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Thoughts from prayer...My teacher, Rabbi S.Z. Gafni,shlita, taught his students how to pray. Really pray! His 4 hour Shabbos morning davening was inspiring. Every week, the same effort and intensity. I know what prayer should be. My poor imitation is nothing to be proud of, but, as a repayment to my teacher, to show him his efforts with me were not totally in vain, I will use this space to share some original (I believe) thoughts on the prayers. I call this section "thoughts from prayer", because these are thoughts that came to me during prayer. Below is a beginning, which will hopefully be updated regularly.
In the first blessing of the shemoneh esrai (silent prayer) we refer to G-d as "magen Avraham", shield of Abraham. Why is the language of "shield" used? I had always thought of a shield as a form of defense, that G-d will shield us from harm. I think this is a very narrow explanation of the term "shield". In ancient times a city would build a great wall around it to protect it from attack. This would truly be a defensive weapon. A shield, on the other hand, is used in hand to hand combat. While it is true that a shield is used to protect the bearer from harm, the ultimate purpose of a shield is to allow the soldier to do battle. Similarly, we find that our father Abraham would venture forth into the world to spread the word of G-d, often putting himself in great danger. G-d was his protection, but it was this complete faith in G-d's protection that enabled him to fulfill his purpose. So too with us, while we strive to have complete faith in G-d to protect us, it is G-d's desire that we use this protection to empower us to go forth into the world and fulfill our purpose. May G-d bless us with the ability to see clearly what this purpose is, and to have the complete faith necessary to merit His complete protection.
In the shemoneh esrai (silent prayer) of shabbos we say yismach Moshe b'matnas chelko, ki eved ne'eman karasa lo, "Moses rejoiced in the gift of his portion since he was called a faithful servant". We are told in psalms that a happy person is one who is happy with his lot. Yet we see that it is difficult to accomplish this. Perhaps the secret lies in this shabbos prayer. As long as we feel that we are deserving of what we have, then we have the right to complain about anything that doesn't measure up to our expectations. However, if we know we are not deserving of what we have, if we view it all as a gift, then how can we be disappointed? Thus we find that the shabbos prayer does not merely state that Moses was happy with his lot, but that he was happy with the gift of his lot, for he was a faithful servant. As a servant, he knew that he only had claims to a minimum sustenance. Anything beyond that was truly a gift. May we all merit to see things in our life in the same way.
In Psalms 91:8, said Shabbos mornings, it is written "if only you would look with your eyes, you would see the retribution of the wicked". The hebrew word for "look" really refers to examining. The hebrew letter bais is a prefix that can mean either "by means of" or "in". Also, the word used here for retribution can mean payment or whole. Thus, you could translate the verse as follows: if only you would examine in your eyes, that is, the way you look at the world, you would see the completion of the wicked, meaning the repentance of the wicked. Often, when we look at people, we see their shortcomings. When hashem took the jews out of Egypt and saved them at the sea, there were prosecuting angels who declared there to be no difference between the Jews and the Egyptians, both worshipped idols. Hashem was able to see our potential, he was able to look past our sins and see what we could be. Similarly, we need to look at others for what they could become. Not only does this make it easier to love our fellow Jew, and to find the good in others, but it is a critical part of parenting. Sometimes, a child can have fault that drives his/her parents crazy and nothing seems to help. It is easy in this case to become fixated on this shortcoming. We need to remember to focus on what the child can become, and remember that it is our responsibility as a parent to help the child reach his/her potential, just as Hashem took us out of Egypt and gave us the Torah, our tool for reaching our potential.
In Psalm 134 (in the Shabbos morning service), it says "This poor person called out, and Hashem heard, and from all of his difficulties(literally: pains) he was saved". Note that it does not say that Hashem answered, just that he heard. Actually, the hebrew word for heard, shomaya, has the connotation of "to understand". Sometimes, it isn't necessary that there be a great salvation. Sometimes, all we need to know is that Hashem hears, and he understands. Knowing this, and being reassured that Hashem is running the world, can sometimes be enough to wipe away our pain. So much becomes bearable when we know we aren't alone.
In the Shema, we say that we are to love G-d with all our heart, all our soul and all our might. The word for "might", literally means "very much". A simple, literal explanation would be to love G-d with whatever you have very much of - whatever special ability G-d has blessed you with. This is hinted at in the gematriya, numerical equivalence, of the word m'odecho, "your might". The sum of its letters is 65, which is also the numerical equivalence of G-d's name, Ado-noi, which means "Master". A simple analogy would be that of a chauffeur who drives his master's fancy and expensive car. Although the chauffeur may have use of the car, the car belongs to the master and was only given to the chauffeur to be used in service to his master. Similarly with us, G-d has endowed each and every person with unique capabilities, but we are supposed to use these gifts to serve Him.
In kiddush friday night, we recite "ki vanu v'charto", "because you have chosen us". There are 613 mitzvos. G-d chose us, and gave us his Torah. The numerical equivalent (gematriya) of the hebrew letters in v'charto ("you have chosen") is 610. There are three mitzvos through which we choose him. These are the three mitzvos for which we are obligated to give up our life rather than violate: murder, adultery and idol worship.
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