A GREAT BIG TURKEY BIRD

When cowhands get grouchy and they ain't feelin' good
The first thing they complain about is eatin' campfire food
:Meals out on the trail is almost always beans
No steak, no cake, no puddin', nothin' really good it seems.

Thankgsivin' was a comin', it would be more beans they heard
What the wranglers really wanted was a roasted turkey bird.
But Cookie said it wouldn't be, there weren't no bird at hand
The cowboys moaned and groaned, and things got out of hand

The hands got drunk and rowdy, shot the dishpan and the hound
That broke Cookies poor old heart. He liked havin' that dog around
The cook must swallow insults and take the odd hard kick
But sometimes cookie's clever and deals vengeance with a trick

"I'll fix them "sons-a-guns" he swore, he was really mad,
He vowed vengeance in his heart, it surely would be had
Cookie went a huntin', he finally found the bird
Over in a canyon, and his rifle shot was heard.

Cookie roasted that old bird with malice in his heart
When the cowhands gobbled it, their guts began to smart.
They whined and gagged and puked a lot, miserable every one
Cookie watched and laughed at them, his vengeance almost done

He left camp next mornin', to a better place he'd go
He left a bag on the tailgate so the men would surely know
Inside they found the answer why they'd felt almost dead
There on a nest of feathers lay a great big buzzard head.

MizTinny and Fretherne © 2004




THE CAPTAIN OF THE MISSISSIPPI BELLE

by Frazer Williamson.

During the Mexican War, the Quartermasters Department chartered and purchased steamboats on the Ohio and Mississippi rivers to transport supplies to New Orleans for shipment overseas. The Captain of the Mississippi Belle, Hamish McDougal, a red-haired man brought the paddle steamer in smoothly to her moorings at Vicksburg. Some flatboat men now worked their return passage from Natchez where they'd sold their livestock and grain and their flatboats, by helping unload the Mississippi Belle. The Choctaw Indians call the Mississippi "Old Big Strong", and it took big strong men to work it. When they'd finished McDougall went along to see Mr. Bentley, the owner.

* * *

Three men were with Mr. Bentley and he looked intimidated. One of the men was a gambler, Dennis Rayburr. The other two were a couple of hard cases you'd find in any saloon or brothel.
"Afternoon, Captain," Rayburr said affably.
"Seems I recall leavin' you on a sandbar for cheatin' at cards," McDougall said.
"You did, Captain, but I wont hold that against you, now that I need a Captain for my new steamer."
"I'll stick with the Mississippi Belle."
"I've offered Bentley a good price for his boat, and he's accepted."
"It's the war with Mexico," Bentley said. "The Army needs all the boats it can get to move munitions and supplies down to New Orleans."
"You buyin' boats for the Army?" McDougall asked.
"For myself," Rayburr said.
"With what?" McDougall understood Rayburr to be on the skids.
"With this," Bentley reached McDougall a slip of paper.
"An IOU. It's worthless."
"I got a deal with the Quartermasters Department," Rayburr said. "He'll get his money when I get mine."
"He's threatened my family, my daughter."
McDougall saw fear and despair in Mr. Bentleys eyes.
"Tell the Army what's goin' on, and have this thief put in jail. Make your own deal with the Army."
"But my daughter."
Hamish tore up the IOU, picked up the papers of the Mississippi Belle, which were in front of Bentley, and put them in his pocket. His hand came out again with a gun in it. "I know you got one of them little pistols up your sleeve," Rayburr. "Go for it and I'll ventilate that fat gut of yours. You men drop those gun belts."
McDougall got Mr. Bentley out of his office and into the street and across to Army Headquarters.

* * *

The Mississippi Belle ploughed its noisy way between shores of cottonwoods on one side and cypress, maple, and oak on the other. Her shrill whistle constantly cleared the way before her, and her backwash capsized flatboats tied to the shores. She was in one hell of a hurry. Ever since Samuel Morses' invention and President Polks' implementation of it throughout the States this past year, news traveled fast.
Which meant that Mr. Bentley knew that his daughter had been kidnapped from their house in New Orleans and that Mrs. Bentley was suffering a severe bout of the vapours.

* * *

The note said there was to be no interference from the Army or any other kind of law and order. Bentley was to come alone to Dolphin Island after sundown, and bring $3000. Bentley told McDougall only because he had no idea where Dolphin Island was. "I can barely scrape up a thousand, Hamish."
"Here's what we'll do then."

