It is 1998. Mulder and Scully have been to The End of the Earth and back again. They have won a major battle in the Fight against the Future. Still, their enemies continue to plot and plan against them. In a secret location in Europe, The Little Sisters of the Sin-dicate are singing in the Abbey, their angelic voices a stark contrast to the rather gruff voices of the members of the secret syndicate that seems to exert a phenomenal amount of political and military control throughout the world.
At the same time, a group is gathering at Skyland Mountain in Virginia. Duane Barry, a man who had been institutionalized for his delusions of alien abduction and experimentation, has returned to the site he claims to have been abducted from. FBI Special Agent Dana Scully is also there, continuing to search for alternative explanations to memories that she retrieved while under hypnosis.
Praeludium; The Sound of Music
{Cue ringing churchbells echoing through an unnamed European Abbey}
[Nuns (Little Sisters of the Sin-dicate) singing "Gregor"-ian Chant in
Latin]
Alleluia (about 20 times).
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-men!
{The location shifts to Skyland Mountain in Virginia.}
Duane Barry:
My days on those pills
Have come to an end, I know
Some stars have come out
To tell me it's time to go.
But despite my mad bravado
Neck chip voices urge me to stay
So I pause and I wait and I listen
For one more sound
Or one more lovely thing
Skyland Mount might say.
The Earth is aligned
With the planet Venus* (Copyright 1998 Pancashash@aol.com)
With ships orbiting
For a thousand years.
The chip fills my head
Like drugs intr'venous
My heart wants to sing
Every song it hears.
Mulder wanted to beat
My head 'til it bled
His Scully I took
In my trunk.
Mulder wanted to cry
Thought Scully might die
As a ship's
Abductee.
I laughed like a fool
When the chip gave it's call
I could not delay
To drive through the night
Fugitive like, this chip I'll obey.
Scully:
I come to these hills
When my heart is lonely
I know my chip hears
What it's heard before.
My throat will be filled
With green goop quite viscous
Abducted once more.
Back at Syndicate Headquarters, Alex Krycek, an ex-FBI agent and Syndicate affiliate of dubious character, appears before a group of Syndicate power brokers. He's trying to explain how Marita Covarrubias, the Special Representative to the Secretary General of the United Nations, managed to "distract" him as he lost his trump card — a young man named D'mitri whom he purposely infected with the alien black oil virus.
Marita
[To the tune of "Maria"]
Krycek (singing to the various Syndicate
members):
She kisses me, an amputee, and leads me to her lair
She sashays through the Russian ship, resuming our affair,
And ripping off her trenchcoat I remove her underwear,
Excited, I forget about D'mitri.
The Well Manicured Man he said he wanted the vaccine,
The SRSG must have let him hide in the latrine.
I hate to have to say it 'cause I know it sounds obscene,
Marita's turned me into a debauchee.
Strughold:
I'd like to say a word in her behalf.
Krycek:
Then say it, Comrade Strughold.
Strughold:
Marita's no seraph.
{tittering Syndicate laugher is heard}
First Elder:
How do you solve a problem like Marita?
Strughold:
How do smoke the queen bee from its hive?
First Elder:
How do you find a word that means Marita?
Krycek:
A comatose misfit? Can the black oil she survive?
Strughold:
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand.
Krycek:
But how do I make her stay
And listen to all I say?
First Elder:
How do you keep the virus from her hand?
Krycek:
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Marita?
First Elder:
How do you smuggle alien contraband?
Krycek:
When I'm with her I'm confused, out of focus and bemused,
And I never know exactly where I am.
Unpredictable as weather, she looks mighty good in leather.
WMM:
She's a darling.
Krycek:
She's a demon!
First Elder:
Get a PLAM!
Krycek:
She's not sexually repressed,
Not a bee would leave his nest,
She can make a less robust man want to hurl.
WMM:
She's is gentle,
First Elder:
She is wild!
Strughold:
She's a riddle
I'm beguiled!
Krycek:
She wreaks havoc,
WMM:
She's an angel,
Strughold:
She's our girl!
The Syndicate:
How do you solve a problem like Marita?
How do smoke the queen bee from its hive?
How do you find a word that means Marita?
A comatose misfit? Can the black oil she survive?
