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Date: 95-05-13 11:07:53 EDT
Howdy Junior and Lowretta!!!
Daddy's sleepin in th'barn this weekend. I told him not t' pet the little kittys with stripes down there backs!!! This arrangement has greatly disturbed the sheep, however. Now the sheep are sleepin' outside and givin' Daddy some awful looks when he get's up in th'mornin. Poor Daddy, his favorite sheep won't so much as look at him...he is heartbroke. Well, even with th' polekitty perfume, Daddy still don't out odor Eloise. Together they is a study in aromatherapy fer yer enemies!!! Aromatherapy is what ewe need if'n ewe git a whiff of Daddy er Eloise!!! T'other day th' wind wuz outta the west an' Clem Jessup got a big ol' whiff o' Daddy and Eloise together...we thought poor ol' Clem had had it. He gagged and choked and had t'go t'the doctor. It seems that after the incident Clems nose jus stopped smellin' stuff alt'gether!! Th' doctor told Clem he'd probly recover an' that what happened wuz that the part of his brain that did the smellin' wuz so traumatized that it had jus' shut down in self-defence!!!! But th' blamed ornry rascal didn't have t'call them EPA people. Them EPA folk showed up with more equipment than they got down t'the mill!!! They had all kinds o' funny clothes and breathin' 'quipment an' gizmoz that beep an' lite up an' I don't know what all. They set up a tent directly an' stuck Daddy in it!!! Daddy put up quite a fight...pulled the headpiece off one feller an' he fell out right there!! They sent him by whirlybird t' some hospital in Atlanta...where ever that iz. Daddy would have gotten clean away, but two big ol' fellas grabbed him...an' Daddy said he'd go quietly if'n they'd put hiz favorite sheep in th' tent wif him. Well...that waz difficult...th' sheep fit harder than Daddy did...had that wildeyed look like when ya go out afore Sunday dinner with th' shogun. They finally got her in th' tent (had to tie her) but there was a whole lot o' fleece flyin' by then...looked like that big snow we had two winters ago!! Daddy kinda liked havin' her tied...but well, thats Daddy. They finally analysed the smell on Daddy, decidin' that it was 45% polecat an' 20% sheep dip an' th'rest Daddyz unwashed condishon. Well, they scrubbed an' sprayed an' other such things an' let Daddy sleep in th' barn...I still can't convince Daddy t' untie the sheep tho...any ideas?? Eloise was a horse of a different hue tho. They didn't have a tent big enuf to tent her!!! After a long examinashon they said that Eloise put off more methane than all the cattle in Brazil!!! Now they are factoring her into the data about Ozone Depleshon...one of em said that they wouldn't be suprised if'n she was single-handedly (so to speak...although I don't think her hands are the problem) responsible for the ozone hole over th' north pole!!! Poor Eloise...I actually feel sorry fer her Junior...I know she couldn't have torn no hole over th' north pole as she hadn't left th' county!!! The county won't let her...she's runnin' th' power plant (supplyin' th' methane, of course). This is the only county in the country where the price of electricity is paid in bushels instead of dollars!!! Well, them EPA fellers made Otis, Daddy an' I wash her fer th' second time this year...with all kinds of stuff I ain't never seen afore. They said, as to th' smell) that they analyzed all her pheranomez er sumthin' like that and her perspiration (brave men, they were) an' found compounds that they'd never heered tell of afore. In fact the Nashional Science Foundashion has commissioned a team t' study her and her compounds for a three year period!!! This got Eloise out o' the need for th' tent (actually the Legislachur found out how much one would cost fer her an' said that th' smell had been round fer a long time an it kept th' rifraf out so they dropped th' tent idea). Oh by th' way...th' polecat (remember the kitty...this is a story about Eloise an' the polecat) has recovered...th' smeel of itsef an' Daddy an' Eloise together purt nigh overcame it...now it's moved in here wif Otis an' me and has gone plum tame...actually it smells better than Daddy anyhow an' is a power nicer to have about provided ewe don't step on her tail!!! Otis calls her Spot...I call her trouble waitin' to happen....but that's th' tail...er tale...
Wish you wuz here,
Delmar
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