* * *

Rowing to Dolphin Island blistered Bentley's hands and made him sweat.
The clear starlit sky was moonlit. Over the sound of his beating heart he heard the approach of another boat. It came alongside and attached itself. In it were Rayburrs two men. "Hand over the money."
"My daughter."
"She's on the Island. The money!"
"I need to see her."
One of the men came over the gunnels and took two bags back to his boat. They detached and rowed off.

* * *

"Theyre coming this way, boys, McDougall said, to six of his crew, lowering his telescope. "Pull out easy now and we'll cut them off." Before Rayburrs men could gain the shore McDougall had intercepted them. One of them drew his gun and McDougall shot him. He tumbled into the water. The other held up his hands, and was transferred into McDougalls boat. The other boat drifted away.
"Hey! What about the money?"
"Nothin' but newspapers," McDougall told him. "Now, where're Rayburr and the girl?"
"Ain't saying."

* * *

The man wasn't as tough as he thought he was. Rayburr was holed up in a trapper's hut in the swamp, and when McDougall reconnoitered, it was like the man said; he was alone with the girl. Rayburr was sitting at a table talking to the girl who was gagged and had her hands tied behind her. Her feet were hobbled rather than tied tight. McDougall had a man put his shoulder to the door. At the same time McDougall came through the window. This confused the kidnapper had his Derringer in his hand, and Clarissa Bentley in front of him. He put the gun to the girls head.
"Tell your men to throw down their guns or she dies."
"It's over, Rayburr."
"Do it!"
McDougall didn't like the feral look in Rayburrs eyes. He told his men to throw down their weapons. He and the man at the door threw down their handguns.
"How many others?"
"Five."
"Bring them in, one at a time, with their hands on their heads."
McDougall called out to his men and they came in with their hands on their heads.
"Sure that's the lot?"
"Yeah."
"Then, get your own hands on your head."
As he brought his hands up, McDougall released a spring, so that a Derringer was thrust into his right hand. He shot Rayburr between the eyes. Clarissa fell on top of him, and when McDougall lifted her up, and removed the gag, she shouted at him, "You might have killed me."
"You're alive," he said, cutting her bonds. "Be thankful."
The smack of her hand against his cheek was louder than the report of the Derringer.

The Day They Buried The Lone Ranger


by Stephen Lodge

Attending Clayton Moore's Memorial Service

On Sunday, January 16, 2000. my wife, Beth, and I packed our lunch, took off at 8:00 in the morning, arriving at Gene Autrys Western Heritage Museum a little after 10 a.m. A sign at the front read: Clayton Moore Memorial Service, please enter at south side of building. We followed a walkway around the facade leading to the museums courtyard where numerous celebrities and fans had already begun to gather. After signing a guest book, we were handed a program for the memorial--then we stood around waiting for someone to give us instructions on where we were supposed to go from there.

A bunch of folks were in costume, leather shirts with fringe, high-top boots, frock coats, top hats, and of course, gun-belts and single-action frontier model Colt .45s--all of them fans of The Lone Ranger.

A life-size photo of Clayton as The Lone Ranger, and Jay Silverheels as Tonto, had been placed directly in front of The Wells Fargo Theater, this is where--we had to assume--the service would be held. The Lone Rangers silver studded gunbelt, and the double holsters holding his matched, pearl-handled .45s were on display in a glass case in the center of the courtyard. A hand written message had been scrolled across a rock beside the guns, it read, Adios, Kemo-sabes. A Los Angeles Metropolitan mounted police unit stood in silent formation along the walkway entrance; at the end of the line of officers was a Silver look-alike, adorned with the original silver on black leather saddle and ornate tack. Seeing the empty saddle finalized something, my eyes were indeed becoming misty.

The only celebrities I recognized were Western director, Burt Kennedy (The War Wagon) and Lyle Waggoner (The Carol Burnett Show), they were talking with Andrew Prine (Chisum, The Wide Country), and were joined later by Bruce Boxleitner (The Gambler) and Johnny Crawford (The Rifleman). The celebrities were ushered inside the theater, leaving the fans outside to view the goings-on via a TV feed to two hard-to-see monitors.

