© 1992 - Banning
Chapter 4 - Completing Recovery
Chapter 8 - Stories
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Introduction
<RETURN>This book presents a fresh look at stopping the cycle of abuse by attacking the source, the child
molester, instead of trying to deal with the end product of abuse, the victim/survivor.
Various victims of sexual abuse should find this book of interest. It deals with the offenders of
sexual abuse and what can and should be done to stop them. This is done by exposing the faulty
logic used by offenders. It attacks their basic personality, life style, and erroneous thought
processes. There is no attempt to justify the behavior of the child offender. There is no softening
of the effect of the abusers' past behavior. It exposes the make-up of the offender and suggests a
path of recovery from this dysfunctional behavior. This approach opens a door long closed to
look beyond the therapeutic treatment of child molesters to reveal what works and what does not
and why. The hope is to develop answers for the generic question many victims ask - "WHY?",
as well as answer the specific question - "WHY ME?"
Although a lot of research has been done on this subject, this book is not one of theory but of
experiences. It relates to the therapeutic experience with examples. This should not be
considered a 'How-to' book but more a guide for those wanting to recover. This book also
addresses the concerns of those close to the offender.
If you have been thrown into having to deal with child sexual abuse, you will find answers to
many of your questions. What you can or should expect from the legal system, from therapy,
from social welfare department is discussed. It addresses such questions as "Why didn't I see it?"
or "How could they!?!" in a light seldom revealed.
Some questions as "Will I ever be 'normal'?" or "Will anyone ever be able to love me for who I
really am?" are on the minds of offenders and victims. Some of these answers lie within this
book.
The author prays that all those having to deal with child sexual abuse find the help they need but
most importantly that they also find the ability to forgive themselves and others. Miracles do
happen. This book addresses a need unfilled. It covers areas many would just as soon ignore. It
does this with courage, strength, and hope. A light to those left in darkness.
About the book
A very fundamental area facing the issue and treatment of sexual abuse is gender. Historically, the male is the stereotypical abuser and the female is the stereotypical victim. This is one of the many myths of childhood sexual abuse and this book addressed the gender problem by trying to avoiding gender terms unless appropriate. Avoiding gender terms is not possible without some redefinition of the use of pronouns. The only non-gender singular possessive pronoun is its. This is also a non-human possessive term and inappropriate in describing the issues of already wounded individuals.
The non-gender pronouns used throughout this book are they, them, their which are normally used as plural forms. In this book, these terms are used as non-gender singular as well as non-gender plural forms. While this is not proper usage, the narrative is easier to read than if the alternate forms of s/he or he/she or his/hers were used. There is no easy solution to this problem.
Examples and experiences used to demonstrate a point may be a composite of experiences from
various victims and offenders. The names used have been changed unless permission was
granted otherwise. Gender terms used in the examples are correct.
Abstract quantitative terms such as many, quite a few, some, often, seldom, etc. are used based on the author's experiences and research. It may not reflect the experience of others. This book is not meant as a treatise on the state of sexual abuse in this nation but as a guide for those looking for answers and not finding what they need to know.
This book agrees with some of the conventional wisdom concerning child abuse and, at times,
disagree with some of that same wisdom. The reader will need to determine the validity of this
book based on their own experiences. Some of it may duplicate the readers experience in
recovery. Some of it may miss the mark. Hopefully, the reader will benefit from this book.
About the Author {Origin of the pseudonyn PETER BANNING} {Apologies to all the real life PETER BANNINGs for the use of their name.}
The author in early recovery prior to the internet, during the days of FIDONET, selected the pseudonym of Peter B. At this point. there was no last name per se.
The last name BANNING came from the movie, HooK .
HooK is about Peter Pan as a grown up. As a grown up, Peter took the name Peter Banning. Wendy grew up, so when Peter came back for Wendy, she was married and had a daughter of her own. Peter gave up his boyhood and married Wendy's daughter. There is a scene in the movie. Wendy is quite old and Peter is explaining to her what his career as an arbitrager is.
Wendy commented, " Why, Peter, you have become a pirate!"
Like the character, Peter Banning, in the movie, the author too had become the very thing he despised.
The author also connected to the "happy thought" that Peter (pan) Banning had to recall in order to save his family. The author found that this movie helped him to heal parts of his inner child and that the pseudonym, Peter Banning, fit his own recovery metamorphis. If you are a man who is trying to deal with your own childhood trauma, you may want to rent the movie, HooK, as it may provide some healing insights.
The author, a victim of child sexual abuse, relates to the offender on their level because he
personally knows the shame and pain of being a child molester. He was sexually abused by a
male orderly and a female family friend prior to kindergarten. He was also molested by various
female baby sitters prior to junior high.
At the age of five, he began sexual experimentation with a neighbor girl. Although not
considered abnormal in the 'show me yours, I'll show you mine' scheme of adolescent
experiences, this was just the beginning. Around the age of ten, the author began fondling his
younger sister as well as other friends of his sister. He fondled a variety of young girls until his
molesting behaviors were revealed at the age of 39.
The author, after almost 4 years of therapy, is now back with his family. He was charged with a
sexual molestation offense. He has a criminal record as a child molester. He was given a one
year sentence, reduced to probation for good behavior. He is presently involved locally with
SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) and ACSD (Adult Children of Sexual Dysfunction).
The lack of any books dealing with child molestation from the offender's point of view started
his thinking about writing this much needed book. After two years of researching the present
literature, talking with professionals, and interviewing offenders and survivors, the author began
to write this book. Encouragement from other recovering offenders as well as non-offending
victims started him on the rough draft but it was the continued encouragement of non-offending
victims which made this book a reality. The author's hope is that this book will touch not only
the lives of offenders but will bring healing to other victims of childhood sexual abuse.
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Last Updated on October 11, 2004 by Peter
Banning