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand,
Krycek:
But how do I make her stay?
And listen to all I say?
How do you keep the virus from her hand?
The Syndicate:
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Marita?
How do you smuggle alien contraband?
My Favorite Things
(Scully and Mulder realize that they have many things to be thankful for,
especially each other.)
Scully:
Tear drops on your nose
From journals I've written.
Black turtleneck shirts
And sharing warm mittens.
Kevlar vest over white T-shirt that clings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Panic-face stony
Despite fear that's brutal.
Hair gels and musk smells
And pictures you doodle.
List'ning to your voice when my cell phone rings,
These are a few of my favorites things.
Wearing tight blue jeans
That show off your ass(ets).
Twinkle that shines
Through your wire rimmed glasses.
Worrying when I see seraphim wings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the frost bites!
When the Bee stings!
When I'm feeling sad!
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Mulder:
Checking your back
Where mosquitoes have bitten.
Staying composed
Despite Phoebe from Britain.
Joy to the World a cappella you sing,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Brave testimonies
Before Congress futile.
Visits to jail cells
When I am delusional.
Living for Super Bowl videos I bring,
These are a few of my favorites things.
Ice cold compresses
When I break my fingers.
Gentle caresses,
Eye contact that lingers.
Listing your symptoms after a bee stings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the frost bites!
When the Bee stings!
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.
Mulder and Scully:
When the frost bites!
When the Bee stings!
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
In a laboratory at Syndicate Headquarters, Conrad Strughold, a post World War II pioneer in genetic engineering and cloning, shows that cloning is as simple as A-B-C.
D-N-A
[to the tune of "Do-Re-Mi"]
(Strughold, Clones)
Strughold:
Let's start at the very beginning
A very good place to start
When you clone you begin with D-N-A.
Clones:
(D-N-A)
Strughold:
D-N-A
The first three steps just happen to be:
D-N-A
(D-N-A)
D-N-A-is So La Ti ...
[spoken]
Come, I'll make it easier for you...listen:
D, you see, it rhymes with "Bee"
N, the process has begun.
A, Hey look! I cloned myself!
Fa, this cloning's so much fun.
So, we wanted Scully dead,
La, the Kurts they said, "No, no!"
Ti, the Sam-clone blood's not red.
That will bring us back to "D"
Hee, hee, hee
Clones with Strughold:
"D"
You see, it rhymes with "Bee"
"N"
The process has begun.
"A"
Hey look! I cloned myself!
Fa, this cloning's so much fun!
So, we wanted Scully dead,
La, the Kurts they said, "No, no!"
Ti, the Sam-clone blood's not red.
That will bring us back to "D"
Clones:
"D"
You see, it rhymes with "Bee"
"N"
The process has begun.
"A"
Hey look! I cloned myself!
Fa, this cloning's so much fun!
Strughold and Clones:
So, we wanted Scully dead,
La, the Kurts they said, "No, no!"
Ti, the Sam-clone blood's not red.
That will bring us back to "D"
D-N-A-fa-so-la-ti-D!
So-D!
Strughold (spoken):
Now Kurts, once you have these codes in your head you can make a million
different clones, by mixing them up, like this:
So-D-la-fa-A-do-N
[Now you do it]
(So-D-la-fa-A-do-N)
So-D-la-ti-D-N-D
(So-D-la-ti-D-N-D)
Now let's put it all together
So-D-la-fa-A-D-N
(So-D-la-ti-D-N-D)
Kurt:
But it doesn't mean anything.
Strughold:
So, we put in codes. One code for every gene.
When you know the sequencing,
You can clone most anything.
Together!
Strughold and Clones:
When you know the sequencing,
You can clone most anything.
"D"
(You see, it rhymes with "Bee")
"N"
(The process has begun)
"A"
(Hey look! I cloned myself!)
Fa, this cloning's so much fun!
So, we wanted Scully dead,
La, the Kurts they said, "No, no!"
Ti, the Sam-clone blood's not red.
That will bring us back to "D"
(D-N-A-fa-so-la-ti-D-D-ti-la-so-fa-A-N-D-A-A)
(A-so-so-N-fa-fa-la-ti-ti-D-A-A-A-so-so-N-fa-fa-la-ti-to
Strughold: [sung simultaneously with above repeated]
When you know the sequencing,
You can clone most anything.
