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A Homebirth Story, page two...
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28 weeks 4 days- March 2003
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Throughout the following months, I began to search and uncover as much as possible, and by the time I was six months pregnant, I knew that I was going to have a homebirth, and started to set in motion anything I could to make it possible.
A few more dreams/visions/nightmares crept into my head as I moved further into the pregnancy. I dreamt of being in the hospital, and being tied down into the bed and drugged. Another night, I dreamt I escaped from the hospital and was being tracked down. Another night I dreamt that I was tied down on the operating table having a cesarean and screaming while my husband and mother stood there watching the doctors and telling me, that it was for the best. I woke up from that one in a cold sweat.
My grandmother did show up in a couple dreams as well. In one, we were sitting on a bench talking. She told me that she would be with me at the birth, and that she would see to it that we were safe. She told me that everything would be fine. I can still remember very clearly, sitting with her and talking. I know we talked about many things that night, but those were the only things that I could remember when I woke up.
Intuition and following what I was shown in my dreams became a big part of how I viewed the pregnancy and birth. When the ultrasound confirmed that the baby was indeed a girl in my 28th week of pregnancy, I had the validation I needed to trust in myself even further.
This isn’t to say that my family approved of my choice to have a homebirth. I began to slowly discuss the option of having the baby at home with my husband. Over the course of a three month period as I was uncovering how safe homebirth is, and how dangerous the hospital can be for a healthy pregnant woman, I began to share the stories with him. Through doing so, I opened up the opportunity to discuss my feelings on birth, and how I had felt before in the hospital. Ultimately, Frank saw that I felt strongly about this. Though he didn’t agree with me and was skeptical right up until the very end, he told me he would support my choice, and told me that his only concern was for our safety.
I made my last trip to my obstetrician at 35 weeks gestation. After that point in time, I knew that I was safe to deliver at any time, and I knew that I didn’t want to feel pressured into anything- internal checks, testing, etc. I just wanted to be left alone. I had brought a copy of my birth plan along with me to that appointment, and when the doctor asked if I had any questions, I said yes. I asked one, and then he was halfway out the door. My birth plan was still in my purse, and never got discussed with him. I dropped a copy off at the Labor and Delivery floor, and figured it was there if I ended up delivering at the hospital.
On the way home from that appointment, I was so mad, so upset and just so irritated in general. I felt afraid. Later, in an email to some friends, I explained the feeling I had in that office as a caged animal. Though I had all the information I needed, my subconscious was scared and shying away, much like a caged animal cowers in one corner.
I decided then that I was not going to go back to see the doctor again.
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35 weeks 4 days
Feeling Mighty Empowered- and enjoying my pregnancy!
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I shared this with my mother on that day as well. Her initial reaction to my choice to have a homebirth was actually very supportive. She told me that I had always had a good head on my shoulders and that I never made rash decisions. She also told me I was never one to “follow the crowd”, so I shouldn’t start now. Then, she told me she would be there if I needed anything.
Now, my father, well, that was a different story all together. He not only thought I was absolutely off my rocker, he voiced it to every other person he could. Then, he took every opportunity to try and get me to “see the light”. I simply told him that my choice had been made, and he could either support me, or not support me. He also completely scared my mother into thinking I was going to die at home.
Around that time, I met a friend who I had known online and told her of my homebirth plans. I also told her that we were going about it unassisted, and if we needed to, I would transport to the hospital. She asked about a midwife, and I told her that I was unable to find anyone in the area. She told me she thought she knew someone who knew another midwife that did homebirths. She told me that she’d call me with her phone number. True to her word, the next day, the midwife’s phone number was on my answering machine. I decided to call her and talk to her. We spent two and a half hours on the phone. She volunteered to help out if I needed her at the birth or after the birth. She told me that she would be available if I just wanted to talk to someone in early labor, or if I wanted someone to come over and clean up after the birth, or to check on the baby and myself after the birth. I promised her I would call her either way, to let her know I had the baby, or to call her for her assistance. I now felt even more secure in my choice to homebirth, because now I had an ally who was available to come and be with me.
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