Airdate: February 22, 1969
Writer: Howard Leeds
Director: Gary Nelson
Guest Cast: Alice Ghostley as Aggie Berns
Rating: 31/2 Bells
Synopsis:
Aggie Berns, a friend of Carolyn's from Philadelphia, arrives at Gull Cottage for a visit after the breakup of her engagement. Captain Gregg is abhorred at the idea of a "man-hater" staying on the premises, but Carolyn assures that Captain that Aggie's attitude toward men is only a temporary state of mind.
Martha and Carolyn decide that what Aggie needs is another man in her life. When Claymore Gregg arrives to do a bit of surveying, they decide that he would be the perfect victim . . . er . . . man for Aggie. Aggie, however, shows little interest in Claymore and sees him as just another "man."
While prowling . . . er . . . cleaning in Aggie's room, Martha notices from the vast array of economy-sized toiletries in her possession, and that Aggie seems to be as money conscious as Claymore. Carolyn asks the Captain to speak with Claymore about asking Aggie out on a date, claiming that the two are made for one another. The Captain, however, refuses to get involved in Carolyn's matchmaking scheme, even if the intended victim is someone that he truly hates. Marriage is something that he wouldn't wish upon his worst enemy or would he?
Outside, Claymore is in the midst of a friendly game of "tug the boot string" with Scruffy. The Captain's appearance unnerves Claymore further, but the Captain assures his nephew that he just wants to chat. The Captain informs Claymore that it is his duty as the last of the Greggs to marry and have children in order to carry on the family name. Claymore, however, is perfectly satisfied with his "feathered" companion and has no desire to marry. The Captain, however, convinces Claymore that the bird is actually a subconscious desire to have children of his own. After he informs Claymore that Aggie is intelligent, well-read, a seasoned traveler and has "lots of money," his nephew's interest is piqued.
Upstairs, after trying to teach Candy and Jonathan the value of a nickel, Aggie is in the process of applying lotion to her hands when she receives a subconscious message from the Captain instructing her to come outside. Claymore is nervous about approaching Aggie for a date but the Captain assures his quivering nephew that he'll be by his side the entire time. When Aggie arrives outside, Claymore kisses her hand, per the Captain's instruction, not realizing that it's covered with hand lotion. Rather than being turned off by the slimy state of Aggie's hand, Claymore is thrilled to receive a dab of lotion for free. Aggie thinks it rather extravagant for the two of them to eat out when Martha has already prepared a marvelous dinner. Claymore thinks a free dinner at Gull Cottage is a much better idea as well but, with a little nudge from the Captain, tells Aggie he'd rather be alone with her. He assures Aggie that they can get a special rate at Norrie's Lobster House if they arrive before six o'clock. Aggie promises to be ready by five thirty.
At Norrie's Lobster House, Aggie and Claymore rave about the good food and the reasonable prices. When Claymore is presented with the check he immediately double checks the total AND the tax, upon suggestion from Aggie. He then instructs his date on how to calculate a tip, Claymore Gregg style!
When Claymore and Aggie return to Gull Cottage, Carolyn graciously offers to serve cake and coffee, which the frugal couple happily accept. While Carolyn prepares a tray in the kitchen, the Captain worries that his nephew might propose to Miss Berns. The Captain feels that it would be wise for Carolyn to discourage the two lovebirds but Carolyn disagrees, saying that it's time that Claymore took the marital plunge. After all, just because the Captain is against the horrid . . . er . . . holy state of matrimony doesn't mean marriage is bad for Claymore.
In the living room, Claymore is practicing his proposal speech on various inanimate objects when the Captain materializes and urges his nephew to break off his relationship with Miss Berns. Claymore refuses to heed the Captain's advice, claiming that he's in love with Aggie. The Captain tries to convince Claymore that there are other fish in the sea and goes as far as to tell his nephew that he lied about Aggie's wealth. Claymore doesn't believe him and thinks the Captain simply doesn't want him to be happy.
When Aggie returns from the bathroom, the Captain does his best to deter his nephew's plan to propose by upsetting the tray containing the cake and coffee. While on his knees trying to scoop up the mess, Claymore decides to take advantage of his position and launches into a proposal of marriage. Aggie, however, receives a long-distance phone call from her fianc‚ in the middle of the speech. She's thrilled to learn that Stewart can't live without her and wants to get married right away. She rushes off leaving a brokenhearted Claymore in the lurch. Claymore soon recovers his good spirits after the Captain points out some of the expensive aspects of marriage.
The next day when Claymore returns to Gull Cottage to resume his surveying, Carolyn and the Captain notice that he's down in the dumps once again. They assure him that he'll forget about Aggie in time but then are amused to discover that Claymore's mood has nothing to do with Miss Berns. It seems that the property containing Gull Cottage has turned out to be larger than Claymore initially realized and that tragedy will cost Claymore a WHOLE $5.82 more a year in taxes!
Favorite Quotes:
(The Captain to Carolyn, after she tries to persuade him to persuade Claymore to ask
Aggie for a date): Captain: Madam, I consider marriage-minded women the bane of
civilization.
Carolyn: Captain, if it weren't for women and marriage, there'd be no civilization!
(Captain Gregg to Claymore about his readiness for marriage): Captain: You were made for marriage as a carpet is made to walk on.
(Carolyn to the Captain about Claymore proposing marriage to Aggie): Carolyn: It's time
that Claymore got married and realized that happiness isn't everything in life.
Note: This was a rather revealing and cynical statement for Carolyn to make and I think it
may have been a clue as to the relationship between Carolyn and her first husband. Perhaps
her first marriage wasn't as rosy as we may have been led to believe?
Favorite scene:
The Captain and Claymore's man-to-man chat about marriage and children. Charles Nelson Riley and Edward Mulhare are two seasoned professionals with great chemistry and their scenes together are always a blast! I also liked the scene where the Captain was explaining to Jonathan why only part of the clipper ship could be seen through the telescope. The Captain's interaction with Carolyn's children enables the audience to see a kinder, more gentle side to this fascinating man and I love how the Captain so easily took on the role of a substitute father to Jonathan.
Least favorite whatever:
There were several scenes in this episode where I felt the writers missed a golden opportunity (thus, the reason for the 31/2 bells) to take advantage of the Captain's feelings toward Carolyn and his change of heart about marriage. For instance, I feel it would have made for much more pleasant viewing if, after the Captain had uttered his line about marriage being the bane of civilization, Carolyn had said, "Is that how you REALLY feel, Captain?" The Captain, staying within character by not admitting anything at all, could have stared at her quite "dreamily" for a few seconds (as if to say, "Hell, no!") before resorting to his normal brusqueness. Also, when Carolyn utters the line about happiness not being everything in life, the Captain could have replied, "Perhaps your viewpoint would have been different had you been married to a different man!" Then, more "dreamy" looks could have been exchanged.
Note: This was Alice Ghostley's first of two appearances on the show. In "Curious Cousin," she also portrays a character who arrives from Philadelphia for a visit and is charmed by the merits of Claymore Gregg as well.
Contributed by Caroline Kent