"D"
(You see, it rhymes with "Bee")
"N"
(The process has begun)
"A"
(Hey look! I cloned myself!)
Fa, this cloning's so much fun!
So, we wanted Scully dead,
La, the Kurts they said, "No, no!"
Ti, the Sam-clone blood's not red.
That will bring us back to "D"
That will bring us back to
D-ti-la-so-fa-A-N-D
D!
CSM shares some quality time with the long-time object of his affection, Ruth Mulder (the author takes artistic license to banish the name "Teena" from this filk).
Sixty Going on Seventy
[to the tune of "Sixteen Going on Seventeen"]
CSM:
You wait Ruthy dear
On an empty bridge
To walk towards the light on.
Your mind Ruthy dear
Is an empty page
That men will want to write on.
Ruth:{vaguely}:
To write on.
CSM:
You are sixty, going on seventy
Ruthy, it's time to think.
Better beware, be canny and careful
Ruthy, you're on the brink.
You are sixty, going on seventy,
Mulder will call you "Mom."
Morphing young man will look for your PLAM
And heal your stroke with his palm.
Totally unconcerned are you,
To face the Syndicate.
Bitchy and sly and stern are you,
Of things beyond your wit.
You need someone older and wiser
Telling you what to do-o.
I am seventy going on eighty,
I'll take care of you.
Ruth:
I am sixty going on seventy,
I know that I "forget."
Fellows I meet have told me I'm sweet,
Whose children did I beget?
I am sixty going on seventy,
Innocent as a clone.
Syndicate dandies, drinkers of brandies,
Biblically I have known.
Totally unconcerned am I,
To face the Syndicate.
Bitchy and sly and stern am I,
Of things beyond my wit.
I need someone older and wiser,
Telling me what to do.
You are seventy going on eighty,
I'll depend on you.
Strughold illustrates how the bees have managed to infiltrate their way into the lives of many people.
The Lonely Beeherd
[to the tune of "The Lonely Goatherd"]
(Strughold and Clones)
Strughold:
High on the hill was a lonely beeherd
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-hoo
Even Krycek, the amputee heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-loo
Deep in a coma a chickadee heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-hoo
Sublim'nally all the abductees heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-loo
Oh-ho, buzz-ee-odl-li-ho
Oh-ho, buzz-ee-odl-lay
Oh-ho, buzz-ee-odl-li-ho
Buzz-ee-odl-li-ho-lay
Scully on the brink of a kiss would-be heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-hoo
Skinner on the phone in his BVD's heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-loo
FEMA men sifting through debris heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-hoo
Then Mrs. Mulder, the divorcee heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-loo
Oh-ho-buzz-ee-odl-lee-ho
Oh-ho-buzz-ee-odl-lay
Oh-ho-buzz-ee-odl-lee-ho
Buzz-ee-odl-lee-ho-lay
Man in a car full of TNT heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-hoo
Man smoking Morley's duty-free heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-loo
Mulder holding vaccine carefully heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-hoo
A swiftly injected c-cold Scully heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-loo
Oh-ho-buzz-ee-odl-lee-ho
Oh-ho-buzz-ee-odl-lay
Oh-ho-buzz-ee-odl-lee-ho
Buzz-ee-odl-lee-ho-lay
Willy flambe
Buzz-ee-oh-buzz-ee-lee-oh
Oh-buzz-ee-oh-buzz-ee-oh-hee-hoo
Soon they'll report back to their AD-o
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-lay
(Lots and lots of buzzing and yodeling)
Strughold:
Mulder holding vaccine carefully heard
Clone:
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-buzz-hee-hoo
Strughold:
A swiftly injected c-cold Scully heard
Clones:
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-lo
Bill Scully, Jr. on his ship at sea heard
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-buzz-hee-hoo
Spender, still looking for his mommy heard
Strughold and Clones:
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-loo
Oh-ho-buzz-ee-odl-lee-hoo
Oh-ho-buzz-ee-odl-lay
Oh-ho-buzz-ee-odl-lee-hoo
Buzz-ee-odl-lee-ho-lay
Strughold:
Willy flambe Buzz-ee-oh-Buzz-ee-lee-oh
Oh-buzz-ee-oh-buzz-ee-oh-hee-hoo
Soon they'll report back to their AD-o
Buzz-ee-odl-buzz-ee-odl-lay
(More and more buzzing and yodeling)
Strughold:
Odl-buzz-ee-odl-bee-hee-odl-lay!
