Another Veteran's Day. I remember last year - a cold, wintry morning when some friends and I met at the cemetery to pass around a bottle, swap tears and tales, and say goodbye to a few of our friends who had died the previous year. Their names will never be on the Memorial, though they died in combat: they fought wars against Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Agent Orange, alcohol and drug addiction, homelessness and the bureaucracy of the Department of Veterans Affairs and the Federal Government. They lost those wars, too; so many of them died by decision. We met last year to swap tears and tales...and to share the pain. This is the pain of broken lives.
This year, however, has been different somehow, for I can not remember ever being in so much physical pain. Maybe its my age, or the weather, or doing too much, or depression, or all in my head, or any of the other reasons the VA has given me this year. VA doctors have softly, professionally and quite condescendingly assured me that my daily agony is absolutely not the result of my service connected disabilities. Only after I left the VA medical system did I find physicians who listened, who cared, and who helped. This is the pain of a broken body.
In the Spring of this year, President Clinton announced the signing of a massive roads and highways construction bill. You, Mr. Clinton, assured the American people, 26 million of whom are veterans, that the bill had been funded by the budgetary effects of downsizing and efficiency; and that the bill would not take monies away from "welfare, social programs or America's families". Mr. Clinton, could you please explain the $18 billion that has been withdrawn from the VA's disabilities payments budget in order to fund the highway bill? This is the pain of broken promises.
As the year progressed, I tried to keep an open mind as you, the President, Commander in Chief and leader of the nation's Armed Services were pulled through a political, legal and moral quagmire. Am I supposed to be impressed, Mr. Clinton, that once you were faced with undeniable evidence you came clean on the matter and asked America's people to forgive you? How many military members, Mr. Clinton, from the lowliest recruit to the Joint Chiefs, have been cashiered, dishonorably discharged and/or imprisoned for these same behaviors since you've been in office? How could you sit idly by and watch people who have placed their lives on the line for you be punished for crimes you yourself were committing? This is the pain of broken trust.
Less than two years ago, I re-married. My lovely wife and I were filled with so much love and so many dreams. We dreamt about completing school, the jobs we would hold, the house we would someday buy and maybe, just maybe, the baby we would have. Then the doctors (not at the VA) discovered the probable cause of just one of my ailments - it was Dioxin, or Agent Orange. These doctors took the time to quietly explain to me about Dioxin and newborns: spina bifida, non-Hodgkins lymphoma, and a host of other problems. They strongly urged me to consider the odds and seek a permanent preventative measure from the VA - but the VA will not even perform that service for veterans. No more kids for me. This is the pain of broken dreams.
On my desk this morning, I was shocked and surprised to find a card and box
of cookies from our office administrator. The card was simple and brief; it
simply said "Jeff, thinking of you on Veterans Day. Thank you for your
sacrifices." This is the pain of hope...
The pain of hoping that one day the government of this great nation would
respond to veterans with honesty and caring while living up to the promises
it has made to us, its veterans, in the past.
-jt
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