EPISODE #803

 (alternatively titled: "Thirty Minutes of Pure Teck!")

This is the true story of TECK and 6 strangers, who were picked to live in a house, and to have TECK'S life videotaped! Find out what happens when people STOP wearing clothes, and START talking about being black. Welcome to TECK'S WORLD... Hawaii!

Could Teck have gotten a LITTLE more camera time this episode? Yeah yeah, he thinks that he's "the big cheese with women," and that he "keeps people on their toes so they don't get bored..." but, <yawn..> it's not working. I'm bored of Teck already.... though I DO understand why he is the only one being shown to the viewing public. Amaya didn't have anyone to babysit this week, so other than a brief declaration of the fact that she was "Jewish AND Agnostic" (huh?!? come again?!) she was pretty much out of the picture. Justin was too busy dying his hair (it's blond! no, wait, it's brown again! nope... hang on, now it's blond), Colin still can't deal with the fact that he was once a REJECT, and Matt, well, he just sucks. Margaret is the cameramen's worst nightmare because she's always NUDE, and Ruthie... well, Ruthie was too busy playing Beer Pong by herself in the back room, while counting down the number of minutes until her next Power Hour began. So yeah, that leaves TECK. Oh, joy. He gave us some immortal words of wisdom, "There's no such thing as a bisexual person... they're just GREEDY!" and that was the end of that.

This week, the kids found out they would be working at Local Motion. Teck managed to show up on-time for the group's first meeting with their babysitter... oops, I mean, their boss. The rest of the cast was late. But hell, that's ok! Aloha! And as an added reward for being late, the kids were presented with their very own GREEN SOCCER MOM CARAVAN!! Whoo-hoo! And their job for the season? To hand out flyers, book talent for Local Motion, and run the coffee shop. What a tough life, but SOMEONE'S gotta do it. During this scene, we got to see Colin actually SPEAK in a confessional!! Wow! I know, I know, try to contain your excitement everybody. He basically said, "Teck is an asshole. He made us look bad by being on time for the interview. I know it's our own fault that we were late, but I wanna blame Teck, just cause I was a real-world reject and he wasn't."

At this point, we cut to Teck and Margaret tooling around in the hot tub. Teck was rambling  on and on about the black man's appreciation of 'big-bootied' women.. when Marg interjected with, "I know, that's why I started dating black guys, because white guys thought my butt was too fat." Umm, did I hear her right? Her butt was too FAT? Hmm, maybe she said FLAT? I don't understand. In any event, let's stop talking about her butt, shall we? It's definitely no "award-winning" butt as far as I'm concerned anyway.

Next, we got to watch the castmembers hand out flyers for 10 minutes! Teck used the opportunity to talk to every BUTT UGLY woman in a 2 mile radius. And you've gotta love the way he closed the deal with one of the ladies... "I'll take you to Burger King, baby! I'm a baller on a budget!" Oh Romeo, where fort art thou! How romantic! Soft music, candlelight, and a Double Whopper with extra ketchup... EVERY GIRL'S DREAM. And how 'bout good old Margaret? Her approach was downright nauseating. "Look. Take this flyer. Just come see ME. You know, *I* will be there. I don't care if you don't buy a coffee, just come and see ME." She should've told them she'd arrive topless... she might've recruited a few more people. But then again..... ah, nevermind, I'm not gonna go there.

And finally, we got to hear three of Ruthie's friends sing about how much "Jesus loved us." As aforementioned, this struck a cord with Amaya and the Twins... the three of them sat in disgust while the girls sang on. I still don't understand this whole "Amaya is an Agnostic Jew" thing, it boggles my mind. It's a little too oxymoronic. Anyway, the rest of the castmembers seemed deep in thought, lost in their own little worlds. My guess as to what they were thinking about? Colin was wishing he brought a keyboard into his interviews with the Real World producers like Teck did, Matt was fantasizing about how much he wanted to hook up with Ruthie, and Jason was wondering if the cute bartender with the hot body would give him his digits. Amaya was thinking of a few new ways she could use duct tape to make her breasts appear smaller, Kaia was picturing Ruthie nude, and Ruthie was dreaming she was swimming in an ocean of vodka.

And that, my friends, brought another week of Real-World Hawaii drama to an end. And now onto the allmighty TIKI award!

THE ALLMIGHTY TIKI AWARD!!

This week's ALLMIGHTY TIKI award for the most *ANNOYING* character: Congratulations to Teck, this week's winner! But then again, he *HAD* to win, he was the only one who got any air-time.

This week's ALLMIGHTY TIKI award for the most vomit-worthy comment: Kaia... Margaret... whatever the hell her name is... she is the winner, for the second week in a row. As she was handing out flyers for the coffee-house gig, she was chanting, "Just come to see ME. I will be there. Come, you might be able to stand in the same room as me and breathe the same air as me."  It was definitely vomit-worthy. Congrats!

This is MTVixen Jill sayin'... see ya next week... please return the green soccermom caravan on time, otherwise you'll REALLY piss Justin off.

back to the REAL WORLD HAWAII Episode Guide

Questions? Comments? Have something to say to MTVixen Jill?

E-mail me at: MusicTVxns@aol.com  

"I'm a baller on a budget, baby!"