CENTENNIAL Missing Scenes      (with Susan Griffith)

   Carolyn came into her bedroom after breakfast.  She had an article to write about the Seafarer's Centennial, and the Captain was supposed to help her.  She had used this excuse last night as a way to prevent the Captain from arbitrarily deposing Claymore as the Honorary Grand Admiral.  "Captain?  Are you here?"
   "Present, Madam." he appeared at the telescope.
   "Good." Carolyn sat down at the typewriter and put the paper into it, then looked back at the Captain expectantly.  "I am ready to start this article."
   "Marvellous!  Which story shall I tell first?  How I capture Fat Philippe?  Or perhaps the battle with the giant squid ...?"
   Carolyn considered, then ruefully admitted, "I really want to hear ALL your stories, Captain ... but I can't put them in this article.  I'm sorry.  For this, can you just tell me about the events 100 years ago when you won the title of ‘Strongest Man in New England'?  I promise you'll still like the article!"
   "Very well, Madam." the Captain flexed his muscles.  "But that giant squid story is fascinating."
   "I'm sure ALL your stories are fascinating, Captain." Carolyn found couldn't keep her eyes off the handsome seafarer.
   "Yes, remembering the event, there was a lovely young girl in a canoe which was overturned by the devilish monster." the Captain began to pace, his eyes distant as he relived the past.  "I dove over the side of the ship, with only my dirk to defend myself.  I must say, the giant squid put up a valiant fight, and the girl fortunately did manage to extricate herself and right her canoe.  She then refused to leave until she saw that I had finally wounded the sea creature enough so that he had no other choice but to vanish.  The brave girl pulled me from the murky water and took me to her village on the nearby island.  There she tended my wounds.  Turns out she was the chief's daughter!  The family was grateful for her life.  As it happened, I was offered the girl for the night." the Captain recalled, while admiring the buxom figurehead above the bench.
   "The NIGHT?" Carolyn was stunned, noting the object of his gaze.
   "Yes.  Oh, the offering was an age-old Polynesian custom, you understand.  Because of a fear of inbreeding, whenever a foreigner would arrive, he was offered a woman — usually the chief's wife or daughter — in the hopes of adding new blood to the community."
   "So you're not childless." Carolyn fought the senseless, jealous rage inside.
   "Hmm?" he looked startled, then sheepish.  "Oh, as far as I know, I am, Madam.  I regret that I was in no shape to assist them in their quest for new blood!  And my crew rescued me the next day.  But I still have the scars from that battle with the giant squid ... would you care to see them?"
   Without waiting for her answer, Captain Gregg slipped off his pea jacket and pulled the turtleneck over his head.  Carolyn caught her breath at the magnificent body before her.  Her mouth went dry when she noted the scars ... some whitened and thin, others puckered and red.
   "See, this is where one suction cup fastened ... then, as I struggled against the tentacles, the beast released its ink jet.  Some of the poison entered the cuts." the Captain appeared unaware of Carolyn's female presence as he proudly surveyed his battle scars from stem to stern.
   Carolyn stood up slowly, her hand going out instinctively to him.  The pain he must have endured because of that abominable creature!  Suddenly the seafarer looked up and his eyes locked with hers.  After a long moment of silence and stillness, Carolyn's hand dropped to her side, and the Captain hurriedly pulled on the turtleneck, aghast at his behaviour.  "I DO beg your pardon, my dear.  I quite forgot myself for the moment ..."  He cleared his throat again, looking away at anything except her, until he heard her drop back into her chair.  "Now, about this article..." he prompted, while looking at the ship's clock above the bedroom mantle.
   "Article?" Carolyn felt dazed.  Then her sense of humour reasserted itself, and she put her hand up to cover a growing smile.
   "For the paper.  About the Seafarer's Centennial." he spoke a trifle impatiently, patently embarrassed at having so forgotten himself as to bare his chest in front of a lady!  In front of HER!
   "Oh.  Right."  Carolyn pulled herself together, and said, briskly, "As I started to say before, I think perhaps this article should merely talk about that first day of the games.  And, of course, the fact that your record was never equalled over all the years the games were held."
   "Very well, Madam."
   The Captain began to talk as Carolyn typed.  When he finally left her alone to finish the article, Carolyn stopped typing and leaned her chin on her hand.  Closing her eyes, she pictured the Captain again, standing before her, bare-chested.  She pictured him as he would have been that first year of the games.  She could SEE him throwing the harpoon, loading cargo ... she couldn't have pictured it more clearly if she had been there.  Then, scolding herself for giving away to her daydreams, Carolyn straightened up and commenced her typing once more.  She had to get this article finished quickly.  The deadline was the next day, and she still had a flying trip to make to Philadelphia to meet with a magazine publisher.  She would have to go alone, but she would stay the two nights with her parents, having a brief visit with them. 
   "BLAST!"
   Carolyn jumped as the Captain's expletive rang through the air.  "Captain, would you mind not blasting in my room when I'm trying to work?"
   "BLAST!"
   "I ASKED you not to DO that!"
   The Captain then appeared at the telescope and in a fury related to Carolyn the story of Claymore giving HIS Georgian tea service to the children.  By the time she sorted out what he meant, it was time for lunch.  In the meantime, the Captain had vanished.  Carolyn suspected he was on his way to Claymore's, or at the very least, planning a strategy that involved the hapless man.  Sighing, Carolyn wondered if she would see him before she headed off.  In the midst of the last few days' activities, she had completely forgotten to tell him that she was leaving that afternoon.
   At the table at noon, Carolyn asked Martha if she would drive her to the train station, then deliver the article on the way back.  "IF I get the last few paragraphs written!" Carolyn added wryly.  "I still have to pack, too.  And the train leaves at two."
   "You'll do it, Mrs. Muir." Martha said, cheerfully.  "And I have secret cravings to be a race car driver ... I'll get you to the train station on time!"
   Carolyn laughed.  "Thanks.  And no tickets!"
   "Don't even THINK such a thing, Mrs. Muir!" Martha exclaimed, chuckling herself.
   Carolyn ran up the stairs and quickly finished the article, putting it in a large brown envelope.  Then she pulled out her overnight bag and began throwing clothes into it.
   "Abandoning ship?" the Captain appeared beside her, looking at her suitcase.
   "Just for tomorrow.  I'll be back the day after that.  I have to meet someone in Philadelphia."
