ComedyCollective Writers Project
Kim Morrissey

BBC Radio cast: Imogen Stubbs, Paul Rhys, Jonathan Cake, Alison Pettitt
London Stage cast : Sharon Broady, William Key, Steven Dykes
original director: Barry Shannon

ISBN 0-88754-552-1

Seance scene from Clever As Paint:
wherein Gabriel Rossetti
tries to edit the love poem
written to his mistress
he placed in his wife's coffin
seven years before ....

"Love among the artists - specifically, the Pre-Raphaelites - mercilessly dissected by Kim Morrissey, who debunked Freud very efficiently and wittily in her play Dora a few years back." -- Robert Hanks, The Independent

Please note: the BBC Radio 4 production of this play is available through BBC World Service. The book is available, world-wide. ISBN 0-88754-552-1

Act Two, Scene Two:

JULY 25, 1869. ROSSETTI'S STUDIO.

(SEVEN YEARS AFTER LIZZIE SIDDAL'S DEATH. SKETCHES AND PAINTINGS OF "BEATA BEATRIX" ARE EVERYWHERE).

(ROSSETTI SEATED AT TABLE)

MORRIS: Sorry I'm late. I've been showing Janey how to dye.

ROSSETTI: Is she all right?

MORRIS: Yes, of course. The floor's a bit of a mess, but the silk looks lovely. Nice bit of work, when it works. Janey wanted it fawn-coloured, to make it look medieval, but I said no: It would have been blood red in Malory's day. That's the thing about medieval dyes ...

ROSSETTI: Yes, yes. Come on. You're late. Howell says we have to do it tonight. On her birth-day. In her birth hour. Now. (STARTS SEANCE) Hand on hand. Breathe In. Breathe Out. Breathe In. Breathe Out.... Do you see anything?

MORRIS: Nice table! Elm, isn't it? Oh, Woodworm. Too bad. Too bad.

ROSSETTI: Topsy! You're breaking the mood! Hand on Hand ! Hand on Hand! If there's a spirit here who knows us: One for 'yes,' two for 'no.'

MORRIS: (CORRECTING ROSSETTI) Two for 'yes,' one for 'no.'

SIDDAL (GHOST): (SITTING ON TABLE. KNOCKS ONCE)

ROSSETTI: Yes!

MORRIS: Or no! Try again.

ROSSETTI: Is it one knock for 'Yes?'

SIDDAL: (KNOCKS TWICE)

MORRIS: (TO ROSSETTI) Does that mean 'No' or 'Yes' or is the spirit telling us the correct number of knocks for the answer if the answer is 'Yes?'

ROSSETTI: Topsy, please.

MORRIS: Let's begin again. Is the year 1869?

SIDDAL: (KNOCKS TWICE)

MORRIS: Good. Two knocks for 'Yes.' Now, is there a spirit in the room friendly to either one of us?

SIDDAL: (KNOCKS TWICE)

MORRIS: And are your initials E.R?

SIDDAL: (KNOCKS ONCE)

ROSSETTI: E.S?

SIDDAL: (SILENT)

MORRIS: Who are you?

SIDDAL: (KNOCKS FIVE TIMES. AND THEN TWO TIMES MORE)

ROSSETTI: F!

MORRIS: G!

ROSSETTI: G -- is it you Papa?

MORRIS: G ...

ROSSETTI: Guggum! Is it my little Guggum?

SIDDAL: (KNOCKS TWICE)

ROSSETTI: It is! I knew it! Sweetness. Dearest Dove Divine. Hulloa! Happy Birthday! Do you remember the very last thing I gave you? The little book. The little grey-green book with all my poems?

SIDDAL: (KNOCKS TWICE)

ROSSETTI: Do you have it there with you?

SIDDAL: (KNOCKS TWICE)

ROSSETTI: Excellent. Now. The poem 'Jenny.' You remember 'Jenny' don't you? -- (SAID QUICKLY, JUST TO REFRESH SIDDAL'S MEMORY) Lazy laughing languid Jenny, fond of a kiss and fond of a guinea, whose head upon my knee tonight, rests for a while as if grown light ...?

SIDDAL: (FURIOUS. TWO KNOCKS)

ROSSETTI: Good. Now, Lizzie. The seventh stanza:

'Well, handsome Fanny mine, sit up
I've filled our glasses, let us sup,
And do not ...'

Now is it 'let ME think of you'?

SIDDAL: (TWO KNOCKS)

ROSSETTI: Good.

And do not let me think of you, ... lest ...

Lest what? Lizzie. Can you tell me? Can you tell me lest what?

SIDDAL: (THREE KNOCKS)

ROSSETTI: Three! What does that mean?

MORRIS: I think it might mean 'perhaps.'

ROSSETTI: If I were to hold a paper and pen, would you write out 'Jenny' for me? Would you do that dearest little dove?

SIDDAL: (SHAKES TABLE FURIOUSLY)

ROSSETTI: Good! Good girl. (ROSSETTI WAITS FOR AUTOMATIC WRITING TO BEGIN)

SIDDAL: (SAID WITH GREAT QUIET PASSION)

'Lazy, Filthy, Stinking Fanny,
Greasy, Poxied Slut from Hell.'

ROSSETTI: Nothing! Damn me. What now?

MORRIS: What will you do?

ROSSETTI: What can I do? I need 'Jenny.'

MORRIS: I thought your friends had copies.

ROSSETTI: (BITTERLY, POINTEDLY) I thought so too. I need the poem. I need it. I need the poem.

MORRIS: Try writing it again. It might come back to you. The way the sonnet came back in Italy.

ROSSETTI: It didn't. Not all of it.

MORRIS: Perhaps it will, though, this time. What else can you do? Begin again. Try to dream it back.

ROSSETTI: Do you think so?

SIDDAL: (KNOCKS THREE TIMES : 'No. No. No.')

(SIDDAL REMAINS CONSTANTLY ON SET UNTIL SHE MAKES THE CHOICE TO LEAVE ROSSETTI IN PENULTIMATE SCENE OF PLAY)

ACT 2, Scene 3

November. 1869. ROSSETTI'S STUDIO

ROSSETTI: (TO MORRIS) Ah. You've heard.

MORRIS: Everyone's heard.

ROSSETTI: I suppose Janey told you?

MORRIS: Howell.

ROSSETTI: And I suppose you blame me.

MORRIS: No one who knows you blames you. Art isn't meant to be left in a hole.

ROSSETTI: --- it was horrible --- horrible --- the smell ---

MORRIS: Lizzie?

ROSSETTI: Oh not her - No. The disinfectant for the book. She looked beautiful as always, completely unchanged. Her lovely hair had grown, grown to fill the coffin with its gold.

MORRIS: Surely not. Not after seven years.

ROSSETTI: Can't you even leave me with that?

MORRIS: Very well. If you say she was unchanged --

ROSSETTI: She was as perfect as when we laid her in her grave, Howell said.

MORRIS: Ah. Howell.... Howell. So you didn't go?

ROSSETTI: No. We thought it best. My nerves. It wasn't just Lizzie. Aunt Margaret was on top ...

.

[SCENE CONTINUES]