walked around the shops, finding some wonderful nautical
antiques, but still Carolyn couldn't find anything she thought was
right.
"We will be getting some new stuff in." the clerk told her. "Try
again in a couple days, maybe you'll find something then."
"Thank you. I think I will."
Before going back to Schooner Bay, they went to a small hamburger
place and pegged out on cheese burgers, fries and milk shakes. "Just
don't tell Martha." Carolyn warned them. "She'll have a fit."
Returning home, Candy and Jonathan ran into the house with their
song, while Carolyn took her time getting out of the station wagon.
"Hello my dear." The Captain greeted her, coming to stand by the
open car door."
"Where were you off to today?"
"Just running some errands." she gave him a smile. What about
yourself?"
"The same." he nodded. "I thought I'd go and work on my sea charts
now. "
Thinking of the song, Carolyn shook her head. "Iv'e got a better
idea." she smiled enticing. "Let's go for a walk."
"Another one?"
"There is no such thing as too many walks, Captain."
********************************************
Part 14
When she returned to the house that afternoon, Carolyn announced firmly that she had writing to do and was NOT to be disturbed for ANY reason. Armed only with her plug in coffee pot and a large pitcher of ice water, she went to work on the three half-finished articles she had to have done for her Monday deadline.
Captain Gregg, Jonathan Candy and Scruffy headed for the beach for an afternoon of sun and fishing. Martha passed on the fishing as she still had housework and laundry to finish and a birthday project of her own to work on for the Captain (Not that she said anything about that to him!)
The afternoon passed quickly. Carolyn finished her two smaller articles that were due. Around three o’clock she had begun working on the third--a re-telling of one of the Captain’s sea adventures in Tahiti when she looked down in dismay…Her typewriter ribbon had played out. She had been typing on an empty sheet of paper for the last ten minutes!
“Blast, Blast! And Double Blast!” she exclaimed, running down the stairs to the telephone.
“What’s up?” Martha enquired, coming out of her bedroom “Are you out of coffee? I can make more…”
“No…Blast! Blast! My typewriter ribbon just died…and I don’t have another one!
“Well…is that a big deal? Just call the office supply store in town and…”
“They better have one…” Muttered Carolyn, “…Hello…Peggy? This is Carolyn Muir…I’m fine Peggy…listen, do you have my typewriter ribbon in stock? You don’t? Bla... I mean, darn…where do you get your supplies from? Keystone? What’s the name of the store? Bishop’s Office Supply? Great…Thanks Peg. I appreciate it.” Carolyn hung up.
“Good news? Martha enquired “You know, you really need to start buying more than one ribbon at a time Mrs. Muir…”
“I know, I know, I know…” replied Carolyn and she dialed another number. “ Bishop’s Office Supply? Could you please tell me; do you have a typewriter ribbon for a Royal Typewriter model Thx5000? You do? Three of them? Terriffic. My name is Carolyn Muir. Please hold them for me. I will be there to get them in an hour. Thank-you!” She looked at Martha. Well, there’s two hours wasted! I have to go back to Keystone this afternoon!” She dashed upstairs to get dressed.
Little did she know they would be one of the BEST two hours she ever spent!
*************************
Carolyn dressed in her red pantsuit, hurriedly applied a little makeup, ran a comb through her hair and headed for the car. “If the kids get back with Captain Gregg, I’ll be back by dinnertime Martha! Carolyn put her trusty station wagon in gear and headed for Keystone.
As Carolyn headed into the office supply store, she realized that it was located right up the street from the nautical antique store she had visited that morning. After securing the typewriter ribbons and a few other needed office supplies, Carolyn decided to go by the antique store again, just to see if she had missed anything or any new articles had come in. The clerk was the same man that had been there that morning when she was in the store with Candy and Jonathan. He smiled as she came in the door.
“I’m glad to see you back again! No children this time? What did you do with them? Sell them to the gypsies?” he grinned. “I hoped you would come back! A few new articles have come in…thought you might want to take a look…my wife, SHE owns this shop, is in the back marking them now…” He smiled. “Sure glad you came back! What sort of thing ARE you looking for?”
