WeLCoMe To MaNdYLaNd!!

Hey Kids!! It's JoKE Time!:
HaaM: why did cartoonist only make one yogi bear? cause they made a Boo Boo
now on to our regularly scheduled program....
*Ahhhhh....Ebonics are back!! I would like to dedicate this section of my page to my good friend Zach aka. JETHRO, who enjoys "living in a world of ghetto life...."*
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?" "Ten," she replied. "What are their names?" he asked. "LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered. "They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

Eleven Rules On How To Speak Ebonics
1. Remove all forms of the verb "to be" from your sentences.
EX. "He sick today."; "They talkin about yo ass."
2. Repeat noun subjects with a pronoun.
EX. "My fatha (father), he smokes blunts."
3. Omit forms of "do" from most of your sentences.
EX. "What you say about my mama?"
4. Use the same form of a noun for singular and plural.
EX. "One joint, two joint, three joint."
5. Disregard verb tense in your sentences.
EX. "I know it good shit when she tell me."
6. Use the same verb form for all subjects.
EX. "I go, you go, he/she go, we go, they go."
7. Use few constant pairs.
EX. Just (for just), chil (for child), not to be confused with chill.
8. Use few long vowels or dipthongs.
EX. A'ight (for alright); tahm (for time).
9. Omit the "r" sound.
EX. Mo (for more), reefa (for reefer), masta (for master).
10. Replace "z" for "s" at the end of a word.
EX. Skilz (for skills); wheelz (for wheels)
11. Replace the "th" sound with "f" or "d" sound.
EX. Dis (for thos); dat (for that); souf (for south).

Two Jokes
Q: Why were there only 49 contestants for the "Miss Ebonics U.S.A." pageant?
A: No contestant wanted to wear a banner that said "Idaho"!
Q: What do you call a transvestite in Ebonics?
A: Susan B. Anthony

*And now for my personal favorite.....*
GAT (Gangsta Aptitude Tess)
The following exam was administered as an Ebonics version of the SAT
1) You just robbed som jack mo fo with $20 in his wallet. You can buy:
A. A dime and two 40's
B. A new pair of Fila's
C. Dashikki down the block
D. Yo mama
2) It's tha end of da monf again and da man is on your jack for da rent.
You:
A. Bust a cap in his ass
B. Say, "Shit man, why you all up in ma bidness?"
C. Have anuther kid on welfare
D. Yo mama
3) You and ya holmes are banging down da block when yall scam da uther
mo fo's commin your way. If ya both jaking your hydros, and both yall draw yur gats, which of da following happens:
A. Shit goes down in da hood
B. Ya check yur colours and let the cop-killers fly
C. Shit man, I do'no maff
D. Yo mama
4) You drink haff a 40. How much is left:
A. Haff
B. Da uther haff
C. Zum mo
D. Bout enuff to jak yo mama
5) You, beein da shit you are, dress yo self in da morn in which of deese:
A. Yo Tek 9 with da Raiders hat
B. Da AK47 with yo Fila's
C. You blade and ya colurs
D. "Shit man, what's a nigga like me doin up at dis time in da morn?"
6) Tiz yo 21st birfday. You:
A. Hook up with Dashikki down the block and treat her to MceeDees
B. Treat yo self to crack, ice cream, and 40's
C. Gaffle da man
D. I do'no maff
JOG-MAFEE
7) Wher iz da mutherland at:
A. Afrika
B. Compton
C. Souff Centra
D. Yo mama
8) What am da capita of California?
A. Da Hood
B. Compton
C. Compton
D. Compton
ANALAMA-G'S
9) Tek 9 : Gatt ::
A. Yo mama : Dashikki
B. Fila's : Nike
C. Tu pac : Barry White
D. St. Ive's : Colt 45
10) Malt Liquor : Da Chronic ::
A. Da Man : Da Systum
B. ReeRun : MC Hammer
C. Fat Albert : Shaft
D. Yo mama : Dashikki
Now lookie here foo. I gots to axe you an exxay quextiun: In 25 wurds mo o less, tell uz me who am da man?

Now in the interest of political correctness, I've decided to include the following two jokes. Akay, so I'm not really doing it to be politically correct, I just thought they were amusing. Chris sent the first one to me... :)
28 THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHENER SAY....

28. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex."

27. "Duct tape won't fix that."

26. "Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken."

25. "We don't keep firearms in this house."