   "PHILADELPHIA!" the Captain was flabbergasted.  Then he looked concerned.  "Is there anything I can do?  Any way to help?"
   "No, thank you, Captain." Carolyn smiled gently at him.  "I WILL be back ... almost before you miss me."
   "MISS you?" he drew back, startled, then said stiffly.  "I hadn't thought of THAT, madam!  At any rate, I shall be very busy all of this next week, trying to get Claymore into shape for the games.  I MUST have my Georgian tea service back!"
   "I wish you luck.  Claymore is certainly not the man YOU are ... er, were .... ummm..." the last sentence slipped out before she realized it.  Carolyn bit her lip in chagrin as the Captain looked at her amazed, then duly gratified.
   "He certainly is NOT." he agreed.  "Do take care, Mrs. Muir.  I will endeavour to keep this ship afloat and steering a straight course until your return."
   "I thank you, sir!" Carolyn saluted him with a grin, and he vanished.  The smile faded from her face, and she continued packing with a heavy heart.  She hated to leave him ... to leave EVERYONE at Gull Cottage, she amended hastily.
   Carolyn spent the trip to Philadelphia daydreaming about the Captain.  It reminded her a great deal of the trip a few months ago, when she had gone to see Dr. McNally, the psychiatrist.  Then, however, she had been wondering whether or not the Captain had been a figment of her imagination.  Now she knew he was not.  More than that, she knew he loved her dearly.  He had told her so.  Not directly, of course, but in poetic terms.  He had also told her that he thought her lovely, feminine and graceful, and that he greatly appreciated her presence at Gull Cottage.  That was when he had presented her with a parasol which, for him, was symbolic of a woman's grace and femininity.  Carolyn smiled to herself.  She had been inwardly horrified at the thought of having to actually USE the parasol, and very grateful when he had taken it away and given her the scrimshaw instead.  But now she started thinking again about parasols.  With Centennial Day coming up, many of the residents of Schooner Bay were planning to dress in period costumes for the day.  Wouldn't it be delightful if the Captain could see them all in period clothes?  How she would love to please him by having him see her with a beautiful parasol!
   She mentally reviewed her financial situation, and realized that no matter how much she would love to buy costumes, it was not going to be a possibility.  Yet she WAS on her way to Philadelphia ... and one of her good friends was in charge of the wardrobe for a major theatre company in the city!  She was sure that Betty would rent or even LEND her costumes for everyone in the family -- as long as they weren't being used in a performance!
   Shortly after arriving in the city, greeting her parents and settling in her old bedroom, Carolyn phoned Betty to ask for her help.  Fortunately, Betty was home and delighted to be of assistance.  The two arranged to meet for lunch the next day.  When Carolyn mentioned to her mother what she was planning, Emily Williams begged to be allowed to come. 
   The next morning, Carolyn and her mother went to meet Carolyn's editor for a short time, then when Carolyn's business was concluded, the two went on to the restaurant where they were to meet Betty.  While they were eating, Carolyn explained to her theatrical friend exactly what it was she was looking for. 
   "Well, we have some that you can borrow and I won't even have to tell anyone about them ... but some I'm afraid you'll have to rent." Betty said regretfully, having a good idea of the state of Carolyn's finances.
   At this point, Carolyn's mother jumped in.  "Please, may I pay to rent all the necessary outfits?  All I ask, Carolyn, is that you have a family picture taken of all of you for me!  Please?"
   "Mom, I can't let you do that!" Carolyn was aghast at this proposal.
   "Yes, you can!" her mother sounded unyielding.  "And I will!  You know how determined I can be!" she said with a confident smile.  "And I would LOVE a picture.  Surely you're going to have photographers at this Centennial Day of yours, the kind that take old-fashioned pictures?"
   "Well, as a matter of fact, yes, we ARE having a booth set up for that." admitted Carolyn.
   "Then it's settled!" Emily beamed happily at her daughter, and at Betty.
   "Let's get started looking to see if we can find something, then!"
Betty said.
   The threesome made their way to the theatre and started going through the available costumes.  Carolyn picked out a cute red gingham day dress, complete with white pantaloons and a bonnet, for Candy, a sailor suit and cap for Jonathan, and a frilled, flounced dress along with a huge flowered hat that would delight Martha.  For herself, she couldn't find anything suitable in that section for daywear.  Then, after mentioning the ball in the evening, Betty urged her to find outfits for that function as well. 
   Again, it was easy to find something for the other three.  Carolyn supposed she was being too picky, but she didn't really like anything on the racks.  She described her wants to Betty.
   "I want my evening dress to be sleeveless, because I love dancing and plan to be on the dance floor all night.  Any kind of sleeve would be too hot for me."
   "It's also a little easier when you dance with that tall, handsome gentleman." Betty teased her.  "You'll have more free movement.  Believe me, I know!  Gowns can be exquisitely beautiful, but they're not all made for dancing." 
   Carolyn's eyes had widened at Betty's reference to a handsome gentleman.  Then, swallowing hard, she threw herself back into the search for the perfect dress.  Finally she chose a pink dress and pulled it from the rack, considering her choice thoughtfully.  "Well, it's a rather light colour, but it IS sleeveless."  She examined the garment closely.
   Emily ran her hand over the smooth fabric and checked the beading.  "The beads sewn in add a touch of glamour to it, dear, don't you think?  And if the lighting is rather dim, the fact that it's a little faded won't matter much.  I think it'll do nicely."
   Carolyn went to try it on, and modelled the gown for the others.
   "It does fit perfectly." Betty said.  "And you look nice in pink."
   "Oh, she doesn't want to just look NICE!" Emily protested.  "She wants to be spectacular!"
   "Mother!" Carolyn gasped.
   But Emily continued, ignoring Carolyn's protest.  "But I do think you look perfectly sweet in that.  Young and innocent."  She put her hands together.  "And as I say, the beads set it off just right."
   Carolyn pirouetted, and the skirt swung around splendidly.
   "Yes," Emily said, "I think you'll be the belle of the ball, dear."
   Carolyn smiled at her mother's musings and shrugged.  "All right.  But I certainly can't wear this during the day!  So what can we do?"
   "Well, the rental costumes are in the lock-up cage.  Come with me.  There should be something in that lot for a stroll on the boardwalk."  Betty indicated another room.  Again Carolyn's eyes widened at Betty's perceptive notions.
