On Your Toes (Paramedics In Tights)
by Lorie
The boys were sitting in the kitchen at the table peeling potatoes that Marco needed for his stew for dinner that night.
"I gained a few pounds, I can feel it in my toes," Roy said.
John said, "Really? Me too, I need to exercise more."
"Did you gain weight in your head, John?" Chet asked sarcastically.
"Shut up!" John exclaimed. "You lost weight between your ears, Chet." John turned to Roy, "I've gotta find myself a gym. Want to help me find a gym with some nice lookin' Chicks?"
Roy answered, "I'm not sure, you know how Joanne feels about me being in a room with a majority of young women."
The klaxon sounded off and the dispatcher's voice blared over the speaker, "Squad 51, woman down, 33 Chestnut Street. Cross street Bear Hill Street, time out 13:50."
"Station 51 KMG-365," Cap responded into the microphone.
The squad arrived on the scene which was a ballet school named "Rushet." Roy and John ran up to the door where a thin woman in a blue leotard nervously said, "Quick guys, come this way."
Roy and John followed the woman into the dance room and found an enormously overweight woman stuck in a big hole in the floor. There were nine other classmates standing around her looking helplessly on. She had dark curly hair and a quadruple chin that matched her rubbery face.
"What happened?" Roy asked.
The heavy lady said, "I leapt in midair and fell through the floor."
John asked, "What's your name?"
"Polly Rollie," she said.
John said soothingly, "Just calm down Polly, we will get you out. How much do you weigh?"
"400 pounds," Polly answered.
Roy and John stood with their mouths wide open. What were they to do in this situation? Ten minutes passed. Polly was pulled out of the floor with a rope around her stomach. Roy, John and the ten ladies got her out in a strenuous pull. Polly's black leotards and tights were torn to shreds. She got embarrassed and ran out of the school screaming, "I quit!" She also broke through the door and was wearing the door panel.
The thin lady in blue introduced herself, "I'm Tina Tinkabel the dance instructor," she said with a smile.
"Nice to meet you. I'm John Gage and this here is my partner Roy DeSoto. Thanks for helping us," John said as he and Roy shook hands firmly with Tina.
Tina was a pretty, green eyed woman in her mid 30's with a bony face and red hair she wore pinned up. Her fingernails were very distinctive, painted red and three inches long. The color matched her lipstick. The lips and nails were indeed the same color as the squad coincidentally.
Tina stressed, "Oh no, you don't have to thank me. Thank you! I want to give you boys a treat for your hard work and the trouble I put you both through. These are passes for a week of free lessons here at the ballet school. This is also a good exercise workout. Perhaps you boys could use a workout on those spare tires," Tina said, patting both Roy and John on their stomachs.
"Uh... sure. We will be happy to come, right Roy?" John said determinedly with a sheepish grin.
Roy gave in instantly, "Sure. Thank you. That's very nice of you Tina." They did not know what to make of it.
"No problem. See you guys at your first lesson tomorrow night," Tina said.
"We'll see you tomorrow night. Bye," John said as he and Roy headed for the naked door.
One week had passed. John and Roy had been attending class every night this past week. They felt very inadequate because they were the only males in the class.
One night on the way to class, they stopped by the station to tell the boys some news. Cap, Chet, Mike, and Marco were in the kitchen eating dinner. As they saw John and Roy dressed in black leotards and white tights, they laughed hysterically.
Marco shouted, "Look, it's the Oreo Cookie Fairies!"
Chet bellowed, "No its Twinkle Toes Dee and Twinkle Toes Dum!"
"Oh cool it!" Shouted John.
"Knock it off!" Roy said loudly. "The school requires us to wear these pansy suits."
John announced, "Could I have your attention please? Roy and I are going to be in the dance recital at the high school next Saturday at eight o'clock at night. Tina told us that we were her best students so she picked us to be in the recital. I wondered if anybody here is interested in coming?"
The boys were all talking at once making excuses not to go. Roy and John got disgusted and stormed off.
Another week had passed. Tonight was the night of the big recital at the Los Angeles High School auditorium. The auditorium was packed. Dixie, Kelly, and Doctor Early showed up as well as Roy's family. Meanwhile John and Roy were backstage dressed in long fancy gray shirts and white tights. The both of them were in extreme pain walking like Frankenstein.
John said, "I think we practiced too hard Roy. I can hardly walk."
Roy replied, "Me too, I feel like a bottle of Kaeopectate in this outfit."
"Lets knock them dead anyway," John said.
Tina walked on stage in a long, black dress, with her red hair down, flowing on her back. Her long red nails reflected off the spotlight where she was standing as she introduced her Rushet School of Ballet class. As the curtain opened, the audience applauded. On stage were John and Roy, grinning and bearing it as they suffered in pain along with a young girl that looked like bubble gum in a tutu. Tina's classmates were in the background on the stage dressed the same way.
The orchestrated music began playing. Roy, John, and the girl were in the foreground spinning around on their toes. Roy fell down like a ton of bricks. John made an attempt to pick up the ballerina by her legs but couldn't lift her. The audience began to laugh as Roy swung his arm downward and got his finger caught in the girl's tutu and it ripped off of her body.
John tripped and his nose fell in the bun of the girl's hair and it unraveled. The audience was laughing hysterically. Dixie said with enthusiasm, "I love this! Comedy with ballet. John and Roy are incredible!"
Dixie, Kelly, and Doctor Early could not help laughing hard. They all fell on the floor as more unexpected antics arose. Tina stood in the corner by the edge of the stage near the curtain, exasperated. "They are ruining my show and my reputation, I'm doomed!"
She ran on stage about to pull the plug on everything and suddenly she collapsed. The audience shrieked and got frantic. Dixie, Kelly and Doctor Early bolted on the stage as John and Roy hopped over like rabbits and the rest of the class ran over to Tina in a panic.
"Roy, John, call an ambulance right away!" Doctor Early demanded. "She's suffering from physical exhaustion," he replied while examining her.
Kelly grabbed the microphone and calmly said, "Everybody calm down. She is going to be fine. We are from Rampart General Hospital and we are going to take good care of her."
The recital was cut short and Tina was taken to Rampart.
The next morning, Roy and John were sitting at the table drinking coffee, not very bright eyed and bushy tailed due to the incident last night.
John said, "I'm glad Tina is going to be okay. She deserves a break. Man, she works too darn hard and needs her rest. She is going to take two weeks off from the school as well. Frankly, I'm not surprised that Tina dismissed us. We were not made for night time fairies. Just couldn't turn down a sweet pretty lady giving us those passes, but ballet was a good experience except for the tights. Man! I felt like there were ants crawling up my legs. GGRRRR!!!"
"Ditto," Roy said half asleep.
Both of them started scratching their legs which were irritated from the stretchy material that had been on them. They were using both of their hands and were moving very fast up and down on both legs, groaning at the same time. A ukulele was strumming in the background and was coming closer in the kitchen. The musician was Chet dressed in a grass hula skirt, shirtless with a pink Hawaiian lei around his neck. "Guess what guys, I have a week of free lessons at the Rubba Bella School of Hula Dancing," he said.
Roy asked, "How did you manage that?"
Chet answered, "A very heavy lady got her body caught in the door of the school. I lubricated her out with Crisco."
John asked, "Does that lady happen to be Polly Rollie?"
"Yes," Chet replied. "She quit ballet and opened up her own hula dancing school, so she rewarded me with a week of free dance lessons. I'm allowed to bring two guests. You guys interested?"
John and Roy both shouted, "NO WAY!"
The End