Gettin' Jiggy With Doc!
Please sign the
Guest Book
Please sign the
Guest Book
May your joys be as bright as the morning, and your sorrows merely be shadows that fade in the sunlight of love. * May you have enough happiness to keep you sweet * Enough trials to keep you strong * Enough sorrow to keep you human * Enough hope to keep you happy *Enough failure to keep you humble * Enough success to keep you eager * Enough friends to give you comfort * Enough faith and courage in yourself to banish sadness * Enough wealth to meet your needs * And one thing more;
Enough determination to make each day a wonderful day than the one before.~ Irish Blessing
Irish MIDIs An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. Again, he falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and, sure enough, he falls flat on his face.Visit Laura's Ireland
This site is packed with information
about Scotland, Ireland, Genealogy,
Castles, Pirates, and more.
Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter
Lullabies, dreams and love ever after.
Poems and songs with pipes and drums
A thousand welcomes when anyone comes...
That's the Irish for you!-An Irish Blessing
An Irishman's Philosophy
There are only two things to worry about.
Either you are well or you are sick.If you are well,
Then there is nothing to worry about.But if you are sick,
There are two things to worry about.
Either you will get well or you will die.If you get well,
There is nothing to worry about.If you die,
There are only two things to worry about.Either you will go to heaven or hell.
If you go to heaven there is nothing to worry about.But if you go to hell,
You'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends
You won't have time to worry!
Cheers!
The Irishman
The Irishman decides to crawl the four blocks to his home. When he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time, he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed. He is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"
"Why do you say that?" he asks innocently.
"The pub called.
You left your wheelchair there again."
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin'to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. "Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
Two men are sitting next to each other at a bar.
Small World
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says,"I cant help but think from listening to you, that you're from Ireland". The other guy responds "Yes that I am" The first guy says " so am I and where about from Ireland might You be?" The other guy answers "I'm from Dublin I am". The first guy responds "Praise and begora, and so am I and what street did you live in Dublin? The other guy says," A lovely little area it was, I lived on McClear Street in the old part of town." The first guy says, "Faith and its a small world , so did I. And what school would you have been going?" The other guy answers "Well now, I went to St Marys, of course." The first gets really excited and says, "And so did I, tell me what year did you graduate?" The other guy answers,"Well now I graduated in 1964." The first guy exclaims,"The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us ' I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar on this very night. Can you believe it, I graduated from St Marys in 1964 my own self.
About that time, another guy enters the bar, sits down and orders beer The bartender walks over shaking his head and mutters,
"Its going to be a long night. The Murphy twins are drunk again."
"Last week I had the Irish Flu.
I got stiff in a different joint every night!"More Irish Jokes at
3 Beers
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 PM One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry", replied the bartender,
"it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodka."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
Copyright © 1996 ~ 2004