Shortly after 11:00 the proceedings began with producer, Rob Word introducing the first speaker, veteran character actor, Robert Sampson. Following Sampson was Western actor, Rand Brooks (Rin Tin Tin), a former room-mate of Claytons who told several amusing anecdotes about the twosomes first few years as fledging actors in the movie business. Johnny Crawford talked about working with Clayton on a Lone Ranger episode when he was a child actor, saying that he was quite relieved when Clayton never took off his mask--even between takes. Senator Max Cleland was unable to attend and sent a warm note to the family; LA supervisor Michael Antonovich said a few words about Clayton; Walt LaRue, cowboy artist and former stuntman who had worked on many LR episodes, was ill and could not attend; Alex Cord told a warm story about Clayton; and the final speaker was film reviewer, Leonard Maltin. Between speakers, film-clips from Claytons career were shown to the audience inside; those of us watching outside had a difficult time seeing the film. A video-clip of the previous years Golden Boot Awards was shown with Clayton speaking publicly for the last time in his life. The family was introduced, then Maltin wrapped it up with a montage of film-clips from The Lone Ranger TV show.
At the end, instead of Taps, the William Tell Overture was played as a final farewell.

Stephen Lodge (author) on AuthorsDen
http://www.authorsden.com/stephenlodge

MESSAGE FROM GEORGE WILLHITE

Just a note to let you know that I had a western short story, "The Bar B," published in June at American Western Magazine
(www.americanwesternmagazine.com). Also, my newest in print is "Coronas N Crawfish," a short murder mystery featuring Juan Bautista Thibadeaux, Jr., a Cajun/Mexican horse and dog trainer. It came out in an anthology of stories by Mystery Writers of America called Fedora III in November. It has been submitted for an Edgar Award by the editor. A second "Tib" story is being held for Fedora V, probably to come out in fall 2006.

Two other stories have been submitted, upon request, to two new Texas short story anthologies. Waiting to hear on those, but one already gave tentative verbal acceptance.

Catch y'all down the trail,


George Wilhite
Author, The Texas Rodeo Murder
http://texasrodeo.go.to

Coming in Fall 2004:
"Coronas N Crawfish," by George Wilhite
in Fedora III, a private eye anthology
by Michael Bracken (Mystery Writers of America)
this one takes right to the story

American Western Magazine | "The Bar B" - Short Western Fiction
http:www.americanwesternmagazine.com/cowboy/shortstories/2004-07-25the barbfiction

FROM AFRICA TO THE AMERICAN WEST
WITH ALLEN LEE

Howdy Pards!

Recently, I made a visit to an old friend out at the tall-grass bunkhouse. We plugged that TV in to watch movies and read books by lamplight. My friend wanted to share his views about things you may want to buy as gifts for the holiday's, but I'll have to try and translate some of the words, because the "Cowboy Critic" (CC for short) mostly talks using Old West epithets that he makes up himself, so here it goes!

Our first review was a film called Black Indians: An American Story," made by an independent Native American film company from Dallas Texas. This is what CC had to say:

"Cu'lid fokes can be Cu'lid, or they can be Red fokes, you understand what I'm sayin'? Now Red fokes can be Cu'lid da same way. If'n I lived in the city, I'd be city fokes, but I ain't livin' in da city like those gum-tooth pups with they fancy verbation and such. Injuns been wearin' Black paint fo'so long, I doubt they ever noticed the Africans when they showed up, but those ol'mud-bellied-gullywampin' cooters in Washington don't know nothing 'bout that."

What CC said is that a culture belongs to the people who live it. He liked the archive photos and film clips and how the movie presented the real dilemma of biological credentials vs culture as it relates to the U. S. governments challenge to several tribes authentication based on their mixed race members, including Black Indians, which is what I guess got CC fired up about Washington. The nearest I could tell, a mud-bellied-gullywampin' cooter is either a mud wallowin' hog or a cougar crossing the Big Muddy. When I asked him what it meant he hit me with a Beaver skin, funny thing was the Beaver was still using it! CC is a strange Cowboy!

The Cowboy Critic uses pictures to let you know how he feels, so out of his scale of one to five Happy Saddles, he gave this film three .

For our next review, I was disheartened by the pamphlet that the U.S. Postal Service distributes with the commemorative stamps celebrating the Lewis and Clark Bicentennial. The writers chose to recognize the cultural diversity of York and Sacagawea by categorizing both with the expedition's dog. I've looked at York and Sacagawea as sort of ranked with Colin Powell and Condeleeza Rice in measure of mission importance. Harry Belafonte, who inferred that Colin Powell was a house slave, didn't even stoop so low as to equate Colin Powell with the White House dog. I felt the symbolism was too overt to ignore. I bought the stamps and recommend their purchase as a fine holiday gift, but read the pamphlet with discretion.

