Guest Stars: Kenneth Mars as Joshua T. Albertson*
Guy Raymond as Mr. Peevey
Gil Lamb as Harvey
Mason Curry as Deke
Marc Zaitsoff as Mechanical Man
* Kenneth Mars would become a mainstay of sitcoms, appearing in many television shows during the 60s and 70s.
Airdate: January 23, 1970
Written by Dan Beaumont and Joel Kane
Directed by Lee Philips
Synopsis:
"You see, I have a code that I live by: The challenge of today is the achievement of tomorrow." Thus spake Joshua T. Albertson, a man known for rekindling interest in tired little villages like Schooner Bay by "fixing it up" to attract tourists. In this case, the town council has hired him to refurbish the town's dilapidated and practically worthless museum, and to rejuvinate the downtown area.
Of course, Carolyn is concerned for the town's well-being. And the Captain detests the man's intervention altogether. And when Mr. Albertson's plans include "entice tourists to come here", he barely is saved from a navel piercing from a big harpoon, thanks to Carolyn's quick actions.
But, being the suave, enticing (read OILY) saleman that he is, Albertson convinces her that the upgrade will be done with "taste and dignity", and has her become his Director of Publicity (read PROPAGANDA).
However, the Captain still thinks that this could destroy Schooner Bay, the town he founded, and has the utmost confidence that the residents of the town will not go along with the changes. Little does he know that Mr. Peevey sells out for $250, and Deke for a share of the profits. Hence, the Captain is determined to do something about it. "I can't stop the restoration, but I can certainly slow it down."
Mr. Albertson comes to Gull Cottage the next day to talk to Carolyn about some publicity ideas, when the Captain begins to play his tricks. When the man doesn't fall for them, Gregg is forced to reveal himself to him, only to find out that Albertson is well-versed in the story of the Captain's heroism and bravery - "a man of vision, nobility, a great leader". Albertson also declares that the museum will be a "memorial to a genuine folk hero", and that "historians, students of maritime history" will flock to see it, not a bunch of tourists. Taken in, the Captain changes his mind, much to Carolyn's surprise, who replies, "One thing I can't stand is a sly ghost."
Opening Day of the new museum, Albertson shows the townsfolk the restored and rennovated building, which indeed looks ideal. There's a polished old cannon, the binnacle from John Paul Jones, and the ship's wheel from Admiral Perry's flagship, to name a few. Then Albertson drops the other shoe . . . the cannon has been reverted to be a popcorn dispenser, the binnacle to give out soft drinks, and the wheel is now a vertical roulette game of chance. To top it off, Albertson has commissioned a full-size wax figure of Captain Gregg, which serves slices of pie or pizza.
Carolyn, highly upset, turns to Claymore, begging him to put an end to Albertson's demeaning and degrading restorations, to which Claymore replies he can't, his "hands are tied" due to signed contract negotiations. The Captain, however, angrily growls, "Well, mine are not!" and begins to extract revenge. The popcorn cannon explodes, the soda pop binnacle becomes a gusher, and the wax figure begins a pie-throwing free-for-all. Amid the utter and hilarous turmoil, Carolyn turns to the Captain and says, "I have only one thing to say to you . . . Thank You!". To which the Captain hurriedly replies, "And I have only one thing to say to you! DUCK!" And Claymore, not heeding the warning, gets a face full of merangue. ("Mmm, I like the lemon the best" was purely adlibbed.)
Rating: 3 bells
Favorite Quotes:
The Captain to Carolyn, with regards to the fact that Albertson once single-handedly saved a dying Indian reservation by rennovating it, by referrring to her as "Princess Rain-In-The-Face".
Favorite Moments:
Hard to say with this one. I enjoyed the little one-on-ones the Captain had, first with Candy, and then later with Jonathan. You can see how much he enjoys the children, how he treats them as small adults, rather than with the "should be seen but not heard" attitude that was prevelant during his time.
Least Favorite Whatever:
This is not one of my favorite episodes, although we got to see more of the characters living in the town. Very little interaction between Carolyn and the Captain, but some nice moments with him and the children. I got the feeling that this was just a "filler" episode a script done that was submitted, and someone said, "Well, we can film this one while I'm finishing up my next episode." And the slapstick pie-throwing bit at the end, though old hand, was not out of place with the premise of the episode, in my opinion.
Contributed by Linda Mooney