October 19, 2002
People have often asked me how I could divulge so many of my private thoughts, so many of my feelings on an Internet Journal. Five year about, i've been doing this - starting with "JTs Poetry Friday and Other News From The Lawn Chair" (kept from Indianapolis.... then "News From Richards Bend" in 1998 - "Boulder Reveries" in 1999 - "Days of a Natural Year" in 2000 and "This Until The Hepatica Bloom" in 2001 and 2002 - and now another Richards Bend journal, "The Habitation". I've never felt like it was risky - it has never felt strange to me... To be sure, there are things I don't write about - there are a great many things, in fact most things I do keep to my self. My journals have been a way for me to vent what I feel - and I've never, not once felt like I was sharing deeply felt things with strangers... When it comes to sharing these feelings and thoughts on my pages, I figure those who care to read are also human beings, capable of empathy... capable of looking into my words and at least part of the time, coming away with an identity - coming away with the notion, we humans do share a great many emotions and ideas. Many people have told me that they felt as if they were spying on me - feeling voyeuristic... and I've never really understood that... I certainly don't feel spied on. A great many others have felt as if I had read their mind - they can identify so well with what issue happens to be in the pin.
I have wanted to write and publish for a several years. That is why I started keeping an Internet journal - to hone my writing skills to the point I would have a better chance of getting something published. Now that I have three or four manuscripts piled up, one or maybe two of them I feel are worthy of publishing, but I wouldn't have a clue as to how to get started... and what frustrates me even further is that I don't think i would even have the time to prepare any of these manuscripts for publication... In terms of publishing any of my work, i feel somewhat trapped by lack of knowledge. My writing is very important to me though and when I feel so blocked as I do right now, it goes straight to the core of me. I care so much about my writing, it is why i've built this cabin at Richards Bend... I didn't necessarily build a place to live as much as a place to write - and I know, eventually, the blockages will clear.
But now, this week past, i've had a boulder roll down the hill on me - I have been shaken by this event, and I am not sure how to get out from under it. A set back, this is - emotional, legal. I was notified that part of my journal existed elsewhere on the Internet... some of the written portion of my
work - so I went to this link at freeopendiary.com, typed in the journal name and up came this persons Internet diary - a total of 49 of the 147 entries on the diary were directly copied from my journals, %99.99 verbatim, dating from February 12, 2002 all the way to October 15 (this week). To make matters as bad as they can be, this person passed off my work as their own - changing what ever word to make it consistent - like "fatherhood" to "motherhood", "Richards Bend" to "The Farm", etc. And I was sickened... I have always wondered what I would do if I ever discovered that my work had been copied, but I guess I never really thought it would happen... Make no mistake, I don't mind that my work is used from time to time without my permission - embroidered on a blanket, or put up on a sign marking a festival - My work has even been read on many occasions for Earth Day celebrations, or similar functions... I don't mind this at all, even without my direct permission - In fact, I am honored by such usage's. But make no mistake folks, I do care if large portions of my journal are copied, published in any format with out proper credits. I do not want anybody high-jacking my work - stealing it the way I have seen it done this week. It is simply too valuable to me, to much a part of my life and well being. This person has degraded the value of my work as a whole. When I do publish my work, how will I prove that it is my original efforts? What if somebody recognizes my work from some other locations on the Internet or other publication? I am certain that I can prove my work is mine - every stitch of it - but what a tangle to have to untangle! Stand in a court and try to prove that this is my work, when its creation was so heart felt and deeply person. And if I do not ever get the opportunity to publish my work in book form, I have planned to pass it all down to Jon Boy - who may very well want to publish it in the future. In short, these journals - these manuscripts are as much an asset to me as anything else i have - indeed, they are my most valuable position - and I feel as if their value has been damaged. I feel violated - invalidated - cheated - spat-on - and degraded - yes, I feel degraded, because now I must launch a defense - i will seek justice - and damages - I can not just let this person steal from me like this and I do not like to fight. I can't imagine what it will feel like to a argue that these are my own works... It feels sickening.
- - But I will carry on here... pleasant entries to follow... so please keep coming back.