Airdate: December 18, 1969
Writer: Ron Friedman
Director: Bruce Bilson
Guest Cast: Kathleen Freeman as Charity Rutledge
Recurring cast: Gil Lamb as Harvey Burrows
Rating: 3.5 bells
Synopsis:
Gull Cottages' antiquated wiring won't allow Carolyn to use the electric can opener while Martha is using the electric mixer. In order for Martha to use the mixer, the children must turn off the television. And, as Martha points out, the can opener can't be used when the toaster is on . . . unless, of course, the dryer is off. And if the dryer is on, forget about using the vacuum cleaner or the washer or the upstairs lights! When Carolyn attempts to turn on the water, Martha tells her that's a no-no because the lawn sprinkler is on. Martha's words of warning prove correct as the water promptly backs up in the drain. "Fear not," the Captain assures her as he materializes. "I'm here!" The Captain waves his little finger and corrects the situation . . . for a moment or two. When the water backs up in the drain once more, Carolyn tells the Captain that his hocus pocus leaves something to be desired!
Claymore is discussing a lucrative business deal with a rich client, Charity Rutledge, when Carolyn bursts in and demands that he fix her kitchen. Claymore quickly ushers her out of the room and tells Mrs. Muir that when she signed the lease she agreed to take Gull Cottage as is. Claymore quickly changes his tune, however, when Carolyn agrees to pay for all the necessary repairs herself.
At Gull Cottage, Claymore and Ed Peevy are assessing the kitchen and making a list of the items that will need repairing. Claymore informs Peevy that Mrs. Muir deserves only the best because she is such a fine tenant. And so he adds new light switches, new sockets as well as new base plugs to the list, and orders the entire kitchen to be rewired with the finest copper wiring. When Claymore presents Carolyn with an estimate she shakes her head and tells him that it's too high. Claymore points out that he has to charge a "terror tax" because the workman are afraid to come to Gull Cottage. The Captain appears and promptly orders the "money gouging grout" out of Gull Cottage. The Captain is afraid the repairs will distroy the beauty and charm of the "galley" but Carolyn assures him that she just "wants to see the inner workings do their inner work."
Ed Peevey and Harvey Burrows arrive to start the repair work on the kitchen. Harv, however, is reluctant to leave the safety of the truck, having heard many rumors about the existence of a ghost in Gull Cottage. Peevey assures Harv that the ghost stories are a lot of "Halloween hogwash" and points out that nothing peculiar has ever happened to him during his various outings to the cottage. Harv nervously ventures from the confines of the truck only to become entangled in Candy and Jonathan's kite, an object which he assumes is a ghost. When Harv quizzes the kids about the strange happenings around the cottage, they teasingly assure him that they haven't heard any moans, clanking chains, or creaking footsteps!
After inspecting the condition of the kitchen, Peevey tells Martha that it will take at least four days to complete the necessary repairs. Martha assures a nervous Harv that she hasn't seen any strange happenings around the place, although she suspects she will after eating frozen enchiladas and pizzas for four days! Harv, ever the pessimist, just KNOWS that something strange is going to happen. Peevy tells Harv that something strange is going to happen all right -- the man won't get paid unless he gets back to work!
While Peevey and Harv are working in the kitchen, Jonathan and Candy are upstairs rummaging around in the attic. The children discover a neat looking sword, which Scruffy takes an immediate liking to. As the children struggle to retrieve the sword from their dutiful dog, Harv hears the commotion downstairs and assumes the noise is the doings of a ghost. After listening to Scruffy drag the sword down the stairs and kids tossing a ball after him, Harv hits the road with Peevey following close behind. Carolyn accuses the Captain of frightening away the workman, but he assures her that he hasn't budged in over an hour.
Claymore is on the phone with Charity, making a date to go sailing, when the Captain materializes and announces that he's going to be his nephew's houseguest. The Captain is appalled at the state of Claymore's living quarters, and with a wave of his finger, straightens the place up. Claymore applauds his Uncle's handiwork until the Captain returns the room to its original state of array and orders his negligent nephew to clean the place up!