24. "Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?"

23. "You can't feed that to the dog."

22. "No kids in the back of the pickup, it's not safe."

21. "Wrasslin's fake."

20. "I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy."

19. "Who's Richard Petty?"

18. "Give me the small bag of pork rinds."

17. "Deer heads detract from the decor."

16. "Spittin' is such a nasty habit."

15. "Trim the fat off that steak."

14. "The tires on that truck are too big."

13. "I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad."

12. "I've got it all on a floppy disk."

11. "Unsweetened tea tastes better."

10. "My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's."

9. "I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl."

8. "Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams."

7. "Checkmate."

6. "She's too old to be wearing that bikini."

5. "Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?"

4. "Hey, here's an episode of Hee Haw that we haven't seen."

3. "Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darlin."

2. "Elvis who?"

And the number one thing you will NEVER hear a southerner say:

"I couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today"
And for the final joke contributed by Moparsick0:
You have no doubt heard all the Southern Redneck
jokes. Now here are some takes on our Northern
cousins. You might be a Yankee if . . . :

1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."

2. You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!

3. You don't have any problems pronouncing
"Worcestershire sauce" correctly.

4. For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes
au gratin to grits.

5. You don't know what a moon pie is.

6. You've never had grain alcohol.

7. You've never, ever, eaten okra.

8. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

9. You've never seen a live chicken, and the
only cows you've seen are on road trips

10. You have no idea what a polecat is.

11. You don't see anything wrong with putting
a sweater on a poodle.

12. You don't have bangs.

13. You would rather vacation at Martha's
Vineyard than Six Flags.

14. More than two generations of your family
have been kicked out of the same prep school
in Connecticut.

15. You would rather have your son become
a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing
show.

16. Instead of referring to two or more people
as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both
of them are women.

17. You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.

18. You have never planned your summer vacation
around a gun-n-knife show.

19. You think more money should go to important
scientific research at your university than to pay the
salary of the head football coach.

20. You don't have at least one can of WD-40
somewhere around the house.

21. The last time you smiled was when you
prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp
on the highway.

22. You don't have any hats in your closet that
advertise feed stores.

23. The farthest south you've ever been is the
perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

24. You call binoculars opera glasses.

25. You can't spit out the car window without
pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

26. You would never wear pink or an applique
sweatshirt.

27. You don't know what applique is.

28. You don't know anyone with at least two first
names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo,
Bubba Dean, Joe Don, Mary Alice, et al)

29. You don't have doilies, and you certainly
don't know how to make one.

30. You've never been to a craft show.

31. You get freaked out when people on the
subway talk to you.

32. You can't do your laundry without quarters.

33. None of your fur coats are homemade.

How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?

Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

Yo Momma Jokes (these will change often, so check back!)
So fat:
•Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that
rock?" •Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her
the green arrow! •Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the
hospital stretch marks. •Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has
to assign names to her farts!!! •Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in
and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
So Ugly...
•Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people
say "Damn, is it Halloween already?" •Yo momma so ugly the government
moved Halloween to her birthday. •Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were
bricks she'd have her own projects. •Yo momma so ugly they pay her to
put her clothes on in strip joints. •Yo momma so ugly she made an onion
cry.
So Old...
•Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper. •Yo momma so old
she ran track with dinosaurs. •Yo momma so old her birth certificate is
in Roman numerals. •Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
So Poor...
•Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!" •Yo momma so
poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
So Nasty...
•Yo momma so nasty she made speed stick slow down. •Yo momma so nasty
she brings crabs to the beach.
*Some additions to the "Yo Momma" jokes which were submitted by faithful visitors*
One2bee: here it is..................... Your mama is so stupid she sold her car for gas money
HaaM: your mom is so fat when she wears a Malcom X jacket jacket helicopters try landing on her
HaaM: your Mom is so fat when she wears BVD's it spells Boulevard

Meet one of my cyber kitties! This is "Bluebell":

As you can probably see, I will post things on here, just send the stuff to me and I'll decide if it's worthy.

Mandy's Movie Reviews:
Mandy has not been to the movies in a LONG LONG time, therefore there will be no reviews.