   It didn't take long before Carolyn saw the dress she wanted.  The material was a soft white with a yoke of yellow, and yellow trim on the full skirt.  The dark green belt was wide and cut in a ‘v' to enhance her slender waist. 
   While changing into it, Carolyn recalled the Captain's glowing compliments of ladies "strolling down the avenue, twirling their parasols."  He had bought her that parasol, grotesque though it was.  Carolyn knew there were more beautiful ones, and had since pictured herself using one just for his benefit.  But in these modern times, fashions had changed and parasols had gone out with high-button boots.  She wondered if it were possible that Claymore had kept the one the Captain had bought for her.  In case he hadn't, and she couldn't readily find one, she decided once more to rely on Betty.  If her friend didn't have a parasol, perhaps she might know where to buy one.     Meanwhile Betty had been looking through all the accessories.  "I'm afraid there's no hat to match this dress."
   "That's all right, Betty.  This is more than enough.  Anyway, I've a mind to buy a parasol for the sun.  What do you think?" Carolyn asked, knowing she would get a parasol regardless of her friend's opinion.
   "Actually, that'd be perfect!  Now that you've mentioned it, I can't see that dress any other way than with a parasol.  Forget the hat!"
   Carolyn smiled in agreement and changed back into her street clothes.  When she came back to the others, she asked, "Betty, do you have any parasols?"
   "Of course."  Betty smiled, and opened a cupboard.  "Voila!"  She studied the contents for a moment, then pulled out a lovely lacy parasol with a design of flower wreaths on it.  The creamy white colour matched the dress splendidly.  "I'm afraid these have to be rented, too." Betty said, rather apologetically.
   Emily, enjoying being able to do something for her daughter, pulled out her chequebook.  "How much?"
   "Mother, really..." Carolyn began to protest, but her eyes widened even more when Betty gave the amount.  "THAT much?"
   "See, dear, you can't possibly afford it.  You paid for the trip here ... and you'll have to come back to return the costumes next week.  It would be nice if you could bring the children, too.  So that will be your expense.  And the picture, of course." Emily was busy writing the cheque, and she passed it to Betty with a smile.
   Carolyn swallowed her pride, knowing her mother well.  Besides, she DID want to look nice for the Captain.  "Thank you.  Thank BOTH of you."  She gave both women a heartfelt hug.
   "My pleasure." Betty beamed, satisfied that she'd been able to help her dear friend.  "Enjoy the day, and you know that I expect to hear all about it.  I hope you DO dance the night away!"
   "I'll do my best." Carolyn grinned.  "I've been invited by none other than the honorary Grand Admiral himself."
   "So does that make you a Lady?" Betty asked.
   Shrugging, Carolyn laughed.  "Since when does just going to a dance make someone a lady?"
   "I think I raised you to be a lady regardless!" her mother spoke quickly and decisively.
   Betty found a suitcase and carefully packed all the outfits into it, then the women parted.  Carolyn and Emily returned home.  Carolyn's father, Brad, met them at the door and announced that he was taking them out to dinner as he didn't think it fair that they had been able to eat out earlier and he hadn't.
   After supper, Carolyn modelled the two dresses she had chosen for herself to wear, and showed the others to her father.  "The photographer is going to be at the dance as well, so I'll get pictures of us all in both outfits.  I'll give you one of each ... providing they turn out!"
   "Sounds good to me." Brad agreed.  "Now, you'd better get packed.  Your train leaves awfully early tomorrow morning!"
   "Carolyn, was five a.m. the only time you could get?" Emily asked.
   "No, of course not.  But it will get me back to Schooner Bay at a decent time ... and I still have a lot to do before Centennial Day!"
 * * * * * * *
   Once back in Schooner Bay, Carolyn phoned Claymore to see if he, by any chance, still had the parasol. 
   "No, Mrs. Muir, I'm sorry, but that was a losing proposition."
   "May I ask what you did with it?" Carolyn questioned him further.  "Did you give it away?"
   "GIVE IT AWAY?  Mrs. Muir, I don't have that kind of money!  Not to mention no one who would appreciate such a gesture.  No, I simply returned it."
   "Without the receipt?"
   "All right, all right!  I pressured Jonathan to find the receipt for me, THEN I returned it!  But the money is MINE, I tell you!  Once HE took back his collateral, I knew I would never see my $37.50 again.  What else could I DO?" his voice turned whiney.
   "I see.  Well, thank you, Claymore."
   "You ... you aren't going to tell you-know-who, are you, Mrs. Muir?" came the quavering question.
   "No, Claymore, I won't tell him." she reassured her nervous friend.
   "It's not that it wasn't a nice parasol, as far as those things go, but, well ... Mrs. Muir, just why are we discussing this?  I really don't have time for these petty details.  Centennial Day is coming up on Thursday, and now that HE'S making me compete, I find my time alone is doubly precious, not to mention therapeutic."
   "So the Captain isn't with you?" Carolyn asked, because she had yet to see him.
   "No ... and I hope he never ... OH!  Arrgh!"
   In the background on Claymore's end, Carolyn could hear the Captain's voice shouting orders.  Claymore dropped the phone, and Carolyn yanked her receiver away from her ear, wincing at the ruckus she was hearing on the other end.  She hung up, grinning to herself.  Poor Claymore.  Too bad he got himself into trouble so often with Captain Gregg!  She hoped they all survived the next couple of days!
   Thursday morning, September 25, 1969 dawned bright and sunny and promised to be a warm day.  Schooner Bay held an event similar to the Seafarer's Games most years, but this year being the centennial made it extra special.   School had been cancelled for the day in order for the schoolchildren to take in all the festivities.  Miss Stoddard, the school teacher who seemed to be a centegenarian herself, was in her glory.  She had been talking with the children in her class until Candy and the others were almost ready to scream.  Candy was looking forward to the day, but hoped it wasn't going to be as dull as Miss Stoddard contrived to it to be!  Jonathan's teacher wasn't as zealous, and the boy was very anxious to see the kinds of events that would have happened in the Captain's day.  So, in anticipation of the coming festivities, all the residents of Gull Cottage, including Martha, were in a hurry to get to town.  Part of Carolyn's job was to go on ahead of them to make sure the photographer was set up.  Arrangements had been made to meet up with Martha and the children later. 
   After speaking with the photographer, Carolyn wandered through the streets of Schooner Bay.  The town was already teaming with people, most wearing period costumes as well.  Putting up her parasol as she strolled along, Carolyn greeted a few people she knew, then stepped up into a Victorian gazebo which had been erected in the middle of the town square.  She lowered the parasol again, and went to one side, looking out to see if she could spot her family.