“I don’t know…exactly! Something that would fit the most irritating, irascible, infuriating, dashing daring, magnificent sea-captain of a man I have ever known…but of course, something I can afford!” Carolyn replied with a smile.
“Tall order!” the man replied. “By the way, I’m Andrew, My wife…she’s Virginia…Ginny for short…Hey, Ginny! Customer out here! He looked at Carolyn. “She gets involved back there. Here are our new items…”
That was when Carolyn saw it. She knew this was it--what she wanted--what she had to get for Captain Gregg. A chart rack! It looked exactly like the one she had given away so thoughtlessly to the salvage people three years before…it couldn’t be the same one…could it? She looked at the rack closely, and found a small gold plaque mounted on the side.
Given to Captain Daniel Elias Gregg
For Outstanding Military Service
By Admiral James Nelson
In this Year of Our Lord ‘1850’
Carolyn choked. ‘This is it! She thought. I didn’t think I would ever see this again…ever have a chance to really make up for…” she turned to Andrew, trying desperately to keep her voice steady.
“This chart rack…how much do you want for it?”
“Let me see…”Andrew replied it’s marked at $200.00 – We’ve actually had it around for a while; just moved it from another section of the store – not too many calls for chart racks these days, except maybe as decorations in seafood restaurants! My wife might let it go for $175.00…”
“Ginny! Customer out here! She needs to talk to you!”
“May I help you?” A tall woman, with reddish-brown hair appeared out of the back room. “I’m sorry to keep you waiting, but you know how it is! Work for yourself and the work never stops!”
“I know what you mean!” laughed Carolyn, thinking of how many late nights she had spent in front of her typewriter. “I want to know about this chart-rack. Your husband Andrew says you have had it for a while and it hasn’t sold yet…what would you be willing to take for it?”
“Well…I could go as low as $170.00 but not much less than that…”
“Please…I don’t have that much…is there any way you would consider any less?”
Virginia smiled. “Look, I like you, but you sound sort of desperate! What is the emergency about a chart rack of all things?” she asked, slightly bewildered.
“The…person…the man I want it for…he…collects things like this. It’s his birthday. He’d be thrilled to get it, but I just don’t have that much! Would you consider a payment arrangement? I don’t carry credit cards--“ said Carolyn desperately.
“Look,” said Ginny, with another smile “Lets talk. Do you live near here? Maybe you can come work in my shop...or something like that. I’m willing to barter with you, but I don’t even know your name yet!”
Carolyn blushed. “I’m sorry! No, I don’t live real near here. I live in Schooner Bay. I’m a writer. My name is Carolyn Muir.”
“Not THE Carolyn Muir!” Ginny gasped. “Not the one who wrote ‘Maiden Voyage!!!???’” I’m so thrilled to meet you!
“That’s me!” Carolyn blushed again “Actually, that’s US…I had some help with THAT story!”
“But I read EVERYTHING you’ve written!” said Ginny, delighted. “I have ‘Memoirs of a Sea Captain’ back here in my office…won’t you please autograph it for me?
“I’d be happy to…but about the chart rack. You see, the person it’s for, it’s for the same man--the one who helped me write ‘Maiden Voyage.’ It’s his birthday on the 8th, and I really must get this for him…”
“I have an idea… “ Cut in Andrew, who had been listening the entire time. He turned to his wife. “Darling, you have been moaning about not having time to write the advertising for the shop you need to for the newspaper and radio because you are so busy here. Why don’t you work out a deal with Carolyn and have her do it? Maybe that way I’ll get to see you at home once in a while!”
Both women looked at him with delight.
“That’s perfect! They chorused together.
“Just one more thing…” said Ginny.
“Yes?” said Carolyn, warily.
“I only live a few minutes away. I told you I have EVERYTHING you’ve ever written. I have it all in a scrapbook--along with your book of course. Let me go home and get my scrapbook and find the ‘Memoirs’” so you can autograph them for me?”
Carolyn gave her another hug. “For what you are about to do for me, I’ll put you and Andrew IN a story some day!
“Deal!” Said Ginny, as she headed for the door.
Twenty minutes later, the chart rack