The next morning, the Captain appears promptly at six a.m. and tells his numbskull of a nephew to rise and shine. When Claymore neither rises nor shines, the Captain raises the shade and opens the window, rudely awakening the man with the brisk sea breeze. The Captain assures the shivering simpleton that a nice cold shower will warm him up nicely and maneuvers him beneath the icy spray, pajamas and all!
Back at Gull Cottage, Mrs. Muir has persuaded Peevy and Harv to return to work in exchange for a bonus. While she and Martha attempt to wash the dishes, Peevy has a little difficulty rewiring a light fixture. When Carolyn inadvertedly does some damage to the plaster in the wall, Peevy informs her that the little mishap will cost her an additional $150.00!
After his refreshing shower, Claymore is ready to set a course for the high seas with Charity Rutledge. The Captain, however, insists that he start the day with a "man's breakfast" beneath his belt. The Captain serves up a tray of cholesterol-full salt mackerel fried in lard, pickled onions, hardtack, and a tankard of sour brown ale! Meanwhile, Candy and Jonathan are munching on a much more appetizing-looking apple and applauding the efforts of Peevy as he saws through a board. They happily relate Peevy's latest wiring blunder to their mom, much to Peevy's chagrin.
Claymore polishes off his seamen's breakfast down to the last drop of ale. The Captain is pleased with his efforts and assures his diffident descendant that he'll be a new man after a few days of good solid food. Clutching his hand to his stomach, Claymore announces his intention to lie down. The Captain informs him that a brisk jog on the beach will cure his indigestion. Miss Rutledge arrives and proclaims it a "perfect day for a hard sail." Claymore eagerly rushes out the door when the Captain orders him to get moving, impressing Charity with his enthusiasm.
While Carolyn tries to clean up the mess that Peevy and Harv created, the Captain returns and is horrified at the destruction of his "beautiful galley!" When he reminds Carolyn of her original intent to simply do a little rewiring and plumbing, she points out that things were left neglected for too long. She rues the fact that it's going to take every cent that she owns to make the kitchen functional again.
As Claymore prepares for his big date with Charity, the Captain materializes and announces his intent to stay for awhile. When Charity arrives and expresses concern that Claymore might be a tiger after sundown, he assures her that he's a complete pussycat. The Captain however, gives Charity the impression that Claymore is anything but a gentlemen. Claymore begs the Captain not to interfere in exchange for agreeing to pay for the repairs to Gull Cottage. Thinking that the Captain has left, Claymore reneges on his deal and is rewarded by a spray of champagne to his face!
The repairs to the kitchen are finally completed, and Claymore proudly shows Carolyn the end results. Claymore draws the line when Carolyn expresses a desire for a double-plated light switch. Undaunted, he dares the Captain to do his worst. When the Captain expresses his intention to take up permanent residence in Claymore's humble abode, the penurious penny pincher agrees to pay for the light switch.
Favorite Quotes:
Harv: Hey, kids, have you noticed anything strange around here lately?
Candy: Like moaning in the attic?
Jonathan: And chains clanking down the hallway?
Harv: Yeah!
Candy: And footsteps creaking on the stairs at night?
Harv: Yeah!
Candy and Jonathan: No!
Captain: Six bells, rise and shine!
Claymore: Don't wake me stewardess - I've seen the movie.
Carolyn: Why didn't you put in copper plumbing?
Captain: Madam, a hundred years ago we had no plumbing!
Favorite Scenes:
I always loved the scenes that provided a chance for Edward Mulhare and Charles Nelson Reilly to interact together. I thought that the Captain's stern, confident air was a nice foil for Claymore's ineptness. The scenes where the Captain tries to give Claymore a rousing start with a little fresh air, brisk shower, and a hearty breakfast were hilarious. I also enjoyed the scene in the kitchen where Carolyn is pondering the Captain's lack of foresight in not wiring the place with copper wiring, and he reminds her that in his day, there was no need for copper wiring because there was no plumbing!
Notes:
Peevy must have had a definite lapse in memory. He proclaimed to Harv that nothing peculiar had ever happened to him during his visits to Gull Cottage. Yet, on his first visit to Gull Cottage, he was frightened away by the Captain as he was attempting to paint the living room walls a lovely shade of sea green!
Contributed by Caroline Kent