"It doesn't hurt to be optimistic. You can always cry later."--Lucimar Santos de Lima

All about me:
*If you've already read this or you know me, then skip to the next part, please..*
My name is Amanda Elizabeth...yes, I have a last name, but I'm not about to put it on here. Jeez...I'm showing you enough of my life...don't be greedy :) I was born in Pottsville, PA and lived in near-by Ashland until a month before my 12th birthday. Visit CoalSpeak a very entertaining website for you fellow Coalcrackers. It was at that time that I moved to what I like to call a "culturally challenged" town near Harrisburg. It was strange moving to a bigger city, but I adjusted and graduated from Central Dauphin East High School in June of 1995. During high school I was very involved in music, singing specifically. I now attend Millersville University (visit my school!!) and am working towards a B.A. in vocal performance....that's opera. When I graduate from Millersville, I hope to go right on to grad school for my Masters and then become an opera singer.

This is a picture for those of you who MUST see what I look like...by the way, I'm the taller one..the shorter one is named "Bambi":

Akay...ya got me...that picture IS me, but it's about 15 years old...that was me on my first day of Kindergarten....ya know ya think it's cute!! Admit it! :)

The 80's were truly, truly, truly outrageous
I was born on August 18th, 1977.
Obviously, I don't remember much about the 70's, but I remember the 80's with a great fondness. When Madonaa was still a "material girl", Michael Jackson's "Thriller", my Barbie big wheel, "The Pink Princess" (my bike fully equipped with a banana seat, streamers on the handle bars and a flowered basket on the front). Strawberry Shortcake, Rainbow Brite, Care Bears, Cabbage Patch Kids. Then there was TV, "The Facts of Life", "Who's the Boss?", "Family Ties", "Thundercats", "Jem and the Holograms", "The Beverly Hills Teens", "Romper Room", "Electric Company", "The Get Along Gang."
I was about 6 or 7 when I was first exposed to Madonna and Michael Jackson. I thought her video for "Lucky Star" was SOOO awesome and I wanted to be just like her. I'd run around with pink, teased hair and lace bows in my hair. Those were the days when kids were still allowed to take boomboxes to school. Everyday, I'd take mine and we'd listen to Madonna and Michael. Well, that was until this girl in my first grade class decided to push play on my boombox in the middle of a spelling test. I lost it for the rest of the day...
Who could forget "The Cabbage Patch Kids?" And what our parents went through to get them. In the end, I think I had 8 of them. But, my first one was a little red head with braids named "Margot Glynnis." My Dad knew someone whose wife worked for Sears and that's how I got her...Thank God for connections... :)
Sticker books were a big thing back in 1st and 2nd grade. I remember our mall had a store devoted entirely to stickers! :) It was neato!
Anyone remember "friendship pins?" They were safety pins with beads....If you don't remember those, you have to remember "friendship bracelets." What about "jelly shoes" and "jelly bracelets?" And jean jackets...oh, and Jordache Jeans, of course. One Christmas I wanted a pair SOOO bad that I ripped the corners off of every single package that my parents wrapped and peeked at all of them. Well, I did that every year...but that's a different story...
And the movies...unfortunately I didn't get to see many of them until the 90's..due to their adult content, but I did get to see "Goonies." And "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" was an inspiration to me...
I remember the days when the kids in my neighborhood would make our own "Puttin' on the Hits"..for those of you who have never seen the show, it was a show where people competed in a lip synching contest. I once had a routine to Debbie Gibson's "Shake Your Love" and Shane, my next door neighbor won the contest with his talents in lip synching Def Lepard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me."
Enough of MY reminiscing...now it's your turn....
...If you too are a child of the 80's, I think you'll appreciate some "radical" links I've found! The first one is The 80's Server -- Totally Awesome! This should be your first stop if you're in the mood for reminiscing. "Children of the Eighties" is one of my personal favorites...a must read!!! You Know You're Stuck in the 80's if.... used to appear in it's entirety on this page, however, I "used all of my alotted disk space", so I'm forced to link it to one of my other screen names. It's very entertaining and well worth the time it takes to get there, I promise! :)

Here are a few more of my favorite 80's sites:
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
The Trials & Tribulations of Anthony Michael ... for those of you who wonder "Whatever happened to Anthony Michael Hall??"
NKOTB for those of you who were "Hangin' Tough" and doing "The Right Stuff" just like me... :)

This is another cyber friend of mine..meet "Chopperzzzzzzz"