CSM and Ruth Mulder learn about Fox Mulder's heroic rescue of his partner from Antarctica. They're surprised that Mulder's devotion to his partner can survive so many obstacles, and affectionately reaffirm their devotion to each other.
How Can Love Survive?
(A Duet between CSM and Ruth Mulder)
CSM:
In cryopod while unaware
A frozen Scully struggles.
Your son removes his outerwear
And with his partner snuggles.
They're famous for misfortune
Which they seem to have no fear of.
Though she shot him with her handgun
He still looks at her with true love.
Ruth:
Many a night did you share with me
We do not flinch at hypocrisy
Ready to rule the world are we.
CSM:
How can love survive?
Ruth:
He's fond of porn and the astronauts,
She has a tattoo from ink ergots
CSM:
Plenty of nothing they haven't got,
How can love survive?
Ruth:
They held on tight despite Arctic frostbite,
In the face of the freezing breezes.
CSM:
We laughed with glee when we let loose the bee,
Bearing one of our bad diseases.
Ruth:
Always uncov'ring our scheme are they,
Quaint and bizarre as a team are they,
Agents out of the mainstream are they,
They're keeping romance alive.
Agents out of the mainstream are they,
Watch their careers nosedive.
No empathy for the pair have we,
They'll face an F-B-I committee.
CSM:
Able to break through Security,
How can love survive?
Ruth:
How can I show what I feel for you?
I'll take the PLAM and conceal for you,
I'll dance like Ally McBeal for you,
How can love survive?
CSM:
Your son's aware of our torrid affair,
Even though you will deny it.
'Til he has proof, remain cooly aloof,
And I'll try to keep him quiet.
Ruth:
Searching for new ways to gain are we,
Ruling our clone-served domain are we,
Trapped by my stroke damaged brain are we,
But we'll keep romance alive.
CSM:
Trapped by your stroke-damaged brain are we
Ruth:
We'll make our love survive.
The scene shifts back to Skyland Mountain, the sight of recent disappearances that may have had extraterrestrial origins.
The Sound of Music
(Group of Abductees on Bridge)
Our chips made us drive
To the sound of music
(oh-oh-oh-oh)
With songs They have sung
For a thousand years.
(oh-oh-oh-oh)
Abductees depart
To the sound of music
(oh-oh-oh-oh)
Our ears start to ring
With the noise we fear.
(With the noise we fear)
We tried to retreat
From the torch wielding man
Whose face was opaque and ugly
(and ugly)
Our mouths tried to shout,
"Cassandra, look out!"
To the ship, she was seized.
Scully:
I go to the hills
(ah-ah-ah-ah)
When my heart is lonely
(ah-ah-ah-ah)
I know my chip hears
(ah-ah-ah-ah)
What it's heard before.
(harmonizing in background)
My throat will be filled
With green goop quite viscous
Abducted once more.
To freeze in a pod
As my partner flies
Over polar ice caps.
Mulder and Scully:
To lie on the snow,
And watch a spaceship fly away.
We go to the Hill,
When our hearts are lonely.
We know we will hear
What we've heard before.
Our office was burned
By a cruel arsonist
But we'll fight once more.
One of the many victims of the Skyland Mountain "massacre" was Quiet Willy-- Syndicate Assassin and one of the most interesting characters to appear on the XF without having a speaking part. Quiet Willy, and other X Files characters who have left our XF universe before their time, sing a song to show that while they may be "gone," they're certainly not forgotten.
So Long, Farewell
(A salute to our beloved characters that have met an untimely demise)
There's a sad sound of gunshot
And loud thuds in the hall
And explosions in limos too.
And up in the office
An absurd CEO
Hands us our pink-slips, we say, "Boo hoo"
(Boo hoo, Boo hoo)
Regretfully they tell us
But firmly they compel us
To say, "Good-bye"
To you.