   "This is EXACTLY how it was!" the Captain suddenly was with her.  He was delighted with everything he saw and heard, insisting that it was all due to Carolyn's efforts.  Early on, he had already discounted the committee that had been formed, of which Carolyn was only one member! 
   Carolyn was pleased that he was so happy, and hoped he liked her appearance, too.  Naturally, though, the spirit made no mention of her efforts.  So when he talked about the day he had won the games and garnered the title of the Strongest Man in New England, she teased him gently.  "And, of course, there were the young ladies to cheer you on?"
   "Of course." he replied, a bit too smugly.  "And what a beauty she was!"
   "Oh, tell me about it!" Carolyn urged, her curiosity piqued.
   At first the seaman demurred.  "Oh no, you don't REALLY want to hear about it..."
   "Oh yes, I do!" Carolyn became a little more insistent.
   "You really want to hear about...?" still he hesitated, although he was obviously very anxious to talk.  
   "Tell me all about it!" Carolyn insisted, seeing the grin on his face.  "What was her name?"
   "Abigail."
   "Ahh..." Carolyn nodded with a smile, then to her dismay the Captain continued recalling a list of women's names!
   "Melanie, Prudence, Kathleen ..."
   Carolyn wasn't sure if he was teasing her now, if or he had really forgotten WHO cheered him on.  Her smile faded quickly.  "I don't want to hear about it." Carolyn was aware that her voice sounded flat, but there was nothing she could do about it.  Her jealousy was almost choking her, and if the Captain had had a human foot, she wo uld have poked it with the tip of her parasol.
   But the Captain paid no attention.  He was reliving his past.  "Ah, that Kathleen!  That evening I took her to the Seafarer's Costume Ball.  We were a dazzling couple!  I was dressed in my uniform, and she was all in green velvet!"
   "The colour of her eyes, no doubt?" Carolyn tried to speak airily and nonchalantly, looking away from him as if she really didn't care about the answer.
   There was a short pause, and she felt the Captain's knowing gaze on her.  Then he spoke in a low, tender voice.  "No, my dear.  The colour of YOUR eyes."
   After a second of amazement, Carolyn got up the nerve to turn to see his blue eyes gleaming for a moment before he disappeared.  ‘Why does he DO that?' she thought, looking around quickly.  He was nowhere to be found.  Maybe she had hoped for too much?  Perhaps she had gone to too much trouble after all?  Suddenly Carolyn felt a little silly, but the feeling disappeared when she spotted Martha and the children.  They were adorable in their costumes, and Carolyn hurried from the gazebo to meet them.  
   When they joined up, they heard announcement for all the contestants in the official Seafarer's Games to sign up.  At this point, Claymore attracted Carolyn's attention.  Seeing the pain of desperation on her landlord's face, she told the children and Martha she would meet up with them later, and hurried over to Claymore.  He was using a crutch, and one leg was heavily bandaged, but with Carolyn's encouragement and the Captain's intervention, Claymore was soon jogging off to sign up as a contestant and enter the first contest of fish cleaning.
   Carolyn mostly stayed with the children and Martha throughout the next hour and a half while the crowds moved around following the various contests.  She DID have to find Claymore and push him into some of the contests.  Even the children helped track him down once.  Amazing enough, although Claymore always started poorly, he seemed to get a second wind and would finish in triumph.  Carolyn knew the Captain was definitely behind Claymore's competitive success, and was glad of it!  She smiled at the Captain's diligence to get his tea service back!
   Finally, as Claymore was clinging to the top of the greasy wooden mast, accepting the accolades of the crowds for again finishing first, the Captain appeared just behind Carolyn.  She grinned at him, quite relieved that he had decided to join her again. 
   "Well, that gets your tea set back, Captain."
   Smitten with pride, the Captain exulted.  "I enjoyed winning it more the second time than I did the first!"
   "So did Claymore!" Carolyn laughed, eyeing Claymore's terrified yet beaming face.  She thought of the Captain's story of how he had received the tea service from the British Admiralty by rescuing Sir Roderick Upshaw-Crabbe from the hands of a pirate whilst conveniently adding the pirate's spoils to the Admiralty's coffers as well! 
   Jonathan and Candy were excited as the young girl asked, "Mom, are we going to get our pictures taken?  The Photo Shop has a special today for only 25 cents!  You get THREE poses!  It says so on the sign."
   "Yes, why don't we go now?  Will we see you later, Captain?"  Carolyn hoped so.  She did not want the sun to set on this special day without her chance to be alone with him again.
   In Carolyn's eyes, the Captain sensed the vague hint that she wanted a chance for them to be together, alone, without the parade of family behind her.  That was fine with him!  HE could think of nothing more wonderful than a chance to have this beautiful woman at his side.  "I'd like to stroll down the pier and along the shore with you, if you have time, my dear." his eyes were bright with admiration. 
   Carolyn smiled.  "I'll make time." she promised, her own eyes glowing.  "In about an hour?"
   "I'm at your service, dear lady." he bowed gallantly, then disappeared.
   The Muirs and Martha had their pictures taken.  A number of poses were arranged; the children individually and together, Martha by herself, Carolyn with the parasol tipped provocatively over her head, and finally all of them together.  After ascertaining that the photographer was going to be at the ball as well, Carolyn made an appointment for everyone to go through another photo session that evening, so they would have mementos of both costumes.
   "I like this one a lot better." Jonathan eyed his sailor's outfit happily.  "The other, with the frilly shirt, is silly."
   "We'll have both." Carolyn said, firmly.  "But if you want to keep one of you in that, you're welcome to."
   "Thanks, Mom!" he beamed.  "I feel like a real cabin boy!  The Captain said all boys my age wore these peddle-pusher pants, so I don't mind them too much."
   "They're just like long shorts." Candy agreed.  "I wish I could wear them instead of a stupid dress and bloomers."
   Carolyn cut short the clothes discussion, having heard it many times before!  "Now, children, we have to meet back at the car at five.  You can go around with your friends for the rest of the afternoon if you want, but don't be later than five o'clock, all right?"
   "Sure, Mom!  Bye!"
   The children scampered off, and Martha bustled away to join her cronies.  Carolyn then made her way to the pier, putting up her parasol again to shield her face from the hot sun.