The Cowboy Critic was much more diplomatic about the issue, this is what he said:

"It ain't all snake oil and Mesquite thorns. Some people jus'love critters more than they love people. My horse can dance and play cards, but they still won't let him in de saloon. I got a little twitipated
about them lying about the dog though. All this time I thought the slave and the Saca jaw girl was doing all the fishin' and cookin' for de White fokes, come to find out it was the dog what done it all, and got no credit for it till now. Those goat-choking, cow-chip tabackey- smokin', horn-riders ought to do better by a hard workin' critter."

By goat, he means buffalo. That's right, he calls a buffalo a goat, and with the cow chip part, I figure in his mind he's talkin' about a beefalo, part buffalo, part cow, so it should mean a Beefalo dung smoker riding a saddle the wrong way.

The Cowboy Critic gives a couple Unhappy Saddles for the Post Office Lewis and Clark literature, he says for you to decide which riders could perhaps be a little happier.

Im going to stay on the subject of York for the next review. Filmworks Northwest of Portland, Oregon, and one of it's filmmakers, Ron Craig, has been heavily involved in the research of York, including re-enacting York at select public events. The following is an excerpt from a media release
regarding projects by Ron Craig:

Mr. Craigs production company, Filmworks Northwest, has recently
completed a short film entitled, Lewis and Clark: And Who is That Black Man Standing Next to Clark? and is currently in production with a full-length documentary, Who Was York? A New Look at the Lewis and Clark Expedition. In addition, he has co-authored a childrens book to be published by National Geographic Childrens Books in February 2005. He is also lecturing nationally on William Clark and his relationship to
York.http://www.ifcc-arts.org/mediareleases/02-02-04_originscraig.html

Ol' CC was still harping about how the Lewis and Clark dog could fish and set camp better than that "purty-haired, dust-free, TV Collie." When I told him I doubted if Mr. Craig put the dog in his movie, he hit me with another beaver, that Son of a B****! As soon as he goes out fence riding, I'm going to check his place and find where he hides those things. We didn't see the film, but Mr. Craig sent us a copy of his presentation which I read to CC. Mr. Craig gave extra care to demonstrate how people in adverse stations of culture such as York in slavery, do great and lasting things to benefit a society, so the Cowboy Critic gives Mr. Ron Craig a few well earned Happy Saddles.

Finally, Larry Clark of Songhia Films in California's Bay area has been preparing to release a film in February, 2005 called "The Cutting Horse." Mr. Clark produced a western drama film in the spirit of Gene Autry and Roy Rogers. The characters are real Cowboys and Cowgirls with no stunt
doubles, all the action is authentic. The following is from the site
http://www.cuttinghorsethemovie.com/

CUTTING HORSE, is a modern day drama about a legendary horse trainer named, Tyler (Albert Harris), and the ambitious dreams of horsemen. Cutting Horse is the story of the struggle between a powerful chemical company owner named, Neil Stone (Rufus Norris) who longs for the land, horses, and memories of an old vaquero named, Sanchez (Cesar E. Flores).

At the heart of the film is the bitter/sweet remembrances of unrequited love, and the dark secret that Sanchez and Stone have shared for over thirty years.

You can't buy "The Cutting Horse" for the holidays so save up some of those holiday dollars and buy a DVD in February. Now, from CC and myself, we wish you Happy Saddles and Happy Holidays,

Thanks for reading, Allen L. Lee

THE MANY POSES OF ROD TIMANUS

My new and improved website is up and running!

www.jotenheim.net/RodTimanus

Enjoy,
Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod

NEW BOOKS:

JUSTICE IN BIG SPRING, Texas Tracker No. 5, by Tom Calhoun was released this month. (November) On Berkley's Jove imprint. It's available at most bookstores, as well as Barnes and Noble, Amazon.com. online.

SHOWDOWN IN AUSTIN, Tracker No. 6 is due out in February, 2005

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.

~ Will Rogers ~

That rounds it up, pards for this month. Hope y'all had a great thanksgiving and paused before the meal to offer appreciation to our men and women in the service who are so far away from home helping to make the world a better place. Thank you so much to our contributors who keep our newsletter interesting and a pleasure to read.

Keep your matches dry.

Marge, Sandy, Kim

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