Lalalalalala....Music!
Music is a huge part of my life...it always has been and always will be. Of course, I love 80's music and disco...but this part of my page is devoted to what I do. One of my biggest interests is musical theatre. I love Andrew Lloyd Webber, Gershwin, Cole Porter, Lerner & Lowe, Rodgers & Hammerstein, Rodgers & Hart, just to name a few...
But my main interest is in opera. I love listening to Kathleen Battle, Cecilia Bartoli, Renee Fleming, Thomas Hampson, Kiri Te Kanawa, but my favorite singer is Dawn Upshaw. She is truly amazing! An inspiration for us all. Don't forget to visit The Metropolitan Opera online. You can even order tickets here!
Other Interesting Sites...(for the singing types...)
OperaStuff
Singers and other Opera Professionals
Dawn Upshaw2 E! Online - Fact Sheet - Dawn Upshaw
Performer bridges various genres in collabora...
The REC Music Foundation Aria database Singers and other Opera Professionals OperaStuff CelebSite: Kathleen Battle Frederica von Stade Home Page CECILIA BARTOLI Cecilia Bartoli FanWeb Dame Joan Sutherland - La Stupenda Michael Black's Opera House parterre box: Talk the Talk

More tidbits that you would have never guessed:
-I'm just an average 20 year old. I like to hang out with my friends (I'll have pics available on here as soon as I take some and get them scanned.) Someone once said, "A friend is someone who dislikes the same people you dislike." Isn't that the truth???!! I had a picture of Bill and Gretchen (my two best friends) on this page before and they hated the picture so much that I took it down. Akay, I'm lying...I didn't take it down for about 6 months, but it's gone..
-I'm a vegetarian. Why? I was never crazy about eating meat and I'm big on animal rights. People make a bigger deal out of it than is neccessary. Will I hate you if you hunt or fish? Nah...not unless you torture animals...Besides, everyone knows that the Veggie Lovers pizza at "Pizza Hut" is the best! :)
-I LOVE Peach Iced Tea Snapple!! That's a really fun link! :) And also be sure to visit the "Un-official" Snapple Home Page
-Two of my favorite movies are "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion" and of course, "Clueless." Visit the Alicia Silverstone homepage where you can find out if you too are clueless!
-I have a dog named Fritz & 2 kitty cats named Orpheus and Ebony...(pics will be available soon) Here's a hint: If you want me to talk to you, ask me about my pets...I LOVE talking about them!
-My favorite color is pink...it's just so much fun...I think it may have to do with that 80's obsession I have.
-I'm an only child..and No I'm NOT lonely....remember, I am a child of the 80's, so NOT having any siblings just meant more for me... :)
-I love listening to Dr.Laura
-Never call me between 8-10 on a Monday or Wednesday night...(not that you would be able to call me anyway..hehe) Four shows I NEVER miss: "Melrose Place", "Ally McBeal", "90210" and "Party of Five"
-I own a Jerry Springer autograph...Yes, I watch his show sometimes, (it's kind of hard with school now) and I think it's funny, not offensive!
-I hate Hanson...sorry Hanson fans, but those um, boys? really work on my nerves.... I Feel Sorry For Their Parents is a GREAT anti-Hanson page...visit it often.
-Everyday I check ASTRONET Horoscopes just to see what kind of day it is. If you get a chance, check out the "Passionscopes"...
-I love horror movies...Halloween, Friday the 13th, and Scream were 3 of my favorites or should I say 13 of my favorites, including sequels....
-I love nail polish...everytime I go to the store I can't resist buying funky nail polish
-I'm a perfectionist....mistakes drive me CrAZY!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Check here for a schedule of events at The Salzburg Festival for 1998, where I will be...YAYAYAY!
Awwwww! Everyone remembers Jordan Knight, right? Well, he has a new web site and he's still a hottie!
Jordan came out with a web site and what do you know??? Now you can also visit The Official Joe McIntyre Web Site.
Click here to visit one of my favorite places, The Jerry Springer NetForum....be sure to look for messages by "JeRRYzBiTCh"...that's me...hehehe!
We've all wondered if the person we're seeing is the ONE....if you're too cheap to call Dionne Warwick or your psychic friend try using The Love Calculator....
Remember "The Frog Brothers" and "Star" and "David?" A website that celebrates The Lost Boys Forever!
Another website dedicated to what was my favorite movie in the 4th grade.... The Goonies Picture Page...Long Live Chunk!
Two more fun pages for those of you who watched, "You Can't Do That On Television." THE YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON TELEVISION WEB and An unofficial Alasdair Gillis Fan Page!