   "You make a lovely nineteenth century woman, my dear," the Captain appeared in front of her, smiling tenderly down at her, "as I knew you would.  Whether wearing a vintage shawl, or twirling a parasol of lace, you carry off both with a flair!"
   Carolyn laughed.  "Thank you, sir.  You're not impressed with the twentieth century me?"
   "Fishing, are we?" he teased her gently.  "I should have thought that beneath you, but ... you know how I feel."
   Lowering her eyes modestly, Carolyn nodded.  "Hmm.  Shall we ... promenade?"
   "Most certainly!  I'd offer you my arm, but ..."
   "We'll pretend." Carolyn peeped up at him, her smile enchanting.
   The two went along the pier, then made their way down the steps and out onto the boardwalk along the beach.  The Captain again regaled her with stories of the past, especially of the day one hundred years ago when he had won the coveted glory of being the ‘Strongest Man in New England' at the first Schooner Bay Seafarer's Games.
   "Tell me, Captain," Carolyn was now extremely curious.  "I'm trying to visualize how you looked that day.  What were you wearing?" Carolyn kept her eyes on where she was walking, thereby missing the speculative look he gave her.
   "My usual working garb.  A white shirt, open to the waist.  Dark pants.  Boots.  It was actually in the middle of a cold spell that September.  But we worked hard enough, we didn't need warmer clothes that day."
   "So THAT'S why your escort wore green velvet!" Carolyn exclaimed.  "I had wondered, because no one could wear velvet on a day like today."
   "That's why." he confirmed softly.
   "I see." Carolyn walked in silence for a moment or two.  They could hear the bustle and noise of the crowd behind them.  Finally Carolyn spoke in a whisper, "Captain, I do wish I had been there to see you win the Games."
   The Captain stopped walking, so Carolyn did, too.  She looked up at him timidly.  Would he be angry?  Richard never liked her to talk about her feelings and he had been jealous of any attention she ever got from other men.  Carolyn remembered the Captain's reaction when Blair came to Gull Cottage, and Ryan McNally.  Yet now the Captain's eyes were burning with a far different emotion than jealousy. 
   Carolyn realized suddenly that she was letting the past interfere with the present.  She had done nothing wrong.  Besides, she liked having the Captain's eyes on her, the blue depths of his gaze filled with male appreciation and attraction.  It came to her, rather suddenly, that she was beginning to enjoy being a woman again, that it really was all right for a man and woman to smile and tease and flirt, and to be attracted to one other, even if nothing would ever come of it.  Just as suddenly, a flicker of sadness passed through her.  She sighed, then laughed ruefully at the mocking twists of fate.  She and the Captain had searched for their own true love for many years.  Now they had found each other, but the impossible chasm of one hundred years stretched deeply between them.  All they had left were dreams.  Both were consummate dreamers who had once thought they could right all the wrongs in the world, yet finally had learned they couldn't.  As it happened, the Captain had died and began his lonely sojourn in a quest for mindful peace.  Carolyn, similarly, had found herself on a lonely quest with only with the children as a reminder of what had been.  Neither knew that destiny was on their side.
   The Captain spoke.  "My dear, if you had been alive in my time, I would not have noticed another woman ... ever.  When I was alive, I searched for you, every day of my life, year after year.  I never stopped.  I knew I would find you ... one day." he chuckled softly.  "What I didn't know was that you hadn't even been born yet.  Now I have found you, and although in many ways we are still separated, we are here, together, and no one can deny us that."
   Carolyn bit her lip and hoped that the moisture welling in her eyes would not spill over as she took a moment to gaze out over the ocean.  Instantly sensing the Captain's disappearance, she looked around, but he was gone. 
   "Here I am." came his voice from behind her, a rich chuckle underlying the words.
   Carolyn spun to face him, and her eyes widened as she took in his changed appearance.  His hair was a trifle longer than she was used to seeing, and his face darkened with tan.  What impressed her most, however, were his clothes!  Huge, long, white sleeves seemingly billowed in the wind.  The top half of his shirt gaped open to show a quite muscular chest.  He wore a pair of dark trousers, cinced snugly with a magnificent brass and leather belt.  Carolyn gasped and trailed her eyes back up to his, seeing them iridescent and alight with laughter.
   "THIS is how I looked that day!" his voice rang with triumph.  Then it softened.  "And I, too, wish you had been there to cheer me on.  Oh, Madam, you have made me feel young and alive again ... yet so very aware of the painful fact that I am not ..."
   Still Carolyn could say nothing.  Her green eyes searched his face, then travelled over this new Captain with a faintly bemused expression.
   "If ... if I have offended you, Madam, by appearing thus..." his voice now was hesitant.
   "Oh no!"  Her denial was instantaneous. 
   Captain Gregg smiled again.  "My hair was a trifle longer than I wished.  I had just returned from a voyage and didn't have time to visit the barber ..."
   "You are magnificent." came her whisper.  "Truly incredible."
   The parasol slipped from Carolyn's loosened grasp.  The Captain chuckled at this proof of her distraction and bent to retrieve the dainty object the same time she did.  For a split second, each felt the tug of the other holding onto an end.  They straightened slowly, noting and savouring the connection between them, unconsciously drawing closer together.  Neither looked away.  Instead, their eyes affirmed their unspoken love despite the odds of fate.
   At that inopportune moment, Carolyn heard her name being called.  The Captain disappeared.  Carolyn's eyes closed a moment as she sagged in disappointment, then straightened up again.  Just as well, she concluded as she turned back towards the town.  The brief interlude was becoming too intense emotionally for her.  Still, she found it hard to pull herself back to reality, even as she drove Martha and the children home, and choked down some supper which, to her, seemed tasteless.  Her mind kept drifting back to the time on the beach with the Captain.  She wished she had said more, or hadn't said as much.  She wasn't sure WHAT she wished anymore!!
   When Carolyn finished dressing for the evening, she stood looking in the full-length mirror on the inside of her closet door.  The pale pink gown was pretty enough, but she DID wish it had been another colour.  Oh well, she sighed inward, she wasn't going to the Ball with the escort she really wanted to be with anyway.  The Captain had already been taken.  Long ago.  Resolutely, she shut the closet door.
   Coming downstairs, she smiled as the children and Martha complimented her appearance.  All the time they were organizing to leave, she was aware of the Captain's silent presence.  Then, as she pressed a kiss on Candy's head and the children ran off with Martha, Carolyn finally met the Captain's eyes.  The admiration she saw there was heady, and a balm to her aching heart. 