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night
WMM:
I didn't know, the car held dynamite
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu
"X":
In my own blood, I left Mulder a clue
So long, farewell, au revoir, auf Wiedersehen
Deep Throat:
Can I return, just damaged in the brain?
Chris Carter:
No!
Frank Spotnitz:
No!
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good-bye
Quiet Willy:
I could not speak, before you made me fry
(Me fry!)
Pendrell:
I'm glad to go, I cannot tell a lie
The afterlife, exceeds the F-B-I.
QueeQueg:
Big Blue has gone away and so must I.
Deep Throat, "X," Bill Scully, Sr., Bill Mulder, Melissa,
Pendrell, Quiet Willy, Emily and QueeQueg:
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good-bye
Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye!
Climb Ev'ry Glacier
[to the tune of "Climb Ev'ry Mountain"]
(Walter Skinner, FBI Assistant Director, gives Mulder some encouraging advice.)
Skinner:
Climb ev'ry glacier
Search high and low
Follow ev'ry bad guy
Through Antarctic snow.
Climb ev'ry glacier
Sift through debris
Distrust ev'ry ally
'Til you find Scully.
Scully that will need
All the warmth you can give
Even take off your socks
So through frostbite she'll live.
Climb ev'ry glacier
Aim flashlight beam
Tailing ev'ry bad guy
Hearing Scully scream.
A scream that will reach
Your mind subconsciously
‘Til you break through her pod
Thereby setting her free.
Climb ev'ry glacier
Sift through debris
Distrust ev'ry ally
'Til you find Scully.
No Way To Stop It
( Krycek and CSM try to talk Mulder and Scully out of their Quest for the Truth.)
Krycek:
You dear attractive dewy eyed idealist,
Today you have to learn to be a Communist.
CSM:
You may be bent on doing deeds of daring do,
But up against the Syndicate what can you do?
Krycek:
Be wise, compromise.
Mulder:
Compromise, with YOU guys?
Krycek:
Let them think you're on our side,
Be noncommittal.
Mulder:
I will not bow my head to the men I despise!
CSM:
You don't have to bow your head,
Just stoop a little.
Scully:
Why not learn to put your faith and your reliance
On the obvious and simple facts of science?
A crazy plan, and full of crazy people
Is somersaulting all around the sky
And every time it turns another somersault
The bad guys multiply.
We have to stop it,
Yes we are going to stop it.
Yes we are going to stop it, tell you why:
'Cause we must Fight the Future,
Yes we must Fight the Future,
Or else our entire planet's going to die.
CSM:
While traveling from the U.S. to Antarctica,
You make a cock-eyed circle 'round our base,
And as you circle back to where you started from
The aliens won this race.
CSM and Krycek:
And there's no way to stop it,
No there's no way to stop it,
If the aliens want to colonize the Earth.
You are fools to Fight the Future,
You are fools to Fight the Future,
You'd be wise to give these creatures a wide berth.
Mulder:
That's you!
Krycek:
That's me!
CSM:
And me!
Mulder:
And me? An all absorbing character?
Scully:
A fascinating creature!
CSM:
You lack that special feature:
Krycek and CSM:
Greed!
Mulder:
So every star and every whirling planet,
And every constellation we can see.
Revolves around your prototypal universe,
The vaccine here's the key!
Krycek and CSM:
But there's no way to stop it,
No there's no way to stop it,
And we know, though we'd hate to tell you why.
Mulder:
Let's try.
Krycek and CSM:
That as long as we're living,
Just as long as we're living,
There is nothing else as wonderful as,
Krycek:
Greed!
Krycek and CSM:
Greed, greed, greed!
Nothing else as wonderful,
As greed!
A Vary Wary Couple
[to the tune of "An Ordinary Couple"]
(Mulder and Scully, happy to be together, refuse to let their guard down.)
Scully:
A very wary couple,
Is all we'll ever be.
For all I want of living,
Is to keep away that bee.
To solve a case together,
Diana out of sight.
A desk for me each morning,
And a bed for you each night.
We'll fight the Evil Bad Guys
And rest when day is done.
My head against your shoulder,
My hand upon my gun.
A very wary couple,
The Future we will Fight.
We'll practice rescue breathing,
And we'll soothe severe frostbite.
My head against your shoulder.
Mulder:
A very wary couple,
Is all we'll ever be.
