Airdate: January 18, 1969

Writer: Joseph Bonaduce

Director: Lee Philips

Guests: John Copage as Seth
James McCallion as Abner
Roy Engel as Dr. Feeney

Rating: 4.5 bells

Synopsis:

Mrs. Muir enters the bedroom carrying an armful of books, which fall to the floor as the door closes behind her. Unfortunately, the doorknob is broken, and she's unable to open it again. She calls for Martha, but the Captain appears, informing her that Martha has gone into town. He walks through the door and opens it from the other side, telling her she should contact Claymore to get the door repaired. She informs him she'd rather pay a repairman herself than deal with Claymore. He gets angry, saying it's Claymore's responsibility to make repairs, and leaves the room, allowing the door to close and locking Mrs. Muir in again.

Claymore comes over to see about the door, all the while complaining that he's missing the bus that's supposed to take him away for his vacation. After entering the bedroom, he lets the door close behind him, locking Mrs. Muir and himself in the room. He gets even more upset, and tries to yank the door open by pulling on the knob. Meanwhile, Captain Gregg is on the other side, and he very gently turns the knob, causing it to come off on the other side, and sending Claymore reeling across the room and falling onto the veranda.

Mrs. Muir runs out to him, as he seems to have lost consciousness, and tries to revive him. The Captain appears, offering to pour rum down his throat. Claymore revives, mumbling that he'd rather have scotch.

Claymore is laying in Mrs. Muir's bed, a brace around his neck, and the doctor, Mrs. Muir, and Martha are hovering over him. The doctor informs him he has a slipped disc, suggests he stay put (in Mrs. Muir's bed), and leaves after writing a prescription. Claymore sadly rips up his bus ticket and Mrs. Muir tells him to think of his stay at Gull Cottage as his vacation. The subject of food comes up and she assures him that they will feed him anything he wants. He proceeds to order a meal that would challenge even Julia Child, and makes Martha none too happy. Martha leaves to start cooking, and Claymore expresses his concern to Mrs. Muir about the presence of the Captain, who is also none too thrilled with Claymore's presence. Mrs. Muir assures him there won't be a problem.

Mrs. Muir has a talk with the Captain, telling him he's acting like Captain Bligh, and reminding him that he caused the accident. The Captain defends Bligh, saying he was not so bad, and that he himself is kind, tender, and generous, causing Mrs. Muir to laugh out loud.

Claymore is propped up in bed eating and Scruffy jumps up for a morsel, when the Captain appears with a small bell, which he tells Claymore to ring whenever he wants something. The Captain starts to leave when Claymore rings the bell to test his reaction, telling him he would like to be read to. The Captain pulls up a chair and begins to read "The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner." Claymore says it's junk, threatens to wake Mrs. Muir by loudly ringing the bell, and forces the Captain to read from "Don Speed and His Electronic Bird," a book that Claymore loaned to Jonathan.

Later, Claymore is playing Monopoly with the children when Martha enters with a plate of frog's legs that he complains about. She leaves to put more lemon juice on the legs and Mrs. Muir comes in, telling the children it's time for bed. The kids complain that Claymore always wins the games--by cheating--and they leave the room. Claymore then tells Mrs. Muir how nice everyone has been to him and then informs her that he's suing her.

The next day, two handymen deliver Claymore's stereo to the house. They set up the system near the bed, and he turns it on, at full volume, to demonstrate it. This causes a virtual earthquake in the house, and the Captain pulls the stereo away from the bed and begins to destroy the record albums, but stops when Claymore picks up the bell to call for Mrs. Muir.

The Captain has gone, and Claymore reaches out to pull the stereo closer, when he falls out of bed and realizes that his slipped disc has slipped back into place and he's cured. However, he puts his neck brace back on and gets back into bed as soon as Martha arrives with more food.

Later that night, Claymore, perpetually hungry, sneaks down to the kitchen to make a humongous sandwich. The Captain appears, surprising him and causing him to drop the sandwich and subsequently slip and fall on the cold cuts. He passes out. Claymore is back in bed, complete with the neck brace, and the doctor is there saying he once again has slipped a disc.

Propped up against the pillows, Claymore is once again asking for food, and tells Mrs. Muir that he really likes her children and because she's allowing them to play Monopoly with him again, he won't sue her for double the original amount.

She goes downstairs to talk to the Captain, who explains that he found Claymore up and about in the kitchen, and that he was obviously faking his injury before the second fall. Mrs. Muir tells the Captain that she thinks Claymore is lonely, which is why he wants all the attention, and she persuades the Captain to say that Claymore can stay.

Mrs. Muir is sitting near the bed, reading to Claymore from "Don Speed," when the Captain enters carrying a tray of food. Claymore tastes it, complains that it needs more garlic, and has the Captain remove the tray and return it to the kitchen. Mrs. Muir continues reading to him.

Captain Gregg, Mrs. Muir, Martha, Candy, and Jonathan are on the porch to see Claymore off. As he leaves, he almost trips over a skateboard on the path, but the Captain prevents the accident. They all wave and Martha tells him not to hurry back.

Favorite scenes/lines:

On the veranda, when Claymore mumbles that he would prefer scotch rather than the rum the Captain would like to pour down his throat.

The discussion between the Captain and Mrs. Muir about Captain Bligh and his own kindhearted nature.

When the Captain reads to Claymore. This scene is hysterical.

The discussion between the Captain and Mrs. Muir, following Claymore's second accident:

Captain: I found him prowling around, on his feet. I told you it was a trick.
Mrs. Muir: Well, he's not on his feet now.
Captain: He's faking again, I tell you.
Mrs. Muir: Well, the doctor doesn't think so.
Captain: Very well, so it's a legitimate accident. For someone who appears to be in so much pain, he certainly seems to be enjoying himself here.
Mrs. Muir: Yes, I think he is.
Captain: Yes, and why not? Living here like a blasted oriental potentate. Waited on hand and foot, living off you. No wonder he wants to stay here.
Mrs. Muir: I don't think that's the reason.
Captain: What better reason could he have?
Mrs. Muir: He's lonely.
Captain: Claymore? Ha! That's another one of his tricks. He says he's lonely because he knows it's a sure claim on your sympathy.
Mrs. Muir: But he didn't say that.
Captain: Then you have no basis for such an assumption. If he were lonely, he'd tell you so.
Mrs. Muir: Sometimes people are lonely . . . without admitting it. Not even to themselves.
(Captain Gregg sits on the couch next to Mrs. Muir.)
A lifelong bachelor - set in his ways, getting a little eccentric as the years pass.
Captain: Madam, I do not consider myself eccentric.
Mrs. Muir: I was talking about Claymore.
Captain: Oh, yes, of course.
Mrs. Muir: And suddenly he finds himself part of a family . . . and he likes it because he's cared for . . . given attention . . . and affection. That's why he's almost happy about his accidents.
Captain: You're quite right about people not admitting to loneliness . . . and he does seem fond of the children.
Mrs. Muir: Oh, he cares for us all. For me, for Martha, Scruffy, even you.
Captain: Oh, madam, at least you might have spared me that.
Mrs. Muir: Well, would you like me to try to get him into a hospital?
Captain: Well . . . oh, he's a dreadful nuisance.
Mrs. Muir: Yes, he is.
Captain: A leech.
(Carolyn shakes her head in agreement.)
Captain: Oh, blast. Let the miserable barnacle stay.

Contributed by Sheila Kaminsky