   "Madam, you are even lovelier than the young lady I escorted to the Seafarer's ball a hundred years ago tonight."
   "Thank you!" the ache in Carolyn's throat grew, so she hastily added, "Was that Abigail or Prudence, Kathleen or Melanie?"  She hoped the Captain wouldn't think that she had been jealously remembering Kathleen and her green velvet dress all day, but for the last couple of hours in Carolyn's mind, Kathleen had definitely been where she was not wanted! 
   Claymore arrived shortly, to Carolyn's great relief.  She pulled him into the foyer, hoping that his presence would deflect some of the pain she was feeling at having to distance herself from the Captain and from their time earlier on the beach.  But when she announced airily that they were going to dance the night away, Claymore instantly vetoed that idea.
   "Can't we just stand around and just fake it, Mrs. Muir?  You know, you wouldn't know it to look at me, but I'm not a very good dancer ..."
   "Oh, Claymore, it's easy!  Come on, I'll show you." and she pulled him into the living room, ignoring his protests.
   The Captain growled "Dance with the lady, you fortunate clod!" and Claymore snapped to attention and did his best.  But he was right.  He was not a very good dancer.  In fact, he was abysmal.
   Counting carefully, Carolyn guided him around the room, ignoring the fact that he was holding her much too close.  Then her eyes met the Captain's covetous gaze, and her voice died away for an instant.  It was almost intolerable, the agony they both had to bear!  Carolyn's throat closed, and she felt unwanted tears springing to her eyes.  It was so unfair!  She wanted to be in the Captain's arms, and instead she was being mauled by Claymore!  Looking away resolutely, Carolyn resumed her counting.  Gradually Claymore straightened up, and his feet seemed to know where to go.  Carolyn's voice faltered again.  Claymore's touch on her waist and hand became less clingy, and he actually seemed to be able to guide her with ease.
   "You're suddenly dancing beautifully!" Carolyn exclaimed, her eyes searching his face for answers.
   Claymore smiled, a very different smile from his usual leer, and the Captain's voice came out of his mouth.  "Madam, I have always danced beautifully with such a lovely partner."
   Carolyn almost missed a beat.  Her eyes widened, and her face paled.  "Claymore?"
   The joyous smile widened on the man's face.  "Not very likely!" he chuckled.
   Carolyn didn't know how or why, and she didn't care.  The Captain was a marvellous dancer, and she yielded to his guidance as they whirled around the room.  At last their steps slowed, then stopped.  The two remained close. 
   "If only I could touch your hand ..." the Captain quoted, raising her hand to his lips.  "Link your arm in mine ..."
   Carolyn looked up, knowing what he wanted, what they BOTH wanted.  Knowing the next verse of the love poem he had written.  But it was Claymore's face she saw looking at her, and she couldn't do it.  She just couldn't kiss Claymore...
   Twisting out of his arms, she picked up her shawl and handed Claymore his hat.  "We should go."
   "Aye, Madam." he sighed.  "I shall go."
   Claymore seemed to sway slightly, then put his hat on his head.  "I hope you're satisfied, Mrs. Muir, that you won't get much out of me on the dance floor.  Besides, I'm awfully tired after winning the games today."
   "Yes, Claymore." Carolyn didn't want to even think about it.  "Come on ... the Honorary Grand Admiral can't be late!"
   Looking nervously around the room, Claymore whispered, "Where's the Captain?  I thought he was here?"
   "I don't think he'll be at the Ball, Claymore." Carolyn reassured him, trying to pull him towards the door.
   "Think again, my dear." the Captain appeared in the foyer, dressed in his uniform.  "I wouldn't miss this for the world."
   "Oh, no!" moaned Claymore. 
   Carolyn swallowed hard.  This was going to be long night!
   Once at the large dance pavilion on the pier where the Ball was being held, Carolyn saw that Jonathan and Candy were with their friends.  Martha was dancing with Ed Peevey, a blissful expression on her face.  Claymore very reluctantly agreed to dance again, and Carolyn endured a few moments of having her toes stepped on.  The Captain's dancing skill certainly had not rubbed off on his descendant!  Yet the sight of the Captain standing in the shadows made her keep Claymore on the dance floor for as long as she could.  At last Claymore stopped abruptly.
   "It's no use, Mrs. Muir.  I simply can't dance another step!  I'm exhausted!  Do you know how hard it is to lift heavy barrels, swab a deck, clean those disgusting fish, throw a heavy harpoon and get to the top of those impossibly high masts?  I'm done.  Finished!  Through!  Do you hear me?  I don't even care about an award, or acting as the Grand Admiral or ANYTHING!  All I want to do is sleep!  If you'll excuse me..." and he headed off to an exit door.
   "Claymore, wait!" Carolyn hurried after him, and slipped her arm through his.  Steering him around to a waterfront seat outside the pavilion on the pier, she sat him down on the bench.  "Claymore, listen, you can't possibly sleep."
   "Mrs. Muir ..." he spoke drowsily as he slumped against her, "I can't possibly stay awake..."
   The Captain appeared in front of them.  "On your feet, you malingering gudgeon!"
   His only answer was a light snore from Claymore. 
   Carolyn felt a giggle rise in her throat.  This couldn't be happening!  But it was...
   "Mrs. Muir, that ... that ... slothful dormouse cannot be allowed to cast shame on the Gregg name!"
   "You're right." Carolyn said, moving a bit, trying to hold Claymore up as he leaned more and more heavily into her.  "But we can't wake him up!  What are we going to do?"
   "I see only one solution," the Captain's thoughtful voice grew husky.  "It IS an emergency, after all." and he disappeared.
   Carolyn looked around wildly for a moment, then felt Claymore stir against her.  Slowly his head moved ... she could feel his lips on her shoulder, her neck ... and his arms tightened around her.
   "Claymore?"  She drew back as best she could.
   "Madam."  With a sigh, Claymore sat up straight.  "I just couldn't resist the temptation."
   It was the Captain's voice again!
   "What are you doing?" Carolyn whispered frantically, as he took her hand and drew her to her feet.
   "Well, we can't have the Grand Admiral sound asleep for the evening, now, can we?" the Captain sounded quite reasonable.  "So I have to save the day.  And I believe you said something about wanting to dance the night away?"
   "But, Captain ... Claymore ... oh, this is impossible!" she tried to release her hand.