For all I want of living,
Is to keep away that bee.
To solve a case together,
Diana out of sight.
A desk for you each morning,
And a bed for me each night.
Scully:
We'll fight the Evil Bad Guys,
And rest when day is done,
My head against your shoulder,
My hand upon my gun.
Scully and Mulder:
A very wary couple,
The Future we will Fight,
We'll practice rescue breathing,
And we'll soothe severe frostbite.
Her head against his shoulder.
Processional
At Syndicate Headquarters, they honor social customs that have been left by the wayside in most of the outside world. Every day, before High Tea, the Little Sisters of the Sin-dicate sing and march in procession, while the Syndicate Members intone their latest dilemma.
Syndicate:
{"Gregor"ian Chanting in Latin}
{Cue Processional Marching Music}
How do you solve a problem like Marita?
How do you smoke a queen bee from its hive?
How do you find a word that means Marita?
A comatose misfit? Can the black oil she survive?
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her.
Many a thing she ought to understand.
But how do you make her stay?
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep the virus from her hand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Marita?
How do you smuggle alien contraband?
{More "Gregor"ian Chanting}
Lots of Glorias.
Lots of Alleluias.
Lots and Lots of Alleluias.
{More "Gregor"-ian Chanting}
Scully's Saline Starts to Need
Morphine
[to the tune of "Sixteen Going on Seventeen"]
(In the hospital, the Scully clan questions a recovering Dana's devotion
to Mulder and her job.)
Maggie:
A bell is no bell ‘til you ring it.
A song is no song ‘til you sing it.
And love in your heart wasn't put there to stay,
Love isn't love 'til you give it away.
When your saline starts to need morphine,
Dana, just check your chart.
Mulder, who's kind and touches your mind,
Will willingly touch your heart.
Scully:
When that happened,
After it happened,
Nothing was quite the same.
Somehow you know, I'd jump up and go,
Whenever he called my name.
Bill Scully, Jr.:
Gone are your old plans for your life,
The old options grow dim.
Mulder's weird Quest just gives you strife,
Why do you follow him?
You may think this kind of adventure,
Exceeds life as a doctor.
Dana, morphine's now in your saline,
Now will you concur?
Scully:
I'll Fight the Future,
All:
With him.
Alien Eyes*
(*Title copyright ALIKA@aol.com 1998)
[Sung to the tune of "Edelweiss"]
(Dr. Bronschweig - may he rest in peace - has second thoughts about his underground mission.)
Bronschweig:
Alien eyes, alien eyes,
Always waiting to greet me.
Large and mean, jet-black sheen,
You look eager to eat me.
Blossoming foe here you loom and grow,
Loom and grow forever.
Alien eyes, alien eyes,
Curse CSM forever.
Alien eyes, alien eyes,
Always waiting to greet me.
Bronschweig and Stevie (may he rest in peace):
Large and mean, jet-black sheen,
Bronschweig:
You look ready to eat me.
Blossoming foe here you loom and grow,
Loom and grow forever.
Alien eyes, alien eyes,
Curse CSM forever.
Climb Ev'ry Glacier
[to the tune of Climb Ev'ry Mountain]
(The whole XF cast sings a song of hope.)
Skinner:
Bring down ev'ry bad guy,
With assignments new.
The FBI needs,
All the blood you can give.
Every day of your life,
For as long as you live.
All:
Climb ev'ry glacier,
Unfold ev'ry scheme,
Hunt down ev'ry bad guy,
With your flashlight beam!
END!
This parody of the X Files and The Sound of Music was inspired by those great Austrian-sounding names and accents in "Fight the Future." The "program" is set to the original Broadway soundtrack of "The Sound of Music," which contains a few extra songs that weren't featured in the movie version starring Julie Andrews. All due apologies to Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein, II, and to Chris Carter and the creative team at 1013. No copyright infringement is intended, and we promise to turn down any profit-making book deals, Oprah appearances, and TV variety show musicals in our honor. Apologies also to any author who has attempted this filk in a similar fashion, something I hadn't even considered until I had completed this version. My deepest thanks to Kipler@aol.com for her unwavering encouragement and technical support, and to the very talented Pancashash@aol.com for contributing the fantastic original artwork.