A few more of my favorite links:
Tips on how to Be a kid again... what scared me about this was that I haven't STOPPED doing most of these things....so much for me thinking I'm mature...
COSMOPOLITAN VIRTUAL MAKEOVER really very neat! Unfortunately, you can't take the Cosmo quiz here to find out if you're dating a loser, or if you're too ambitious, etc...
Sleaze Oh, come on! Who DOESN'T love a little celebrity gossip??
This link is for you fellow AOLers. Find out if you've been spending too much time on AOL at the AOL Top Ten.
IHIW Photo Gallery This is the photo gallery of one of the rooms on AOL. I decided to display this as sort of a rebellion against this room...see these people don't like me because I chose to talk about "PooP" one time....oh well...it's your choice: Faces or Feces??? College E-Mail Addresses a place to find the email addresses of your long lost friends....If you're not in college, sorry.... :)
iApartNet Looking for a place to live??? Check here!
Stupid Penis Tricks I'll probably get TOSed for this one....but, it's hilarious!
What does your phone number spell? Hmmm...actually mine doesn't spell anything, but maybe yours does?
rotten dot com Updated daily...not for the queasy.... :oP
I strongly recommend that you visit Bert is Evil ! Not only is it hilarious, but it has some incriminating evidence against that nasty "Sesame Street" character Bert!
Indiana Students Burn Housecats PLEASE, please, please! Visit this website and sign the petition to put these idiotic people in jail....
Crystal Ball Hmmmm....what is your future? For AOLers only........
Visit my good friend Rob's Page...it's really great! One of my personal favorites!

PoSTINGs FrOm My FaiTHfuL ViSiToRS:
I've decided to include some of my favorite posts of all time....
Here is an email I received that I would like to share because of it's 80's theme:
Subj: The 80s have scarred us all...
Date: 97-10-24 13:10:19 EDT
From: T S Kearns
To: Mandy18

You have no idea how the 80s have ruined peoples lives. I tried to have Mr. T elected president. (That's what the attachment is. Quite interesting.)

By the way Alf's name was Gordon Shumway.
You can also tell you're from the 80s if you remember all of the Cosby kids being black.
jenny's number was 867-5309.
The artist formerly known as Prince was known as Prince and was riding around on a motorcycle dressed like a pimp in Purple Rain.
Although I have to say the best song to come out of the eighties came from Dexy's Midnight runners "Come on Eileen" that song is forever.

I just received this email today and I have to admit that I was a little surprised..I'm not sure if this is an attempt to get posted or if he's being honest..LOL...enjoy:
Subj: homepage
Date: 97-10-27 17:07:04 EST
From: AzzKikr075
To: Mandy18

I think your homepage is bizarre, derranged, and insane. you must be some kind of crackhead or something like that. You scare me

Subj: web page
Date: 98-05-23 04:10:33 EDT
From: MELISNAL
To: Mandy18

your page is a long draw out version of NOTHING! No body,no content not one exciting ir interesting fact about anything........what were you thinking! Happy for you that Computer Technology is not your major! "A" for effort...."C-" for effectiveness....Good luck!

Wait! Didn't Jerry Seinfeld build a successful sitcom based on "nothing?"
Subj: Hey Mandy
Date: 98-06-01 14:30:17 EDT
From: METZGERDAN
To: Mandy18

Your page is really one of the most interesting ones i've seen. It has a lot of cool links and some really funny stuff in it. I remember all the stuff from the 80's plus a little bit of the 70's having been born in 74. The 80's were definitely a great time to grow up though and i'm glad to see there are other people out there that feel the same way that i do. I'll have to come back to your page regularly because it's so entertaining.
Dan
Subj: question of the week
Date: 98-06-07 14:38:03 EDT
From: Actress298
To: Mandy18

Hey, frirst i wanna say i love your webpage....now about celine dion...shes a screaming banshee...she looks like a dike when she sings....she like hits herself....(muscle spazzes?)..her 15 min of fame are llloooooonnnnnggg over!
~*Ali*~
Actress298

This is my other cyber kitty...his name is "Jack-o-lantern"

Well, that's it for now kiddies. I'll be updating this whenever I have the time to do so. I will also be adding pictures whenever I take some. Hope you enjoyed your visit to MaNDyLaND!!

Let me know what you think about my page. Send mail by clicking here.

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This page was last updated on Thursday, October 15, 1998.