   "Not at all, my dear.  No one but you will ever know."
   "Claymore?" Jonah suddenly appeared in the doorway, peering out into the night.  "Mrs. Muir?  Sorry to interrupt, but you're needed in the ballroom.  Both of you.  Uhh, WAS I interrupting...?"
   "Not at all." Carolyn said, quickly.  "I ... I was just feeling a little faint from the heat, so we came out for some fresh air.  But now I am ready to dance again!"
   "Good.  Let's go." and Jonah beckoned them in.  "You can come out for air a little later.  I know what you mean by the heat!  All these people!  This Centennial Seafarer's Ball ... well, the whole day, really ... a great success!  You know, Claymore, you astonished me." Jonah continued, as they went through the doors.
   "I astonished myself." came Claymore's voice, with a hint of the Captain's brogue.  Carolyn looked sideways at him, and he winked at her.
   The honorary Grand Admiral accepted the prize of the Georgian tea service, and his fingers stroked it appreciatively.  The praise and accolades of the crowd had him beaming, and he bowed repeatedly.  The Captain imbued Claymore with more dignity than the fellow had in reality, but Carolyn was the only one to notice. 
   At last they were free to dance again.  Moving gracefully in his arms, keeping her eyes on his chest so that she didn't have to look in his face, Carolyn found herself relaxing and enjoying herself tremendously with the Captain.  His little comments about the people around made her laugh. 
   Abner came up and asked Carolyn if he could cut in and dance with her, but the Captain scowled fiercely at him, and clutched Carolyn closer.  "Of course not!" he barked.  "She's MINE."
   "Sorry, Claymore." Abner backed away.  "Sorry, Mrs. Muir."
   Carolyn nestled into his arms again.  "You know, Captain, I'm NOT Claymore's." she commented.  "I'm not sure I want everyone to think that I am..."
   "Of course you're not Claymore's!  I said you are MINE." his voice was fierce, his hold tightened on her.
   "But..." she wriggled a little and slid her hand up his arm.  "But I am the only one to know that."
   "Oh.  Yes, of course." Regret coloured his words, and he loosened her.  "I find it hard to not hold you the way I wish I could."
   This was getting into dangerous territory, Carolyn realized quickly.  She looked up at him, and seeing Claymore's face stiffened her resolve to keep things as light as she could.  "The way you held Kathleen, no doubt?"
   "My dear, there is no need to be jealous of Kathleen." his voice was gentle.
   "Why, I..." Carolyn wanted to deny it, but found she could say nothing.
   "Kathleen was my young cousin.  Her preferred beau happened to be still at sea, as I was myself the following year.  I merely took her to be my watch dog, so to speak."
   "You needed to hide behind a woman's skirts?" Carolyn queried artlessly, remembering his accusation of that very thing to Claymore.
   "Certainly not!" he scowled.  Then he cleared his throat, and said smugly, "I was such a catch, certainly THAT night, that all the matchmaking mommas were out in full force at the costume ball."
   Carolyn chuckled.  "Well, you managed to avoid them adroitly."
   "Of course." as if there could be no doubt.
   After they danced quite a while, it was time for Carolyn and her family to have their pictures taken again.  The Grand Admiral stepped outside for some "fresh air".  After the pictures, Martha took the children home.  Carolyn said she wouldn't be much later.  She then went out to find Claymore.  He was lying on the bench, snoring.
   Carolyn shook him awake.  "Claymore!  Claymore, you MUST get up now!"
   "No, please.  Just let me sleep..." he mumbled, not even opening his eyes.
   The Captain appeared at her side.  She looked up at him, then down at Claymore, then stepped back.  "One more dance, Madam?" he asked.
   Biting her lip as she thought, Carolyn finally threw caution to the wind.  "Thank you.  I'd love it."
   The Captain disappeared, and in a moment Claymore was rising to his feet, holding out his hand to her.  Careful not to look at him, Carolyn placed her hand in his, and they moved back into the ballroom.
   "You know," the Captain said casually as they circled the room, "I think we make a lovely couple.  Except that I am not myself.  Yet you, as my partner, make things almost perfect!"
   "Thank you, Captain.  I love dancing with you."  Their steps matched perfectly, for all that he was so much taller than her.
   "You are a marvellous dancer, my dear."  He bent his head and murmured in her ear.  Carolyn shivered with pleasure.
   "So are you ... my dear." she spoke bravely, with a faint teasing lilt in her voice.
   The Captain almost missed a step, and she laughed.  "Thank you, Captain.  You saved me from complete disaster tonight.  If you hadn't taken over for Claymore, well ... I would definitely not have enjoyed the evening as much as I did.  In a sense, I guess you saved my life."
   Now it was the Captain's turn to chuckle, and he pressed her closer, his lips at her temple.  She closed her eyes and leaned into him, wishing she had the nerve to kiss him.  The Captain.  Not Claymore.  Never Claymore.  But oh...  Then the Captain was speaking again.  "Let us complete this discussion at home, shall we?"
   The music ended, and the Captain regretfully released her.  Jonah came up at that moment.  "Claymore, I want to thank you again.  Your tea service is over there by the door.  You can take it home with you?  Mrs. Muir, I was wondering ... may I have one dance with you?"
   "Of course." Carolyn realized she had to dance with SOMEONE other than the Captain, or people really would be talking about her and Claymore.  She was almost sorry she hadn't thought of that earlier.  But then, she would have missed the wonderful time with the Captain. 
   "I'll just wait outside, Mrs. Muir." Claymore said, as the other two whirled away.
   Carolyn danced with the other Centennial committee members, deftly parrying their questions about her and Claymore.  The photographer found her and handed her the sets of pictures he had taken that day.  Carolyn looked through them, smiling, and left on top the one of herself with the parasol in her day-time finery.  She carefully put the packet in her reticule, and thanked the photographer profusely.  Finally she escaped out the side door, and found Claymore once more snoring on the bench.  This time when she shook him, he grudgingly came awake.
   "What IS it, Mrs. Muir?" he asked, crossly.  Then he looked around.  "Where am I?"
   "Outside.  The ball is over, Claymore."
   "I slept through it?" he was horrified.
   "Well, you did some dancing." she countered.  "And accepted your prize.  I guess it was all too much for you."
   He put his hand on his head.  "You must be right.  I don't remember a thing about getting my prize.  Oh, but I suppose I have to give it back to the Captain, anyway."
   "I'm afraid so." Carolyn smiled.  "Come on, are you well enough to drive me home?"
   "Well, I'm a little stiff, but I guess I can sit in the car..." and the two headed off.
   Once at Gull Cottage, Claymore walked Carolyn up the path.  He seemed despondent again, so Carolyn spoke quickly, thanking him for the evening.
   Then the Captain appeared, blustering at Claymore for being so spineless.  When Claymore surprisingly stood up for himself, the Captain grinned.  "I made a champion of you today!  You are going to REMAIN one."
   "But ... in my condition?  I..." Claymore protested and begged and pleaded, but when the Captain ordered him to jog back to town, he could do nothing but run out the gate.  His voice floated back to the couple in the yard at Gull Cottage.  "I don't WANT to be a Gregg! I'll get my name legally changed!"
   Carolyn and the Captain laughed.  Then Martha opened the door and looked out, inquiringly.  "I thought I heard the car come up.  Where's Claymore?"
   "He decided to jog back to Schooner Bay." Carolyn grinned.
   "Claymore??  Jog??  What about his car?" Martha was astonished.
   "He'll jog back for it in the morning."
   Shaking her head, Martha held the door open for Carolyn to enter.  "I don't know how you get people to do such things, Mrs. Muir."
   "I didn't scare him off, if that's what you mean!" Carolyn said.
   "Well, after he won those games today, then danced all evening with you, I would have thought the man would have collapsed ... NOT decided to jog more than a mile in the dark!" Martha shook her head.  "Well, you must inspire him to something."
   "I don't think I'm responsible for ANYTHING Claymore does, Martha!" protested Carolyn.
   "Hmmm.  Well, goodnight, Mrs. Muir."  Martha didn't sound too convinced.
   "Good night, Martha." 
   Carolyn went up the stairs to her room.  "Captain?" she whispered, as she entered the bedroom and shut the door.  There was no answer.  Crossing to the balcony, she went out into the moonlight again.  "Captain?"
   "Present, Madam." came his voice from the wheel.  She turned slowly to see him leaning against it, nonchalantly.
   "Captain, thank you again for saving my life tonight.  If it hadn't been for you..."
   "It is you who has saved my life, dear lady, by rescuing me from the doldrums of eternity."  His smile was tender.  "Undoubtedly now, having saved each other's lives, we are indebted to one another."
   "So it would seem." conceded Carolyn with a smile.
   "What shall we do about it then, hmm?"  The Captain then chuckled,
remembering the chieftain's daughter.  "We are by no means on that godforsaken island, but by rights, having saved you from that oversized snoring squid..." the Captain grinned at her, his blue eyes glinting wickedly in the moonlight, "I believe I'm entitled to at least one night with the woman of my choice."
   Carolyn's pulse quickened, but she tried to sound casual as she murmured, "Oh, and who might that be?  Abigail, Prudence or Melanie?"
   "Forget those blasted women!  Why, the woman I've chosen cannot come close to them!  Indeed," the Captain fingered his beard, "perhaps you might know her: a beautiful widow, with eyes that shimmer like emeralds and a smile one can't help but drown in."  He straightened up from his stance at the wheel, his voice dropping to a low rumble with just a hint of a chuckle underneath.  "Ah, but be it known that the woman of whom I speak also has a nasty streak of jealousy, which I find runs deeper than the darkest sea!"
   "I'm not jealous!" Carolyn reacted instinctively.
   "Ah!  So you assume you are the woman of whom I am speaking?" he teased.
   A shadow passed over Carolyn's lovely face for an instant.  WAS it possible he was talking about someone else?  No, of course not ... he just wanted to see her grovelling at his feet.  She tossed her head, her smile brighter than ever.  "Well, those other women are long dead!  Really, Captain, how can I be jealous of a memory?"
   "Oh, it's quite easy, Madam." he laughed softly.  "It's simple human nature," the Captain speculated, limiting his gaze to the emerald of her eyes.  "It's also human nature to want to be with the one you love.  And...," he added, stepping closer, "I find that I'm feeling very human at the moment."
   "Are you?" Carolyn whispered, almost wistfully. 
   Oh, the gentle, loving look on his face!  Carolyn felt herself falling hopelessly into the depths of his eyes which, just then, were soft and warm and so very inviting.  A shadow of longing crossed the Captain's features, but he did not pull away.  His deep voice washed over her like a warm wave.  "I'm feeling very, VERY human.  Were it possible, I ..." his hand hovered near her cheek.
   Carolyn's heart skipped a beat and she swallowed hard even as she ignored the reality of her situation.  For now, the caress of the Captain's voice was the most wonderful thing she had ever felt.  It was as if he were kissing her mouth with gentle lips, touching her with strong, calloused fingers, holding her close to a body as real and tangible as her own.  No, she would face the truth later.  Now she just wanted to be with him.  With the poignancy of the moment, she shivered.
   "You are cold." the Captain stepped even closer, as if he could warm her himself.
   Carolyn immediately decided she must act quickly or the moment would get out of hand.  She remembered her gift and blurted out, "I-I have a surprise for you."
   "A surprise?"  The Captain was so close to her, he could see her hands shaking as she reached into her reticule.
  "Mm-hmm."  Carolyn noticed his faint smile at the sight of her fumbling and made a supreme effort to steady her movements.  She produced the small photograph of herself she'd had taken earlier in the day. 
   Handing him the sepia treasure, Carolyn did not find it difficult to speak from her heart.  "Maybe with this, I am giving you something of me tonight.  Perhaps all I can give.  It may be a century late, Captain, but I'd like you to have this picture as a memento of the Centennial .... as a remembrance of me.  I really do feel as if we were there...together." her last word faded away as the Captain accepted the token.
   At the Centennial celebrations today, he recalled that seeing her in her old-fashioned dress, her parasol edged with lace and her demure smile, she had been the epitome of beauty and a delight to those who saw her.  Never had the Captain wished so much that he were alive and that she were truly beside him!  Without doubt, he would have claimed her victoriously, and he knew there was no question that she would have gone with him willingly!
   He held the keepsake carefully, smiling in appreciation.  She was so beautiful.  After a moment of studying her eyes in the photograph, he looked up and saw the same eyes: eyes with a passionate heart behind them, brilliant eyes brimming with a love just for him.  His words came huskily, as if spoken against his better judgement, yet from the depths of his being.  "Oh, my dear, with YOU, one night ... one LIFETIME would never be enough."